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THOUGHTS I HEARD

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SUBURBAN SECRETS

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WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

6-2-26

62

Oh hello there $

Happy 2:20 AM $

Greetings from the front stoop
Is a slightly crispy morning
Both weatherwise and mobility wise, if ya know what I’m saying $

I wish more people recognized that mobility is just floundering around on the floor,
But in a way that actually earns you energy points and helps you feel better afterwards $

And your pets will learn to love it $$

I had a pretty decent first sleep
I’ve been falling asleep very quickly the past few days and sleeping very deeply.
All in all, I would say I get about three hours first shift and three or four hours the second on average. 
…
I usually do about five hours when in full go mode.
Which is still pretty crazy to me considering for most of my adult life I needed about 10 hours or else I was not functional physically or emotionally $

When you’re in build mode, you typically move slower and your body is gonna be resistant to spending energy.
When in burn mode, it is the opposite. 
…
Ironically, it is easier to build on the outside when burning on the inside,
And vice versa. $

I need to take a moment and give myself some credit
Not only have I been caught up on my edits and reviews and shit for a while, but I’m actually getting even more proficient to where I can add in some better quality reviews $

I am a professional at coming up with creative ways to criticize one’s self.
Constructively, of course
Roasting is just for comedy $

I’ve made a lot of predictions in my past,
Mostly wrong ones lol
But I am surprisingly precise with the big picture items.
So I’m gonna go out on a limb while knocking on said wood and make another…
…
That by the time you’re reading this, I will be in full burn mode.
And will probably be talking lots of different shit across many different platforms $

(Honestly, spot on lol)

In the short term, the plan is to keep it short and sweet as i get warmed up.
But in time, the endless amount notes I have on Fuckery will be released properly $$

Three years ago, I was focusing mostly on in person coaching out of a martial arts gym.
Two years ago, I was focusing on digital coaching while using a dozen different guides.
A year ago, I was focusing on rebuilding myself and my mental health after a pretty cliché relationship crash.
…
And after all of that, I’ve been able to consolidate everything into one training deck lol $

And I think I found a way to both release it for free and to kindly nudge the consistent to consider spending a little cash for the cause $

*Nudge nudge 💪🏻 
**Wink wink 😉 
…
***Dramatic drag 🚬 $

Trust me, 
the irony of talking about health so much while smoking something suspicious is not lost $

It probably looks bad,
But I would argue moderation is the hardest to manage.
Especially when it comes down to mind & mood altering substances.
…
Which is also why that topic is so controversial
It is pure philosophical fire 🔥 $

If you’re new here,
Would you view my smoking different if you learned that, it’s next to impossible for me to smoke more than five cigarettes within a day?
…
Or how I have poured out more alcohol than I’ve consumed in the past 15 years?
…
Or how by the grace of God and the help of AAA, I am able to maintain the fine balance between gas station heroin and psychedelic level cannabis?
…
And I’m able to score 30 K energy points every day
….
With a fuel budget of less than five dollars?
….
All the while, 
deep, deep, deep behind enemy lines of Fuckery in the war on drugs… $

All kidding aside,
And as grandiose and glorious as my future plans are,
The gratitude and the grace that I already have is enough compensation for 10 crucifixions lol $$$

The ancients really understood that at a certain point, you just gotta get the musket and get in line instead of trying to reason with these fucking fools $$$****

It is 7:23 AM
And boy I hope I have packed a lunch for the field trip that I’m already going on..
I am on the way to the gym after a cold shower and listening to some of the soundtracks from “into the wild”
When I say vibes… $

you know you’re going through it when your car alert lights are competing for your attention…
I got the gas light on and the tire light on lol
Hopefully that’s it for now knock on wood 🪵 $

I don’t know how someone could love this more than me
Consider that a challenge $$$

I’m deadass trying not to tear up in front of everyone lol
Best challenge ever $$

If home is where you don’t have to hide, then I’ve been homeless most my life $$

If you wear a one piece in the gym, you’re just going to look like a grape 🍇 $$$***

The ancients really knew that it was better just to get on the boat and see where the wind takes you then try to reason with the religious $$$***

You know you’re doing some truly profound spiritual shit when everybody else around you is acting extra fucked $$$

If you’re truly tapping into some higher consciousness magic shit, 
do not be surprised when your day-to-day world around you begins to shift… strangely.. $$

Remembering that the key to growth is removing the bullshit, 
it is also important to remember that sometimes exercising those tumors can be a little painful $$$

It is the second day of June and I am officially wearing a hoodie.
It is 67 degrees, overcast and chilly.
I’m not really complaining, but I am certainly surprised $

Trying too hard to prove otherwise is just as toxic as not trying at all $$

…
It’s best to give consistent, casual effort, and say fuck it after the third urge to quit lol $$

Because by the third time you return to the task, you will likely find you have proved your point already $$

I don’t want to inspire people just to run,
I want to inspire them to run through fucking walls $$$***

Because that is what it is going to take $$

Ironically , I think carpenters might be the best at breaking down walls..
Not just putting them up $$*

It is 10:48 AM on my sun walk when I found a penny on heads $

…
About 30 seconds after writing that last line lol $

I am also happy to announce an accidental but important personal best,
I have consumed less than 10 mg of the seven within 24 hours without even really trying.
I can’t take too much credit because I ran out yesterday and it took me a while to get more.
But like I noted, I had zero withdrawals or cravings or obsessions.
And once I did re-up, I used less than I would on a normal night.
So it is a small victory but a very important one because if I was reporting the opposite, that wouldn’t be too good lol $

I really don’t give myself enough credit for the past year of not only coming off amphetamines, but also reducing my overall net Kratom intake down by nearly 5x $

It never really got out of hand,
It was actually extremely consistent.
It was just on average five times more by volume lol $

Important to remind the world though when judging Kratom consumption you got a account for intent~
Meaning,
For a work boost, you’re talking 1 to 2 g at once.
For a big sedation buzz and then you’re talking 3 to 5 g
…
So here’s what I mean,
10 g throughout the day, every hour or two is very mild.
And
10 g split in half over three hours is also mild, just for a different buzz 🐝 
…
So someone saying they take 20 g a day doesn’t really mean much if you don’t recognize the context or frame $$$

I will add this though,
Pretty much anyone abusing Kratom is probably averaging 50 g a day regardless of how you divvy it up.
…
(adjusting for seven hydroxy, 
let’s say every milligram of 7 hydroxy is equal to 1 gram of plants) $$

Actually think that’s a pretty accurate scale $

So I guess if I’m being fair, then I’m actually probably around half.
But that’s just on paper.
Because half these tablets are underdosed for sure $

It is 1:01 PM and I’m happy to report that I finally finished transferring all of the scoring and I am at the final review phase which is when I get to the fun game of “find a flaw“ $

Dying has to be the key to eternal life because everything else is assbackwards anyway $

I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe in evil Satanists when you have crazy Christians on the street corners every Sunday 
…
If someone could be that motivated for the positive, then obviously they can be corrupted for the negative $$

And these people would only care about power and pain, and less about just giving you a pamphlet… $$$

Just thinking back to how this time last year, I was legitimately concerned that I was going to become diagnosed with hypertension because my blood pressure was so fucked $

This past year has been the hardest of my life, 
but definitely not the most painful.
..
The most painful was the year prior in a poor relationship lol $

Cats will always beat dogs for one reason-
They don’t bark $$***

I don’t want to live in a world in which I have control over anyone…
But I do wanna live in a world in which everybody has control over themselves $$$

I don’t give myself enough credit,
Right next to the Chinese place nearby where I’ve been doing a lot of dashing from, is a small little Christian dance studio,
And one of my first clients as a trainer four years ago was the owner.
She was one of the sweetest nicest clients that I had $

I never thought I’d have to learn how to keep it cool with tears in my eyes, but I’ve got a lot of practice by now 😎 $

It is 6:31 PM and I am lacing up at the park for as leisurely of a walk as I can trick myself into doing.
Trying to snag a dash or two on the way back, but I got lucky already a small one $

