Suburban roulette is when
- you forget what cup of coffee you’re on
- You forget how many xannys Brittany’s taken (wtf lol)
I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen someone nearly knock themselves out at planet fitness…
Think I might need to do a fighting - striking workout
My neighbors need a reminder who the neighborhood Power Ranger is
Nothing funnier than watching someone triggered try to log their calories on my fitness pal
A delivery driver can tell you all about momentum and inertia
Can’t wait till everyone has access to a virtual journal so they can log their most profound and meaningful ideas as often as they want
Then, only then, will people finally love each other without conflict
and everyone will be happy and free..*
Life gonna crack you like a glow stick if you’re stiff
But then you’ll be all trippy for a bit so it’s not so bad *
If you want long hair, you gotta go thru the awkward stage
Being aware of your own awareness is pretty good awareness
Which I am aware of
I like how the Miami Hurricanes named themselves after their nemesis
Anyone who’s ever been right about something serious was crazy first
Walk on sunshine once and you’ll never think about flying again
Let’s have a moment in silence to acknowledge all the spirits suffering in silence that are desperately trying to break through to the ass hats who don’t believe in them
Only bitches are afraid of beasts
You must be insane sometimes to know what sane is
More like Long hair, too much care
When you lose enough friends, you just start talking shit to your notepad *
Sometimes you gotta get out of Line used to make sure the line is in the right spot
Straight up talking to the notepad is healthier than talking to these hoes *
I’ve found self-help books are great to read
While waiting on ju jitzu class to start
Wasn’t trying to prove a point but shit happens
When taking drugs, use the pyramid approach. When drinking coffee - the opposite
What to do if you find yourself doing something you don’t want to do: Stop, Drop, Roll
You pic the strain *
“Teach a pothead how to use a pen and you got a problem “ *
If strength is defined by discernment with decision,
Then them old timey boys had it easy bro
We got hella options these days
You can’t smoke all your problems away, but you can take a hit before you start to work*
You can’t explain transparency
You can’t even show it
Literally
The best part of being a struggling artist is the discount you get on humble pie from literally every kind of vender on earth *
judge heavily based on the quality of barbed wire on the church’s fence *
Sometimes you can use one character defect to defeat another *
Better to be the fool than to judge others as one *
Funny how a bunch of office buildings are shaped like prisons *
Size only matters to the non creatives
Do enough cold showers and soon you’ll wake up just by thinking about it
Easy does it, only after learning the hard way
You can’t run fast enough to get away from your problems
But you can dance and dodge
When it’s painfully simple yet overwhelmingly complicated— that’s good art
The best gift you can give is the opportunity for someone to wake the fuck up
Sure there are lots of bears in the woods but they usually leave you alone unless you smell fishy *
If you are truly intelligent then you are going to be surrounded by idiots
Lyrics that hit different with the munchies:
Sugar pie honey bun
Some people are too smart for their own good, which is why they’re so bad 😎
Thinking about not thinking is the most inefficient thing to not think about
Writing your own thoughts is evidence that you were at least thinking about it
Don’t get high on your own supply- lamest rule ever
The “fuck” in the “fuck it” expression hits different than any other “fuck”
If you’re really smart but you don’t believe you’re really smart then you’re not as smart as you believe *
Rename the “publish” Button to the “fuck it” button
Ain’t nothing like some Creed first thing in the morning you know what I mean, brother
If you wanna be free from the tyranny of fuckheads, you gotta beat them at their own game
The older I get the more I appreciate good PG movies. Takes a lot of skill to entertain a childlike adult
You’ll feel it if you’re working the right muscles. They’ll feel it if you’re working the right movements
Can’t tone down without turning up beforehand
There are levels to everything, including virginity
Plausible deniability is worth more than it seems
When in doubt, blame drugs
Everything is earned. Especially the shit sandwiches
HELL, I LAUGHED
I do not self medicate with cannabis
I just love cannabis and it just happens to have some medical benefit
That’s the truth
Cannabis takes whatever doorway creativity likes to enter through and hits it with c4
Case and joint
You’re not a real smoker until you’ve got a callus on your thumb
anything I think I know- it’s just cause it’s gone in through one ear from someone else’s mouth hole
if you actually heal the underlying cause of the stress,
Substances like cannabis, Based on their structure, Are extremely mild and forgiving
And that’s not even making the point that cannabis is legitimate medicine and the more you use, you could argue compounds many benefits as a relates to mind body recovery
If you really think marijuana should continue to be illegal then I feel bad for you and your intellectual reasoning abilities
I have learned how to play with fire
and enjoy the burn
If you know what I’m saying lol 🔥
Snakes are not slippery. They are slithery.
