Happy 1:02 AM world $

We are at the movies
Trying to shut out the world $

I was feeling real confident before I fell asleep about my bodys heating ability, and all of that $

And then I woke up to a 40° house
And now I am very humble once again $

I’m not kidding when I say it must be wearing at least five layers plus a Snuggie $

Is it bad that if the fugitive isn’t wearing a prison jumpsuit that I am less interested in their story
Because if they’re wearing a jumpsuit throughout the whole show, then I know their story is good cause their crime is so bad that they’re still incarcerated $

If you ever see someone burning regular ass clothes or household goods, then I would be very suspicious $$$*

Then again, there are always some kind of strange backyard bonfires going on in the suburbs whenever the sun goes down $$

Sitting around the campfire shooting the shit is a past time as old as time itself $$

I’m probably not gonna be awake for very long
Which is bittersweet because part of me just wants to continue to mentally escape $

I’m excited but stressed lol shocker $

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
no way it’s.. its…
super cool Mann! $

Every time I play with my cat using the laser toy, I can’t help but find myself in deep contemplation about the nature of UAPs
Maybe you can put two and two together, dear reader $$

Or… $

Deer reader? 🦌 $

Is it you again? 
You slick little shit $

You thought I wouldn’t find out💩 $

I was in eighth grade the first time I saw the “sugar We’re going down “ Fall Out Boy music video
So I know a thing or two about antler people
*lighter flic $$*

Not to gaslight you, but 
If you don’t know what the fuck I just said, then that speaks to your cultural ignorance more than mine $$

They say one day you can wake up and everything can be different
Kind of low-key hoping they were right about that one at this point lol $$

But for real, if I could just do what I would like to do in secret without having to worry about bullshit money or my family tripping over dumb shit
I would be a very, very, very happy camper $

Because if I can be able to support my family, even if they decide to never take off their ass hats healthwise,
Than I am pretty happy with that instead of having to watch them die 
with the rest of my life knowing that I was powerless to do anything $

But it takes a special set of skills to be able to teach seniors how to get up and off the ground without doing more damage
And also even more skill to make them find the motivation to do it
And seniors are somehow usually more stubborn $

They’re also just not very technically adept
But they do have money $$

So making them the unfortunate target of most investors $$

Cause broke young people like me are too busy with the DIY approach to pay for help $

It is 2:24 AM and I am making oats
I cannot wait until I have more frozen blueberries 🫐 $

It is always nice when Alex’s playful
Well, maybe that’s an overstatement
*remote smashes $

Lol, right on queue $

I think if I had to go back and tell my former self, some shit
I would advise him to go easy on himself whenever he feels burnt out after spending hours around assholes
Because even two or three hours around energetically draining people is incredibly substantially difficult work if you’re actually trying from the heart
Instead of just developing some fake ass persona to deal with the profane.. $$$*

So it’s very important that you allow yourself time to recharge and recover to the best of your ability
At the very minimum to stop the energy drain $$

Because if you are truly happy and at peace and enjoying things if nobody is around
Then I would argue that you are not a bad person but most likely just traumatized as fuck $$*

I don’t care what anyone says. I love the measuring cup as one of my favorite bowls.
It’s got cool anchors and shit
And a handle
And obviously gives precise measurements on foodage 🍲 $$

Even the Spicket for pouring is the perfect spoon holder $$

What was once discovered by accident is now become a major technique in the art of living $$

Can’t wait to smoke more weed 
take more treats 
write more jokes 
and have more fun $

Whenever I split a 7-OH tablet 
I use 10mg first of all
Second, I cut it in half then I cut another half - in half
So 2- quarters and a half
So three servings total usually $

I bought a three pack for $10 earlier in the afternoon
And if they are properly dosed
I will usually do a the smallest piece an hour for the first two hours and then a half before some kind of break whether it be sleeping or training $

So I just took the second half of the second tablet
And it has not kicked in yet
As of 2:34 AM $

When they’re properly dosed, a half Will pretty much put me to sleep
And I rarely do more than 20 mg total in 24 hours $

But sometimes when they’re weak and a little unpredictable
I’ll just get the 10 count
And chop a bunch up into quarters and replace some of the plant leaf
Which is kind of like a tolerance hack $

Because even though my tolerance is pretty low
Whenever I swap a day or two, then I can keep it even more balanced and sensitive $

The one that I really can’t even begin to argue for is what sugar can do to your teeth
I can joke that sometimes candy can be the right calorie decision but if you’re not careful, especially if you’re drinking a lot of sugar,
You can really fuck up your mouth biome $$$

Oh yeah, did you know that pretty much everybody has oral herpes?
It’s so common it’s not it’s not even tested for unless you make the doctor
It’s said most people never even show symptoms
Or might have one or two flares their whole life $$

I don’t have much wisdom with herpes though thank God lol $$

But growing up, everybody thought cooties was just a joke.. $

Then you turn 18 and you realize it was a training construct
Just like everything else $$*

These are really good oats
My 13 scoops of oats to five scoops of sugar is usually about perfect h$

A chef will tell you the value of a good recipe
And also understand the trial and error it took to fine-tune it $$*

I’m sorry, but I think more and more that NDEs might be a psyop $

I’m not saying that people who die and come back don’t see some crazy shit. I actually believe that they do.
I’m saying that if you have consciousness controlled technology, it would be very easy to do a whole debrief skit $$$*

The good news bad news about this theory is that it reinforces the concept of angels and a celestial hierarchy of super wise, loving, and intelligent beings
And that the physical reality of a heaven, like utopia is obtainable and it’s the goal for all of our trouble $$$*

The bad news for Some is that it effectively is a cover-up for reincarnation and it’s not like you teleport but instead that you come back and you reincarnate to learn and grow and eventually build some super important shit that was worthy of holding onto $$$*

And then once we have evolved spiritually, as well as materially, we truly will be at one with nature $$$

Because you cannot claim to be in heaven, if you are still looking for it $$$*

I can’t wait for first lift $

One of the best things I’ve ever started doing is my hypertrophy workouts with a single cable pulley
By doing one arm at a time, I can get into a really good flow and take advantage of different angles and bracing opportunities
And explore new unconventional athletic movements
And avoid all the hassle from the crowds in the gym $$$*

Most traditional machines are really best used as little and as far apart as possible
Because of the supporting controlling nature of most machines, it does allow your muscles to really give it They’re all.
But that also means that your muscle is going to get pretty smart to the game pretty quick
And because the movement is pretty basic, that means the muscle is going to start taking shortcuts, energy and effort wise
But if you keep the frequency to like once every three weeks or so
Just right when your muscles beginning to forget it
Then it can be a fantastic hypertrophy stimulus signal, and you can gain a lot with little time spent on those machines $$*

And then for most of your training, you can spend enjoying the flow between zone two and four and maximizing your quality of life with functional movements $$*

As if you needed more incentive to focus on that type of training,
Where do you think sex falls into the mix aerobically and anaerobically? $$*

I mean when done, right of course $$

I figure if you’re reading my shit you’re not the type that prefers missionary..
if you know what I’m saying lol $$*

Everyone loves to pretend small technical details don’t matter the most until you get into the bedroom… 🛌 $$$*

or behind the wheel of a car $$$*

The one thing I don’t really like about the sedative Kratom experience
Is you get almost cross eyed
Kind of hard to explain if you’ve never felt it
It’s like a very low level nod out $$

If you’ve ever done high doses of opiates, then you recognize the “nod”
So this is kind of like that but nowhere near overwhelmingly euphoric per se
It’s more like “this would be a good opportunity to rest, your eyes” $$

But sometimes this will happen even on overall medium level doses
And the worst is if it happens when driving
It doesn’t last very long
I call it the “spill over”
And rarely does it result in any additional side effects other than maybe sleepiness
Or slight irritability $$

But that is the risk with the concentrates especially the 7-OH $

Also, the plant or even the extracts usually add to your bodies chemical Arsenal when taken 
instead of tricking your body into rewiring, repurposing, or regenerating major elements of its operating processes. $$

See like the last few times I got the 7-OH shots because they were on clearance at the candy store
They were 30 mg and five dollars
So I figured maybe I could split them up and do micro shots
And I did just that
I tried three different bottles
And I’m willing to bet that all three of the bottles might’ve been no more than 10 mg each
Less than a 3rd of their advertised strength.. $

Because this last 10 mg tablet is probably the first I’ve had in a while that seems like it might actually be 10 mg $

Because it’s kinda hard to keep my eyes open from the second half
And that hasn’t happened since the first couple times I used this product $

I think the brands are a big difference too because I’ve also tried this other brand and it just made me feel like shit $

But this buzz is delightful
And exactly the sweet spot that I try to hit whenever I wanna get a “treat”
Because the tablet has saved me about 10 g of plant leaf shots
(two extra strength, sludge shots really) $

And I personally believe that the extracts come with far less constipation related digestion, side effects
Again, you just have to be careful because of their habit forming potential $$

But I believe that the best drugs just need the best training protocol $$

Happy 3:07 AM I guess it is time to go back to bed and prepare to face the day
I just gotta remember that the first goal is to lift and as long as I remember that I likely won’t lose my shit during my morning existential crisis $

Good morning world it is 6:58 AM
I slept like another rock $

I don’t trust anybody or anything whose identity is around saving children
I’m not saying, either way whether or not the person or a thing is effective at saving kids,
I just know the second you attach your identity to something, Usually, you start perpetuating the problem more than the solution that you claim. $$

You can hold glycogen in your muscle cells for at least two or three days
provided that you haven’t given your body a reason to burn it all off by then $$*

So this means the pre-workout meal timing is a lot more flexible than originally believed
This is why I personally believe a big high carb meal before bed plus a fasted training session usually takes advantage of both worlds $$

Pre-workout is far more effective on an empty stomach
Same with most hydration supplements $$

And your body is able to work harder and burn more when you are not digesting something while active $$*

The south has the most bizarre accents
And most southern accents fall into a category rather than a specific inflection
Like if someone mentions a Boston or New York accent, then it’s very easy to place $$

But if you just say a southern accent
Then you really have all kinds of shit
You got redneck
Southern sunburn
Old crusty
Old yeller
The lost Yankee
The “south will rise again”
& overly Optimistic preacher $$

When the ancients were talking about serpents and speaking in tongues, they were just talking about sneaky people being symbolic
Not demon possession $$$*

You really never know what you’re gonna see in the church in the south $$*

Drug dealers have a reputation for being cool because most people secretly have gone to them to buy something $$*

It’s not that selling toxic shit is actually cool
It’s just that there are many substances that should be legal and should be accepted and actually do speak to the criminals running the legal system more than those running the streets $$*

So by defending some substances one’s position is elevated in a controversial way $$

Most drug dealers genuinely fly under the radar and are normal people
The skilled ones anyway $$

The biggest drug dealers are the ones paying for all the commercials and the “studies” that consist of the “peer reviewed science” 🧪 $$*

Most over-the-counter medication’s do their damage as it relates to the opportunity cost
Meaning, if you’re getting a flu and you decide to rely on DayQuil instead of nutrition, then don’t be surprised when you’re sick for longer $$$*

It’s not that the DayQuil itself is super poisonous
Although I would argue that that’s a case of the “dose makes the poison” $$*

Pretty big moment just now
I went to go do my forced check in on social media
Which is just kind of pinging between my accounts, forcing myself just to check for anything substantial
And I actually got back more energy just now via excitement
I posted five videos last night throughout my accounts and have around 5000 views between them $

Because the videos were all pretty short, I feel pretty confident that those are genuine views
I don’t know if the algorithm counts when somebody rewatches something tho
But even if those views are a third of people just re-watching a couple times that is still a very substantial energy impact $

Your world you can get easily fucked up if you rewatch short things that are not intended to be rewatched a bunch of times
Such as movie, trailer, trailers, or news clips $$$*

Most content is designed to be watched no more than three or five times
But whenever you go to create it, you’re gonna end up watching it. 15 to 20 yourself.
At least until you get pretty good experience to where you don’t have to rewatch it so many times
So you end up hyper fixating on the super small detail details
And end up overthinking everything $$$*

I’m human enough to admit that trauma clouds my judgment to a far greater extent than I genuinely appreciate
But that is just kind of part of being human and it is unrealistic to expect to be completely free of painful historical influences $$$*

Meaning most decisions are influenced by a kind of unconscious dread of “how could this possibly go wrong”
And if you are familiar with shit going wrong then you’re probably going to have to defend off against a lot of hypothetical scenarios
Unfortunately, most of them being hyper realistic $$

“I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist”
Says every pessimist ever $$$*

If there are 8 billion people in the world
Then it safe to assume half of them are so busy doing some strange shit that it’s really not even worthy of worrying about
And out of that remaining half, half of them will essentially handicap themselves with their own fear somehow
So we are down to a quarter of a billion people, or 2 billion people as the realistic reachable amount
These 2 billion people will likely be spread between six major geographic areas
Being countries and continents and all of that
So out of all of these one or two major countries or continents is likely to be a focal point
Rounding down to around 500 million
Of the 500 million it becomes easy to sub divide based on niche and consciousness type
A good niche is going to limit the audience down to one out of five at least
So now we are down to 100 million target viewers within the appropriate relatable cultural geographic area
Now is a good time to apply the 8020 rule
10% being unreachable no matter what
10% being unswayable no matter what (die hard fans)
And 80% being the controllable influential group
At this point, the cycle repeats itself
So we can take 80 million of our target audience group that we have impact over
Cut it in half to 40 million because half will simply not engage for various reasons mostly circumstantial
So of the remaining 40 million we will go ahead and cut it in half again using 20 million as the almost “learning curve group”
This is the group that doesn’t really engage much but conserve as a sounding board as you learn
Leaving a pretty substantial group of about 20 million that can be converted to a quality following
Simply having 20 million consistent views of anything worth a shit will catapult you to the top five of the influential Spotlight $

And ironically, once you make it to this mark
You could theoretically grow using the same strategy and approach if you wanted to
But then you’re playing more of an ego game $

It is 9:01 AM and I’m getting ready to do sun walk then hit the gym $

Happy Friday friends 
Remember to flex unexpectedly to scare an activist $$$*

If the stinky sweaty smell comes and goes, then it’s likely not you $$$*

Time to spend my last 13.81 on the Aldi Christmas card $

Some lessons you only need once and then you’re done
Thank God lol $$$*

I think one of the biggest problems we have is viewing fighting as an overall bad or negative thing
But if we viewed it as fighting for fun, then we would not only stay in shape, but find more meaning in the small things
And therefore, our entire perspective and paradigm on what we call “bad” would be eliminated
And soon we would have so many genuine problems of privilege that we wouldn’t really know what to do with ourselves $$*

Star Wars did a great job of introducing us to the concept of there being two ways to do shit.
One path of good and one path of evil $$*

So if you see somebody who is a shredded as a diamond, just know that they got there by either paying their dues 
or running up in enormous debt $$$*

Nowadays, many people focus more on bio hacking their way into beauty instead of just trusting the natural process
Which leads to what any natural artist would recognize as to be as deformities or mutations 
Whhich is only effective at fooling other mutants $$

Most are too concerned with finding a way to have the job completed for them instead of finding a way to appreciate the fun of hard work $$*

I am back from the store with a box of saltine crackers, a jar of strawberry preserves, 1 pound of ground beef and a caffeine squirt thing
It was $14 and the self checkout didn’t accept my gift card so looks like I still have that $13.81 on ice
I hope I don’t have to spend it cause that’s a pretty cool number if you think about it $

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a really talented motherfucker is not let them know how talented they are $$*

At least until they’re ready to devote their powers to good instead of self seeking shallow bullshit $$$*

While most people had their heads in books, I had my head in the streets.
Trying to get inside the heads of other street heads $$

I can’t believe for so long I didn’t realize I was just being trained in the ways of magic
When you remember that magic is just the art of speech craft perfected to the point of influencing others even accidentally $$

Because out the gate, I was in sales by day
(and breaking many records too might I add..) $

Then in recovery underground counseling networks at night $

You don’t know hell until you’ve gone to an alcoho-thon for fun $$$*

I bet you think I’m kidding too $

I’m beginning to be able to determine the value of my experience based off the reaction of those who I pitched to $$$*

So if I told you, 
how would you like to go do a decade with the craziest of the craziest people in complete secrecy at the expense of everything you have and love $*

But if you make it through it
And that’s a big if
You will essentially be emotionally impervious $*

Happy 12:23 PM
We have had a delightful lunch of tuna and crackers, and about four pieces of bacon from yesterday $

I’ve got a euphoric rush after eating
The kind that tells me that I did the right thing and ate at the right time $

Next round is probably gonna be some crack crackers or eggs $

I don’t know if I’m gonna make the ground beef tonight or tomorrow
Probably tomorrow $

I guess I’m gonna go ahead and do a little 10 minute walk
And then get back to social media stuff $

But my process is coming together, smoothly and better than I would’ve ever thought especially last year or the year before
Which takes a lot of pressure off myself because I constantly struggle with the debate as if I’m either right on schedule or taking too long and fucking off $

But whenever I open that debate, it becomes pretty clear that there’s no way I can control timing
There’s so many factors that play here that I have zero influence over, but yet I am impacted by
And that is the same for anyone else too that’s gonna happen to come across one of my videos $

But maybe I’m crazy enough to value even just six seconds if someone’s attention
And I know with that, I could probably get to the point where I can change peoples lives with it $