Only the timid try to look tough $$$*

What if the Jesus is just a character that you unlock as a community? $$

Any Health website that has advertisements shouldn’t be considered a Health website $$$************

The Forces of evil wants us to be restless just so we don’t read… $$

But jokes on them because I was a librarian in the past life and a skateboard3r in this one so I have officially mastered both worlds $$

Songs and paintings and all of that are cool to create, but games are top of the creation pyramid $$*

It is 9:17 PM and I am finally beginning to wind down the digital work lol
Another day of nonstop grind and edits
It starts off seemingly simple & ends up taking all day, of course $

But it is one for the record books for sure $

I could not be happier with the deck and all of the elements
They’ve come together far greater than I envisioned
But then again, that might be an exaggeration because this thing has been eating at me for 3 years now lol $

It is 10:13 PM
I don’t know how i did it…
I keep somehow making better eggs
Shout out to the chickens though for real.
And if anything, I guess I am proof positive that you can get away with the cheap eggs.
…
I dream of a day in which we have balanced everything out and are no longer referring to things like “cheap eggs”,
…
but until then it’s better to play the game and win then the bitch about it from the sidelines or the couch $

If you’ve ever seen the movie “into the wild“ just understand those are the vibes…
…
Alex is actually named after Christopher McCandless alias “Alexander Supertramp”
…
And if it is part of the prophecy that I end up going nomad here soon, then I trust AAA.
And this time I definitely mean both the philosophical and physical boys $

I am very optimistic
But I am learning how fine the line is between faith and expectations $$

They say expectations are premeditated resentments…
And that resentments are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die $$

I was about to say that resentment doesn’t even taste good but boy am I mistaken on that.
That is most people’s favorite dish $$

…
Even though it burns, most prefer it cold. &
The more stale the better for these types $

I meant to note earlier-
The superstitious types are the most trustworthy $$$

it’s also pretty chilly honestly
Unusual for early June… $

I know I go on enough tangents, but I’m just getting more and more of an intuitive since that the level of evil that is around us and has been “controlling things“ for a while now, is far more “bitch ass” than originally expected $$$

I mean, there is a large group of people who would love nothing more than the opportunity to eat you… $$

…
Like
…
I don’t know what’s worse,
The cannibals, or the deniers $$$

OK, obviously the cannibals cause that shit’s hard to swallow…
…
Unlike flesh apparently… $$$

If you can’t understand why somebody would be that far gone,
The only Safeway to philosophically contemplate this would be to extrapolate out an experience you may have had in which you were either,
 doing some hood rat shit,
 or trolling for the sake of trolling or doing something you know you’re not supposed to and you got that thrill. $$

Even the minor shit can provide that kind of twisted excitement.
It’s like a weird sense of power,
And I’m convinced that there are some kind of ethereal entities that feed off that kind of energy.
Mostly because of their own bitch assness, of course. $$

But just as we have physical viruses… allegedly… 
that just makes the case stronger for the invisible counterpart $$

If you have everything, 
then the only thing you would want is what you don’t have, which is the shitty spoiled child paradox $$

You’d want Something that others couldn’t easily get,
Mostly so they can’t have it & less because it’s what you actually want
…
And if you buy into some bullshit that you are a lucky monkey, then it becomes easy to prioritize primal shit $$$*

But what’s worse is even the “innocent scientific belief system of today” still breeds unconscious pathways of taking the easy self-centered route $$$**

These types will argue biology,
In which case I will use their point against them.
Because the biological ego is the true enemy,
And religion and spiritual ritualism is the greatest philosophical technology that we have.
…
The ego will always find energy shortcuts because that is what it is designed to do.
You can try consume as much hustle porn as you want, 
but it will never transcend that internal governor the way that the love of “God” will $$$

You don’t have to believe in an all powerful Santa Claus,
Or even an super intelligent version of gravity,
But even the most hard-core atheist buys into the idea of love.
…
So scientifically speaking, 
any action that cultivates this, provides the greatest return on natural energy investments.
…
Therefore, evolution is just one big simulation on developing the highest and best forms of love and appreciation $$$

And you can’t learn shit without resistance $$***

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

6-3-26

63

Life is all about those fleeting moments that you’ll never get back
The secret is just about not holding on with a death grip $$$

Happy 3:05 AM
A perfect time to practice what I just preached $

*Grinder squeak $

I gotta say that was one of the best first sleep shifts I’ve had in a while.
Even though I didn’t lift yesterday, you could argue It was still one of the heaviest days of all time.. $

I haven’t gotten too far with the official final reviews and all that but just the peace that I have is enough to make me not feel so fucking crazy lol $

Being honest but a little dirty is better than being delusional and clean $$$*

It is always strange and yet somehow entertaining whenever a woman tells you to suck her dick lol $$*

Here’s a good app idea-
A Propaganda tracker
…
Basically it kind of runs in the background and scans for propaganda and alerts you accordingly.
But it also keeps track on a weekly and monthly and an annual basis and gives you a report to remind you that most of what you see is probably framed all sorts of fucked up. 
So that way, you can see more clearly the bullshit that you are being fed… $$$

I really don’t know why I am having such a fond flashback,
I must’ve been 9 years old,
It would’ve been early summertime and I would’ve been on a vacation with the family.
This one was unique as we were going to a Civil War battlefield in the Shenandoah Valley. 
And while en route, we went by a Walmart in which case I was able to make a very special purchase…
…
I’m gonna give you about three lines to make a guess because I guarantee you you’re never gonna see it coming
…
Here’s a hint or two…
…
It was less than $20,
…
It technically needed a parent to purchase due to age restriction,
…
It is considered a magnificent work of art
…
..
.
That’s right!
…
It was the brand new 50 Cent album: “the massacre”
…
..
.
You know the cover, the one where he is shirtless and angry, and there is a bullet hole in the glass?
…
I can’t imagine what my parents were thinking.
Because shockingly, they didn’t seem to read into it.
I’m sure they thought it was weird and I remember their original resistance, but if I was in their position, I probably would’ve just laughed my ass off $

I mean, that’s a pretty good little glimpse into my soul, apparently lol
Literally investigating the battlefield that I am quite certain I had been to before in a past life as a young kid while also trying to weasel a rap album for my CD player…
between playing Star Wars video games… when I wasn’t skateboarding… 🛹 $

I mean, I’m not kidding when I say I can still remember that weird nostalgia feeling right now In this moment that I experienced as a kid.
And then, I had no idea and no frame of reference for it so I didn’t really read into it.
It wasn’t until I dug deep enough with all of the self inventories and solitude soul searches that I began to recognize that familiar feeling $

Memory is not stored in the brain,
Therefore, the best way to strengthen one’s memory is to build a better radio.
Therefore, aging done correctly should improve ones recall
Especially emotionally speaking $$

But anytime you start talking about strengthening someone’s emotions, that is like the HOV lane to troll city 🌃 $$$*

By definition, if you need to challenge something to reveal its potential,
And if by definition emotions must be felt in their entirety to be appreciated,
…
Then it doesn’t take a mathematician to understand the formula to Fuckery $$

The secret to emotional management is just extreme internal ownership $$$

If you knew for a fact that you were being trolled by some kind of invisible philosophical fuck boy, 
You would instantly feel better about yourself due to just understanding the framing of the Threat 
…
It’s kinda like even the most emotionally toxic people can keep their shit together if they recognize they need to just to spite somebody. $$$

The key to patience is proper framing of a situation $$***

What on the worst feelings is that moment you realize you overreacted out of fear and should’nt have worried as much $$$

It’s extra shitty because hindsight turns to gaslighting real quick if you “mean too well“ $$$*

Everybody needs to be fooled every now and then though to stay humble.
Or at least fooled enough until they realize it ain’t so bad being foolish $$$

Pretty much all progress with anything started with someone just fucking around $$*

*Lighter flick

Regarding high strangeness and the paranormal, 
And egghead atheists,
You know it only takes one verified instance of physics falling apart to essentially destroy that paradigm right? $$$

