They use to say there were no success stories about people leaving the program 
Cuz obv those that made it didn’t go back to brag 
(Which is why I’m sad I can’t appropriately go back to meetings)

I mean, I’m not exaggerating
After spending a decade in AA, I guess a lot stuck
Because I haven’t been shitfaced drunk
Really at all since I was 17
The most drunk I have been as an adult was over four years ago
And that was no more than eight apple ciders 
That was also my second week leaving the program so I had to test the waters a little bit to see ofc 
And behold, I didn’t get attacked by the alcoholic bogeyman
Or lose control
Cause my issue had already shape shifted

I say all the time, 
but you know it’s good philosophy when it not only keeps you from killing yourself, 
but everyone that’s ever listened to it as well

I wonder if aliens have struggled with addiction
Because if they haven’t, then they really can’t say shit to a recovered attic 

I know there’s gonna be some therapist out there talking about how using because of stress is a red flag and shit 
Well, so is bottling shit up
-Eating to escape
-Hanging with the wrong people
-Drinking any amount of alcohol and pretending it’s healthy
-Ignoring creative intuitions 
-Not helping your family even if they gaslight you every time
-Pretending your feelings are more important than someone else’s
-Pretending to be an emotional black belt
-Pretending to be above or exempt from learning any type of self-defense 

The complete approach to recovery must include an aspect in which you are completely rebuilding your brain or rewiring
Or upgrading
You may use supplementation to optimize daily functioning provided it doesn’t do more harm than good
The other third is handling trauma, and getting better at driving 
cognitively speaking that is

Psychedelics essentially do the equivalent of three weeks (or months or years or lifetimes ) worth of work in three hours

The fact that I’ve got like seven bottles of liquor just sitting in front of my face 
for the past nine months 
and I don’t even realize it…

In fact, the last couple times that I drank, I almost had to force myself to
To literally do something different besides write and edit and film
Cuz I couldn’t get any shrooms lol

Yeah, you’re not supposed to say this if you want to be spiritual and all, but
There really is no way to accurately total how many people I might’ve caught a “served“
But the input numbers are
9.3 years daily recovery meetings
3.3 years sales management
Five years real estate
Five years equivalent full-time fitness coaching
Another additional year of full-time food, service or equivalent 
& Bonus points for working with
The elderly
The sedentary
The mentally ill
The criminally mistaken
The lost
The popular
The innocent
The guilty

How many peeps do you know could work the steps 
and can use weed
 and push-ups 
And a notepad 
to help somebody change all three dimensions of their entire life
Because I’ve been doing this shit for 13 years

So weird when you’re getting off work at McDonald’s when the sun is rising while you’re heading to AA meeting.. 

Then five years later, you are managing the same kids you went to middle and high school with 

Remembering the few times I went to the strip club
directly after AA meetings
With all the people from the meeting 

I remember lame motherfuckers in meetings would be like
 “if I’m by myself then I’m in a bad neighborhood“
HA HA HA a real knee, slapper that one is

Oh wait check out this one
“I have an allergic reaction 
every time I drink I break out in handcuffs”

But most of the time it would just be me sitting there, trying to distract myself, one minute to the next
Less from a craving a substance
More from a craving of sweet, sweet death 

If I could find some of my buddies at a meeting, then I really enjoyed chain-smoking, drinking coffee and eating cookies and pretzels 
But most of the time it was just putting up chairs, sitting there on your hands, 
judging others and everything they do,
but nowhere near as harshly as yourself for judging them

 why I went to so many meetings?
Not because I was on fire for God or some stupid shit
But because literally, I was wanting to pull my hair out and had no other things I could possibly do without compromising my morals and ethics further
And that there was at least a decent chance of hearing something helpful or being of service to someone struggling

For anyone who doesn’t know 
There are many different forms of Kratom extracts
The 7-hydro is the newest and strongest and honestly quite cheap 
It’s being called gas station heroin tho
Because it is extremely powerful and similar to morphine 
I am mentioning this because honest awareness is better than fearful exaggerations
But this one deserves extra caution 
If anyone is struggling with sincere and significant pain than this is something I highly recommend instead of any pharmaceutical 
It is far stronger than cannabis and is honestly equivalent to narcotic 
And on the flipside of that is that if you have a tendency for addiction or higher dependence -
than I strongly recommend sticking to the low strength old school extracts or the plant leaf 
But If you’re in the middle and you can appreciate a strong treat 
than I have found that somewhere between 30 to 50 mg spread over one to two days with double that time in between,
is a balanced and pleasurable protocol
And it makes you little chatty if you can’t tell lol 

Even at my worst ADHD, I would still drag my ass to the library, 30 minutes away in South Park 
(most popular and pretentious part of town)
Only to read out some random book for like 32 minutes 
Before the existential dread and social anxiety would eliminate any remaining dopamine I would have left 
And then I would go wander around a park all lonely like 
Before I’d wandered into a random meeting somewhere 

I could probably still recite most of the literature for memory,
Alcoholics anonymous is a fellowship of men women who share their experience strength and help with each other than they solve a common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fee for membership we are self supporting through their own contributions. AA is not allied with any sec denomination, politics, organization, or institution does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes, our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other other alcoholics achieve sobriety 
4:47 AM 
Beat that shit bitch 
I said that in less than 30 seconds 
The ancients were witness 
I said it so fast that voice to text couldn’t even keep up
& The only AA meeting I’ve gone to in 4 1/2 years was a speaker meeting on my 30th birthday last year 

Which was the first time I’ve been to a meeting in four years
And the speaker was the head chairman of the Dilworth center
Which was the intensive outpatient rehab I went to back in 2012.