They do not rely on textures,
but on technique *
If I was a superhero,
then I’d want to be “super cool man” 🦸*
If I’m not the most productive pothead you haven’t met yet then who the fuck else do you know?
“Sometimes you gotta trick a mfer into believing in the greater good”
CIA probably
“A burning, bush experience“ just sounds like level 3 (of7) psychedelic trip
A good bong will keep your breath manageable and ash out of your mouth 👄
How long it takes to bake depends on how much heat you can take
*lighter flick
You can’t smoke all your problems away, but you can take a hit before you start to work*
I think who can smoke more without losing their mind to paranoia is more meaningful than
who can drink more before they pass out*
When sealing up snacks,
it’s important to take as big of a final handful as you possibly can,
quickly seal the bag and stash it,
and get away from it as fast as you can (while you finish the to-go stash in your hand)
Then ask God to remove the obsession
*lighter flic*
I hope one day I could be like the suburban weed Santa
Delivering the dank to all the good boys and girls
And anyone in between because weed doesn’t get political and doesn’t give a fuck about pronouns 🎅
One of the parts of the whole spiritual reincarnation equation that I’m still wrestling with is gender selection,
Like I’m enjoying being a dude so much that I’d be really upset if God was like you need to be a chick this time.
Philosophy is so easy
Like bro, just state the obvious
It sucks to admit that emotional trauma is still somewhat a “problem of privilege”
But more like physical safety privilege
Because if we were still worried about bears or Nazis, then we wouldn’t be so worried about how nice daddy was
or what a weirdo said online
or what lunch table we sat
*lighter flick *
Awareness has a way of sorting itself out
Just does
I know I talk a lot of shit,
but honestly real magic doesn’t exist until I have a bong that never gets resin *
I feel like the T-Rex got to be that way because he was the most disciplined and God was like “I like this motherfucker.
He doesn’t give a fuck about his arms, which is why his legs and teeth are so vicious.”*
New business idea
80% finished creative projects for those who are easily overwhelmed
And for those who like to start, but never finish it
Anything 80% done is usually functional enough but lacking the final seasoning
And this is often when most ADHD creatives quit to go onto the next big thing
But this is perfect for those with not quite as much time patience or interest. They just want something to casually fidget and finish. *
SMOKIN THAT WEED STUFF
Parents’s favorite thing to do is to tell you that you have no idea what it was like for them growing up
“Drop and give me 20”
*laughing
“Spoken like an amateur”
Adepts’s favorite pastime is ragdolling amateurs
Amateur’s favorite pastime is judging artists technique (incorrectly)
Artist’s favorite pastime is making fun of activists
Activist favorite pastime is bragging about their activity to the sedentary (profane)
Old fat dudes aren’t actually mad at you
They’re just mad that they can’t fuck
Or they’re mad that you’re getting suspicious to their only fans subscriptions
Weird to think about the biggest & scariest dudes in this life becoming little princesses in the next
But that’s what the law of opposite says
If you would rather have money than an apology or understanding
Then you are truly a terrible person
Coaches love using “in the long run“ to justify all the tiny neurotic habits that they think sets them apart
But actually just makes them more generic
You would think people would enjoy cardio more the way they’re always running from shit
But unfortunately, the techniques do not carryover well
Dudes be like
“Using women for self realization is so douchey”
*opens incognito browser
Nothing worse than an agnostic storyteller
Most of y’all are still traumatized by elementary school PE and it shows
Crazy comes in all shapes and sizes
But the “Generic” comes with black yoga plants, UGG boots, a target sweater, and Starbucks
Revving your engine to be tough is about the quickest way to look like a little bitch*
Crazy the lengths some motherfuckers will go to avoid a temptation
*Cough Amish cough cough 😷
Ain’t nothing scream 19 year-old fuck boy like a modified Honda Civic am I right?