I don’t know what’s worse,
Living in a world in which millions of people are simply lying about the most important shit just “cuz”,
Or being so biased that you’re not even willing to look at the evidence
 (or apathetic..) $$

So either they’re all lying…
Or you don’t wanna do homework? 📚 $$$

Obviously, I mean that “you” generally, dear reader,
Even though I’m talking to the general readers 🦌 $

I’m sure you probably bought the same bullshit that I have if you’ve read this far lol $$

Either way, I am grateful that you are here and I hope you keep coming back
…
But I can make no promises as to what kind of shit you may find here or on any other wall lol $

Writing religiously may be the closest one can get to understanding what religion was writing about. $$*

It is both infinite and fixed
The possibilities are endless, but the outcome was likely already determined.
It is one color contrasted against another with special squigglys.
If you don’t understand the secret patterns, then it everything just seems pointless.
…
And during the moments in which one’s attention is fully captured, time and space dissolve, and become as a small ball in the palm of one’s hand.
…
Or maybe more like a small stick in someone’s hand.. $$

Some dude’s biggest problem seriously is their own penis lol $$$

And I mean both physically and philosophically and not in a good way 😂 $$

And by “some”, 
I mean pretty much everyone except for the few who have outgrown it and learn how to manage the dragon 🐉 $

Cause there are two types of dudes in this world-
Ones led by their dick,
And others who aren’t anymore $$*

I guess you could argue the third category is the overly righteous types who have not even gotten in the game yet $$

Kind of like those old monks back in the day,
I think that was some of the biggest bitch ass shit of all time.
…
You can’t Go hide away from temptation and call it strength training
…
You’re not gonna be that enlightened if you’re literally sitting in the dark all the time $$$

True spiritual understanding comes from an unfortunate but desperate need for philosophical first aid,
 mostly because temptation won’t leave you the fuck alone. $$$***

Fuckery follows your every move and tries to control your every thought.
And just when you think you’ve seen all of the tricks, 
it comes up with some new poison or a new protocol to better manage the prison populous $$$*

True leadership is being buried under an ungodly amount of bullshit That is genuinely not your fault, and still being happily responsible for the results $$$

You don’t always have to call 411 to get the waterworks, sometimes the right song at the wrong time will do just fine 🥹 $$

If it is a sign of maturity when one can separate video game behavior from real life behavior, 
then I imagine it functions the same with spiritual matters $

Life is not about winning or losing
It is about laughing
…
Usually at losers… 😉 $$$

Hiding is not the same as lying $$$

Not to brag but I’ve already smiled & greeted 3 people on my sunwalk $

When someone wants to be rude, they may drag their feet, figuratively speaking, in the smallest of ways.
Just enough to not illicit confrontation, but enough to express their bitch ass intent. $$$

If you don’t know why they won’t release all of the UFO shit, just envision a jealous child when they found out their brother got a better toy $$$***

What if demons are just spiritual narcs?
…
And their whole point is to trap the wicked
…
And you can’t honestly tell who is wicked or not unless they’re in a sincere position to do some evil shit
…
And you can’t condemn them as evil unless they actually commit some kind of act
… $$

Geometry is just the art of connectedness $$*

Not so hard to believe that evil people are trying to end the world when the gen pop acts like it has already happened.. $$$

If you call yourself a philosopher, but you are not fit,
then you are not fit to call yourself a philosopher $$$***

Another humble grocery hall in the books,
This time just 18 eggs, a gallon of water and a four pack of butter $

I am very proud of myself for only having three hits of cannabis and a quarter tab of the seven hydroxy all day long.
And yet my productivity wouldn’t have noticed.
And my emotional well-being was pretty good too.
I am most proud about how I am handling all of this existential stress once more. $

Oh yeah, I also still have a few cigarettes left that I was able to avoid smoking all day long, fairly easily $

It is 8:29 PM and just a few minutes away from sunset and from basically doing the opposite of everything I just mentioned lol $

Rich people do not order DoorDash,
Depressed people do $$*

You are not faulted for withholding the truth from those who cannot handle it.
…
You are faulted for making a bad judgment call though so Choose wisely 😂 $$$

If you can get carried away and go on a violence spree, 
then I think it you can get carried away and go on a random act of kindness spree much easier,
With much better results $$

Most people that are restless, don’t actually have ADHD.
They just have a lot of repressed unfinished shit that they really should be doing something about.
…
But there is a group that is genuinely a little cracked biologically lol
…
Only those who are also truly cracked understand this,
 while those who are just hiding some shit will react sideways $$

At this point,
Considering how truth is the ultimate healer,
If half the shit going through my head was just a lie or actual insanity, 
then there’s no way I would be as healthy as I am.
That’s not to imply I am actually all that healthy,
Even though I kinda am,
I’m saying that the amount of bullshit I’m dealing with would butcher anyone without proper philosophical training. $

I can totally see why some people would consider some psychic people schizophrenic tho lol $$

Dude, it is so weird how cold it is for the first week of June.
I keep thinking it’s October or some shit
I swear to God, it was hotter in April $

Most things in life should have a proper “get to/got to” ratio $

(I get to do this vs I have (got) to do this )

It’s 9:28 PM
Happy to report a borderline miracle Dash late right after sunset $

New wall idea:
Confessions of a suburban shithead $*

Few things will teach you the value of every single second in every minute like isometrics will.
Both physically and philosophically $$*

At this point that might be another column honestly~
“Physically and philosophically“ $*

Kidding aside, I am enjoying the nice fall, nostalgic flashbacks
Thanks to the weather $

I’m not even kidding…
Just had the best bowl of eggs ever 🪺 $

Everything tastes better when seasoned with self satisfaction $$$***

You can debate whether Jesus was a demigod or not, 
but you can’t question that motherfucker’s faith 
..
Homie had resolve $$





THJ 
Social 


Food:
Butter 
Eggs
Water
5$

Candy 
40m
Pre
14$

Fuel
Squirt
Electy 
Gas
$7

$26

$12

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

6-4-26

64

Happy 2:14 AM to everybody except my old best friend who stole my hookah when I was 15 $$$

Are you ready for a story because we’re coming in hot? $

This was an event that I had repressed apparently.
This is one of the first smoking tools I ever had
…
And it was one of the coolest $

Back then, it was very difficult to acquire such goods.
The hoops you had to jump through often involved finding someone’s older sibling and finessing them into buying shit for us without snitching $$

Somehow someway the beginning of summer 2009, we were able to get enough cash to get the right older idiot to buy us a midsize hookah
…
And when you are less than 30 days past 15 years old, that is a big deal lol $

It was so big that it was very difficult to hide $$

…
… that’s what she said… 🫣 $

So it was hidden at our smoking spot nearby. Only two people knew about the location-
Me and the friend I was withz
Who unfortunately is in the hall of infamy for being an active “fuck boy“ $

This is one of his first crimes against his friends.
As less than three days after purchasing it, once i went down to use it with another friend, we were quickly disappointed once we realized it had been stolen $

It would take my friend several months to eventually admit it.
…
And honestly, I’m not quite sure what happened after that $

(Time to trail off now…)

And honestly, I’m not quite sure where that memory came from or why, but it was a pretty big deal back then
…
… I guess about 17 years ago now $

Jesus fucking Christ, I’m getting old.
I’m gonna be 32 years old if I survive another 3 days .
I mean, that really is some Jesus shit lol $

That motherfucker was crucified by the time he was 33 though $$

Now, it was kind of sad and kind of funny when I started smoking again at age 27 after nearly a decade of absence.
Because when I quit, I was basically public enemy number one in my own neighborhood just for being a pothead…
…
And now I can buy pot while smiling and waving at the cops while walking into the candy store in the adjoining parking lot lol 🤦‍♂️ $$

My first legal drink was exactly 9 years to the minute of when I graduated rehab
Was 20’12-21 
(It took me until this minute to appreciate the aesthetic of that stretch) $

I was so traumatized in so many weird ways
And the healthy brainwashing from all of the recovery meetings made things very complex $