The best thing you can do for your day is to do something that makes you say “oh shit” $$*

Growth is the painful process of pruning all the distracting pathways one by one by one by one $$$

There’s only one method of changing behavior and redoing someone’s pathways
And it’s the long one $$

My whole life I just simply said fuck it. I’ll do whatever I think is the next right thing.
And I’ll trust whatever guidance I get from wherever I get it from
And that worked out well for a long time until naturally it became difficult to see clearly because of my own mounting mistakes
Not that I was doing anything all that bad
You could argue my mistakes to a minor relatively speaking
But I still could not see through my own emotional bullshit
Because the true big plan requires so many moving parts that often times, the immediate action asked of one does not make any effing sense
But if you feel inspired to do it or you feel heavy positive reinforcement,
Especially when you’re not like winning any cheap goods or shit like that,
Then trust that intuition above all else no matter what anyone else says $

The downside with the ego is that logically speaking it is often correct it just is so biased in it’s perspective that It can’t properly see the big picture $$*
 
It is 2:39 PM and I am wrapping up my meditation or Reset nap kind of thing. $

It is time for crack crackers $

This is pretty crazy. 
My mom just sent me an article about somebody that just got arrested for planning on doing a legitimate Jihad terrorist attack.
Get this
He got arrested at the Burger King that I was just doing DoorDashing at 
and the FBI report said he was planning on attacking people in that grocery store in center $

Kidding aside I’m very grateful shit did not unexpectedly go down $

But I got plenty of notes on Fuckery from that area…
That would drive somebody to want to do a fucking Jihad… $$*

More good news…
It is apparently warm enough outside for my furnace and now cut on… $

Just too bad it’s already warmed up inside and not need it lol $

It is 5:26 PM
We prepared a couple posts and we are doing some dashing now
Hopefully, we can do well quickly 
fingers crossed 🤞🏻 
But the goal is just to have some fun and not want to kill myself so we’ll see how it goes $

It’s always the orders you expect to be the fastest that slow you down the most $$$*

Well, that was not the most productive dash lol
We got like 35 bucks and dicked down at a Japanese place
I am so hungry that I’m gonna eat my second round of peanut butter crack crackers before the main course of eggs $$

And I just straight up, spent half my money on reactivating Netflix cause fuck it, dude if I’m gonna go down with the ship I might as well go down with making some good content $

just realized today is the 13 year anniversary when I started working at McDonald’s
Overnight $

It is 9:27 p.m. and we are now watching “evil influencer”
Documentary on some therapist gone crazy I think
While doing some social media shit $

We bailed on that documentary because it was so bad. It switched to the one about Alex hannold - the crazy free solo climber.
And we are making the eggs I’ve been looking forward to all day. $

It is 11:08 PM and it is time for first sleep
My furnace is working lol
We’ll see how long that last $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-2-26

Good morning world
It is 2:28 AM
Finishing up first sleep now getting ready to bullshit a bit $

Mad physically anxious
Like not the cute kind but the definitely physically stressed out kind $

I woke up with a little bit of heartburn, and sometimes that could be related $

That’s the price of eating a bunch of crackers before bed… $

We’re watching “baby reindeer” $

Which is max level cringe if you’ve never seen it
It’s about a very sick stalker who becomes obsessed with a skinny failing comedian $

So obviously, I can relate to it lol $

I am remembering the period of five years in which I was stalked by a very large and sick woman
Just ask anyone in the Charlotte AA scene *

It was so bad and so sick and so out in the open that there was literally nothing I could do about it, 
 it had become a running joke
Except for the when she would actually come by my house
Which was nearly daily
And leave me threatening & extremely concerning voice messages
Which was all the time $

I had blocked her so many times on so many different numbers and so many different social media accounts,
I personally got to the point to where I would just say fuck it, and hope that she didn’t snap and try to kill me
And that the angels were protecting me somehow $

But dude, it got bad
I had to contact my attorney to start a restraining order and everything $

God,
I need your help. 
It is 3:18 AM and I am still physically restless.
I think it is my body reacting to something I ate $

This is like when I violently can’t sit still
You should see my leg, flapping like a chicken wing $

Anyone who’s ever been truly sick knows that there’s almost this weird sense of enjoyment that arrives with the physical relief 
Like right when you turn the corner on whatever it is you’re fighting $$$*

Meaning, simply just the relief of no longer suffering can be enjoyable for a small period of time $$$*

And unfortunately, that is a good example of what most people have extrapolated in their day-to-day life
They have accepted suffering as their sacrifice for future fun $$

It’s just the amount of suffering most are willing to accept is highly disproportional to the amount of fun that they’re willing to accept as payment )$

I think more and more I have to get on stage
In some kind of stand-up capacity,
Im just not the type to develop one single act to repeat
I’d have to do something different every time
So in a weird way, it’s almost leaning more towards like being a preacher than a comedian $

If you enable somebody by leading them on then I hope you’re prepared to deal with the consequences $

And just like that, my restlessness is decreased dramatically
Maybe it’s the magic of the 3:33 AM
Or maybe it’s confirming my theory that I was having some indigestion and the mental side effects were worse than the physical $

Because now that I can tell what something is moving, I am feeling back to “normal“ $

Deep down, we all want to be loved
It’s just that some would do some crazy shit for it $$

I love when my furnace decides to randomly work
Always on its own terms $

It’s almost like the batch of Hydro I got from the smoke shop is more accurately dosed than the one I get from the candy store $

It’s the same brand and supplier and all that, but I’m guessing different shipments manufactured at different times $

Here’s a risky take
I think it is possible to confuse racism with lack of attraction
Meaning, you can be attracted to certain races and less so towards others for genuine and understandable reasons
Not because you are a biased piece of shit, but because attractiveness proceeds color
And I mean that in the best, most loving way $$

So you could have two different people of the same race and similar aesthetic skin tone, 
And find yourself attracted towards one over the other without fully understanding how or why $$

Same with how you can have two different people or completely different aesthetic tones and find yourself alternating due to other factors $$

I do think, based on the nature of reincarnation and spiritual based unconscious trauma,
Both positive and negative,
That sometimes it’s easier to recognize attractiveness in those similar to you because historically groups of a feather have fucked together $$

And also given the natural fact that people are afraid of things they don’t know or have not experienced $$

So while interracial relationships are quite the norm in the big picture, there’s a first time for everyone and there’s still a lot of ignorant, assholes lagging behind the acceptance race $$$

It is 4:39 AM and we are now switching to a documentary called “train wreck; mayor of mayhem” $

You know it’s gonna be good when the opening trailer is a press conference of a guy claiming “I am definitely not addicted to crack cocaine” and then going on about a video that he has no part of.. $

This should be pretty good for the like 15 minutes. I still have awake in me lol $

It should also be noted that I did my review and my anxiety and overall well-being are tremendously improved
So I know that that’s related to it all $

And I’m finishing up my treat now $

I never expected to be become this type of suburban superhero, who has to experiment with all substances and movements to give the good people the good truth $

But then again, that’s probably a complete crack of shit and I probably scripted this whole thing in a some kind of sphere that controls all of the dimensions in this reality $

In other notes
I have identified many ways in which I can improve my writing in a non-hacky way $

Both improving the content that actually makes it to a video and my process of not losing my shit due to all the fucked up ideas lol $

And if I get lucky, maybe it makes it a more entertaining Read $

Cause I never thought that going back and reading something that I wrote would not only be fun, but properly time-consuming as well $

I am proud to say that I am my favorite writer
And of course while I am as self-absorbed as the rest of them, I do believe that I’m at least more aware of that $

If there’s one thing I learned in sales it’s that a little bit of proactive disclosure goes a long way in convincing someone to trust you $$*

“ I do not use crack cocaine, nor am I an addict of crack cocaine”
Cough cough yeah OK I’ll take this dance
Thank you 🕺 $

This is the mayor of Toronto by the way in 2013 $

I don’t know too much about Canada, but I know they haven’t been doing too well on the cultural side of things lol $

Canada and England are really on some fucked up shit right now $

I guess the cold can make you an uptight pussy if you are not too careful
And if you stop exploring and conquering $$*

Cause Canada was such a bad ass wilderness for so long that just simply surviving up there qualified you for respect
No one really cared if you knew much about politics or chemistry and shit $$

And then over in England, all that matters was your ability to trick somebody else in a larger more populated area to give you their shit
While you went around exploring other stuff $$

So no one really cared too much about your physical prowess because they wanted your money $$

But all the bad ass motherfuckers eventually got tired of all the wining motherfuckers and then they decided to get together to build a really cool place $$

And because they were so used to getting up early and working late, it was pretty easy for them to plan secret meetings while all the scaredy-cats gossip at their tea parties $$

Then, when your enemy is more upset over the tea that got dumped into the harbor than learning how to create some extra dope shit,
It isn’t exactly going to be a surprise who the victor will be
Except for anyone other than the victor $$*

Anyway, I know I’m weaving
I’m just trying to remind everybody that wolves are smarter than sheep 🐑 $$

And wolves are nowhere near as big assholes as people think they are
But sheep can never understand that $$

Unless that sheep signs the consent form to go through the transition to becom3 a wolf 🐺 $$

Sorry for building up the hype and failing to deliver, but I didn’t even watch much of anything about that documentary on the crack mayor. it was pretty bad. 
Honestly I’m kind of boring. Turns out that was pretty much that only tagline was the conference and videos of him smoking crack. $

Anyway, it is 5:43 AM & time for second sleep $

It is now 8:37 AM. We are awake and we are watching a documentary on Woodstock 99. $

First thing I gotta say is you’re a special kind of stupid of sex with somebody at a music festival $$$*

I lost count of how many random ass friends I had in the program who had kids from music festivals or conventions $$*

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that there is somebody out there sad enough to fuck the “fuck boy”
It just might take the fuck boy a lot of prospecting to find that person, 
but they will find that person and they will insert themselves into that person if that person is not careful $$*

Hippies have a reputation for smelling for a reason
If you cross the point of being smelled across the room, then you are officially a hippie $$

Likewise, if you do not stink, then you are not one $$

Today definitely feels like a fun day
Chilling as hard as I can while talking as much shit as I can
While trying not to succumb to the anxiety and existential dread lol $

But what else are you supposed to do on an overcast Saturday if you’ve been working nonstop for four years $

The cliché white male frat bro ego is the worst
Also known as king douche $$*

And word in the gym is, 
king douche hangs out a lot with fuck boy supreme $$*

They’re making a point that most people who went to Woodstock 99 were basically straight out of the movie fight club $$

Also kind of funny how jiu-jitsu feels a lot like fight club $$

It’s funny how voice to text writes jujutsu different pretty much every time $$

Case & point lol $

The biggest crime against humanity is what the festivals & movie theaters do with the price of concessions
Like dude ain’t nobody wanna pay seven dollars for a bottle of water
They just don’t want to continue suffering from thirst $$

The second something becomes a money making venture is the second the experience goes out the window $$*

Cause then you start cutting corners in every possible way you think
And every corner you cut makes the edge of something else much more rough
And if you cut enough corners, you’re gonna have a synergistic effect leading to a landslide of Fuckery $$*

Cause that’s the whole point of this documentary apparently $

Definitely recommend this to anyone who hasn’t seen it $

This reminds me a lot of the “poop cruise” 🚢 $

But during the festival,
By day two, 
all of the infrastructure was failing, 
including the porta potties and all of the trash collecting
And when you have 200,000 people fenced in a single field.. $

A big Takeaway is that the original Woodstock 69 was a big cultural shift of people actually getting along
And Woodstock 99 was basically the opposite of when crazy kids started rebelling and wiling out $$

Ironically, the people at the second Woodstock are mostly kids from the first $$

So you can see how the hardship that the crowds faced outside of the festival shaped their behavior when inside of it $$

You gotta remember the pendulum
If you don’t, then you’ll never enjoy the swing $$*

And You’re always going to be on the receiving end of the wrecking ball! $$

It is 9:43 AM and I’m going on my “sun” walk $

Cause ain’t nothing too sunny at the moment $

I am from the south where the grass turns yellow in the winter
Or like a nice tan $

The good character arcs are usually the most unexpected $$

You wanna catch a mfer with their pants down,
Ask them to screenshot their “screen time”
Or search history $$$*

Nothing scares fuck boys & king douches more than the possibility of quiet obscurity $$$*

Remember breaking out of handcuffs is a very difficult low external rotation of the power variety $$

It takes extra energy to move something from a dead stop to full speed
A special type of muscle is responsible for that type of movement $$*

Reminding myself that kings work best from their throne $$

I love when Alex comes to cuddle in my lap
He’s so smart cause he knows if he does it while I’m working that he’s gonna get the greatest pets ever $

Seriously, there is no way in hell I would’ve been able to write even a 10th of what I have if it wasn’t for this lil dude keeping me chill $

I do have to say that I am noticing small positive waves of energy $

So that’s pretty cool actually $

Most live in a house of cards with zero concern about who wrote the decks $

Nothing pisses off self-righteous dudes more than another dude who thinks to know more than them $$$*

12 years ago I was selling shoes
Now I’m selling intellectual sneaks $$*

I could not imagine going through my whole life to end up 50 years old and having my day ruined cause my pizza was a little late $$$**

It is 1:17 PM and I have eaten about 3/4 of a pound of ground beef
And I am feeling electric lol $$

Knowing an arm bar is nowhere near as important as knowing what to do when your arms are barred
Just ask any prisoner $$*

Never worry about a motherfucker who can’t go without alcohol for more than a couple days $$$*

Actually- they’re the ones to worry about the most $$

It is 317 and we’re making some crack crackers $

They’re so good but probably so poisonous but they are cheap $

Got my 3 cans of tuna & 5lbs of rice lol $

Don’t ask me how I forgot about rice all summer long cuz I can’t answer, 
but I did lol $

Literally steak and rice has pretty much been my main meals for most of my adult life $

I low-key really hope my furnace is normal tonight lol
But if not, then whatevs $

This may sound weird, but
But I Really feel like myself right now
Like I am just gonna stay in and kick it
Make a bunch of stuff
And prepared for legs tomorrow $

We’re gonna watch “to catch a killer”
And hopefully let the world be the world
Whatever that means
*Lighter flick $

Everyone is real tough until they start gaining a little bit of belly fat and then ruminate on it 24 seven $$$*

I have to wear my beanie pretty much at all times or else I will simply keep playing with my hair until I pull it all out $

Well, the movie wasn’t really that good and I got distracted halfway through
The story of my life lol $

So now we’re watching another untold documentary about the brand AND1
Which popped up out of nowhere in the early 2000s and was kind of whack honestly but very popular and then just suddenly disappeared $

It is 7:13 PM and I am trying to get ready for first sleep so I can get up for first shift as early as possible
I ate a shit load of rice not too long ago and I just had a bag of popcorn $

That combined with the 3/4 of ground beef I had earlier,
The goal is to have another gain bowl sometime between 2 to 4 AM
With rice and ground beef $

It is 10:52 PM and I am rising for first shift $

We’re gonna go with “30 minutes or less”
And see if my attention span can live up to the name lol $

It’s about a pizza delivery guy robbery, hostage thing $$

when in doubt, just say three things and see who can put the pieces together $$$

As a Dasher, I can appreciate the urgency of the pizza guy $

& If you hoes out there are judging me for driving DoorDash when I’m all about coaching and shit then I would just simply ask what kind of pothead do you want delivering your pizza $$*

Cause I won’t be delivering pizzas forever $$

I’m already a big fan of the switcheroo he pulls in the opening scene by convincing the teenagers to give them the money to get fucked up and he brings them O’douls $

Nobody in the right mind drinks nonalcoholic beer $$$*

A lot of people think teachers are all special and shit,
Until you hang out with one when they’re not at work… $$$*

Then the next thing you know you’re looking up private schools lol

People love to talk shit about private schools until they get a little extra money and a troubled kid $$$*

Then they suddenly love fantasies & sci-fi $$$

If you got a bunch of material shit, but don’t work very hard then those who do work hard deserve your material shit $$$

Hard work doesn’t have to feel like it if you do it right $$$

You can judge a lot about a man based on how many trucks he expects he needs to fix himself $$$*

Once you master something, you began to appreciate the value of your mistakes, especially the authentic & original ones $$

And then when you go to learn something else, you’re going to be far more conscientious about the small moments $$

Gotta love it when someone’s first reaction is to shit on your dream $

I would argue that nine out of 10 people will instinctively shit on your dream because it unconsciously threatens their current agenda or their future well being $$

It has been 32 minutes into the movie and it still has my attention so $

I think this is actually based loosely on a true story
Some pizza delivery guy ended up with a bomb strapped to his neck, forced to rob a bank 🏦 $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-3-26

Happy 12:16 AM
And happy new day $

keeping with our Bro’y comedy theme we’re gonna watch “game over man” $

And eat a gain bowl 🥣 $

And of course, smoke a power bowl 🥣 $

Most people don’t believe in pathogens, cause they simply can’t see them.
Then they use that logic for everything else $$

Feels good to have a belly full of gains
Instead of just a belly full of grains $

Cause I love my PB&J‘s and oatmeal and all that, but I seem to cycle between that and the basics like rice and potatoes $

But some ground beef and some rice and some hot sauce with the right amount of salt and pepper is all you need to keep the gain train on schedule 🚂 $