Vikings be like
“I saw a crow in the field and that’s how I knew he killed my father” 🐦⬛
Always cute when someone turns up the music to be tough
If you don’t know what a stretch is just ask your mom
Or your girlfriend
🫢
Ain’t nothing less attractive than someone who’s down in the dumps by their own doing*
A lot of people are just as addicted to hustle porn as they are to regular porn*
Drinking to be cool is about the lamest thing you can ever do *
Thinking you’re right all the time is a good way to stay in the wrong
Saw someone doing ft squats on a smith machine and then MY knees started to hurt*
Let me just kill myself so the gods will bless my family “
-Vikings 754 ad
-modern day wage slaves
Hard to hate someone who can kick your ass
If your first tattoo is a forearm tattoo just for the fuck of it then you’re a certified douche bag
#gotem
If the Vikings would had good science they probably woulda turned into pussies cuz that’s exactly what’s happened to that part of the globe 🌎
Everyone writes all the time
It’s just to random people about random things usually using words the user hopes to never see/ hear again*
Short guys are always the most angry…
Most people would hate nothing more than seeing and hearing themselves (when they were not prepared for it)
You should be less worried about burning off body fat, and more focused on burning off karma
Most dudes would rather build a fantasy team than a fantasy life
A lot of y’all have never showed up early and helped set something up and it shows
If you consider the day a success just because nothing fell on your head,
Then maybe you shouldn’t have so many things hanging over you
We can tell by your hamstrings if you work hard or not
Some wouldn’t understand common sense even if it stabs them in the arm*
I love when people put political bumper stickers on their car thinking they’re gonna upset the other drivers when reality just makes them look extra stupid
Doctors go to school for 12 years just to flop on a lat pulldown smh *
If you’re a man,
but women do not respect you physically,
than you are still a boy
If you were a man,
but men do not respect your emotionally,
then you are still a boy*
Doing a cold plunge right before your workout is great
but not for your testosterone if you’re already on TRT*
The ancients must’ve heard the tangents I would go on when my girlfriend was a captive audience and been like “we got a wannabe writer here” *
Motherfuckers hold the key to immortality in their hand, but will be like “but I don’t wanna let go of control”
Motherfuckers hold the key to immortality in their hand and be like “will it make me see stuff tho“
You’re not big until you get caught in your own clothes
BOOM, ROASTED
McDonald’s i saw into peoples behavior
Queen City soles I saw into peoples habits
Red Ventures I saw into peoples finances
Real estate I saw into peoples home
Teaching & Training I saw into people’s bodies
Coaching I saw into peoples souls
Art, I saw into mine
Suburban poetry be like:
Running around the town
Feeling like the class clown
With an upside down frown
That comes with the crown
Being strong is cool
Being fast is cool
Being confident is cool
Being of service is cool
Being available is cool
Being creative is cool
Being lazy is gross
Being disrespectful is disgusting
Being angry is pathetic
Being fat is sad
Being judgmental is ignorant
Being dishonest is heartbreaking
Being scared is normal
Being uncertain is normal
Being excited is normal
Being sad is normal
Being lost is normal
Being all over the place is normal
I done seen some of the most heinous things you could ever see
I’ve been to the jails
I’ve been to the rehabs
I’ve spoken at the homeless shelters
I cleaned up many trashy bathrooms
I cleaned up puke and dirty diapers at McDonald’s playgrounds
I’ve been stalked
I’ve been hit & hit on
I’ve been lied to, cheated on, & pushed around
I have been body slammed, choked, & arm, locked, more times than I can count
I have spent so much time under tension that I know no different kind of fun