The truth is,
There was about six months between when I officially left the program to when I had a mystical experience with psychedelics that really changed shit.
…
During that time was when I was mostly smoking and had just discovered Kratom.
Even then, however, my use was controlled, I was just depressed as fuck and very much beginning to slip Hope wise. $

My point is to attest to the power of the 12 steps $$$

In a classic contradictory fashion, I say while I rip the bong lol $

But if you truly practiced the principles in all of your affairs for long enough, 
you can truly rewire your brain and become a different person $$$**

To be clear ~
I am not recommending anyone resign their recovery.
I am enforcing the whole “one day at a time“ attitude, 
and the “never say never“ 
and the “miracles come true if you work for them“ attitude $$$

I promise you I never thought I’d be saying or doing this.
I would’ve thought I went off the deep end.
..
And I guess in some ways I have,
I’ve just gotten good at how to take a dive lol $$

(Pilots are good at nosedives ✈️ )

The other truth is,
in our current community, the secret Society recovery rates are still tragically low $$$***

It is because you are asking compromised people to compete with the biological bogeyman with only strangers and spiritual philosophy
…
And that shit only works for apparently about 7% of people on a Goodyear $$

We have to try something different $$$

And outside of those who are actually considered addicts,
 are the neurotics that are nearly everywhere.
Ironically, They are the most afflicted with “bitch assNess” $$

Usually, the cases are quite serious. 
It is just that birds of a shit feather flock to shit together.
So in some cases, their impacts are isolated $$

These are the types that could really benefit from having the 12 steps rammed down their throat $$$

Because I unfortunately don’t think anyone’s gonna actually work those bitches (Steps) unless there’s some serious shit on the line $$

These neurotic types are usually the self enslaving and depreciating types too $$

…
They hide away from the consequences of their cognitive dissonance.
& It doesn’t take long before the routine of hiding from opportunity becomes comfortable.
…
These types will do anything to escape a little bit of fear.
It’s just that they’re equally afraid of substances of a certain type, which is the only reason why they don’t actually descend into addiction $$

They are equally as afraid of healthy food and activity though which keeps them reliant on the sick care system $$

AnyWho,
That is my tangent about health
Time to polish off a cigarette lol $

And probably yell at coyotes because I can hear these bitches yapping $

You do not fuck with cats in this neighborhood $$$**************

If you fuck with a cat in this neighborhood you will be cursed. 
I don’t give a fuck what species you are. $$$$$$$$$$$$

The ancients are watching.
Consider that warning, any bitch ass entities… $$$$

….
You might as well fuck on off $$$

Don’t worry, dear reader that was not directed at you 🦌 $

AnyWho,
My current plan is to use the last three dollars on some electrolytes and squirt before the gym.
And then do some fishing afterwards to hopefully snag a miracle Dash or two,
Then refill the candy and turn attention towards scrounging up a little extra to catch up on some expenses $

But the exciting part is that I should at some point be actually back available to doing some form of consult/marketing/promotion.
I just can’t force it so I don’t know when exactly all of these creating activities will turn into coaching $

I really am not sure the dynamic my coaching will take either.
I am truly on the verge of going nomad as well…
Mostly due to family issues.
To be honest, I’m actually kind of afraid there’s no way to avoid that at this point.
…
This whole financial situation has rotted the relationships to their foundation and it just seems like there’s a real chance I am gonna be pulled away from here $

My secret master plan though is to somehow start selling a lot of books and be able to afford to go nomad instead of being forced to lol $$

Happy 7:33 AM from partly through my son walk $

One of my favorite parts about the gym is the mystery behind everybody.
…
Meaning, you have people that look like superheroes on the outside then you find out they are a delivery driver lol $$

Sometimes the worst part is just fucking waiting an extra hour unexpectedly..
…
So Shout out to Aldi for being a bunch of bitches and opening at 9 AM which is late as fuck for a grocery store $($$)

If the food smells better than it tastes , then you were just BioHacked $$$***

It is 9:03 AM and just survived the delay to get some caffeine and electrolytes.
Sounds simple and silly, but I know a lot of people who would kill another human being if their coffee was an hour late ⏰ $$

I just spilled a little water by my crotch so now I get to look like I pissed myself lol $

Just thinking back to how about one of the most horrifying things in my life was simply riding in the car with my grandma before we took her license away $$

Only reason why they say Jesus was a carpenter is because he was the best at framing shit $$***

The gym is just staring at shit while getting stressed physically.
Which is “heaven” $$*

People are just walking possibilities
…
But some are just walking problems… $$

Shit gets sketchy real quickly when you start determining which questions you should and shouldn’t ask $$$

No such thing as an inappropriate question.
But there are definitely inappropriate responses.. $$

You gotta be nice to people driving obnoxious fucked up trucks.
They clearly don’t have much else going on $$$

It is 12:31 PM
Currently fishing in uptown mint hill.
Just snagged a dash for about five dollars and around a mile and a half.
Very clutch.
Trying to get one more before candy and fuel.
Found an amazing chilling spot by the church that I used to have Boy Scouts at when I was a kid.
Just gotta say that you cannot beat a king on his home turf $

I’d want nothing more than to collect innocent souls too if I was the biggest pussy ass loser in all of known existence
…
Cough, cough, Satan cough cough $$**

It is 1:41 PM
I am back home after a very impressive morning.
Zero herbs and only two shots of squirt.
And several unexpected inconveniences and just hanging out in hot cars basically lol
…
But how good I feel is very noteworthy.
It is moments like this that validate all my theories and my suspicions from the past year.
There is an element of just simply recovering better each day from the hell of last year.
But the biggest Takeaway is simply the removal of stress and the prioritization of the mission $

You should avoid labeling things as often as possible.
You should, however, name things as often as possible $$$

…
Naming something automatically shares a sense of connectedness and establishes a new unique memory $$

The secret to life is just don’t take advice from angry people lol $$$***

Considering the superpowers that are found by working the 12 steps and by mastering salesmanship, 
I have no excuse if I fail to take over the world for the positive tbh $***

It is 4:47 PM
I am very happy to report that I made 5mg of the seven last 36 hours very comfortably.
I obviously missed having my normal working buzz and chill time buzz but physically I had no withdrawals or anything of the sort.
Once again, reinforcing my theory that under 15 mg a day and there are really no major biological side effects $

The next challenge, however, is making one cigarette last the entire evening..
And I have been averaging about three per day recent.
So we shall see how that goes.. $

(Spoiler- it was easy peasy 😎)

Back then, 
The boys really were willing to take a musket ball in the belly than miss out on the opportunity for honor. 
… 
If we had a third of that energy today, we would not have many problems $$$***

I wish I could show you my new invisibility cloak but that would defeat the purpose he he $$

 the human body is about 70% water and about 30% microplastics at this point $$$

You can make it through just about any of life storms with cannabis $$$

…
The alcoholic nervous Nancy’s would love to differ though $$

Imagine being incarnated in the most Devine vehicle in literally all of time and just being like “I don’t care” $$$

You wouldn’t go to the gas station every evening and overfill your tank to the point to where it spills over to your interior,
And yet most are doing much worse than this with fueling their own body $$$

(lol read it all before you flip you lid)

If you don’t even TRY to exercise, then you are kind of being a bad person.
…
Keyword is try
…
And “bad“ is just referring to you not being as good as you could be. Which effects the whole team
…
I didn’t say evil, to be clear 
…
Fear is bad,
Laziness is bad,
Insecurity is bad,
Excuses are bad,
So what possible argument could counter? 
…
If time is the excuse, then I would challenge that rationale and just simply say that knowledge and/or creativity is the real issue.
…
Which is very understandable, especially in the beginning. 
…
Especially with eggheads making everything harder than it needs to be just so you’re impressed by them…  
…
..
.
But the science is clear that you only need between 3 to 30 minutes a day, in as little as three times per week. 
…
When more time is spent eating & scrolling than even investigating how energy could be spent,
 Then the issue is more philosophical and less physical. $$$