Addiction is shitty because it has this invisible line 
It goes from fun 
to fun with problems 
to just problems 
You go from a partier 
to a heavy drinker 
to a functioning alcoholic 
to a rock bottom alcoholic 

You can be dependent without being addicted, 
but it’s usually just a matter of time before you fall into the addictive category from that point 

The specific Substance can influence the risk of dependence tremendously 

You can never be the same kind of dependent on weed as you are on alcohol*

You can still do a lot of self harm with weed don’t get me wrong 
But you have to be a special kind of stupid and you have to be dedicated to the harm 
So the issue isn’t the plant 

Alcohol has a way of hijacking your brains functioning 
And inducing a personality change almost always for the negative
The only net positive way of drinking is truly limiting to just a couple drinks every week 
I mean, one or two a day isn’t gonna kill you, but it also kind of seems pointless 

Alcohol is probably the most dangerous thing that we have normalized as a culture 
Second is our prescription “medicine” 

If you drink only for fun, then that’s OK 
If your only fun is drinking then I feel bad for you*

Remembering how for nine years,
when I pretty much went out every night, 
It was sober people lol 

Which pretty much everybody in recovery is getting high on nicotine and caffeine 

I remember when I went to the Kentucky young people convention spontaneously in 2014 just after Thanksgiving, 
there was a Red Bull fountain and people were shotgunning them in the parking lot.
This was a couple months after me and my buddy Caleb would do the same thing and Wilmington’s beach convention

the day I first got sober 
I had just chewed a ritilan patch at about 1 PM while watching “shutter Island” 
And then I feel pretty shitty about it 
So later that evening while sitting in an AA meeting, I decided fuck it. 
Why not give this whole God and program thing a try 
If I do everything they tell me to, 
then when it doesn’t work, 
I can be super righteous
And alas the next 9.3 years were history 

Hard to recover if you don’t believe you have the power to

I guess if there are 7 AM AA & NA meetings with just people sitting around literally blowing smoke calling it recovery why can’t I do that with my routine and imaginary spirit friends?

Hanging out in church basements with drug addicts then heading out to close down the bars (sober) was one hell of a time

True addiction requires a delusional false belief that nothing will ever be OK without it again. Otherwise it’s just physical dependence

You will build a tolerance before you build a dependence 

Alcohol promises the same things as mushrooms without the work 
But doesn’t tell you how it takes your soul on the back end *

I know a lot of people who would’ve taken a shit load of Xanax or alcohol if they even felt a quarter of the stress that I feel on a daily basis,
I know because I’ve sponsored a lot of people and read a lot of inventories and at a certain point that spiritual shit doesn’t mean anything cuz you start comparing and keeping score after noticing enough patterns*

Friendly reminder that a consistent demonstration of control is the exact opposite of addiction*

Anyone in AA would crucify me for even trying to work their steps and be normal*

I think everyone should have to grow their own mushrooms in order to do them
The growing process is long enough & tedious enough to ensure you respect it *

Remember one man’s OD is another man’s pre-game

A lot of people wouldn’t be so “tough” if they knew the reality of MDMA and electronic dance music*

Most people have never had to “drop everything at a moments notice” to go help a friend and it shows*

The unconscious side of the ego is the most difficult to reason with
But it also has the most to deal with
Which is why it’s stubborn af sometimes 
And also why a mushroom can yeet it

Mushrooms drastically reduce your biological age while increasing your spiritual age

Idk if there’s ever an excuse that about 1.5gs and some tunes can’t resolve*

Caffeine can be a major antidepressant when motivation is in the toilet
But the issue with caffeine pills is that you can build a tolerance so quickly 
and it don’t take them long before they stop hitting the same 
and you stop getting a decent buzz and withdrawals can be nightmarish

I sponsored enough dudes to know when someone has their mind made up before they ask advice 

Being 19 with a 45-year-old Sponsee is a weird position *

1-2gs of psilocybin a week seems to keep me away from the shrink *

The fact that I can restrain myself from eating the entire Kratom chocolate each time shows I’m disciplined with both chocolate and getting high *

I would also add that Kratom by itself aids tremendously with helping caffeine related side effects 

I would argue though that for those at a higher risk of addiction, Kratom may be more habit-forming in the higher dose range because it is so pleasurable.
But again, it’s not very intoxicating unless you are using extracts, 
the plant powder will clog your digestive system before you get super high off of it.

YOUR MOVE, "ADDICTION"