I’ve lost my mind and found it many times
I’ve seen mountain tops, pristine oceans, and rolling Hills & cities inbetween
Ive fallen asleep sitting up, with plates of food on my chest, or in suspicious public places more than once
And I’ve done it all “alone”
And I’ve had a blast doing all of it
A philosophers shift as follows:
Wake up at unusual time
Prepare pipe
Prepare notepad
Prepare a prompt
Forget to eat
Talk shit
Ugh the depression is real
The attitude is good
The house is cold
The forecast is meh
The mail “late“
The time is 10:01 AM
The bong is roaring
-a poem by yours truly
Devine timing is hard to define but easy to find
If I can make you think- that’s a win
If I can make you feel- that’s a win
If I can make you think about how you feel-then that’s a wrap
POETRY (KINDA)
It’s better to be judged than to fear being judged *
Those at the top of the pyramid can see the missing capstone
Never be too tired to call someone out on their bluff*
Spiritual jiu-jitzu is just using one character defect to defeat another becoming an asset in the process *
The number one killer of gains is taking shit too serious*
Cleaning mine as well be the suburban-Olympic Games if you’re depressed *
Heroes all have one thing in common. They’re not afraid of death.
If there are evil demons running the world they are doing a shit job cuz there is so much beauty and love everywhere I can barely take it sometimes*
You can’t “walk with the gods” until you learn how to read like them
Never underestimate some cookies and some coffee and some good intentions
That weird moment where you lost everything, but have never been happier
Comes in many different shapes and circumstances actually
The ancients really knew what they were doing when they hid everything in front of everyone’s eye(s)*
Those who think it’s cool to party to excess are still amateurs
What’s cool is partying so hard you have to devote the rest of your life to being a good dude*
Creating anything new new is like pin the tail on the donkey
While life kicks you in the nuts with all its strength *
The S and the C cleverly work together, usually behind the scenes
Envy and jealousy are a form of resentment that erode the mind-body connection
You can’t reason with stupid
But you can easily manipulate it*
Being a dick often means being controlled by it*
If you become skilled at cleaning up after your mistakes then you’ll be free forever
nothing sheds trauma faster than FUN (death being close 2nd) 🥈
Can’t have a spiritual awakening if you prefer to sleep*
Powerlifting taught me the importance of three months worth of work for three seconds worth of effort *
If you give it everything you have you’ll never have regrets
A Good random act of kindness is better than a cup of coffee
Once you have a taste, all that heat from the cooking makes sense.
Philosophers are the only group that will let you kill them to prove a point *
Part of the fun of being human is just overreacting to shit
I hesitate to call myself a writer cuz it still sounds like punishment *
Ironically, ancient is the new Buzz word
If Comparison is the thief of joy
Then Ill be the thief of comparison
Better to have 12 reps of gold than 12 sets of shit*
Only real adepts can forgive without ever hearing an apology*
Action reflects belief
If you wanna be an Extra in someone’s movie, you can’t act like one in your own*
If you like yourself, you will not care who else does
Who knew something black & white would be so colorful
As one restless individual, it’s good to see more people moving around
My variation of poetry is like intellectual graffiti *
You have to be an intellectual in order to spell the shit right…
Fear and faith cannot coexist at the same moment in time
Don’t mind me, just stirring the Pot
What a great morning to swing back and forth (intellectually)
If I can make “drafts” cool or atleast people less scared of them then that would be pretty cool *
“You wouldn’t want strangers reading everything you say on your phone would you?