But the physical consequences are no joke
…
If I could wave a magic wand and gift anyone the feeling of being fit for five minutes, 
I guarantee you that nobody would never accept their current state of suffering again. $$$

So in many ways, you cannot be faulted for not knowing what you don’t know.
But you are definitely going to be judged for not even trying to find out $$***

I haven’t been this hangry in a while, bro.
But I’m not even hungry,
I just want to kill everybody for the slightest inconveniences $

I’m not even kidding though
 if I didn’t know any better, this shit would be very concerning.
…
I understand most people walk around like this is as a normal resting baseline.
…
But I cannot possibly imagine that because this is so miserable.
My own bitchassness is just unreal right now.
…
I wanted to rip somebody’s head off, 
just for taking too long to check me out at the store.. $

(Economically, not sexually lol)

Every tiny thing feels like a personal insult in this state of consciousness $$

But in other news, I was able to snag a decent dash $

I’m gonna fucking kill voice to text $$

Kidding aside though if I’ve ever killed anyone in the past life, 
I’m certain it was in this state of mind because that would be the easiest thing to do right now… $

Bro, I do not understand why I am so angry right now.
…
I mean, I literally do.
I’m just being dramatic because of how dramatic this feels for no fucking reason.
…
Everything is pretty good and I can’t really complain.
And I actually feel fine from a fueling perspective.
…
I just want to inflict pain lol $

I have a theory that sometimes when people read this shit, I almost get kind of like a “sense”
Usually, it’s positive I can almost tell if somebody’s laughing.
But sometimes I get waves of bitch assness that make me nearly sick.
…
So if I can pick up on the positive, then I am suspicious every now and then when my guard is lowered, I can be susceptible to the negative $$

Obesity is not an accident.
It is also not healthy at all $$$

And pretending to justify it even just a little bit is evil $$$

And just because that bothers some people’s feelings, that doesn’t mean they don’t need to lose some weight $$$

I Kind of feel like that last bit is a response to whatever ethereal fuck shit vibes are being sent my way lol $*

Just saying I’d rather be on the team with the fit people than the fat people.. $$

And honestly, I can just picture a self-righteous lard, just hating on every single syllable that I write $

(Which is impressive they can even read this much while hating so hard) 😘 

Truth be told, there’s probably a lot of of them.
And it’s probably something I’m still subconsciously afraid of which is why all of this shit took so long to get done ✔️ $$

But at least I’m willing to admit when I’m scared or fearful. $

…
I’m also not afraid of looking foolish.
And I guarantee you that being able to say that is more powerful than anything else 
…
And is only realized in one way,
And that’s the 10,000 reps it takes to be able to get over one’s own bullshit $$*

Pretty hard to get over yourself when you won’t even look in the mirror.. 🪞 $$$

9:48 PM and I just had the second bowl of the day
Gain bowl 😉 $

I am very happy with how little hunger I had all day with a little electrolytes.
I’m honestly kind of suspicious now,
Cause I trained pretty hard earlier and I didn’t really need anything extra throughout the day.
I didn’t even have extra caffeine,
And I didn’t have to take that many salt shots.
To be fair, I didn’t have to do as much creative work so that would explain why cognitively I didn’t spin myself out every two hours.
…
But it’s pretty crazy how certain intellectual tasks will literally use more sodium than some training will
…
Mostly because your brain is a big battery obviously.
But I think that your pathway’s function as in intellectual muscles.
So even though they are not visible, they still consume a shit load of energy based on the task requirement $$

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

6-5-26

65

Good morning world $

It is 1:47 AM
A perfect time to start this new Michael Jackson documentary on Netflix $

What do you think about him?
Is he the king of Pop?
Or just another creep? $

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve always leaned towards the latter.
But I still wouldn’t turn off his songs when they started playing… $

But now there is a good case to be made that he was innocent and it really was just to set up,
At least I think that’s what this documentary is all about $

Any man who wants to hang out with kids though is sus.
You rarely hear about women doing dirty shit $$$***

You know what,
This motherfucker just looks creepy as shit.
And I know it sounds elementary, but honestly these days I’m going with my gut.
…
You don’t end up going through that kind of radical transformation on “accident”.
It only happens at the end of a long series of strange fucked up events $

I’m terribly sorry, but I get a gut wrenching feeling when I look at Michael Jackson $

OK, maybe I’m not sorry
I don’t care what the motives are, sleeping in the same bed as a kid is as fucked as it seems. $$$

I mean, if the claim is that he was set up then someone still has to explain to me his decision-making with literally every other area..
There is just too much shit that is suspect $

You don’t give a kid the nickname “blow hole” innocently.
If MJ thought he was being innocent, then I guarantee you there was some fucking demon whispering on his shoulder $

…
Like that shit’s not cute
…
I am a big proponent of being able to say anything and free speech and all that, but that requires judgment and there are just some things that are just not funny $

I’m not gonna ruin the documentary cause I’m probably not gonna be able to watch that much anyway.
Maybe they wrap it up defending him but so far they’re trying to be balanced and it doesn’t look good for MJ lol $

*Lighter flick
It is 3:26 AM & time to polish off a cigarette.
…
Still unusually chilly, but I’m not really complaining.
Just had a glorious gain bowl.
I feel fantastic overall,
And I have to contribute it to improved physical fitness and mental workload decreasing a little $

When in doubt, make decisions based on if you were looking back, 
not about anyone else.
…
Nobody else will know the specifics quite like you.
(Except any actual supporting angels and entities, and all of that)
…
Anyone that actually matters will have the info and the specifics to understand $$$

It is ironic that those who talk the most shit take magic the most serious…
Cough cough Comedians cough cough $$

And I don’t mean that as talking shit, I mean that as an illustration of balance.
Because behavior matters most,
But what you say must be intentional as well $

Love watching the Blue Jays and Cardinals play $

Walking by the house of the first girl I kissed..
Or who rather kissed me 😏 $

Walking by an old friends house that we used to trap plants & pills out of $

Walking by the street corner where I learned to skate $

Walking past many new strangers & neighbors who are also out walking 🚶 $

Walking past the suburban side boats $

Walking past the godmothers house who hasn’t spoken to me in 17 years lol $

Walking past another old friends house 🏠 $

Walking past the two family friend houses I once sold $

It always makes me laugh whenever atheists act the most religious $$*

Imagine being an atheist ghost..
And you have to spend eternity mad at your own non-existence $$$***

Kidding aside,
 I’m not quite sure there are any non-human atheist entities.
So anything ethereal is probably pretty malicious $$

Every moment of awareness has a frame and a focal point $$

God is love for loves’ sake $$$

God is infinite possibilities, but only those of protection $$$

God made man, 
but then man made more men.. $$

I believe this is a simulation for accelerated emotional development $$***

Just as viruses attack you and waste their energy just so you can defeat them, ethereal bitchassness works the same way $$$***

You don’t always need to know what cards the other person has to know what is the right next move $$$

Sometimes you can tell what the other person is holding without even knowing their cards $$

Best rule of all time-
“Don’t do anything that you’re not comfortable with the entire world seeing”
…
But if you’re doing some private shit privately, then it’s on the peeper for being a perv $$$*

I know hell is real because I watch it break loose every Friday night at the local Empire Pizza 🍕 $$**

I’ve had many jobs before where it seemed like I could do whatever I wanted when I wanted, 
but they really just came with a longer, invisible leash $$

If you are fat, and you were still wearing a choker for aesthetic, then I know you’re probably pretty serious subconsciously $$*

Even if it is true, it is not helpful to view Everybody as wasteful sacks of air… $$$

What they don’t want you to know is that ~
the truth is actually pretty fucked up , almost always.
But it is very simple $$

If we are here to eventually learn everything,
That means everybody must learn how to be a dick and how to clean up a mess $$

Tis 8:48pm and time to buy more eggs and cat food lol $$

If you’re gonna think shitty thoughts, at least end on a good one $$

You know you’re doing the right thing when you’re OK with shit not even working out,.
Because you’re doing the right thing… Lol $$

You shouldn’t be able to call yourself a philosopher if you don’t understand basic shapes.
I mean, that’s literally square one $$$***