So that was probably 1000 cal
Half pound ground beef and probably 8 ounces rice
2 tablespoons of butter, Ish $

So I should be good/ food wise probably at least for 12 hours or more
Especially if I hit legs in the morning $

I have found that usually when I hit legs, it actually kicks metabolism up a gear, and then I can run on fats after my workout for a long period of time comfortably $

We will see if that theory holds $

I know I just said I was starting this movie but I’m already bailing out just simply because I wanna go change to a documentary but I’m sure I’ll probably forget to ever return to it so sorry for any bait & switch $

Seems like there’s a few O.J. Simpson documentaries to choose from.. $

I don’t think I mentioned yet that I have switched back to just the Kratom capsules for the moment $

I’ve been doing the shots/tea method for a few months, and I believe that because the method of ingestion is too quick that I don’t digest, probably half of the amount of leaf that I take in
Compared to capsules which digest a bit before moving on thru your intestine $

So for several months, I actually haven’t really been able to get much of a sedative dose from the leaf because the shots are so gross to drink when you’re doing high dose $

But nothing is faster for kick in time for a small little pick me up doses like the shots
Which is why I switched to them in the first place
That and I got tired of pressing my own capsules $

But like I’ve been saying I’ve been micro dosing the seven Hydro as a replacement of the 3 g or more plant doses $

Just to keep things balanced from an alkaloid and constipation perspective
And financial perspective lol $

Because the capsules can take forever to kick in and sometimes do not last long and gets annoying to press all those capsules or expensive to buy them
But that method is considered “ol reliable” for a reason
Because it’ll keep you honest for the most part
Cause if you go to abuse it, youll end up constipated or that weird uncomfortable irritableness $$

And that’s the biggest risk factor with the new seven hydros
Is how strong they are plus how fast they kick in
Plus how fast your tolerance naturally adjusts to it
Equals recipe for disaster if you are not careful $$*

But once again, I believe information can save a lot of asses on this
Because if you were going to abuse an opiate like substance, it is much better to do the seven Hydro than it is to get a script of actual Hydro from the doctor $$$

I’m not a fan of how they’re branding it as Hydro to kind of play on the actual Hydro’s that druggies are familiar with tho.. $

So if someone is actually in significant pain, physical or emotional, then this can be a very beneficial substance
Considering it’s chemical profile and potential compared to other opiates $

And if someone is going to abuse this type of substance then from a harm reduction perspective, there are a few things better $

But I do believe that most normal people armed with the right education would enjoy it more than alcohol and get a far more healthy benefit from it $$

In many ways, it functions like cannabis in which you either love it or you don’t
And even if you love it, you get to a natural place of diminishing returns
In which your tolerance helps support a balanced regimen $

This is why some people can smoke all the time as long as they smoke all the time but the second they cut back they end up getting so paranoid or end up, losing some of the actual medical benefits that come in higher doses $$

For example
Whenever I’m using my normal about a gram a day
I don’t get too high when I wanna take a few extra hits
But also, I don’t really need more than one or two hits unless I’m enjoying the act of smoking itself $

If it’s just to get a little bit of a buzz or clear the cognitive cache, then usually three hits is plenty $

But if I’m bullshitting around kind of like what I’m doing right now then I might do between 9 to 12 hits $

But the difference in stonedness doesn’t change as much between hits 9 to 12 as they do between hits 1 to 3 $$

Or put another way nine through 12 are the fun hits $$

Happy 1:21 AM. We are going to go ahead and call it for a second sleep.
I am as baked as a cake $

And after a good first strong half from my furnace, I think it is decided to fuck back off lol
So I’ve got my Snuggie cape on, and I am ready to rest $

Happy 5:31 AM $

Looks like my furnace decided to be a hero again
After it decided to take a vacation $

“Pity” anything- is the opposite of what you want $$

If someone ever tries to be crazy, they’re not actually that crazy
The real crazy ones, you can’t even recognize that they’re crazy at first $$

Anyone who asked to go to the mental hospital should be forced to have their sentence doubled just to make sure they’re not trying to fake some shit $$*

My quality of sleep, these days, Reinforces my theory that I was spiritually trolled for the past four years
Because for a while, I would just get randomly woken up with waves of seemingly existential stress and excitement
After a while, it would compound and there would be many days that would feel like I didn’t really get much sleep $

There is no level of danger equivalent to somebody who is scared and believes they have nothing left to lose $$$

Put another way 
The most dangerous person on earth is the person who believes they have nothing left to lose $$

I think everybody would be both a little bit more angry and forgiving of themselves if they found out how much bullshit their health professionals have fed them their entire life
 The problem though is never just the physician
But is more in the belief in the physician to the point to where the patient suffers by their own actions $$*

Meaning, if somebody expects an easy solution and is not willing to do the hard stuff then they will place unrealistic expectations on their physician, restricting their options for treatment to only those with the highest side effects $$*

Good morning world it is 8:44 AM $

I almost didn’t realize how cold it was because my furnace has been actually doing its job lol $

Which means it’s time for a cold shower
Soon at least $

For now, I’ve got to navigate through the financial existential crisis, of course $

The first big lesson is learning that you would survive every situation you think you won’t
The only way to learn that lesson the needs you to get in a few situations where you don’t expect to survive
Philosophically speaking that is $$

I am not looking forward to a cold shower
I don’t think I ever am $

Those who believe in a greater power have immediate power over those who don’t
Doesn’t even matter what the power is $$$

One definition of 
 Magick- the science and art of causing change to occur and conformity with Will $$$*

Spells are just intellectual loops of rumination, good or bad
Because that is how you actually control someone’s mind
Just give them the equivalent of intellectual flies to SWAT all day and night $$$

Hard to beat this Sunday morning sunshine, even if it’s only 30° $

I’m doing my walk now and then I’m gonna get in the shower and then I’m gonna go to the gym
I’m proud of me because I’ve already done the part of the dishes $

Oh yeah, I left my glasses at home so things are a little bit blurry $

Pain is malfunction
Suffering is misunderstanding $

Thinking about a video explaining how to signal muscles
And how you can do it the long way & the short way
And how the body naturally delegates energy
So most people go the long way by activating all parts of their type three(2a) and then exhausting the expensive parts before that body delegates with the more efficient type two $$

Few things wake you up like a shot to the shins
Ask any skateboarder ever $$$*

Walking it off is always the best approach 
If you can’t Walk then call me 🤙🏻 $$$*

Good to see all the leg abduction machines are occupied this Sunday AM
Seems like a church group lol 😂 $$*

lol I see I got my karmic shot to shins a little early 😂 $$

Sometimes you can go days without showering as long as your clothes are clean
But rarely can you go a few hours without changing before smelling like ass $$

Never trust the machine that counts for you $$$*

Love when they think you’re not watching them watch you.. $

Can’t blame some people for thinking they’re the smartest
Cuz They probably are the smartest fish in their polluted pond $$

I promise even your “light session” would be an incredible achievement to someone in pain $$$*

If you’ve trained in a commercial gym for more than 3 months then you don’t need to worry about updating your vaccines $$*

Real adepts can train while on the phone
Ask me how I know lol $$*

If there’s one thing I can do in this life it is model how to fail and not hate yourself for it $$

Wisdom is knowing the diff between leg abduction and adduction $$$*

Wisdom is knowing the leg add machine is a waste of time if you BB squat $$$*

Wisdom is knowing to stay off the ab machines 
Excluding special circumstance $$$*

Know that water beats fire unless something separates the two.. $$*

Lol ever since my car got repo’d now I have PTSD for Anytime I see a tow truck 🛻 $

AnyWho, my lunch is too bowls of rice and like 3 tablespoons of butter and obviously salt and pepper for a little salt
Always a little extra salt lol $

You could say I’ve developed a unique brand of fire water $$

The older I get the more value I find and isolating macro nutrients $

I believe it helps with digestion efficiency more than anything
Meaning by eating only rice, which is pretty much just fuel, my body can utilize it a little bit more efficiently than if I gave it a shit load of protein to deal with right now $

Similarly, a high nutrient based meal would take longer to fully digest $$

And again on the flipside of that
If you are in an anabolic state, focusing primarily on protein, is the smartest recommendation $$

The hot take, however, is
The extra fit people do not need as much protein as they actually think
While the extra sedentary need a lot more $$

Because if you are fit & active and properly fueled, then you are gonna limit your muscle breakdown to begin with
Therefore, giving your body a much more reasonable repair list $$

Similarly, if you are very fit, and you train hard as fuck without much fuel, 
and you really are not the most adaptive at running on body fat
(Or if you have no more body fat left, lol)
Then you are going to cause a lot more damage than you would if you were properly fueled
This is mostly just muscling the wrong movements $$

But if you muscle the right movements with the right fuel with the right recovery time then you could probably get away with half the protein you think you need
And you’ll feel so much better from a digestion perspective once your body is running like the fine-tune machine that it really is $$

Again, most fit people get in their own way
I would actually say everybody does get in their own way more than not
That is of course, until they’ve learned how to get out out of their way lol $$

Flipping again
The sedentary could benefit from doubling or tripling their current protein paradigm
Most mostly because they’re not eating nearly as as much as they think
& If you’ve ever try to watch the profane eat more than 3oz of chicken breast, 
you see how weak willed they really are $$$*

So simply giving an aggressive protein goal will keep them busy and radically reduce hunger cravings $$

Because a good side bar is to emphasize the difference between cravings and signals $$

Cravings do not like to negotiate
They prefer to hijack you emotionally until you have quieted them $$

Hunger signals on the other hand are far more reasonable and almost forgettable if you are truly busy working or have your attention turned towards others $$

If it’s a genuine healthy hunger signal,
 then the second someone puts a plate of natural food in front of you, you will basically inhale it $$$*

If it is a hunger craving or fuel craving,
Then you are going to be very picky
And borderline unreasonable
And usually ironically, unable to make clear decisions $$$*

And until you’ve learned the difference between the two, you’re likely going to be controlled by your cravings because you’re actually not gonna allow yourself to get into a truly hungry state $$$*

Here’s another hot take
I don’t care how long you have gone without food or fasted once or twice
Until you are genuinely below 5% body fat, you do not know actual hunger
So shut the fuck up and stop bitching if you are anything over 10% $$$

Because as long as you’re hydrated, you are only 30 minutes away from feeling better with or without fuel $$$*

I will soften up and add this 
That regardless of body fat level, 
Making somebody perform while deliberately cutting their fueling is difficult no matter your efficiency $$

And most often literally the definition of evil $$

And this is exactly what most people are doing to their selves every single day that they want to exercise to lose weight $$

They will literally make it harder for themselves and then blame themselves for it being so hard
Based off, faulty science and major myths promoted by stupid fit people $$*

Because in order to burn body fat, the goal is to make it easier to burn fat
Not to put your body into a position where it has no choice $$*

You must remember that your body is going to throttle your motivation & emotional energy to try to convince you to stop spending energy so it does not have to dip into its body fat reserves
So it is like being on a rigged treadmill $$$*

Because even when you think you’re pushing harder, you’re just stressing your body out more and then it’s going to compensate via its survival mechanisms 
(burning muscle instead of fat , or simply mentally sabotaging you to get you to quit ) $$$*

And pushing through these states, always does more harm than good in the long-term $$$

Now, you should be able to leave it all out there on the gym floor or field or mat or woods,
But if you are doing this on a regular basis with no real planning, then you are playing yourself
And I promise you are leaving more gains on the table $$

But that’s OK as long as you know what you’re doing and you’re having fun
Because that’s the other truth is that when training turns to fun then really our goal is to do as much crazy shit that we can simply survive $$

So it’s not really about perfect progression, 
It’s about following the process to perform well enough to enjoy the training $$

When the carbs in the Kratom hit at the same time
Then you have mental movement magic lol $$

Sometimes you need to put your blinker on before the car in front of you so they don’t think you’re following them $$*

Enjoy the steps & you’ll have easy reps $$

It is 2:08 PM
We are back after a very brief dash
A nice little 17 piece for a one-way trip is pretty good $

AnyWho, we are trying to kick it for a few and see what happens if you know what I mean $

We’re watching “Trainwreck; storm Area 51“ $

And then we got distracted.. $

If you train like a scientist, you’ll likely end up like a science experiment
If you train like an artist, you’ll likely end up as a work of art 🖼️ $$$*

The truth is always the heaviest lift
But if you can deliver it in a way that doesn’t cause more harm
That’s just artistic technique $$$*

Walking by my moms best friend’s old houses that i sold
Smells so good lol $

Lots of festive memories 
My fav being the one Christmas I was high on oxy and had my moms friends son (also drunk & high/ herion addict) lecturing me bout causing headaches 
Well, he was right 
Even a bit hypocritical $$*

MY point,
That family has been connected to mine for nearly 100 years $

My mom grew up with this friend starting at 1yrs old $

I’m honored to be able to have been apart of the recycling process 
And I get to enjoy quiet sun walks by those houses daily 
And can reminisce that even during the shit at the time, I showed up and did a lot of work $

Not sure if I noted my recent tuna / crackers $

I’m feeling on top of the world tho
Thanks to sticking to the process 
and a baby Kratom buzz $

Side note-
My recent K usage has been identical to what it was during peak training 
And my concern then was it was helping more than I realized emotionally $

I know see that’s mostly bullshit $

Cuz even 20gs of leaf a day doesn’t come close to the level of biological impact of training 3 times a day + constant coaching does for your well being $$

Just bittersweet I needed an experiment to realize the truth
But totally worth it $

Nothing makes you wanna move like music
Nothing makes you wanna think like words $$

Anonymity is cool and all but a name is a terrible thing to waste $$*

Another glorious dance session complete 
5:57pm $

Break time then break em off time lol $

We’re watching pineapple express
Fuck it
I think all things considered. I probably have to consider this my favorite movie of all time.
Just because of the amount of times I watched it when I was a teenager in the amount of absolute debauchery that was going on each and every time $

Most people will do anything for the perfect body, except take the advice from a good trainer…
& Except wake up early, go to the gym and accept hunger.. $$*

The good kind of quitting feels instantly relieving because that means you listened to the right signals $$$*

The back kind of quitting & you will feel instantaneously guilty and like a useless piece of shit because if you quit at the wrong time then that is what you are $$$*

Sorry, sometimes I forget to feed my dragon 🐉 $

Except actually, I just ate seven eggs
Apparently, they were serpents eggs 🥚 $

It is 8:09pm and time for first sleep $

Noteworthy-
Very Low Kratom buzz / basically nothin $

It is 10:41 PM and I am rising from first sleep $

Literally, my entire life has been me struggling to relax after sundown &

Right now, I am so restless I can’t stop kicking
I mean, literally used to see my legs $

AnyWho, we’re watching “the wonderful story of Henry Sugar and three more”
And I gotta say I’m only four minutes 55 seconds in and it’s pretty good
I love their style
It’s so direct & so funny $

Everybody is narrating themselves in third person $

Sidenote, I know it must seem crazy How many different things I’ve already half watched today.
Story of my ADHD lol $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-4-26

It is 12:30 AM
Reporting live from the midnight movies $

We’re now watching “wrath of men” $

Which is a classic Jason Statham heist movie $

Alex is super happy at the moment though so that’s really nice
He’s getting some really good pets right now
He is a happy kitty $

I’m not really doing much work
Doing more chilling and observing and listening if you know what I’m saying $

I may not be awake for much longer lol $

There’s always that wanna-be hard motherfucker that crumbles immediately under pressure $$

It is 1:03 AM and I just realized the Panthers made it to the playoffs apparently $

That’s pretty funny because I literally had no idea what their record was
This is one of the gifts from staying off of social media
And living like a hermit lol $

I’m bailing out of the movie cause it’s pretty boring $

I’m also probably gonna take a larger dose of the Kratom 
I’m gonna take seven caps which is just 3.5 g basically $

I think my strategy is going to be
To return to the powder and do shots throughout the day and then capsules at night $

But now I need to hustle up some more candy money $

I think I’m actually gonna try to take a little mini nap
And then get back up whenever I get a buzz $

Yeah, that did not last long
I don’t know why I’m the bad kind of restless
It’s the very stereotypical ADHD
Not the cute kind $

I’m thinking, maybe it was something to do with the eggs that I ate?
Cause I had a little bit of indigestion $

I think I’m gonna try to read $

Considering how my stomach and lower intestine are feeling at the moment, I’m guessing maybe the eggs were on the undercooked side or something? $

Or it could just be the cheap eggs $

It is now 2:12 AM and I have covered quite a few chapters actually
That’s a good thing about keeping up with your reading is after a while- You can move pretty quick through it. $

The Kratom is helping a lot lol
Even though the buzz is really minor
Like a 5/10 $

Oh boy looks like we just found a documentary on the Boy Scouts
(Pun not intended) $

Remembering when I did my time as a Cub Scout in second grade and I quit because they were way too uptight, 
but this was after getting 3rd place in the Pinewood Derby
My first try..
So you know, it’s kind of a big deal engineering wise $

Some things you know, and you just don’t know how you know
And forever, I knew the Boy Scouts had some shit to hide
I never really thought about it though
It was more instinct just to stay away from them fuckers
Again, pun not intended $$

This is the moment of truth where we dig into the emergency shake stash and see how much we got 
I’m guessing hopefully a half gram $

Back to the Boy Scout bullshit
This seems like exactly what happens when you are too afraid to talk about a problem then it just grows and grows and grows then soon your silence becomes bigger than the original issue
And that’s a really hard thing to accomplish when the original issue is child molestation $$

