I come from what could be the most middle class of middle class

I am an only child
 
My two parents live nearby and have an incredibly strange relationship with each other 

Even though I was an only child, I grew up in a neighborhood with many other boys, my age 
Within a mile or two from elementary middle and high school 

I spent the majority of my childhood in the woods, behind the shopping center, at a friend’s house, or in my bedroom

I experienced sexual trauma at the ages of five and seven (that I remember)
I never told anybody until I was 28 

I never had an issue with God or the idea of God, but I certainly was not going to be religious 

I had a friend who was a year older than me who was “a bad influence” 
He taught me the ways of the dark side at a young age 

In fifth grade, one of our favorite things to do was to inconvenience the construction workers building the new neighborhood nearby 
Throwing dirt balls at their tractors and such

This quickly became our airsoft battlegrounds and mini battles were fought over the next three years

Speaking of which I had one of the most bad ass airsoft arsenals you would ever find by seventh grade 

I played all the best games or at least the ones we’re playing, but my favorites were RuneScape and the Elder scrolls series
I would go on to become an absolute savage at call of duty for a very short career when I was fresh at a rehab, but I digress

I am very grateful for all the video games that I played because of all the hidden lessons that I learned
And it’s very easy to see now that games (along with movies and all other pop culture etc) served as my hidden big Brother
Teaching me the lessons my dad never bothered to 

My mom was strict by the book enforcer 
The bread winner , the workaholic, the fixer

My dad was the creative artistic engineering type who was silently suffering behind the weight of his own ego and mental health effectively sidelining him throughout my entire life (at least emotionally)

I have zero resentment towards my parents and I’m incredibly grateful for everything they’ve ever done for me 
They overcame so much themselves , a lot of it before I was ever born, and so much so that I brought to them when they brought me into this world
However, I owe the world the truth, and to pretend that things were anything close to perfect would be terribly misleading

I switched to a private Christian school at sixth grade where I only knew one person
Nothing against him, but he was super awkward all the time

I was a band geek and incredibly skilled with the clarinet, even though I didn’t enjoy it

I wanted to play the guitar but couldn’t afford the extra attention
The skateboard required too much

I was 12 when my mental health really began to tank
This was due to a bunch of reasons which I’m sure I’ll cover in time 

I’m sure natural hormones and middle school did not make it easier
But neither did the pop tarts and Diet Coke diet

I remember having very dark thoughts even in seventh grade
Thank God for RuneScape so I could escape
And I believe that is where I first fell in love with the idea of training
And yes, my dude was like level 120 or something
(I would later sell this account to a friend for clean urine to pass a drug test at 15 years old)

Seventh grade was my transition to the medium, cool kids lunch table 
Not the most popular table, but the second most popular table 
But only when there was an available seat 
Each table was only allowed to have eight people 
Even though it could squeeze in one or two more 
There were always six or seven consistent, cool kids who basically had reserve seats 
I and a couple other kids were essentially the alternate cool kids 
So it was first come first sit
And I often was not first 
So I’d sit at the table I sat that most of the year prior 
With the booger eater , the dandruff dude, and some guy that was like a human velociraptor
This was also the year I tried to grow my hair out for the first time which naturally took all effing year 

By eighth grade, I had improved my status marginally and my transformation to be becoming. The skateboard rebel was nearly complete. 
All that was needed was to high school a couple football games and make the greatest my space of all time

Eighth grade was a little easier because my hair was longer and I was funnier 
I had also met nearly everybody worth meeting and was probably the most average from a popularity status perspective 

Ironically, Most of eighth grade was spent outside of the nearby elementary school school on my board 

During this time, I became friends with more neighborhood, kids from neighborhoods that were slightly further away 
These kids were a little older than me 
A little cooler than me 
And went to independence high school 
The most badass high school in the country 
(Literally didn’t lose a football game for nearly 10 years at one point look it up)

Needless to say, I was hell-bent on transferring out of that Christian prison to the school of independence 