Nine out of 10 times you will get better results telling somebody what they can’t do versus what they can do. $$$

(if you want somebody to do something, just say that they should do the opposite, and they will flip that just to spite you
Like reverse psychology)

It is 10:04 PM and I just couldn’t wait to make this note.
I don’t expect anyone to believe me…
I’m not sure how it happened again
…
It’s so crazy
…
..
.
I just had the best eggs ever $

But in sad more unfortunate news, I am out of cigarettes and current cash until tomorrow $

The best part about being a philosopher is that whenever shit goes south, you can just say it’s an “experiment”
Or you are “testing out a theory” $$*

So I guess we’re gonna find out my current level of dependence on nicotine.
I am craving a little bit, I’m not gonna lie.
…
So I’m actually out on the stoop, pretending, just to take the ritualistic craving off the table $

I don’t know if I noted, but I only had one cigarette all day yesterday.
And I had two the day prior to that.
And three the day before that.
My point is is I have been tapering down anyway,
And it’s funny how I crave it more because I know I can’t have it then if I had them on standby 
cause then I probably wouldn’t even think about it $

That’s the bizarre mental twist for you $

I’m a little squirmy, but yesterday I didn’t have any real withdrawals or cravings from nicotine.
So I know this is like reverse placebo, and should pass soon 🔜 $

I have received some positive news and some super cool signs that are giving me some comfort on the financial side $

(LOL SPOILER- MORE TROLLING )

I do want to make a note that I found three red feathers on my last walk of the night
…
I don’t remember the specifics, but I was starting to get in my head and right before then.
…
Actually, that’s an important note,
My head has been kind of fucked all day today.
Basically, the opposite of yesterday.
I ran out of electrolytes pretty early, but I didn’t think that would be a big deal.
I was getting pretty angry at my body because it didn’t seem to take any of the salt shots earlier.
I even tried taking it with rice.
It was almost like my body was hung over from yesterday,
But that’s kind of strange because yesterday I felt so good. 
I just went so hard and so long without food.
…
My theory is that it really put my body into a pretty aggressive burn mode.
Which was good and what I wanted,
But I miscalculated my fueling, and I did not eat as mentioned.
And come the morning time, I was in a pretty aggressive deficit, but I was not hungry
…
That is a somewhat bizarre state.
During times of stress, metabolically I can metabolize fast enough to where I don’t have any hunger.
I may not feel the best though or be the most pleasant to be around emotionally speaking..
In fact, when I am the most hangry, I am the most energized but not in a good way
More like in a Weaponized way lol $

And with an electrolytes, you gotta be careful with the water ratio.
If you go too long without any type of carb and you’re too deep into a burn mode, 
you may just keep diluting yourself, even if you have fair amount of sodium $$*

So you really need a trigger or some kind of signal to convince your body to reuptake.
This is why most electrolytes have a gram or to of sugar in it $$

But if you’re so deep in ketosis, your body might just say “fuck that shit” anyway and just keep cannibalizing itself $$***

…
Which just does not feel that great cognitively 
…
However, if you do have the right hydration balance, and you’re in a keto focused fasting metabolic state, you’ll likely feel far better and more clear cognitively $$

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

6-6-26

66

Happy D-Day $

I don’t think it’s any coincidence the day before my birthday would be the anniversary of the greatest invasion of all time $$

Don’t mind me as I catch up on my propaganda $

*starts WWII doc
**Lighter flick

I seriously wonder how many dudes are walking around right now whose last incarnation was on the front lines somewhere $$

Something nobody’s really talking about is how many people are still fucking dying in Ukraine $$$$$$$$$$$$$

Don’t even get me started on why the war is even going on to begin with,
But it is really just a giant sacrifice to whatever evil entities are “enforcing” shit $

The older I get the more I realize that it’s very likely it is just people with resentments who have proof of reincarnation who are perpetuating all this shit $$

…
And I assert the fact that some people want nothing more than to watch their enemies suffer as evidence.
…
Even the most righteous seeming people rejoice whenever they witness pain being inflicted on who they think deserves it $$

And the ego is fully willing to hold onto things to death and beyond if it’s possible $$

…
And it is definitely possible lol $

Trauma is a family disease.
It is a vicious cycle that only snowballs over time unless it runs into a fucking tree or something $$$

…
Sometimes that tree is somebody else’s family lineage lol $$*

How many people are actively trapped in some kind of relationship or situationship with somebody who is a philosophical narcissist? $$$

If you were super wealthy and you had evidence that one family had been fucking with your family for centuries, if not longer, you would probably be more concerned with playing 4D chess than checkers $$

Another thing I keep thinking about-
As horrible as war is, it is still allowed to continue to some degree.
And if super advanced technology is available somehow somewhere someway by some thing, 
Then it is either a super dick move for allowing all this to continue,
Or,
Super wise and this “thing” understands that a couple lifetimes of spiritual isometrics is all it takes to get all of this shit out of our system for good.
Then you can go explore the rest of the solar system $$*

Additionally,
If you’re going to truly test someone’s character, then you’re really gonna need a truly dynamic scale of challenges.
Otherwise, meaning wouldn’t be very meaningful $$

Peace is not impressive unless there is opportunity for an destruction $$**

Being Peaceful and harmless are not the same thing $$$

…
One is good, one is never good $$

“Strength is never a weakness and weakness is never a strength”
-Mark Bell
Check out the power project podcast if you haven’t yet Lol $$$

Yeah, I was just thinking that even if we had a bunch of gravity warping technology,
I think that would get pretty boring pretty quickly and we would want to come up with something a little more crazy… $$

(If you never been bored from your own privileged existence then you wouldn’t understand)

I mean, it’s pretty obvious
We already create video games with additional limitations for entertainment purposes.
We will literally role-play as a suffering 
 settler or some shit… for fun $$

Football is just supposed to be PG war $$

And the competition element is the backbone to life itself $$

AnyWho
Those are just my thoughts at 2:58 AM while watching another World War II movie lol
“The forgotten battle” $

Bro, I swear to God, I can remember this shit
…
Mostly, it’s the feeling of staring at an army of idiots and realizing that it’s time to go fuck them up in the name of freedom $$

…
The Nazis really did have the slickest uniforms though.
Once again, proving that style can get you a long way for a while.
…
But if you are not morally sound, eventually, you’re gonna have the freedom boys showing up on your shores with the straps $$*

I really do believe theoretically our government is about as perfect as it gets.
…
It’s just those running it are completely corrupted, most likely by foreign governments, but by their own secretive natures as well of course $

The current state of affairs makes a lot more sense if you envision it as if some other government is actively trying to compromise us from within $$$

And if things can be this good despite this many asshats trying to fuck it up, then that just gives me more confidence $$$***

Seriously as a nation, we have a lot of fat to be trimmed.
But that doesn’t mean we’re not strong as shit underneath it $$$

And i cannot condone it these days, but up until recent, being fat was a flex.
…
Not a good one per se, but if we’re going to be fair and frame things according to the challenges at the time,
Simply having enough food as a big deal $

Not being trapped in a factory was also a pretty big win $$

And farming was equal parts fun and fucked up
…
before Monsanto got involved and destroyed the balance $$

The one thing about the pendulum,
The wider!the swing, the more fun the ride
That’s for sure $$

It’s just that half the people sitting next to you on this coaster are probably gonna bitch and moan that they can’t get out of the consequences of their own decisions $$**

I say no point in being able to control gravity if you are still being controlled by your genitals $$$***********

And I am obviously ripping that off of the ancients because they clearly knew this shit a long time ago $$

It is 3:06 AM now and I think that means it’s time for a gain bowl $

Eventually, people will realize that working in an office is the most dangerous thing that you can do.
It’s probably gonna take a little while longer & Most are gonna wait until the Ozempic stops working out… $$

I wish I had a cigarette to go with my health food..
But the cravings are a mild at a three out of 10 or so $

*Lighter flick $

That’s not gonna stop ol reliable though hehe $

AnyWho, 
another day, another glorious midnight movie session with a malfunctioning TV $