I mean, you really fucked up when people are saying that you should’ve just owned up to the fact that you got some child molesters to deal with
But nope, they had to go chase more money & Hide everything and brush in another rug
And hide behind honor and ethics.. $

Again, it’s terrible, but it’s just an extension of what’s been going on within many churches forever ⛪️ $$

It’s just that most churches are not incentivizing taking kids alone into the woods $

They’re more about singing and doing sketchy shit behind closed doors
Which is you know pretty cliché 🚪 $

I’m glad that they just left me the fuck alone and that I didn’t have a super friendly creepy “uncle“ $

I was touched inappropriately by people my own age at that young age 
thank you very much $

any voice that makes you say “I should’ve done better” under extremely unrealistic circumstances is the definition of gaslighting $$$*

And a great example of daily evil $$$

The only way for anything to actually mean anything is if you have the freedom to make a decision
Obviously, most situations and circumstances are constructed via the butterfly effect long in advance
But every single time it is still a combination of prior decisions
So this is a long-winded way of saying we make our own beds $$*

But when on the receiving end of evil
It can be very difficult to understand
And not blame God or the powers of good who should have prevented the act $$

And this is tough and some big boy shit
Again, no pun intended
But as tragic as it is
Having the opportunity for the tragedy is more important
Big picture wise $$$*

You have to remember time marches on and things come back around
And one way or another future decisions will be made $$$*

Here’s a tough one
it is better to develop a method of healing trauma than preventing it outright $$$*

Because otherwise you’ll lose the value of the lesson and the honor and meaning that comes with doing the hard but right thing $$

If there was zero possibility of pain of monumental proportions
Then there would be zero value to anything $$$*

And you don’t know pain until you don’t understand value $$$*

If you don’t know what it feels like to worry where your next meal is gonna come from then you cannot fully appreciate how good the food tastes $$$*

You don’t know strength until you’ve had a look into the camera and own your shit
As a legitimate “victim” $$$*

Cause that’s another really hard topic to get too close to
Is 
being a victim is the worst thing you could ever be but sometimes you don’t have a choice $$$*

So what do you do then?
When you are suffering and the timeline for your suffering comes with a minimum
Meaning it inevitably takes time to heal
Even when you do everything right $

And most truly traumatic experiences result in malfunction and disability $$

And sometimes owning a problem can turn into an identity crisis of its own $$*

Some people get real excited to accept shit if it means they don’t have to do the work to change it 
if you know what I mean $$$*

I have seen many people use acceptance as a cop out
Especially the whole “progress not perfection” $$$*

Think I’m gonna try to do some tuna and crackers at 2:43 AM $

Part of the reason why I can’t shut up sometimes is because I’m trying to scratch an itch
Not necessarily because I am chemically imbalanced or crazy $$

So for a long time, it was extra worse when I thought that’s why 
& it turns out all I needed was to write some shit down for fun lol $$

Evil is anything that tries to get you to profit off love and art in a selfish way $$$*

Real strength is not breaking down on the witness stand $$$

Real strength is recognizing that the temporary solution is going to do more than good at first but is the right thing to do
And doing it anyway $

The hardest thing will always be forgiveness $

Blame and responsibility are not the same thing
But don’t expect the profane to know that $$$*

I ate more crack crackers after my tuna $

It’s not the sexiest meal, but apparently it does make me sexy lol $

And then the Boy Scouts had to go and make it worse by blaming gay people $$

AnyWho, it is 3:34 AM and we’re gonna go try to get second sleep
And then get ready for the morning social crisis of course $

Good morning world it is 6:21 AM now and I am rising $

My furnace is very hit or miss throughout the night, 
but mostly hit 
is still kind of warm 
time to do a little mini check-in and then maybe take another nap $

I’m already dodging jabs of anxiety next existential shit lol $$

I’m not sure what I’m gonna do about the gym $

I technically don’t need to lift and I may not have the extra calories to do so $

I could use an actual off day very badly
But I think that is just more emotionally speaking than anything else $

This early morning check-in might not last long lol I might need to go back to bed $

So I’m just gonna walk through the agenda for the day I guess $

It is now 8:45 AM
I have been awake for about 30 minutes
I have been idling for about an hour though
Feeling pretty good overall $

Feeling like I’m bout to go to the gym and do some chest
But first, I gotta do my son walk & the morning mobility, of course $

It’s always best to start the day fresh from the acknowledgment that you really don’t know Jack shit and that’s the best possible scenario $

And if you can keep an open mind out the gate then you’ll likely not only learn what to improve but what you’re already good at too $$

The eye of the storm holds the most power, even though it is actually pretty calm $$$*

It’s all the flesh around the center that listens and follows the eye that you gotta watch for $$

My spirit name has got to be “hissing cat”
😂😂😂 $*

Seems like no matter how many times you brush your teeth your breath is always gonna still smell a little when you wake up $

I was like why is my elbow cold today? Did it get wet or something?
There’s a big ass hole in my hoodie now lol $

All fun & games till you’re looking like a b grade power ranger 
Fresh off temu $$$*

Insanity is repeating the same thing expecting different results
Just sayin… $$$*

Power is changing the temperature of the room by just walking in it $$$*

Everyone’s real energetic until that first 3hr cardio session $$$*

Imagine doing a 5x5x5 
On the lat pull-down💪🏻 $

People think just cuz you got your eyes closed that you cant see them staring… $$*

Most mfers are too worried about their lil stomach bulge to pay attention to you $$*

Or doing that lil short adjustment 
Like we don’t notice.. $$*

Remembering how many people are actively buying some suspicious supplement right now
They’d rather pay the biological consequences than pay for good coaching $$*

Dudes will ask the bro at gnc for help before they ask the person they are trying to emulate… $$*

Places where every inch matters 
- ju jitzu 
- Hypertrophy 
- Plane building 
- Bedroom
- Honestly everywhere but you get it $$*

I am back from the gym and it was glorious $

I got the dash app on standby
Hopefully, we can get a little bit to make it through the day, but we’re going forward regardless so fuck it $

Everyone’s real tough until they decide they wanna create something and the next thing you know, they crush themselves under their own judgment $$$*

My problem is my spirit is the type of motherfucker to look you in the eyes and tell you to take it just so I can prove to you I don’t need it
But man, is that shit getting tiring lol $$*

That whole forbidden fruit shit sounds a lot more like marijuana because of how it makes you start questioning shit $$*

If you are not able to drop everything and walk away, just cause
 then you are too attached to something $$*

Feelings are always in response to something
Which means there is always in a level of awareness that proceeds it $$

God and the angels are very good
I was able to get enough candy money and the budtender hooked me up like she always does
It really is the smallest things that go the longest $

It is now 3:30 PM
I have been feeling pretty lousy energy wise
I was thinking that maybe it had something to do with my calories and hydration
But now I’m getting suspicious that I might be fighting some other virus
I’m catching some chills and there’s really no way to explain my head other than similar to how it felt right before Christmas when I got sick for a couple days $

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that when you are properly fueled, you will feel like you can go on forever and things will feel laughably easy
And the opposite is also true $

Just had another bowl of rice
That plus the Kratom that should kick in any minute should give me renewed creative energy $

Pretty sure my ex high school girlfriend was outside of the Pizza Hut near my house with her daughter
I hadn’t talked to her in 15 years just about $

All right, so pretty wild evening
We were chilling on a mid dash break
And I was super low on gas and I literally have zero dollars so I can’t get any gas until tomorrow when I can cash out on my current dashing
Anyway, I was about at $28
And I was hoping to get a quick cash delivery so I could use the cash for more gas and keep dashing tonight
And what do you know, I get literally the most perfect order,
Which is to the Pizza Hut close by - 
to a home walking distance in my neighborhood
And this is the second time of the night I went to that normally shitty Pizza Hut and the managers there were so cool and outgoing, and try to prevent me from getting fucked
Because the customer called back to pay over the phone
Which would’ve put me in the position of needing to collect cash from him again
And have that cash deducted from my earnings
Well, in the confusion I was still charged anyway for it
So I had to do the whole song and dance with customer service
Just to end up losing my earnings instead of getting more $

Cause right when I got there,
.3 after handing him the pizza as he goes, this isn’t what I ordered
Doesn’t open it or anything $

And then I just immediately handed him the receipts, 
and he very quickly changed his tune $

So I’m pretty sure he was trying to set some shit up to get a credit from DoorDash and free pizza $

Even the manager of Pizza Hut knew some shit was off $

The downside though is, I’m still starving lol $

AnyWho, I do feel really good about it
Did my whole soul searching kind of prayer peace thing $

So now I’m gonna make the rest of these eggs
Extra scrambled lol, and watch “founder” $

Which is a really good movie about McDonald’s getting started $

I’m also a little sad that i am most likely being poisoned by my pan $*

Cause the coating and all that shit is definitely peeling off and probably has been for a while. 
I’m ashamed to admit it.
I just never seem to have the extra $20.. $

I used to think those who claimed to know God were the crazy evil ones, but now I’m beginning to realize that the most evil thing in the world is to convince somebody that they cannot get to know their God $$$*

Once the God thing starts clicking, then you get why Moses was saying weird
“I am all I am and all that ever will be”
And shit like that $$*

It is 8:34 PM and I have finally finished my review for barbells and backpacks TikTok 🎒 $

Which will be mostly short form training philosophy and stuffs $

Maybe I was supposed to be an actor how dramatic I am about everything lol $$*

It is 9:05 PM and I am gonna go try to sleep
Hopefully the bag of popcorn I ate will settle decently lol
All I have left is oatmeal more rice really $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-5-26

Good morning world
I mean, that is sarcastically as I can $

Cuz instead of actually making money last night, I somehow managed to lose it $

I’m very upset $

Because any minute now stop the website it’s gonna be fucking shut down again $

I have less than eight dollars to my name
And half of that is on an Aldi’s gift card lol $

I have no gas
None of that I can actually use $

I already had one angry phone call from my mom about something less than 50 bucks
That was both an honest mistake and an intentional one 
whatever that means $

It’s not the biggest thing in the world,
I was just hoping to get much extra but the 40 that I did earn
So I could pay the site at least $

But as of now I have just 4$

So yeah, yeah I’m not fucking happy at all
I’m intentionally letting myself vent this out and write it down so whatever value it may be may find this way into the world whenever it needs to $

But right now I’m very tempted to walk into the garage and start swinging on the punching bag again 
I’m just really trying not to do that every time in the middle of the night for my neighbor sake lol $

Because when I hit that bag, you can hear it 
If ya know what I’m sayin $

I’m just guessing that this is for some kind of greater good 
and then by the time I find myself reading this within a week or so, that things will have moved on and I will see the value in it $
(Exactly true 2:02am 1/13)

So please forgive me if I embellish my emotions a bit because I am so fucking annoyed and tired of this stupid fucking shit $

Because I’m can just bout guarantee you that this comes down to some fucking idiot wanting to get some free shit $

And then me being even more dumb, trying to fucking make it by enabling this stupid shit $

I keep replaying that delivery over in my mind
And I can’t find any way that that dude did not know he was up to some weird shit
It just is too off $

And of course, I know customer service doesn’t actually give a fuck
They were so concerned with getting me back to dashing that I couldn’t even understand the answers that they were giving $

And the fact that they sent me a fucking lazy email with the incorrect payment remittance is just emphasis on how seriously they take their job $

It’d be really easy to get on my high horse and be like look at me working for the good of humanity and all that stupid shit but that’s exactly the point and that’s exactly the trap $$

It’s because I’m not special and I’m not doing anything all that great
But the second I believe that I am is the second that everything around me turns into some woe is me - petty bullshit $$

I get it
And to all the stupid bitch ass negative entities listening to me right now 
you can suck my spiritual…. $

Yeah, I just erased what I actually said because only they deserve to hear it $

It is something I’m not proud of and I’m sure that when I’m listening to my life review
I’ll be like “oh sorry” whatever I don’t feel that way anymore $

But yeah, I’m just kind of pissed off $

Mostly cause its gonna take another hour or so before my goddamn buzz kicks in $

So why not watch the documentary on the real project X $

I’m so fucking…
I’m seriously probably gonna have to hit that bag
But first, I will try the bong and Snuggie $

Yeah, It just hit me
I am willing to bet 100% that that dude was trying to play some game $

When I walked up to the house, I had the pizzas in the pizza bag along with the receipts
(Something I rarely ever do and I’m certain nobody else ever does)
Nine out of 10 times you just run in and grab the thing and set it outside $

(making it an extremely easy claim against the Dasher fucked up if somebody wanted to get future credits ) $

I had to ring the bell twice
It took him a couple minutes to get to the door, (also sus)
He stepped out of the house & closes the door behind him $

I had the pizzas in the bag before he exited the house so he couldn’t see them $

And by the time I handed him the pizza, the response was already coming out of his mouth
And it sounded very rehearsed $

“This isn’t what I ordered dude” $

Me: “Really, here are the receipts
Both of them” $

Less than a quarter second pause..
~And I know he wasn’t actually reading the receipt~
(Because the lighting was fucked, and you would’ve had to take at least another second or two to digest the information because the receipts 
Cuz they were hard as fuck to read $

And immediately his tone changes
“Oh nope, actually, you’re right. Sorry, man.” $

And when I just stared at him, he started doing the awkward laugh $

You know the one only bitches do when they know they got caught and they desperately hope that you don’t say anything else $

Yeah, he gave me that as he backed away slowly into the house $

Nobody actually goes that fast through the emotional spectrum of thinking that their food is fucked up to being 100% totally cool with it
Without even opening the box $

After pretending to read a receipt in the dark $

And now sadly, I’m guessing I might have to fight with DoorDash customer service again $

Cause what bothers me about this whole thing is actually the phone call I got a couple hours prior… $

(at this point, I go on a long venting ramble about very personal family troubles
Due to the nature of the venting
It it paints close family members in a very poor light, but a very accurate one
So in order to balance the truth and respect and love for family this column is available upon secret request
Meaning, I’m happy to talk about this in a one on one
Or will be published in a more appropriate fashion in the near future
And now Back to our regularly scheduled programming)

Whatever it’s 1:38 AM
I’m gonna try to move on now go read
Hopefully they get a buzz $

None like a little midnight resentment to get the philosophy flowing 
If you know what I mean $

Most people have some pretty tremendous gifts. They’re just too self-centered to even realize it. $$

I’ve got a big bowl of oatmeal and an increasing buzz by the minute $

I can feel the thoughts beginning to buzz like wasps
But they’re gonna sting like hornets $

W3 are throwing a random documentary now 
this one is about big vape and juul $

Which that was one weird time let me tell you $

Never trust skinny atheist Bros that try to reinvent the wheel
I’m warning you - never $$$*

Never trust anyone afraid of nature to the point where they have declared a war against her $$$*

Challenge:
Go Try convince the surgeon who just saved a kid that he is not a god $$

I bet you can’t because he’s rerouted too much energy to the ego part of the brain $$*

Just about everybody doesn’t understand energy expression
They just view it as vehicle expression $$

Meaning, whenever somebody’s hand moves, they just think that’s because they wanted their hand to move. 
They never consider an external force, moving the hand without the person being aware of it. 
They just convince themselves that they did it $$

You can always out speed someone’s awareness if you know more than they do $$$*

Mathematics is the gateway to philosophy, which is the gateway to God $$$*

Luckily, you don’t have to be that good at algebra
But you do need to have a sense of when shit is missing and how to find it $$$*

Things only makes sense when you keep in mind the goal 🥅 $$

The goal and the purpose are similar, but not the same $$

This is good oatmeal
Extra extra thick $

I have a nonstop voice repeating in the back of my head that’s telling me to rip the world a new asshole
What’s making me nervous though is I think that might now be my spirit talking & not my ego anymore… $$

If you really wanna get someone to adapt to the resistance
You have to turn it to the maximum and then give them something that takes their attention away, 
forcing them to unconsciously control the resistance while they manage something else
It’s the equivalent of philosophically juggling $$

And once you can unconsciously manage what it was you were learning, then you have mastered it $$

Back to the juul bullshit
I love how they started out!wanting to change the world to make it healthier and then very quickly it became about addicting kids $$

And let me tell you they had a good product
The first time I encountered juul,
I quit smoking for 10 months already
And then I started seeing this super toxic chick
And of course she had the good shit
And I would hit it, 
and the juul wink wink 😉 
And it only took a couple weeks before I had to buy my own lol $*

Even when I smoked cigarettes, 
I never smoked in the morning just cause it made me feel iffy
But a few things are as glorious as that first vape hit of the day
Just ask any addict $*

And so that began another nine months of vaping before I finally pulled myself off and quit
And stayed quit it for about 18 months before I started again with the other gas station vape that was slightly cheaper and lower strength $*

And that for about nine months before the mushrooms caused me to accidentally quit,
I mean, literally about two or three weeks after my first few trips started, I just kept forgetting about vaping until I ran out of juice and forgot to buy more and then I was free. $

And anyone who doesn’t understand addiction will never understand. 
Nicotine is by far the biggest motherfucker out there from a difficulty to quit perspective. $$$*

I’m telling you that it easier to kick herion than it is nicotine
Just go to any recovery meeting anywhere $$$*