Me: hahaha someone hasn’t seen the site… *
The best lessons are learned once youre dead ☠️
Prove me wrong 😑
Real wisdom saves you real time
If you don’t believe forgiveness can set you free it’s because you have not tried *
A suburban bank shot is when you pick up trash on the side of the road and put it in the trash cans by the street waiting for pick up *
True hell (or heaven) is “who you are”
meeting “who you could have been” *
If im drinking preworkout before the trail or the mats just know shit is about to go down*
Those who have affairs 🤮
The most painful things are social
I Can’t blame her cuz I’m too busy thanking her
The main thing I have to brag about is my happiness in a world gone crazy*
This is my social battery 〽️
You are what you eat
eats baked goods *
Goal for the day: Put the I in funner*
Wisdom is knowledge in action
The greatest gift isn’t doing less, It’s fearing less*
You Can’t drown if you can flow
My favorite way to fly is under the radar
We’ve all been in holes we shouldn’t have been in *
Dreams don’t work unless you do
Which is why I gladly trade a few hours of the pillow for the pen 🖊️
Whoever said writing is boring just never had good prompts
OR a method of dealing with built up emotions lol
Better to get the Gist than to worry about getting everything right
Better to be a freak than weak *
You have every right to laugh in the face of the wicked
Especially when they try to bring you down
I only act immortal cuz that’s how good I feel
Justice is just emotional ice 🧊
One day, ima make the most FUNctional Gym & Med club the world has ever seen
Keep training till my legs are a quarter as fast as my attention span
If there’s a way to spiritually brag- ima develop into it’s ideal image one day at a time better than anyone else*
Smile & wave as often as you can
So when assholes do their life review, it’s like spiritually gloating
If I’m king of anything it the amount of of unnecessary shit I have done in the gym *
“Why me” is just wining split into two sets*
For a while my main job was to keep people from jumping out of the window
Better to give people a challenge than a hand
But you can hand them a challenge*
Most have never been held prisoner in an environment where “booty juice” was a real threat*
If you got the pathways, never fear a mfer who doesn’t *
If you want it bad enough, you’ll gladly miss meals for it
Before caffeine: I don’t wanna do shit
After caffeine: why it take so long to build Rome*
Always hear others out but listen only to yourself
The fear of gaining has delayed more progress than the fear of losing *
Telling the truth is the greatest idiot repellent of all time*
Wisdom is understanding the best angle to hit it from
*loads bar*
Bodybuilding is about as high maintenance as it gets
You need professionals to run the stuff
Experts to make the decisions
And masters to call when shit goes wrong*
Whatever “the truth” is to the nature of reality as a whole,
Is answered in the nature of self as an individual
You can’t fail if you don’t quit
But sadly you can’t fail if you don’t try either…
Gotta stay cheal in order to keep it real
I require a certain level of chaos to feel comfortable
If you’re brave enough to suck then you’re cool enough to party *
AI algorithms can’t keep up with ADHD
I said it
The single greatest and scariest thing is being yourself under ANY and ALL circumstances*
Attentiveness to detail is verything
Judgement is the most important thing to balance
Otherwise you’ll swing between self crucifixion and masterbation*
If you’ve been using others for sex, you’re the one about to get fucked
Deadass-
Writing is harder than deadlifts*
If I wanna talk about lifting stones and the process of being one in-between lifts then I should be allowed to
As a strength coach, I’ve learned how to show “the process” as “the presentation”
Can’t wait to be tempted by everything I’ve ever wanted
Technique is just wisdom in motion
Every flaw has a function
Note to self- no need to take as many notes on self *
The truth doesn’t have to be edited, which saves a lot of time
“this burned man” will teach you discernment
The wisest wisdom is concise
“Yall better film this in case I land it”
-my motto*
Philosophy is the key to not losing your shit*
I am pushing the “bare minimum” to the max
Beauty is born in bullshit *
Awareness = control
Awareness of awareness = flow
Coming up with shit isn’t nearly as important as being able to sort thru the shit
(Says one plumber to the other)*
Send you to back to Jesus as an ambassador for why you shouldn’t talk shit
If the CIA has been evaluating me my whole life,
They are probably most impressed by my Skyrim builds *
I don’t need x ray vision when I have “bitch assness” vision*
Most people don’t care about actually improving the well being of others
(Requires tough logic)
They just care about caring
(Requires none)