I swear I have the one TV that would somehow fuck up “turning off” $

I think it is safe to say that the joke is on all of those who tortured Jesus at this point 
…
Imagine being an evil Roman one day and beating up on some shirtless dude.
…
And he’s like “bro it’s cool. I get it, but you’re gonna really regret this one day”
…
And you’re like, “yeah OK sure”
…
And then the dude goes on to become the most famous person of all time… $$$

Honestly, 
if we just made it mandatory that basically you end up serving in government in your last two years of high school, 
then I think that could of pretty much all of our problems.
…
Cause I bet you highschoolers would run the world better than our current currier politicians $$$

Inexperience is better than corruption… $$$

(Politicians already act like pervs anyway, high schoolers are just the innocent ones)

It is 9:17 AM
I am at the park, taking a shot of squirt,
Get ready to “run“ $

Wisdom is knowing on Saturday mornings, the portajohn at the park is cleaner than the bathroom.
…
But not by Saturday afternoon lol $$$

It is 12:31 PM and we are leaving the lion.
Another Hall of Fame Haul-
24 eggs
Two cans of cat food
Pack of cat treats
Pack of smokes $

Doing nothing is not a punishment.
But feels like one 
that is for sure $$

Happy 6:46 PM from the floor.
Got a good bit of work done but now it’s time to take a break.
Which is the hardest part…
And I don’t really have anything else to do…….
Which is a weird problem to have,
one that I seem to not be able to escape from in this lifetime lol $

Just about everything hurts,
It’s just that some things are worth it $$$

Just wait till people realize mirrors are just portal tech $$***

It is 7:50 PM and I will not lie,
I am feeling pretty low overall.
Hard to explain.
Part of it is just simply being bored on my birthday eve.
And I am legitimately exhausted, mentally, and emotionally with no strong alternative entertainment outlets at the current moment.
…
So honestly, it’s really not that bad,
But it is a recipe for a snowball if I wasn’t cautious $

But I got enough candy and eggs and assurances for at least the current moment to where I should be able to sleep lol $

I’ve also never been wanting to make a big “to do” with my birthday.
There was one time in which a girl I was talking to forgot all about it, and I was all butt hurt 😂 
…
And that was pretty funny at the time, roasting myself.
But I’ve always just liked small, casual shit.
…
I don’t really care much about receiving gifts,
Unless it was from the parents because it was the only time I could really score anything outside of Christmas $

(And could tell they didn’t hate me deep down 😂)

But last year, my birthday was one of the hardest and one of the worst days of my life.
…
But the one before that was arguably the best birthday in my life so.. $

As crazy as it sounds,
I think the world would be a healthier place if some people just had some cigarettes for dinner every now and then $$$*

More good news-
I have launched a counter attack against the framing that was trying to make me feel sad and shit $

Because I don’t have any cash to get some carbs, I am breaking out the emergency backpacking food.
…
And I am basically back to suburban camping, This time with a few more amenities and comforts compared to last summer $

Suburban camping is when you put a tent in the backyard,
Or build a fort in the living room,
…
And basically pretend you’re anywhere else but where you are lol
…
And you make the best of it 🎉 $$

…
Bonus points if the power is out lol $

So I am making some “creamy potato soup”
…
For Christmas 2024 my dad gave me a bunch of emergency ration food.
Which is literally the most processed food on the planet.
It does not get any more processed than this, which is designed to last 20 years on the shelf.
And of course, last summer, I literally had nothing else to eat lol
This is when I was down to 135… $

The kicker is the food isn’t that bad.
Carries about the same ingredients as the other processed potatoes and it certainly is about the same as what you’re gonna get from any dehydrated trail food $

So I’m just working on the recipe and cooking technique
Cause these bags are enough to feed a whole family
I’m also testing it out for digestion sake.. $

I recall last year overall it going well.
And I also did eat all the good shit that came in these big boxes already…
Like some banana chips and mac & cheese $

Technically, there’s enough rice in these bags to last me an entire year.
It’s just got all kinds of other seasoning and shit on it $

Over the winter, I talked a lot of shit about keeping the house cold to get some extra energy points by warming yourself up
…
And after a year with no furnace and the coldest winter on record, I can adjust to its effectiveness for healing $

However
Not so fun flipside is limiting the AC in the summer.
Not really for metabolic sake, but for comfort sake.
…
You don’t want to be afraid of sweating
I would argue, ever $

And if you spend too long without sweating, then you’re going to subconsciously stress and avoid the things which might bring it about.
Which are almost always movement and fun related
Or work related, of course $$$

So by accepting some extra heat,
Wearing some extra shorts,
allowing a little extra sweat,
You’re gonna reduce your overall stress level,
And you’ll just have more fun $$$

I still say shower in the cold during the summer, but I’ll admit it’s not really that challenging $$

I do wanna get one of those super cold water chillers for the summer and have an official cold plunge at the crib $

Once I get enough resources, I am converting this house into the ultimate training house in all of suburbia $$$

I wanted to do it this year, but I had to spend so much time just dealing with putting my literal mind back together, 
and family shit…. and writing the games… $

Kidding aside
And while I did not start out intentionally, by September I had committed to going the rest of the year by myself.
.,.
While still trying to be in the world as much as I could 
Simply to not become a complete lunatic, of course $

But after so many years of being in so many strange positions with so many strange friend circles,
And after the year of absolute biological devastation trauma wise,
I had to do with the one thing I had tried to avoid my entire adult life-
Which would be alone at home for real for real $*

I could argue that I started the cliché lonely chapter back in 2020
(Along with the entire world apparently )
And I could argue that I got thrown into the desert last year but to a whole different degree $

…
But there was never going to be another time in my adult life to where I could truly focus on myself and only myself.
And go down as deep as I possibly could into my psyche with nobody or nothing else to blame it on $$

There are no dollars to account for this type of degree $$$

you can’t buy it,
Thank God,
Because if you could, I would’ve tried if I wasn’t so broke lol $

But for most of my adult life while I’ve never been super wealthy, I certainly haven’t been broke or destitute.
…
So I also need to experience the flipside of not being able just to swipe my card without thinking every time I went anywhere… $

…
I knew all of those times mindlessly pulling out the card, that I was gonna have to go to the other side and master every single penny eventually $$

So I figured I might as well get that under wraps too $

And cannot emphasize enough that I would not have eaten all of these eggs and written all of these words and lifted all of these weights if there was any other option 😂 $

Is 11:53 PM
The final moments of my 31st year in this current meat suit.
And I gotta say it was a doozy, that is for sure.
…
I am almost sad to see it end.
…
But I am desperately in need of a change of fortune lol because I really am about to be homeless 😂 

Then again,
If home is where you don’t have to hide,
Then I have both -
technically never had a home,
 and yet ive felt at home $$

AnyWho, 
I am currently starting a smoke,
Enjoying the Crisp air as i prepare to turn the Page once more. $

…
I guess, some of my final thoughts..
….
Voice to text is a hoe quite often
…
You must forgive your family for their trauma monsters because there is a good chance you were involved in their conception
…
Magic is real and is even more strange than it seems
…
My glutes are surprisingly sore $$$

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

6-7-26

67

Holy shit
Didn’t think I’d make it this far $$

Happy birthday to me $

You gotta be kind to the boomers,
They didn’t grow up with the Internet,
…
They only had the world’s greatest housing market, 
climate, 
economic growth, 
land inheritance, 
and initial nutrition cleanliness instead $$*

I mean, what group of people could you give all of that too and they just literally poison everything…
…
Or start sacrificing it to Satan… $$$

…
The hard part though is that if reincarnation leapfrog is real,
Which is 100% is,
That means that our parents are really our kids,
So we really fucked up somehow probably after the turn of the 19th century $$$*

Probably something to do with the “roaring 20s“… $$

Say what you will about war, 
but there are few things that develop ones character faster than being forced to go fight some fuckhead on the front line for freedom $$*