All right, here’s some dope shit from my boy Pythagoras $

1. Walk in unfrequented paths. If you want wisdom, you find it in solitude.
2. Govern your tongue before all things following the gods. When in doubt, be quiet.
3. The voice of God is heard through the elements in nature
4. Assist the diligent, but never help anyone avoid responsibility
5. Don’t attempt to interpret mysteries without spiritual or intellectual illumination
6. Once you start down the path, do not turn around
7. Don’t sacrifice living things to the gods or consider suicide for any reason 
8. Surround yourself with the right people or be alone
9. Do not offer your right hand easily. Meaning, Don’t give wisdom to those who don’t appreciate it.
10. Forgive and forget as fast as you can $$$*

It is now 2:41 AM and I finished a couple more chapters of review $

I am feeling a lot better emotionally $

I think partially because my ego has let it go and moving on $

And the carbs and Kratom are helping $

I’ve Let go to the best of my ability the stress of my acute situation
And I have zoomed out far enough to not be so bitter about some of the bullshit
It is requiring me to have a very high perspective, though 
if you know what I mean 😉 $

I just try to envision what we would be saying and thinking if we were reviewing all of this from the sphere of the gods $

Ironically, you can see better at night globally 
For navigating the truly long and treacherous adventures that is $$*

Usually only children get upset if you call them that $$$*

It is 3:31 AM and time for second sleep $

I really hope the morning existential crisis isn’t that Dramatic, but I guess we’ll see when we get there huh? $

Most of Fitness is just realizing how much shit you’ve been doing wrong and it being okay anyway $$$*

Most of Fitness is just realizing how much you’ve been lied to without absolutely losing it all $$$*

Or just say fuck it all $$

Good morning world it is 7:03 AM
Full disclosure I am still in bed, but and technically on the clock now $

It’s pretty rude when your phone is randomly brighter than it needs to be for no fucking reason $

I had to pull up the phone because I don’t wanna get out of bed yet $

I can tell when my furnace quit when I could feel a draft from the cold air, 
stealing the heat from my space heater $

I am up for real now
I don’t know what to do
I am desperately overdue for a recovery day
But yet my website’s gonna be shut down any minute because DoorDash decided to be a hoe and take my only $30 $

I’m not trying to sound like a victim because I really do find it more funny than anything now but this is just exactly what I’m talking about $

How no matter what I do, it’s always something fucking stupid like this
My point is that- it is some kind of evil fuck boy $

It is not fate or Destiny $

It is literally the actions of people who decide to try to cut corners
Because now that I think about it, 
I know that fucker was trying to do some shit with them pizzas
And I know now that the agent didn’t give a fuck to actually understand my issue $

Leaving me holding the fool card $

AnyWho, I’m plotting how I’m gonna have to broach the conversation with my mom
So I can potentially get groceries for the day $

I hope she’s still doing her morning workouts… $

This is exactly what evil does to you as it has you turned on your own fucking family because even though they’re fucked up, they’re just trying to do better just like yourself $

In other news, I think I finally got my Snuggie wrap down
It is almost street legal actually $

I honestly don’t think I have the calories to even train without it making it more harm than good
And that shit really pisses me off $

And that’s why I know it’s evil
Because if this series of events has led to this kind of test
To see what I’ll do when I’m righteously pissed off $

There ain’t nobody in a physical body around here saying this shit to my face $$

Never worry about a bitch ass ghost who doesn’t have the balls to incarnate and say it to your face $$$*

Seriously
If incarnated beings can walk around acting like they do despite the emotional feedback that they get,
what do you think other forms of consciousness do? $

It’s not being sneaky or slithery if you’re not the one who started playing that game to begin with
Then it is just living life on life’s terms 
Or spiritual self-defense $$$*

Accepting life on life‘s terms is a very profound and true statement
And also the number one go to for bitches afraid of work $$$*

Jokes on my morning existential crisis
I took my Kratom ahead of time so now my buzz is synchronizing with my wake and bake $

And I’ve already got one years worth of videos, locked and loaded on my B&B TikTok account $

Military times written backwards lol
31
41
51
61
71
81
91
02
12
22
32
42 $$

Being trolled often feels a lot like being tested $$$*

If you were to apply for a very prestigious, spiritual position, do not be surprised when you are tested $$$

You quit when you run out of fuel for a reason to continue $$ 

“You have these issues because you’re sick
You’re broken
Your malfunctioning
You see this is how we know. 
Read this list.
Tell me what you relate to
Put a nice little number next to what you feel like
And then we’ll score it
Almost like a game
Oh yes, thank you
See, here are your results
Just like we said, 
and we told you that you are Broken as fuck
But don’t worry, 
we have a pill for that
We’re really good doctors after all
Here you go take a few of these
Then we’ll see you in three weeks and you can just tell us you’re feeling better so we can give you more” wink wink 😉 
We don’t want there to be a complication with your medication…
Oh, before we wrap up here something you should probably know
But you already signed the form so you can’t sue us
But I figured I’d tell you anyway cause I don’t want you calling me in the middle of the night..
Once you start these pills, 
you’re probably gonna need some more pretty soon or you’ll feel sick
So be careful not to miss a dose
Here you go here’s your slip
On your way now
Sofie,
Send in the next 15-year-old” $$$*

Yeah, I see now why I can’t go to the gym $

“ hey man, what’s up?
You must be new here
My name is Cody. 
I’ve been here three weeks.
Here let me show you around
This is where we sleep. 
This is where we eat. 
This is where we have therapy. 
And this is where we play games.
After three days, 
they’ll give you your shoes back
But not the shoelaces
So then you’re gonna have to keep wearing the grippy socks if you don’t want to
We have rec at 11 
and maybe we can go back again before dinner
Sometimes they let us walk the track after the sunsets too, 
which is really nice
We can play basketball
Sorta
Or just walk the track 
Or we can play with these strange foam things
I won’t lie to you. 
The food is pretty rough.
But I can show you the “good stuff”
There’s no telling how long any of us is gonna be here
Some a couple days, 
some a few weeks,
 and others go off to somewhere for much longer
I hope that’s not gonna be you
You’re funny
You seem like you don’t need to be here
Wait, why are you here?” $$$*

“ I don’t know what’s wrong with him
He just won’t stop. 
He’s just like his father.
Why won’t he quit? 
How come he can’t see what he’s doing to me.
I wish he wasn’t like this 
but nothing I’m doing seems to be working on changing him. 
He just says I’m not listening. 
He says he’s sorry, 
but I don’t believe it. He must be hiding something. There’s
 no way what he’s saying is true.
I know what I’ll do, 
I’ll get these people involved because they know what to do
And if nothing else, 
then they can at least see how heroic Ive been. Surely nobody could think this is my fault.. 
There’s no way this can be my fault. 
Look at all of the things that I have done for them.
And look at the few that they have done for me. 
How come nobody ever does anything for me…
I guess nobody will ever do anything for me…
Because I have to keep doing everything for everybody
I just have to fix him. ” $$$*

It becomes easy to see why people go to extreme links to hide from the truth $

Once you become strong enough to lift the heaviest stones, you gain the access to the greatest truths $$

I believe my purpose is the equivalent of a suburban emotional lightning rod $$$*

It is 9:01 AM
I’m not sure how I managed it exactly
But I was somehow able to juggle 
(with parental assistance), 
my bills for basically a week without causing absolute pandemonium $

Which this could be one of those moments to where I made God laugh by making some stupid plan
By saying yeah sure I’m gonna go ahead and scrounge up $1000 in seven days by dashing $$

And maybe even manage a treat today $

You owe the world and everyone in it your best shot
Everything you got
Everything you can give
Otherwise the “best” will have no way of knowing it $$$

It’s just more meaningful to view it as defeating actual demonic forces $$

Demons are not the cliche gargoyle vampire ghost knight things we think $$*

They’re the mirror reflection of the values and principles we hold dear $$*

Which must by definition exist $$

But it just gets progressively easier to manage evil when you are free from its tricks $$*

“Feeling” is harder than “trying” $$$

At first.. $

The truth isn’t complicated 
Just highly technical $$$*

It is 10:34 AM and I am making my first bowl of rice and I gotta say I think I nailed it even though I had to use the poisonous tapwater lol $

If you treat your body like a little bitch, then that is exactly what it will be forever and ever and ever and ever $$$*

Politics is just a game of people who have figured out reincarnation playing against those who haven’t $$$*

Salt the key to limitless energy
If you know how to use that $$$*

This rice is so good
Recipe was one and a half cups of dry rice
2 cups of water
In my little rice cooker $$

The two things every bodybuilder should get:
George Foreman and the rice cooker $$*

The top magical products
- The Perfect egg cooking pan
- The perfect grill $$

People will be assholes to your face, but go fap to your memory behind closed doors 🚪 $$*

It is now 10:39 AM and I am on my second bowl of rice 🍚 $

Bodybuilding is simply competing with your aesthetic
So looking good at all times means you’re performing well
It also likely means you’re neurotic as fuck and insufferable to be around
Sorry, not sorry $$$*

It is 1:02 PM and I am doing a dash for myself
Which is always the hardest for some reason
I was on standby for the past hour and a half and have gotten really nothing
So we’re gonna go to the store and get ready for tonight and give it the best we have $

Few things worse than your social battery dying randomly $$*

We are back from Aldi’s with crackers
A dozen eggs, and a thing of water
And also a three count of the seven treat $

I am officially flat broke again though lol $

Any new time for coffee and Carbs $

I think the imaginary conversations that you have in your head about fame and fortunate are just part of the territory being an artist $

Before I even hit play, I just want the record to reflect that Kurt Metzger is one of my favorite dudes
I mean, obviously his own person, but I only know him from the Joe Rogan show mostly
But if you wanna learn about some fucked up shit, he’s a good guy to ask $

Ladies & gentlemen, I might be onto something here
Peanut butter crack crackers,
It’s a PB&J s’more
It is incredible $$*

If I’m gonna be remembered for something, it’ll be something regarding PB&J‘s $$

This is a spiritual food because it checks all three boxes 📦 $$$

Oh my God, I feel refreshed
Until the sugar kicks in, and then I feel anxious
So far so worth it $

Well, that was a really amazing moment just a few minutes ago
When I went to go on my walk, I ran into a neighbor who I had originally spoken to on a walk three months ago or so
I was walking by her house and we had a moment or two of small talk and I guess one thing led to another and she said that I inspired her to get out and get walking
And that today was Day number three in a row for her
And we talked a little bit about her husbands situation and how he’s been disabled for 18 years and she is his caretaker and all of this
And obviously, I have the perfect coach for her if need be
Just an incredible one of those God moments
And further reflection of the kind of person that I am
And how easy it is to forget that $$$

Cause truly good people don’t actually go around resting on their laurels. They have this itch that can only be briefly satisfied.
Before it starts acting up again $$$*

Anyway, moments like that, make it all worth it $$

I’ll gladly eat eggs and saltines if that’s what it takes to feel how good I feel right now about myself $$

Her house is at the end of my memory lane walk
The same route that I could barely muster the strength to do over the summer
When I was rebounding from amphetamines
Wait, sorry “medicine”
 and getting kicked in the nuts by intellectual demons, every 30 seconds, it felt like $

I think now it is time for tuna and crackers $

I can’t do much in this world, but I can teach people how to move better
I’ve been doing it fully professionally for about four years now
I’m tired of seeing advantage of people’s pain for profit
Mental and physical $

Everybody’s got some kind of horror story whether it’s from the local box gym, with the family physical therapy appointment,
Or a bone topic with their primary care $$*

People would rather kill themselves in the kitchen, then go help somebody else out 
For abs that is $$*

It is now 3:30 PM
I am blazing up before I go get a pump
And dash for a bit $

Walking directly behind someone doing rev flys is how you get yourself knocked out lol $$$*

That was a great workout
I could definitely tell when the crackers kicked in lol
I needed it though
I can tell my metabolism $

It is 8:53 PM
And time for first sleep
Mostly because the 2.5mg of 7-0H is hitting as advertised
And also, my brain has finally quit
But with any luck, I won’t have to sleep long
And I should be back in the Fight pretty quick $

This is a warm night so I don’t think my furnace has to be a hero
But it has been doing better and won’t lie
I haven’t eaten really much protein today 
Maybe about 80 g between everything
But I have eggs for later lol $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-6-26

Happy 12:37 AM
I am trying to find a break $

We’re checking into the midnight movies now $

Past few times it’s like I’ve been going to the midnight office
So today the goal is basically the opposite $

I swear, sometimes I get more wrapped up in the previews than I do the actual movie
It’s cuz I think that if I take extra time to become familiar with the options, then if nothing else and makes it easier to pick next time $$

Although I always end up nearly getting fooled by the movies that have been dubbed
And not saying that they’re bad movies, but I can’t never focus when it’s dubbed
I’d rather them have the whole movie in another language and read the subtitles $$$

So now I’m pretty much going through every difference with each action movie available on Netflix $

And after scrolling through what might be 30 different action movies
I’ve chosen “the unforgivable”
Starring Sandra Bullock lol $

I’m not picking it because of her 
I’m picking it because of the prison connection
Which further and further reinforces that this life is some kind of prison it’s for me lol $$

Already I am reminded that
This is most likely a simulation to realize some shit
Or to learn forgiveness
WoA to those who are about to learn that nothing is unforgivable $$

Shit like that always makes me nervous $$

I’d say my greatest fear is learning that I was a piece of shit in past life
Cuz I’m not exaggerating when I say that the sheer amount of shit I’ve had to do in this life is suspicious $

You’re either training for it or paying for it $$$*

And naturally, we are always doing both $$

I feel bad for those who haven’t learned the value of some small snacks and soups
Not the other way around $$$*

If you learn how to do time
You’ll learn how to be free $$$

Spend five minutes in a big city and you’ll see the extreme side of the ego and everything that it can filter out in it’s pursuit for false ambition $$$*

And how anonymity works in reverse $$

The scene from the fish factory has made me think about my tuna and I feel like that God was trying to tell me something personally just now $

I just cannot wait until I can source my own food
I mean, literally I don’t think I can wait much longer. I have to do a better job of hunting.
Regardless of financials $

I know she just got out of prison 
But Sandra’s still pretty bad if you know what I mean 😉 $$

She actually makes a pretty good depressed lowlife felon $

I mean to be fair she doesn’t really have to say anything, just look sad and sick
And not fuck up the make up $

They haven’t revealed exactly what she’s done but it seems like she did something radical one day and then lost her daughter $

Lots of foreshadowing about a murder
Most likely a cop
Most likely in overreaction over a misunderstanding $

They’ve made it clear that she just did 20 years and got released for good behavior
And they’ve already highlighted a couple of her sneaky technical skills $

“The system can be hard-core”
Good point, good scene
I really like the new family who’s taken over her trauma house $

Love the tent city
Overall, I gotta say is pretty good movie
I just kept my undivided attention pretty much the whole time
It’s a little cliché and cheesy tho $

I think it is time for eggs
And we’re not even halfway through $

Dude, I swear the smoke shop has a better batch of the 70H then the candy store $

I said my preferred method is to get a 10 mg tablet and break it into fourths $

And when it’s a good one, 
then you get a 
 buzz equivalent to probably four or five caps
Without all the downsides, of course $

But when the tablet is on some bullshit
Then you might need half the tablet $

Hell you can get a good buzz just from 1/8 of a tablet if you have a good dose $

And I really don’t think you can get away with doing that on the super strong tablets because even 1/8 of those is so strong it almost pushes you over the threshold $

Kratom is funny in that if you take too much, it turns into almost a different experience and if you get the spill over as I call it $

You get real groggy and sleepy and noddy which is great for sedation, but the opposite for work $
 
AnyWho, I have another delightful buzz of just a quarter tab $

It’s almost like there are higher forces, helping me not think about work right now so that way I can return to it with a fresh light in the morning
Cause normally I would be bugging the fuck out right now lol $

If someone doesn’t like you because you make them think about the hard stuff
Then consider that a job well done $$$*

And that there are many more people proud of you for it $$$

Goddamn those are good eggs
I got the slightly nicer kind from Aldi‘s $

It is now 2:01 AM
Time to finish this movie with a little bit of mobility $

I’m actually hoping I can get hungry again maybe in about 90 minutes if I don’t fall back asleep
Then I can finish the eggs $

And maybe even throw in some crack crackers $

Cause if I keep at this rate, I might be able to do legs $

Oh, we’re at the scene where Sandra gets on mad at the nice fish coworker for bringing her donuts and a jacket $

And it looks like this act of kindness has triggered her trauma
Which has triggered her shame
Which has triggered more trauma because of all the times shame has ruined the moment $$*

And that is a pattern. I think we can all relate to. $$*

True Pain is being forced to watch all helpless & shit from the sidelines $$

Just ask your dead ancestors $$

I think that if you move twice as fast as regular people, then you can recover twice as fast $

And this is why I like to split my sleep
I basically get two full days every day
And as long as I am not an ass hat with my energy, I can usually get a full nights recovery in 3 to 5 hours sleep $

And now that I’m no longer overloading my physical
I can use the additional rounds for mental recovery $

Imagine wanting revenge on somebody
And then being put in a position to where you can’t ever get it
And instead, you have to watch the person you resent win over and over and over again $$

Everybody has found themselves in a brief position of bitch-assness 
And the only way to recover from that is through humble work and humble pie
So it’s pretty easy to tell who has declined the opportunity to rise above their lower instincts $$$*