During my this summer between my eighth and ninth grade years is when I became pretty close friends with these cats and dogs and had experimented with the marijuana and alcohol for the first time 
Thanks to my “not a good influence” best friend
Not his fault he just made it convenient 

My freshman year was not a smooth one 
I had gotten in trouble a bit outside of school for doing minor hood rat stuff 
Like sneaking out in the middle of the night 
And smashing garden gnomes 
But near the end of the year was when I first got in trouble for the marijuana 

That Christian school suspended me for two weeks and did not make it easy to complete some of my classes without incident 

They suspended me due to a rumor that I had bought marijuana on campus 
Which I 100% had and was completely guilty of, but they had no proof so it was kind of lame 
Also, the punishment was objectively over the top 
I was not the only one caught up in this conspiracy 
I believe I was only one of seven or eight 
And others received a more intense suspension or expulsion 
But this gave me the ammunition I needed to get the F out of there and get to independence 

That summer is when shit got crazy fam
In the “only a white kid from the suburbs of Charlotte”, kind of way 

I had me even more neighborhood kids 
These kids now occupied the homes that were recently built 
The same homes that me and the first group of neighborhood kids tried to stop 
So these neighborhood kids were kind of like the middle Ruffins 

They were a lot like me, but had less supervision and more access to pharmaceuticals and plant medicines. If you know what I mean. 

We spent all summer smoking that weed stuff
Experimenting with every kind of 40 ounce, cigarette , and blunt wrap that the Indian dude from the store would sell us 

I must admit that financed most of this theft from family
(Something that I was most ashamed of when I got it together 
But gratefully was one of the first things that I made amends for)

Alas, sophomore year had arrived and I was now free and an independence patriot 

The first day of class that year was the only day of that semester I was sober lol 

Now it’s not quite as crazy as it sounds 
Almost always it was just a light bit of weed stuff in the morning before Spanish class 

And even though it did not help my grades, it did help my happiness as my home was becoming an emotional trolling ground 

Now that winter, I began getting in trouble outside of school with local law-enforcement for extremely petty shit 
Literally just smoking weed in the woods or drinking four Locos in the streets 
(OK the last part sounds a little crazy)

But the heat was coming from some of my Dipshit friends who would began car hopping 
There was no GPS safe in the mint Hill area in 2010 sadly 

Now I wasn’t necessarily a major part of the stealing, even though I was a part of the fencing 

During my sophomore year 
Independence was still its old ratchet itself 
With fights every day 
Guns and drug bust all the time 
And just absolute debauchery in the bathrooms on a daily basis 
So it was easy for my pothead self to fly under the radar 

And after getting in trouble that and disclosing my deteriorating mental health, I began Vyvanse 
(for those who don’t know, this is a stronger but less abusable form of Adderall)
Again, I was 15 and eating Cheez-Its for 1/3 of all of my calories 

So my second semester of my sophomore year, I made the honor roll lol 
No kidding 
I was still stoned as a box of rocks daily 
But them amphetamines know what they’re doing 

Now meanwhile, my whole life had begun to deteriorate further along with my parents relationship 
Which had always been kind of fucked and I knew it, but I don’t think they knew I knew it 

Anyhow, I was hell-bent on doing hood rat stuff with my friends and I was under the impression that I was too cool for school 
And my 360 flip and blunt rolling ability would confirm that 

I would begin my first job this summer between sophomore and junior year 
Get this - a lifeguard
A ginger lifeguard 
In the south 

Which is actually a lot easier of a job than people realize 
And most people realize it’s an easy as hell job 
You actually work about 20 minutes of the hour, and then go chill in the shade for the rest 
This made it conducive to smoking the weed stuff mid shift 

Now to clear up any confusion, I was not exactly smoking like a gentleman then
But I was smoking ya feel 

AnyWho, they asked me politely not to return at the end of the summer lol 

This was only a couple weeks before my life would get absolutely DP’d

Continued on yrs 16.3- 18.3

BACKGROUND (5-16.3 YRS)

(VOICE TO TEXT REALLY DROPPED THE BALL, WILL BE EDITING SOON)