It seems like most of the wars back then, any idiot could participate and be a hero,
As long as they could kneel and shoulder a firearm.
…
But these days very few can be accepted into the elite special forces,
And I’m not talking about the military $$

How many infantry men can withstand the temptation from Tinder? $$$

Or can avoid being swallowed by the bitter morass of self pity that comes with PTSD? $$$

How many have the clarity to continue to create while combating the true enemy of hate? $$$

Even though most return home, they are still captured by the enemy of anger and resentment $$$

…
And probably a foreign government or two if they’re worth anything… $$

If the whole point of video games is to pretend to do something just to see how it feels, 
Then I am quite confident that is some kind of secret CIA reincarnation propaganda to try to pin down who you might’ve been in the past life $$***

You know what I’ve got a new theory,
It’s actually an old theory,
It’s actually one I’ve been testing for 13 years just about,
It relates to caffeine in first thing in the morning
…
The science says that you should wait 90 minutes for cortisol!balance, and adenosine and all that bullshit,
But I’m leaning more and more on doing the opposite
…
Because that’s what I’ve done essentially my entire adult life with pre-workout.
I think by taking a double dose next to first thing, 
and then immediately getting to training, that some of the edge is initially biologically taken off while you have a surplus to kind of get going with
…
Naturally, this makes the “milligram per milligram” less efficient, but I don’t think that matters as much when the net effect is greater.
(Not like we have a caffeine shortage knock on wood)
…
And because you’re taking it first thing you’re gonna be able to power through any natural crash in a few hours much smoother 
…
And also, I assert the experience of just about every coffee drinker ever as evidence $$

If we are here to learn forgiveness, then how fast you can let shit go is the speed that matters most $$$*

Creating future problems is the same as creating new learning opportunities…
It just doesn’t seem like it at first $$

Imagine trying to build a ship in a bottle..
While on a ship in a storm..
…
In the middle of a revolution lol $$

I swear to God, it is always either cloudy or overcast on my birthday lol
Extra grey $

It is really hard to go the extra mile if you don’t have to $$*

The super fucked up shit today is just a really good long-term learning opportunity $$

the idiots who are perpetuating evil actually think they’re getting away with it just because they don’t have the patience to wait for their consequences $$$

The hardest kind of box squat is simply getting out of the car and going in somewhere that you really don’t want to for the “greater good“ $$

It is 11:03 AM
Currently hanging out at the king waiting on a miracle dash or two.
Had a decent one already, but I need a little more if I want some candy and some food and some fuel.
I’m honestly kind of surprised I feel this good cognitively on only two shots of squirt and salt $

If the shots stuck, then that makes sense.
Not so much as to why my body picks and chooses when to uptake it though.
More on that tangent another time $

Struggling to complete a challenge is still better than sitting on your ass and spectating $$$*

Life is just a friendly competition contest $$

Children rarely think they’re doing wrong when they’re fucking everything up.
They usually think they’re doing something right, But you still need to manage and discipline accordingly $$

Talking about what you want is one of the biggest wastes of energy.
9 out of 10 times it’s almost obvious anyway and doesn’t need stating and just makes you sound like a whiny bitch $$$

lol remembering the time i got wrist locked by a 15yr old softball pitcher 
Happy 2:28pm $

I really should not be feeling this good for somebody who hasn’t eaten in almost 24 hours.
Here’s the shocker,
No electrolytes either.
And I feel phenomenal
Not as electric, but still quite fantastic $

The middle of summer is still the best time to burn fat.
Metabolically speaking, though you’re actually burning it at the lowest rate compared to winter time.
…
It’s just that you don’t need the fat because you have the natural heat so your body is able to basically let go of it.
And then any additional activity just aids in the process $$

Knock on wood times three
But I think the ancients just gave me the a birthday present… $

(lol kinda sorta, more like a birthday lesson but 🤷🏻‍♂️)

I know all of the angels and ancients and aliens are watching $$

Oh yeah, here’s something else thats pretty funny,
My mom renewed my AAA membership for my birthday present lol $

I MEAN COME ON LOL $

I can’t wait to find out how many people found my notes and thought I was talking about roadside assistance hahah $

But to be fair, I guess in many ways I am lol $

107272 on the dash at 3:21 pm on 6-7 $

If you say the world is fucked up on one hand,
 and then quit when it tries to stop you from doing anything to help,
 then you’re just proving yourself right.
…
Which most people are addicted to $$$

If I get rich eating eggs and smoking weed, then I think that’ll be a good example for the next generation $$$

Heaven can be found anywhere,
But only humble philosophers know what to look for $$*

God rarely does the work for anyone,
But he quite often removes the bullshit in the way of an honest attempt $$***

Doin the wait of shame at 5:28pm..
Which is waiting for the gas station pre authorization to return your money so you can buy dinner lol $

It is 5:59 PM
I have returned home after another miracle run
I was able to hustle up just enough cash on the day to refill the candy and fuel.
I am so grateful I could pop lol $

I don’t know if I noted,
But the last couple days I was actually smoking a split up pre-roll.
They’re not as strong or as the full-blown, but they are half price and it definitely gets the job done.
Additionally, and ironically,
A single 40 mg tablet is cheaper than the three count of 10 mg that I usually get.
Only by a couple dollars, but it still matters cause that’s like a box of electrolytes.
Although I would argue that it’s actually probably a little underdosed and that the three count is more reliable $

It is 8:10 PM
Time for a stogie
Just had an magnificent gain bowl
I went back with the Aldi black beans
Those bitches are noticeably better quality bean $

I had six eggs around 4 PM but other than that I was pretty much raw dogging it all day.
Had the creatine water, but no real electrolytes until the very end.
And I am thinking I need to give creatine more credit $

I’m also proud that I didn’t even have any afternoon caffeine
And I didn’t even realize it $

I mean, truly I’m actually pretty surprised with how smooth today was with how little
I’m hoping I can go to sleep a little earlier because of the lack of caffeine
…
It is weird and that time of year where it’s bright as fuck until late.
Sometimes too late, and I have to go to sleep while the sun still up lol $

When I was full-time in the commercial gym that shit kind of sucked.
Going to sleep at 7:30 on a Saturday in July is a different kind of challenge lol $

Sometimes I would just be so physically exhausted by then that I would just have to go to sleep to have some fun at the midnight movies
…
But during that time, I would usually end up sleeping straight through cause I was training so hard. $

It is 11:23 PM
I’m not complaining, but I’m surprised it’s still today
So only one thing left to do he he.. $

*Lighter flick $

Let’s see how many hits it takes to put me back to sleep $

It is an amazing game,
You just can’t be playing at all the time without getting yourself sent back to rehab lol $$

But on your birthday?
…
After a record setting self-development year..
…
*Lighter flick $

…
I won’t lie though
The bitchassness did launch a sneak attack earlier…
“ all alone on your birthday”
“ family doesn’t care”
Blah blah blah
All bullshit
But sometimes it’s smells tastey $

*Lighter flick $

This strain is called banana something.
It is some of the most fluffy Kush I have seen in a while.
The rest has been super dense dyno nugs
…
Lol this is getting pretty hard and it’s only 1148
But I am no quitter
…
*Lighter flick 
…
If I have the biggest ego of all time,
But If I properly train it and subdue it it and can teach others how to do it as well,
…
Then that would also make me the greatest ego manager of all time $$

…
I know “the Jesus” is supposed to come back soon and all that,
I just think that with the right technique and with the tools at our disposal, 
we can get shit cleaned up before he even gets here $$$

…
How gangster would that be to have turned everything around before his flight lands?
…
Like those crazy kids cleaning up after a party before their parents get home $$

…
And then when he gets back, he’s extra impressed so he goes back to heaven for a while, and we can throw another Rager $$

…
Just kidding…
…
Jesus would obviously be the one throwing the Rager.
The greatest one of all time
Where people from all parts & Providence can party together $$

…
I still think we could probably get shit together though $$$

But…
Based on the current state of God‘s “most prized creation”, 
I think he would admit that you’re gonna fuck a lot of things up in the developmental process & its still all love lol ❤️