But the best part about rising above your lower instincts is you become impervious to others who have not risen above theirs
As long as you don’t willingly give your power away, of course $$*

Life will make a lot more sense if you viewed every single thing as an intellectual prop
And that in some cases, the deeper over analytical definition of something can distract from its greater meeting $$*

There are two sides to every personality
The side that consumes energy and the side that spends it $$

Most people just get caught up in the consumption side of things
But you actually feel better when you’re spending $$

Getting back to the movie, they just did the big reveal
And now, of course everybody’s an asshole except for Sandra. $

Point being you should never judge
Unless you absolutely must
And then you should know that it’s probably a test or set up
And that you’re probably gonna be screwed no matter what 
so just try to be cool about it and stay in the middle $$$*

It is 2:57 AM $

We are now switching gears and watching the documentary about aa treasure hunt in the Rockies of Santa Fe, New Mexico $

Apparently, a bunch of gold and shit was hidden by an art dealer named Forest Finn $

We’ll see how long it takes to get esoteric $

Apparently, 
a an ex pilot turned artist, 
decided to hide a bunch of shit into the desert & to make it a game as he was dying 
He recovered, but he continued the game until the treasure was found in 2020
And allegedly reburied $

He claimed to have hidden the nine clues within his poem $

Those who don’t take crap from anybody are the first to let you know that $$*

But I don’t take that crap $

It is now 3:44 AM and I am enjoying a bowl of popcorn $

I swear to God, I’m gonna do some shit like this one day with the treasure hunt
But to a scale that no one has ever seen
It will change centuries $

I love Midnight because it reminds me of pretty much every other time in my life
Because for most of my life, I’ve been doing some weird shit in the middle of the night
And somehow still managing 7 to 9 hours of sleep $

In real estate, I would find myself in many of the same rooms as some of the most uptight wannabe snazzy motherfuckers on earth $$

Sell a couple million dollar homes and I promise that shit goes to your ego $$*

I was just wearing flannels and cut offs $

My last major real estate transaction
For 3/4 of a mil
Was the most clutch deal of all time
Total God moment miracle thing
I was training this super sweet couple at LA fitness in North Charlotte
And one session one morning, 
We are ran over our time cuz we were chatting 
And I wasn’t even gonna bring it up, but I happen to mention that I was also a real estate agent
Next thing you know that weekend, I’m showing them condos uptown
And while they didn’t buy anything that day
Three weeks later, they went to a new construction builder and still put my name down as their agent
And thanks to their kindness, and probably some nagging angels,
I was able to make 15 grand without doing a damn thing other than those training sessions and showing those condos $

But each training session we pretty much went over on time
And I truly put my heart into each minute I spent with them
Cuz they were so sweet & ambitious 
As well as everybody else
So I know that was karma $

Because if I didn’t sell that house, I would’ve been extra fucked financially
And that money bought me my laptop $

I think the last home I technically sold was a lot of land
To another training client
Who also happen to be a cousin, somehow estranged on my dad‘s side
That was a pretty simple deal, but I did have to earn it a little bit on that $

That money basically helped me not drown financially and bought me the tools and experience to get back in the woods
At least long enough to have the balls to make a big leap of faith and leave that gym that I was working at
And go into the wilderness, for real for real $

When you go to build some shit really complex, you have to look for models and inspiration
So it’s easiest and wisest to turn towards nature
And you don’t have to study very much to start noticing some patterns
And then you start noticing the same patterns on different scales
Then you start realizing hidden laws.. $$

This forest guy reminds me of this one dude who would come into this wellness place I was working at
He was probably the most regular of our regulars
Super nice
Can’t really say an honest bad about him
He loved to talk and socialize
But he also maintained this level of awareness to make sure he wasn’t annoying
He had his favorite employees though
The more delusional, the easier he found in them a captive audience
But whenever we would perform some services, then we would have to be all buddy buddy ofc $

Sidebar this is how I realized I wasn’t actually a bad person because if you put me on enough Adderall, I genuinely enjoyed the super stereotypical cringey- friendly server role
And no, I was not “high”
I literally just actually did not mind asking people about their day for once in my life
But I digress $

Whenever we would perform local cryotherapy
It was kind of forced small talk
And this is leading me back to my point by if you saw this documentary, and if you saw how this guys is on camera, then this is exactly how this guy was
Same profile too as an old white dude $

AnyWho, I guess my real point is that the game he was playing is one that many people like to play 
Just say some shit for the entertainment value more than literalism $

I just can’t help but feel like the oldest young person of all time sometimes lol $

The joke is that we’re really not special. We’re all just defective in unique ways but I mean that in the best possible way. $

My brand of art is what happens when the substitute is better than the teacher $$$*

Or what happens when the class clown has to lead the class $$$*

It is 7:27 AM and I am briefly awake and I’m going back to nap a little longer, but I had to note just how foggy and dystopian outside the world looks right now $

It is now 9:16 AM
I am awake, and I am not as stressed as I thought I was gonna be $

The sneaky dose of kratom that I took a few hours ago is gently carrying me out of bed, which is very nice and more friendly than a cold shower, which is on the menu for tomorrow most likely $

I don’t think I’m gonna go to the gym today cause I really do need a recovery day $

And in spirit of accountability I am still going to do my sun walk before I do my smoke Sesh $

Don’t bother, trying to explain states of consciousness
Employee techniques to change it though $$*

If positive reinforcement was too positive
In the second the reinforcement ends, it begins to feel like a negative
Which is why those signals are usually weaker than pain signals $$

Because once the pain signal subsides, then the new resting baseline feels significantly better $$

It’s obviously just a trick of perspective, but it is more powerful than any medication $$

The greatest evil of all time is convincing people that it’s OK to do nothing for their health except get upset when somebody else can’t fix them $$$*

Happy 9:33 AM
Let’s kick off this mental mobility morning session $

It is 11:55 AM and I’m eating eggs $

Interesting thought
Overall, I would say social media is a lot more nice and fair then it’s not
I say this because I know a lot of the “content” I post isn’t really content
I’m just kind of trying to learn how to use this shit lol
But even though it’s taking me a while
Nothing terribly bad has happened yet and sure there have been a couple assholes here and there who don’t recognize when someones in training,
But overall, the platforms have been very friendly and resourceful $$

Rice without butter is just silly $$*

When simply looking at something gives you strength
Please tell me how magic is not real $

The same street that I learned how to skate on is the same street that I learned how to fly $$

Tis was a beautifully warm day in January, the day that I arrived $

BRB gotta go grab find eggs 🥚 $

Lol when I went out to grab my water bottle from the car just now
The canvaser that I ignored earlier, caught me
He walks up out of the dark-
“Hey man, I’m just trying to help you out
Who do you use for Internet?”
And I was literally like dude;
“I’m just trying to save you the trouble I’ve been in your shoes and I’ve done what you’ve done and I don’t need nothing”
And then he goes..
“ swag” and then walks away 😂 $*

So on that note, here is my unsolicited advice to anyone out there on how to deal with sales people
Just be as direct as you possibly can and call them out on their sales process
They will have zero defense against it- I promise
Just say “ I’m not trying to be rude. I know you’re just trying to sell me something but I’m not interested.”
And just keep repeating that,
But if they’re persistent, then you might need a couple different verbal techniques, such as
“ bro, your rebuttals are shit”
“ I already have your service”
“ I know what you were doing and it’s not going to work”
“ I’m sorry I suddenly just shit My pants and I have to go.”
“ I don’t want it. Because you are terrible at building value and urgency.” $$*

Because The primary objections to avoid using with a skilled sales rep:
- I need to talk to my spouse
- I need to think
- I need to shop
- I am not ready
- I already have another offer
- I’m concerned about price $$*

Any agent worth their seasoning has got you dead to rights if they have gotten you to the point to where you are saying anyone of those things
That’s because you have already exposed your deep down desire that you actually do want the stuff
But that you’re just nervous
Also nine out of 10 times the agent has already felt you out and knows that you have the means to purchase if you actually wanted to $$*

So every time you come up with a very routine hesitation
You are only a couple minutes away from feeling silly
That is if you’re dealing with a good salesman $$*

Being difficult usually works with lazy and weak agents tho 
So if you have the insight to read who you’re dealing with then you might not need some of those verbal counters $$*

Low-key I need to do an entire fucking master class course on salesmanship $$**

It is 8:56 PM
I finally finished reviewing everything again
I am now putting on black mirror
I’m gonna increase the buzz about 30°
And we are going to keep pushing $

I think it is extremely note worthy and exciting to report
I am now beginning to receive back more energy than I am spending
And that is going to make me very very dangerous lol $$

But it is time for bed because I am now sleepy
It is 10:02 PM $

See you on the flipside 🤙🏻 $

Eternity 
Age
Lifetime 
Phase
Year
Month
Week
Day
Hour 
Minute 
The Moment

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-7-26

Happy new day world 🌎 
It is 12:45 AM
I am up and beginning first shift now $

Kind of a weird first sleep
More like a restless nap $

AnyWho, we’re gonna finish our episode of Black mirror $

Just thinking about how within the last 24 hours, it was a brief but fleeting moment in which case I could totally see myself snapping and just completely sending a motherfucker back to Jesus
And I am convinced that part of this incarnation is learning how to solve problems withheld justifiable violence…
Because I have a feeling that historically, I was involved in a lot of life and death shit
And that getting rid of the profane comes instinctual to me $

I’m just happy I actually caught the time at 1:08 AM.
I think it means it’s time to take the buzz up a notch $

This is gonna sound super weird
And might totally backfire and get removed when I go to edit
But I can’t stop thinking how weird it is that I know I used to be a girl at some point lol
I mean in a past life
It’s just weird because a couple things about my hair being long , hits different
Like I don’t think I’ve had long hair like this in the last lifetime
But I feel like I did at some point during the revolution $

OK, this is it gonna sound even weirder, but as I’m now trying to recall
I feel like I can remember some things
Against that weird feeling memory
I need to unpack it to be able to communicate it first
Is I have to untangle my current memories From mostly video games (of like historical characters & RPG type shit) $

But I’m willing to bet that the only reason why I got into all of those characters is because of the deep unconscious memory of previous adventures $

But back to the whole girl thing
I’m watching an episode of Black mirror now
And one could say the female lead almost looks like a female version of me even with the hair color and all
The episode itself is about her husband or whoever dying, 
and then having his consciousness uploaded to the cloud
The hubby then goes from comforting app to creepy cyborg robot when she purchases the premium personnel package
Turning a sexual robot into a real life replica $

Sidebar
Her sex piece is a skinny fat twig
So maybe we don’t have that much in common actually lol $

OK now I can’t decide if my hair color is more like his or hers lol
Hers is darker
The lighting is also bouncing all over the place
I think I might be more in the middle somehow $

One way to tell if it’s an AI clone or not
Is to see if it wants to lift $$*

Or ask it’s opinion about it
Guaranteed AI will try to convince you to either 
A do the lame super cheesy “go harder go home” shit
Or B, & try to convince you that it’s a waste of time and that you should try this pharmaceutical instead $$

The weed is doing its thing and now I actually feel like I want to edit $

It is 2:17 AM
And I have completed my edits and updates $

And now all that is left to do is to enjoy as much of a buzz as possible & Let the dust settle, $

Cause it took me a while to do all those edits, cause I had to get out a lot of shit lol $

We’re gonna watch “untold: American apparel” $

Most bosses will openly talk shit about their employees
Which should disqualify them from that title but you get what I’m saying $$

I honestly never even heard of American apparel lol $

They keep talking about how different they are
And if it’s one thing I’ve learned is that just makes them sound all the same $$*

Every artist thinks that they are completely unique
Which makes them extremely generic $$*

Now so far, I’m just seeing a bunch of extra colorful basic shit
So I kind of feel like they’re taking shots at me lol $

My style is like if Jackson Pollock had ADHD
And nothing better to do but lift weights $$$*

Anyone who ever even jokingly tried to put someone down or take slights at them is far more toxic than they’re even letting on $$$*

I’m willing to bet you can poll half the people off the street and they’ll tell you some horror story about an employer
The other half are most likely the employers or so stupid to even recognize the shit $$*

That is one thing the general public will never quite understand is the mindset of an editor $$

They are part promoters and part slime balls $$

ADHD is actually like a learning super ability
But having dumb people slow, you down is excruciatingly painful in a way very few will ever understand
I mean by literal definition $$$

I actually like people who are a little extra “fruity“
And I support the whole “ let your freak flag fly”
Only if it’s authentic and unique and not forced for attention $$$

“ if you see someone shoplifting, let them know that we are hiring”
A common Company saying $

It’s easy to blame the big companies for taking advantage of people, but my life’s mission is to wake these people up to the fact that this is what happens when you are foolish and insecure and looking for others to solve your own problems $$$*

And again, it’s not totally fair to blame the consumer for not outsmarting the corporation
But it is amazing how some simple self-awareness will save you so much shit $$$*

My writing is about 30° warmer after editing $

I’m telling you that most super crazy artists could be straightened out real quick with some heavy weightlifting or some long duration cardio $$

Cause the only way you survive those sessions is by mastering the science $$*

When you become a master of science, and when your art becomes building, then it also becomes the art of ego management $$

“Open immigration” and be believing that people should be able to travel freely are two different things $$$

Just about any employee will tell you that they stay in the shitty job because of the camaraderie of the coworkers $$

Which I can totally relate to, but is an awful excuse
I quickly found myself in that situation at my last job
Except the camaraderie was absolute trash, just like the company culture $$*

It is so easy to fool a young person into thinking they’re special 
Which is why you develop a prison planet and test them all by seeing if they’re willing to justify their own shit $$*

Any company that has to rely on sex to sell is pretty shallow and shitty $$$*

Again, I think you can become impervious to all of this psychological bullshit
But it ain’t easy when every time you turn around, you’ve got softcore porn being shoved in your face
Then being told to not think about it $$*

Completely zoned out during editing on the documentary, but the Takeaway is the dude was a piece of shit
Shocker $

It is 3:13 AM
And I have eaten more crack crackers 
right now The plan is may be doing a power barbell session in the a.m..
We shall see lol $

Having the two space heaters right by my recliner is so clutch
And technically not cheating
Even though it gives me a nice little warm pocket of air
I still have to bundle up and I still have to warm myself
I just don’t have to spend quite as much energy
It’s like the equivalent of an extremely slow jog $$

AnyWho, we put on “killer Sally”
Which I think is about a bodybuilder who lost it and killed people or something $

I’ll probably be asleep within 30 minutes $$

“ it’s not like I woke up and decided I was going to kill my husband” 
…. $

You really gotta watch out for the single moms
They are gonna be very quick to tie you down
& even quicker to throw you away $$$*

Feels incredible having all this writing finally organized
And with a decent flow of everything
I can finally stop thinking so much hopefully $

The key to flow is surviving the learning process $$$

Back to the documentary
It’s like they’re trying to blame steroids for his abusive behavior and for her compromised mental state $

It is 4:12 AM and I am trying to figure out if I should eat or not $

Think I’m gonna do rice with heavy butter
Normally, I would have a high protein & high fat meal
But I think I’m still in the learning phase of what my body does and doesn’t truly need $

So technically, I am above maintenance level protein 
just not growth level
Or what I think that is $

so if I find out that I need half the protein to continue making gains, then that’s a pretty big deal $$

I mean, that’s like the biggest deal of all time $$

I’m about to have to use up all my butter and I’m actually kind of upset about that lol $

Shits like four bucks $

But yeah, another reason why I’m embracing all these financial trials is because of my behavior as my young adult self $$

I mean, I wasn’t too bad with my materialism
I just basically ate out for every single meal
And didn’t really care too much about wasteful small expenses
Which always added up more than expected ofc $

I always tipped very well and I always prioritized experiences over products $

That was great rice and butter and technically probably mostly butter if we’re going based off the amount of calories $

So that means if it’s a very high fat meal
Or more fat than carbs,
Then my body is likely going to take longer to break it down , in it’s entirety $

This is a general role of fueling thumb-
That when your body has more fat to process than carbs, 
it’s going to essentially use a different digestive strategy
Between your stomach and lower intestine and insulin and liver and all those players,
This is highly variable and one of those “everybody’s little different areas“ tho $$*

Me personally
My body can be highly efficient in the oxidative/fat pathways
And Will do everything in its power to stay in that gear
So even though I ate a bunch of carbs just now,
I’m not going to really get them,
 probably for at least 3 to 4 hours $$

Instead of one or two hours if I just ate the rice alone $$

You can use this example for candies and other types of fuel based snacks that are highly misleading because they actually end up having more fat than fast digesting carbs $$

It is now 7:38 AM and I am getting up
I am pretty sleepy still so
May go back to sleep in a few $

For the moment we’re watching “untold: PI moms”
Which is apparently about a group of moms who go crazy or something with private investigations and drugs and scandals and all of that $

Might need a couple new segments
-Shame on me
-Shame on you $

My website will be the intellectual equivalent of that one game where you hide a pearl under a cup & you’re not sure under which cup while the dealer shuffles the cups with the hidden pearl $$

I promise you that the gods are detail sensitive more than they are detail ignorant $$$*

It’s one thing to like something. 
It’s another thing entirely to know why you like something 
and it is most God like to know the truth about why you want something $$$

Acting for entertainment will never help you develop the same skills as acting for survival does $$$*

You gotta love when people use stereotypes to try to sound enlightened
As if they are some kind of guru of human nature… $$*

