The hardest part about being the smartest man in the universe is being the only one who knows it
True enlightenment is just getting excited over simple shit
Angry suburban people cuss more than sailors
Be the first to admit where you’re wrong when you are wrong and you won’t have much to clean up as you go along
Smart people often get themselves killed by pissing off the wrong dumb person
If you’ve “seen some shit” , then you can easily see who else has too
Anything worth doing is worth showing up early for
Hustle based Sales will have you working late nights and weekends
…
Extra shady white collar sales will have you working 9 to 5
Stress reduction is worth more than entertainment gain
Those trying to help the most are often the ones who hurt the most
You can get creative with a captive audience
Can’t really understand your 1 rep max until you understand your 1 rep minimum
Good philosophy is just pointing out the obvious …
Everything is way harder emotionally when you are sleepy
Anything that is not initially interesting is a spiritual challenge
Words can burn more than fire 🔥
…
Just read something boring long enough and you’ll see
The quickest way to go insane is to forget that life is just a game
Higher evolved lifeforms derive their pleasure from awareness rather than chemical release,
…
Think “proud parent” rather than “drug addict “
Comedy is just seasoned telepathy
A snakes tale tastes fishy
The right kind of challenge gets emotionally easier with time
2:40am - 4:20am is spiritual power hour
If you watch the other traffic lights, then you can anticipate when the light is going to change
The proper technique for driving down the country back roads is to have the windows down, but the seat warmer on
NOTES WORTH NOTING
Anyone who says “Life on life‘s terms“,
Is part of a secret society
Most writers are alcoholics because they’re already addicted to their own thoughts
Shit gets extra fucked when you remember that your daughter could be your future mother
Nine out of 10 times,
if it threatens quarterly earnings, we’re not gonna hear about it for another quarter of century
It’s much easier to take someone else’s inventory instead of your own
As long as you work hard,
You’ll be known as someone who works hard,
Thereby deterring those who don’t work hard.
Which alone is hard work
You can’t call yourself a country boy if you’ve never caught a large mouth bass
Suburban betrayal is pulling for a different team cuz you got money on the game
If you can outlift your father- you get all their assets *
When they say that “Jesus saves”,
They should also say that “Jesus roasts too”
technology is just a slow revelation of magic in a way that keeps magicians from actually getting killed by idiots
Everyone squirts when squeezed
Just different fluids*
“Staying busy” is usually just another technique for staying sick
When in doubt pick what you want and call it an experiment
Writing requires undivided attention
…
Writing anything good requires undivided suffering
Woe to those who have unwritten books in them
Shit only gets harder until you get it out
If you wanna be in the top 1% then you can’t ignore the 1% details in your day to day life
The second greatest fear is failure
…
The first is success
There’s a section of heaven that’s part Wal Mart and part bouncey house
Be kind to those who don’t believe in magic,
They’ve clearly never seen miracles
Studying drugs but refusing to use them is actually a conflict of interest,
Not the other way around
…
Saying- Nobody wants to take drugs from someone who’s never done them.
Happiness requires hard work
Otherwise, that’s just comfort
Remembering the most important lesson from Scooby Doo-
Monsters are always men in masks (or hot girls)
If the HVAC boys say between 8-12 then just know the “-“ is optional
If you have to request a fair fight from your opponent then just know that it will not be one
The right meal & tv show combo is a drug
Or atleast is as mind and mood altering as one
You don’t get into {the real} philosophy of living when on a winning streak
If you roll with enough cops, you’ll realize they’re not the emotional trailblazers they want us to think they are.
If I were you, I’d stop saying “if I were you”…
Everyone can write,
Few can edit
Junkies are the true ultimate ultra endurance athletes
if you don’t know that “avatar, the last Airbender” was a docudrama than I don’t know how else to break it to you
DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME
I find it funny how I’m OK with being the best or the worst at something as long as I am special
Synchronicity is great except when unlocking car doors
When I was in my 20s, I wouldn’t really trust much that wasn’t written on pub MD.
Now that I’m in my 30s, I trust the tarot hippies more than I trust anything else lol
One side says you shouldn’t work so hard,
The other side says you need to work more,
You know your balanced when they are both mad at you
When you leave ALDIs without buying shopping bags, It’s usually looks like you’re looting 🛍️
If you don’t know how far you can drive with your gas light on then you have not really pushed it
hate when the general public can’t read my mind to stop doing annoying things
At least if someone’s broke, you know they’re not stealing or doing only fans or some kind of sick Ponzi scheme
“That actually is a really great point”
-me to myself every five seconds*
You know it’s bad when you need the broom before the vacuum
I made my ex promise we’d walk the trail every Sunday to talk about our issues… guess that’s why I’m single
You’re not a true philosopher if you don’t use the word “technique” at least 30 times a day
You’re not a true philosopher if you’ve never had your day ruined by an inanimate object
RELATEABLE
The theory of the Little Grey aliens just being super evolved humans just sounds like some shit that some skinny atheists would want you to believe because nobody is their right mind would evolve away from being jacked.
Anyone with neck tattoos has a criminal record
or wants you to think that they do
…
Which is arguably even worse
A good pre-workout will have you defending the supplement industry
The best part about being a philosopher is the more fucked up Your hair, the better.
The best way to make grown men moan is with the truth
The feeling of well-being that hits after you get a belly full of meat is ancient as fuck
You know you hit it right when you get stuck on the leg EXT
always a compliment when the cute girl in the gym decides to come do hip thrusts right next to you
There is a large group of people will go “I’m thirsty“ and then go and drink a Diet Coke with a straight face
If you hit it right then you should feel better afterwards
If the situation is super serious, then it’s seriously important to be silly.
…
If the situation is super silly, then you will seem silly for being too serious
You know it’s rough when you’re reminding yourself that success is measured by obstacles overcome,
Compared to a stack of accolades per se…
A suburban sly stride is when you get some crusty or dusty on your foot, and you knock it off by grazing the carpet
Best ways to give somebody cancer:
* Poison their food
* Poison their water
* Ruin their environment
* Ruin their relationships
* Stress them unrelentlessly
* Remove any therapeutic outlet
* Censorship