A gas station clerk could have more honest insight than most psychotherapist 
… if they pay attention $$*

It’s very interesting how “minority run” businesses are often far more productive, far more considerate, and far more hard-working
Than the common corporate chain of high school kids and high foolishness $$

Never forget how many people job it is to come up with the right line at the right time $$

You can use The same hyper focus lens to focus on every annoying little problem or every potential awesome solution $$

Most people are not aware of their own ridiculousness
Just look at their waist line $$$*

The two ways to become distinguishable-
1) by hard work and separating yourself from the herd
And 2) when the rest of the herd is so fucking dumb, they decide they would rather jump off the cliff than stop running for a bit and face the lion $$$

The most beautiful relationships on the outside are often the most fucked up on the inside 
and the other way is also often true $$*

I believe anything is possible with the right amount of caffeine $$$

You should be ashamed if you’ve gone through your whole life without thinking about how you could be a service to others $$$

But that doesn’t mean you need to be a martyr or a slave about it either 
Whole point is to maximize most fun for most peeps $$$*

The heart does not know resistance
But the mind sure shit does $$$*

All factors equal
You should let the music play in the background as often as you can
It’ll change your subconscious state of mind I promise $$*

Each of the 12 signs 
there are 1800
Equals 21,600 
Multiply this by 80 and you will have 1,728,000 which is the duration of the first age krita yuga 
If 21600 be multiplied by60 you get 1,296,000 called treta-yuga
21 600×40 = 864,000 or the length of the third age dvapara-yuga
If multiplied by 20 gives 432,000 or the fourth age kali-yuga
These numbers also decrease an inverse ratio to the Pythagorean tetractys $$

Few things sexier than a good attitude
Just saying $$$*

My lunch today is half a sleeve of saltine crackers $

And they’re delicious $

Anyone bugging out over lunch has obviously never been on a trail before for more than a day $$*

You can get good at going all day without anything if you have to,
If you want to.. $$

But the training process is pretty uncomfortable. I will not lie to you. $$

I am the modern day equivalent of a snake handler
I mean that as my unique background qualifies me for dealing with the most troubled individuals $$

I am not bragging about this 
in fact, nothing scares me more than going to talk with some shithead at a coffee shop $$

But it is something I have been doing for over 12 years now
And it seems as if I keep getting pulled more and more and more in the public direction $$

I am not saying this a to be a Crusader
I am saying this as an admission for myself to help wrap around the amount of shit I have to do soon $$

Another one of those amazing God moments
Went to the candy store to spend literally every last dollar and I had
And ran into buddy who had some psilocybin mushrooms on him
And now I’ve got a beefer thanks to him $

It is a solid 2.2g $

Which is perfect to check in with the ancients $$

God knows I’m gonna need some help getting the plane going $

This is so funny
All I have left is a big bowl of rice and some crackers lol
I don’t even have butter $

Or regular water
But we do have some more caffeine
Another 70H shot
And a generous gram $

You go all in
Every time
Every time you find a way to give everything you have
As long as you think!it’s the right thing to give
And that is the right way to live
That is the only way to actually live-
Is to be ready to die at a moment notice
Be ready to give it all away
Be ready to drop it and pick it back up
No matter how many people are nagging at you that it’s pointless
Remember to Lower your shoulder when you bow your head to pray
And give them hell every day $$$

You know what 
it’s 619 and I’m gonna go ahead and try to go to bed
Officially crashing but if I can steer into it now, I might be able to bounce back within two or three hours, which should be around 9:10 PM for night shift $

That did not last long lol I’m gonna try to “party” a little bit before bed $

And by party, I mean, watch Netflix and blaze as much as we can before we fall asleep
We’re watching the show about the open jail experiment or whatev $

I don’t understand why we do not have more prison wilderness programs $

I promise you if you put a big camp far enough and deep enough into some serious shit wilderness,
And you tell everybody it is their permanent home,
Then I guarantee you, they will change their ways to survive that will align with nature $$$

And once they reset their biology and get out all their fucked up urges and reconnect with their spiritual selves,
 then you can challenge them to make it back to society $$$

Meanwhile, everybody in society will be trained on how to deal with these fuck asses so that way when they come back, they are coming back to a supportive yet accountable community $$$*

Additionally, you don’t give them any resources besides good guides
So it’ll save the state all of the money and it’ll eliminate the need for private prisons $$

Cause I promise you those who try to escape, but have not learned from the error of their ways, will simply perish in the woods
Especially if you hire some other savage bounty hunters to literally hunt them… $$

Seriously, think about how that will also deter future recidivism
You’ll think twice about stealing that thing if you know for a fact, you’re going to the middle of Alaska with no such thing as three hearts in a cot
But with bears galore $$$*

Also, because the community will be flooded with positive propaganda teaching them how to forgive, 
and as to how to not be such pieces of shit to those who have wronged them $$$

So now when the prisoners come back, they will be super survivors re-entering a community with emotional black belts $$$

You tell me a better idea $

I’ll wait $$

And also when they’re out in the woods
They will be strapped to different trees and force fed mushrooms. 🍄 $$

while the most amazing music plays lol $

I bet you by the time they make it back to civilization they will be more productive, and maybe even more honorable than the civilians who stayed back $$

And again you can’t tell me it doesn’t make more and more sense the more you think about it $

Cause any piece of shit prisoners, 
nature will take care of I promise $$

And that is as fair as it gets if you want to start talking about the death penalty $$

Also, let’s say some prisoner shows some incredible acts of merit by helping others out
And they do that for long enough
Then it makes it very easy to release them on good behavior $$

And with any luck, if you actually institutionalized a motherfucker but to the woods and Mother Nature,
The second they get rejected by society they’re just gonna go back into the woods $$*

Instead of the shady bars and back alleys, with dudes waiting to steal your wallet $$

I’m telling you 
I don’t give a fuck how bad you want heroin, eventually you will choose water over it $$

Just maybe not for the first couple days… $$

And if you think heroin withdrawals are bad, wait until you get dysentery from drinking from a bad stream $$$*

You don’t have to worry about searching cells,
Clothes or anything $$

The visitation piece is the biggest motivator
Because you could arrange for better quality longer duration visits, but with less frequency
That would maximize meaning $$

Or you can incentivize a motherfucker by saying if you can make it halfway home then you get to have a conjugal at a more convenient location $$

Most of the time, prisoners’s families are traveling hours upon hours anyway
But I bet you more families would like to go visit if it felt more like camping ⛺️ $$

You should not have attractive, prison guards
Just saying $$$

You’re not gonna have to worry about shanks if they have to focus on their food and firewood for the day $$

Sorry, just can’t stop thinking about why this is the best idea ever $

It will only take two or three months to get rid of any racial segregation too $$

If you’ve seen any Disney movie, you know that mother nature has a way of getting people to drop their ego bullshit $$

Nothing more character building than cuddling in the cold with your mortal enemy $$$*

You could even get kind of fucked up with it and make it into like a real reality show $$

Considering I’m already watching a reality show about the brick and mortar, traditional jails $

Also, judging by the looks and most of these guards,
You can tell half of them are in on the prison black market because they aren’t exactly examples of high integrity $$*

So now imagine some elite ass Navy seal type protector guards
That job would sound so cool
It would also scratch the itch of many hometown fuck boys who end up joining biker gangs after getting PTSD in the military $$*

You get to be a legitimate old school, Texas Ranger type
Instead of being some racist dickhead joining an online chat room or something $$

And just think about how pedophiles would be treated in that environment with nobody around to segregate or protect them $$*

If cannibalism erupts, then you know who is first on the menu $$

And honestly, tell me a better punishment or karmic solution than making a murderer eat a pedophile $$*

That’s some true alchemy right there $$$

And then I think for maybe some more mild white collar crimes
We could redirect whatever skills those individuals have
Meaning instead of sending them to prison or something,
we give them extremely difficult goals that require special use of their talents for the good of the community
Or else they have to do something super embarrassing…
Something regarding public shaming
Because for these types, 
their name matters more than their own health or well-being usually
And usually their crimes have caused many headaches or emotional suffering, but maybe not much physical injury
So we make them do super embarrassing, shit, or super humbling acts of service
Or you know, the woods lol $$

I mean another super radical idea is just bringing back the arena and gladiatorship $$

While also essentially keeping our current model in prison structure
So essentially, we turn every single prison into some kind of competing group
But most of the competitions will not be physically deadly per se, but emotionally , devastating and embarrassing
While allowing an audience to enjoy
And simultaneously serving as a deterrent for the audience $$

I also think we could probably come up with some kind of physical energy exchange program
So you were assigned a work out debt for your crime-
It may be something extreme, but it will be realistic
But instead of doing this as an incentive to have your time released,
It will be a base requirement for your food, water, and shelter-
Meaning, unless you have completed your physical exercise or assignment for the day, you do not eat-
And then you continuously raise the assignment difficulty
And as long as the goals are realistically obtainable as they progress, 
I promise you people will get in line once they are truly hungry enough $$

I hate that the candy stores seven shot is so weak
I mean, I’m nearly halfway done with it and I don’t feel jack shit for the most part $

Compared to the smoke shops, equivalent milligram tablets
Which last 36 hours and I have to be very careful with because they’re so strong $

I’m not complaining. 
I’m just highlighting the difference in quality & milligram because these retailers are literally next-door to each other.
And the products are from the same supplier
Same strength
Just different form $

Also, DoorDash still kind of fucked me over for $30 and has not paid me
Which I’m not really tripping too hard about it is just made my day extra ridiculous cause now I have no real dinner $

I say I have no real dinner, but I am all too aware that I am still probably in the top 33% of the amount of food I have on me right now $

Saying 2/3 of the world probably has less food than my big bowl of rice $

And times like this also remind me of Alexander Supertramp
Who bailed on his super privileged life to go be a tramp and eventually to Alaska
Where he perished because he was a vegetarian dummy for the most part
I mean, he tried to eat meat. Don’t get me wrong, but he got himself poisoned.
And he would basically live off just a 5 pound bag of rice for a month on end
Which let me tell you is not good for your physical or mental health
Let alone support adventures of that magnitude
So shout out to his spirit and his memory
Because my cat is also named after him, lol
Seen” read the book recommended $$

I hate to admit it, but reality shows are probably the best for prompts for content in my line of work
And the human nature is just so fascinating to me $$

I will find a way to merge this with Fitness while bringing positive appreciation to the art of ego management $

The entire concept of muscling something is really talking about control and intention
It is when you have to stay in one place but manipulate the world around you- down to the smallest possible details
It is ironically, more mental than physical
It is less about the results and more about the sheer quantity of input
It highlights form over anything else
It is all about integrity
It is all about law and direction and order and science $$$

The idea of moving something is really more about adapting and the art of getting shit done at all cost
It may require you to move all around and see things from every single possible angle
It may require strange and unusual strategies
It is all about creativity and efficiency
It is about expression and entertainment and imagination $$$

Anyone who has worked the steps before will tell you that the “spiritual awakening” at the end is basically like a superpower when it comes down to dealing with the general public
It requires daily maintenance and it requires a lot of work to get in the first place, which is why the general public generally has no idea what “the steps” even are
The rest only associate them with those in recovery and never really bother to look into the benefit they offer for everyone 
But most people do not start eating humble pie until it is the only option left, and they have become hungry enough
And nobody wants to work steps until they get tired of eating humble pie $$$

Well, I’m extra disappointed in that seven shot so I guess I’m gonna take a shot of actual liquor now
Ugh, I really don’t want to $

Actually, no I think I’m gonna do the beer lol
Which is actually kind of perfect because I have no clean drinking water
My ancestors would be proud $

Also, considering that the website is fully operational and flow is perfect with social media
So hey, this is kind of a celebration beer
Maybe I can trick myself into drinking a little bit tonight for the calories sake
And then clean myself up tomorrow with the mushroom ? $

And pray to fucking God and everything involved in this process for some fucking consults lol $

I know this much -
the first thing I’m doing tomorrow is fighting with customer service so they hurry up and send me my 30 fucking dollars lol $

I probably could go buy a carton eggs with my two dollar bill, but I’m not spending that shit again $

Again, I’m laughing an awful lot at my ridiculousness, but the truth is
I’m what I’m doing is still way better than the standard American behavior $

Many people are drinking a couple beers every night
At least
Most people eat out for every single meal
And that is really just the cheapest food dressed up as much as it can possibly be before it turns into a controlled substance
Most never get even half their body weight in protein per day
Most are on so many fucking pills of some kind whether they be prescribed or over-the-counter remedies for their “cold” that their biome is completely destroyed
And this is also after a lifetime of handling stress and the worst possible ways
So their body really doesn’t even know the difference between nutrients and fuel $$$*

And that’s the only reason why I get away with dietary murder
Is cause the second my body detects a fuel food, it turns on the right metabolic pathway to deal with it $$

I would also argue that if anything, the human body has evolved to go long duration without protein, if it absolutely has to
And that once you get a bunch of it, it can properly process it over the course of a couple days $$

When you think about how our ancestors would’ve had to explore and the intervals between hunting kills,
Also, I can attest to the fact that you can be very comfortable in a fasted state
As long as you have not been emotionally and metabolic hijacked, of course $$

But if you’re actually pretty active then, yeah you’re pretty much gonna be coming across mostly carbs and hard to digest fats
That is until you got a kill $$

I am convinced that you will not recall significant periods of previous trauma, unless you were in similar positions in your current life cycle $

So I would’ve never even given reincarnation a bit of credit until I started being forced to go without food and the shit started feeling familiar
Or until I was pushed to the brink of insanity and had to step up and be a leader in pretty shitty circumstances that those soapbox motivational speeches started to feel a little bit extra natural
Or being randomly put on a podium in front of a secret society and being told to tell my experience, strength and hope,
I would’ve never woke up some super ancient pathways at a young age
Because I can guarantee you that by the time I turned 16 I was hell bent on being a hood rat
And totally fine with smoking and drinking all day long
And watching more jail lockup shows $

I say as I sip my beer and hit my bong and am broke as a joke lol 😂 
look, you gotta be able to laugh at yourself $$$

Because I’m also everything I’ve ever wanted to be
Actually, I’m well beyond it
And I even have a list that I wrote of an ideal image for myself when I was 18
Part of all that step work, you know
And I can tell you that I would’ve sold myself short $$$

Because I just built something that I know will become its own thing and its own way
Because it really isn’t even mine $$

I was just tactfully kicked in the nuts by the ancient & aliens & angels 
until I could distinguish the technical differences and learned how to build a program around such nut kicks 🦵🏻 $$

The other good part about never drinking is my alcohol tolerance is net zero
So I can already feel a buzz and I’m only halfway through a beer $

I’m just trying not to drink it too fast and break the hydration seal
I really need to soak up this beer
Because of the water and the electrolyte situation $

But dead ass, though if you’re active beer, really is a performance fuel
But for construction and hunting $

And fucking honestly 
If we’re gonna keep it real.. $

I’m telling you
Maybe this is a little uncalled for
And I have no idea who may or may not be reading is
But dude
If I’m on three or four beers
And if I’ve been painting for a bit
I’m just saying I’m going to be going the whole night 
if you know what I’m saying $

I gotta say to
I learned how to fuck pretty good when stone cold sober
And my body count was 99% in sobriety lol $$

Ever since I left and went my own way in the wilderness
That count has dropped considerably $$

It is 9:06 PM and I am officially on my second beer for the first time in at least six or nine months $

The buzz is buzzing a little though, which is nice
I can’t help but laugh
In a weird way, I’m flashing back to being some kind of prisoner of war and being fed nothing but rice every three days
I don’t know if I just saw that in a movie or if that’s for real for real.. $

I still might have to eat some rice
I’m actually gonna go ahead and try to make a little bit $

If nothing else, it should help me keep some water
And hopefully not pee out all the salt I have in me
It reminds me I need to make this batch extra salty $

I’m kind of concerned by how hungry I am for it though
That must mean, I’m in a deficit $

But I might just get lucky and convert this alcohol buzz into a runaway munchy buzz
And if I can somehow convince my body to hold onto these carbs,
Might need to do some more split squats or something,
Then I might just pull off another magic trick by the morning
Because I can probably be able to get some good high fat protein by then $

And then I’m basically just on some kind of weird fucked up hunting trip $

It’s times like these that I’ve gotta admit that hot sauce is an actual hack
I mean, it literally will trick your saliva glands Making dry food easier to eat $$

I can’t believe this is how some vegetarians live $

If you buy into Jesus like you buy into your local sports team, then I have both good news and bad news for you $$$

Lines like that last line feel like they came from somewhere else $$

I’m feeling pretty refreshed after that recent bowl of rice
And upgraded buzz thanks to the second beer
Which I will now return to
It’s only a matter of time before my insulin truly comes out to play $

I won’t lie
Every time I cross into the alcohol buzz territory I can understand how alcoholics are a thing
But I seriously just kind of fade out and just forget about drinking cause I don’t want to increase the buzz
Not at the expense of continuing to consume more fluids
That is the one thing I don’t like about the whole thing $

But anyway
My theory holds
That 1000 cal of straight carbs is probably the fastest way to eliminate hunger
compared to 1000 cal of mixed calories
Which is what I would normally opt for $

But if I don’t have much muscle that actually needs repair
Then I just need to refill my energy fast
And then I know probably within 12 hours. I’ll be craving meat.
And as long as I eat the meat then,
Then I think I will actually be ahead of the metabolic curve, comparatively speaking to where I would’ve been two years ago $

Cause even though I was training three times a day
And even then I would say I was pretty smart about not over training
I was still wasting probably at least half my energy
Just based off learning so much
Which naturally requires a lot of trial error $

Obviously, if I knew then what I knew now I would be able to run circles around the circles that I ran then $

I am actually enjoying this buzz like I used to $

Not in the “ready to throw it all the way and resort to a life of alcoholic crime” kind of way though $

But in the “this has genuinely improved the moment kind of way “
Therefore, reinforcing that even evil substances are not always that evil $

I’m also probably a little more chatty than I would be if the seven shot did it’s job
But I’m gonna save the last bit of that for the middle of the night $

I would say my existential ego reasoning has been reduced by 30% thanks to the alcohol
Which is quite substantial
I mean, it really is helping relax and close some tabs on work stuff $

And I jokingly say, I wish I actually drink more because I physically could handle more
Again, I’ve had this beer in my fridge for nine months now
And I still have two left
From a 12 pack lol $

Some people get away with alcoholic murder
Here’s how
Some people are so genetically gifted with their physical recovery that as long as they get between 6 to 9 hours of a sleeping window
They are able to recover from the acute damage of alcohol fast enough to limit the long-term accumulation of significant damage
This is assuming they have moderate to long-term gaps in between like most normal people do
Because again alcohol really isn’t all that bad by itself
Especially if you check every other Health box $$

To swerve a bit
If you eat a big ass steak before you go out drinking light beer
Even if you drink 13 of them motherfuckers
You probably are not going to damage yourself all that much physically
Emotionally on the other hand, that’s a different story $$*

Because most people drink on the weekends to forget about their shitty job and they’re toxic relationship
And that stress is building up 24 seven
Just ask your cardiologist or your psychotherapist $$*

And then soon your body naturally begins to degrade it’s repairing abilities and sleep no longer provides the same ROI $$

*Lighter flick $

So it’s kind of like falling off a cliff
The worst part though is not the alcohol
It’s the fact that you were distracted your entire life, and you did not build up any type of emotional defenses outside of a chemical solution $$*

And let me do another wide, weave real quick
Alcohol chemically is especially insidious
If you substitute a cannabis, you would not have the same problems
You might have different problems
But you would not have blackouts
 cirrhosis of the liver
Hepatitis
DUIs
And so on $$$*

Alcohol is especially insidious at targeting the anti-anxiety part of the brain
Cannabis is the exact opposite lol $$$*

So if you have a lifetime of avoidance and a continuously weakening vehicle
Then this is why the expression “only God can help you“ carries so much weight $$$

Like the weight the sedentary should’ve carried.. $$

I do believe there is a significant chance that I might be a better public speaker slightly buzzed than if I am really sober $

In the middle of a very good training session is Max ego
So if you were to try to get me to do a long monologue at that point, it would probably be extra choppy and very direct $$

Kind of what I was saying about alcohol is it is the ego mutter
At least the responsible part of the ego
Which has gone awry in many people $$

Because it keeps trying to tell them to change their job or their relationship and they won’t listen
But anyway
Like I mention alcohol is good at shutting that up lol
And it is easier to drink than it is to face your problems $$

I’m gonna go ahead and add another bag of popcorn to the dinner menu $

Not to brag, but that’s two bags on the day
And one sleeve of crackers
Six eggs earlier
Two bowls of rice
Two beers
So we’re looking at right around 22 to 2400 cal
Let’s not talk about the protein for today though lol
I should still be at 100-ish grams for the past 36 hours
And I’ve kept my fuel high and training intensity low to prevent unnecessary muscle repair
So I am still functioning & the engine is still running smoothly for the most part $$

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-8-26

Happy new day world $

It is exactly 12 AM and I am squirming $

Gonna be honest, I am now nervous because I now do not have any more Kratom or Kratom accessories or protein lol $

I dead ass might have to DoorDash early as fuck
Just to try to get a little bit of food money $

And definitely fight with customer service $

AnyWho, we’re watching turn
The Washington spy show $

One of my favorites of all time that I still can’t find the time to focus on $

I brought it up a few weeks ago
Because it was really the reason why I reactivated a Netflix
The expensive premium level… $

And I haven’t even really been watching this show $

Thank God, we got rid of the tradition of kissing someone’s hand
At least around America
Maybe that’s why we fought the war to begin with
Cause all the creepy shit going on in England $$

I know I was a patriot because of my tolerance for Bullshit is so painfully low.
And I promise you if I would’ve been around back then 
Then the second I would’ve seen one of them long beautiful wooden sailing boys,
I would’ve signed up for whatever they were doing $

The fact that I have the instinct to grab a musket and a hatchet, and to runoff into the woods is the further evidence of my own reincarnation $

And I know someone is probably gonna be like : “that’s confirmation bias”
 or whatever
But I feel like as I get older, I am actually recalling more and more better
 and it’s easier to separate the ancient memories from the current ones $

I would also submit my instinctual ability to be so sneaky and slithery as evidence that I was doing some stuff
And also the whole pirate ship tattoo theme on my chest that I got when I was 19 $

I also do believe before I was a patriot I was probably super British
I mean, I come from a long line of Lancaster’s
Apparently, lol
I still don’t know really much about my maternal grandfather’s lineage
But I’m gonna uncover as much as I can
Bet your ass on that $

But like for example
This major Jon André, dude
Who is a British general
But he’s super honorable, smart and classy, gentleman and all of that stuff
And I just relate to many aspects of his character $

But the main guy is a slithery, sneaky farmer, spy, and I relate to that more strongly than I relate to being an uptight general $

It is 12:47 AM and I need to eat more rice lol $

Just thinking about all the random ass battlefields, I found myself at growing up
And at 27 years old as a full-blown identity crisis $

I telepathically received the logo for muscles and movements while at first settlers Beach
Kidding, not kidding $$

I was there when I drew it up
And no fucking clue what I was doing, 
and I was just kind of messing around killing time
Sleeping in my jeep and shit $

Hey, I was there and I have the photographic evidence $

But wouldn’t that be super cool if it really was all my ancestors kind of chiming in
Cause I didn’t know Jack shit about actual art then
Just salesmanship and many different versions of push-ups $

Wouldn’t it be crazy if I actually was part of those landing parties?
I feel like I really was
I don’t know how else I ended up there $

Over my 27th birthday I went to a couple spots near Nashville in Chattanooga
The battle of Franklin
The battle of Lookout Mountain
And other that I can’t quite remember, I think
Remembering now how I had this real big energy attack when I went back to look out mountain..
Literally basically had to pull my car over $

And then I went through Jamestown & Yorktown just after my 29th birthday $

Look out mountain though
I have a lot of family that have lived there for a while
And I have some childhood connections to that area
I also have my uncle’s art on my walls from his ranch out there
And I know them spirits are part of this process $

It is 1 AM and I’m finally getting a little sleepy, but I’m doing some mobility $

It is now 4:47 AM. Have to go to the gym soon to stop being so anxious and restless. $

I’m gonna smoke as much as I can and try to do things mature way before I start dumping myself in the cold and running food orders $

I feel good on the inside, but like terrible terrible classic ADHD on the outside $

I keep forgetting about that massive mushroom my buddy gave me yesterday
That thing is more clutch than clutch itself $

I think I’m gonna have to do a bunch of jump squats
I’m dead serious too $

Online dating is a special kind of hell
When you’re trying to figure out everybody’s life story of five pictures and AI generated bio $$$*

There are a few things more philosophically humiliating than making a dating profile $$$*

We’re watching some documentary called “love and revenge”
And already this guy tries to take the homegirl out to his “wellness facility”
On day one $

Y’all know what I’ve been saying about wellness facilities… $

It only took him a month before he started asking for money $

It sucks because it makes me feel like such a bum from my last relationship $

Anybody who love bombs you is just setting you up to ask you for something $

I don’t know where the line is for viral, but the last video I posted is now over 16,000 views
So that’s kind of interesting $

OK, also I think I need to record a series of events here
It is now 5:12 AM
And I am finally feeling a little bit relief physically
It’s because of the jumps and dead hang and planks that I just did $

I’m not trying to be reaching with the synchronicity and shit but
But They’re doing this scene where they’re having private investigators follow this fuck boy around and he just drove by where the battlefield I visited… $

I hate to admit that I’ve got a cache full of cringey selfies
But at least I don’t go around sharing them.. $

Most of the time when dealing with any kind of wellness anything
You end up getting taken advantage of or at least losing a bunch of money
And said the conclusion with his asshole is that he was taking advantage of vulnerable women by getting their money and basically just fucking off with it $

Their whole wellness center actually never even opened $

It is now 6 AM
The restlessness will not go away
So I have done my cold shower and I’m going to the gym $

In many ways, it feels like some kind of battle
My ancestors would be proud $

God, it feels good to be going to the gym before sunrise again
So easy to forget how good hard work makes you feel $

Love when I get the VIP spot by the door $

I can’t believe I’ve been locked in a cave for so long lol $

I’m also wearing my sleeping hoodie cuz laundry still dirty lol $

“Bouncing off the walls” is playing hahah $

I also weighed in at 170 naked 
That rice & beer doin its job lol $

The old rope is almost always better than the new one $$$*

You can paint a giant ass heart on the wall and mfers will still think you’re a dick 😂😂😂 $$$*

Right now,
Thousands of athletes are waking up to their first 4am session 
You’ll know cuz you’ll see their post any minute $$$*

Skill is knowing how hard to clap the stack at planet 🌎 $$$*

OK, it is now 8:45 AM and time for a few updates
I finished my glorious push workout somewhere around 7:30
Did Some edits
Did a salt shot
Did a quick dash
Did a quick dance with customer service and got my 30 bucks
So now I’m posted up trying to get one or two more to really break the threshold that we need $

The most urgent things
Power bill of $65 is due today or else my shit’s getting cut off lol $

I’ve got to get a hold of State Farm cause that’s due on the 11th
And there’s another bill due on the 12th
And another on the 13th
My mom by the 14th
And then I think my dad will probably be the 15th lol
The modern day resistance games $

True movement magicians recognize dancing as the peak of the movement pyramid $$$*

I had to run home to take care of nature’s calling
If you know what I’m saying $

also might be a little dirty
But working in public gyms gets you really good at using public restrooms
Or locker rooms lol $

Suburban roulette is also trying not to get a eye line of old man dick in the locker room $$$*

I hate driving over squirrel guts to pick up lunch orders but hey, that’s just the war we’re in today $

It is 1:20 PM and I am making rice with butter this time
Extra butter, of course $

If you think you are in control of time then you were going to have a bad one $$$

Just like if you think you are not responsible for your time $$

If it’s a memory, then it’s spiritual
If it’s a construct, then it’s ego and likely not real $$

It is 1:47 PM
And I am noticing a significant difference by laying on the floor then by the chair
I mean, it is substantial
I think it’s because the firm ground that lets my body relax more unconsciously
Cause if you’re sitting in a soft padded chair, then it’s got to keep its own stiffness $$

The ego loves to view things as a matter of fact or right versus wrong
It tries to be as objective and linear as possible
It is a copy of the divine mind $$

The spirit prefers to view things as a matter of cause & effect and greater good for greater number
It tries to be as giving and sharing as possible
It is a copy of the Devine love $$

I’m not sure if I logged the fact that I already spent my $42
I got a gallon of gas
Groceries sort of
- Cat treat lickems
- Dozen eggs
- Two sticks of butter
- 1 L of drinking water
Then meds
- Hundred grams leaf powder super green Kratom
- 1 g strawberry cough $

The plan right now
I guess I need to call union power to see if they’ll let me get an extension lol $

Union power bumped 
65$- Extended til 1-26 $

YEET $

SAVES ME A POTENTIAL ASS FUCKING
KNOCK ON WOOD LOL $

I really think more and more about “evil demons“
I think it’s just some hoe ass energy shit
But I do believe that there are some negative consciousnesses out there
It works kind of like the weather
But usually in the form of vibes
Like when everyone around, you is being a hoe then you know it’s due to some greater collective consciousness shit of some type $

I say all this as an end around of the reality of love and good spirit
Because you cannot have amazing, genuine, caring, loving people without having the opposite $$

You just can’t or else there would be no such thing $$

But what is unique is the nature of evil
And it is first goal is to distract you from what you actually are
And once that has happened, then all forms of negative energy are brought down upon yourself
It isn’t actually like a demon is poking you physical per se
Just your subconscious to see what can make you tweak or twitch
And then you might grab onto a spicy thought and turn it into a shit buffet $$

It is 4:07 PM
And in keeping in the spirit of honest accountability
I’ve had my first liquid shit in months
Thanks to my antics last night with the rice and beer and popcorn… 
And also having pretty much zero legitimate Kratom 
So my lower intestine is likely moving faster than it’s used to 

I mean, it wasn’t the worst in the world but also why I normally don’t fuck around like I did last night lol
I kind of had no choice $

And the pump this morning was real and worth it $$&

It is now 5:48 PM
I am trying to figure out what to do next
I really am tired
At least I think I am $

But last nights shitty sleep and the sheer amount of stress reinforces that $

I’m just grateful to have a little bit of Kratom tonight
It really is pretty incredible with just how much it takes the edge off $

And so far, I would say my previous hypothesis about the potency of my sludge Shots is correct.
Meaning sludge shots hit weaker than capsules
Something to do with the breakdown and stomach and passing through the intestine, I’m sure $

But you do start to get a small buzz faster and you don’t have to wait two hours… $

But if I had some actual gel caps, then I would probably do a heavier dose of the capsules
While sticking to shots for low doses, even though it’s the same amount of powder per serving $

Just reinforces the differences in method of ingestion $$

The closest thing to nobody knowing your name is actually everybody knowing it and being used to it
It’s just that right when they figure it out it might be a little crazy $$

But once everybody’s gotten used to you, you go back to being invisible $$*

In recovery, you can watch your emotional state change radically
Sometimes with obvious reasons other times with not so clear
But I personally experienced the power of prayer over and over and over again
I’m not saying I got a buzz from praying
But it’s pretty remarkable how you’ll find whatever it is it was chewing on you suddenly slowly backs away
Especially if you turn your attention to other people $$$*

Nothing like a comforting show about the revolutionary war to help me unwind and relax and prepare to unload Hell on the heathens $

It is 8:05 PM and I’m gonna go ahead and try to go to bed $

All kidding aside I’m just trying to get in the right rhythm of things and follow the process the right way and not for some stupid shit $

So I might not do anything until the morning
We shall see $

It is now 11:23 PM and I think I’m gonna try to get up
Cause I can’t stop squirming lol
But I did have a nice nap there $

Alex looks cuter than anything on earth $$

I’ve actually still pretty sleepy so I might go back to sleep soon
It seems like the vibe is to get a little bit of space between me and the work before I go back to work $

Hitting the hay again $

Peace ✌🏻 $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-9-26

It is 2:27 AM
And the power is still working $

I mean that literally and metaphysically lol $

I’m just hoping that the nice customer service lady actually pushed back my disconnect date $

Reminding myself that everybody’s a little smelly in the wilderness $

I really can’t overstate the philosophical fulfillment that comes with smoking weed and watching reality TV in the middle night 📺 $

Now we’re watching a documentary on John McAfee
Cause apparently he’s wild
You know that antivirus software
This is the dude who made it $

The one hidden benefit of the gym that nobody likes to talk about is the bacteria exposure from all the sweaty strangers
I’m not kidding
By going to an environment like that on a regular basis, you build up a robust immune system system
Even if you’re living in the most isolated environments, you at least get some bacteria diversity $$*

Especially when you think back to whatever our ancestors might’ve had exposure to
They would’ve had some super aggressive, but silo’d shit
Which is why everybody died shortly after a stranger left their village $$

Reading an article about a husband snapping during Monday Night Football and killing his wife and shooting his 13-year-old daughter in the face before killing himself
While noting,
The way the article was written strategically to drag out the news so that way you have to step over at least five different advertisements while you learn the tragedy of what this family in Florida is going through
I mean, literally this news cares more about getting you to see the advertisements than to get the message.. $$

It’s disturbing because the whole point of the article is trying to paint the victim as a hero
And yeah, it’s clear as Day whoever wrote it cares more about readership than they do honoring the victim $$

Imagine if the victim was watching the writer write that article
What if the writer knew they were being watched by the victim?
Don’t you think that would change the way they use their vocabulary? $$

A journalist only has their word
And is responsible for the placement of every single squiggly $$$*

My heart goes out to that family
They’re just so many different parts of that tragedy that break it
While I do want to emphasize the heroship of the victim
It was made clear that the signs were there ahead of time
But she likely lacked the resources or ability to escape that domestic hellscape $$

Reinforcing the evil of an male ego gone awry $$$

The article made it clear that the dude just simply sat by the shed playing games on his phone while smoking cigarettes and obviously drinking $

This is not a man
This is not what a man does $$$

The night of the murder,
 he was drinking and doing Coke in the shed $

Went inside, probably to get a beer or something $

Got into a fight $

And then ruined the lives of countless people… $

And while this all came to a head one moment of one evening
This had clearly been building for some time $$

Oh yeah, they met at church $$*

Happy 3:41 AM
Just finished editing last week‘s notes which I think I began at 3:14 AM so that’s kind of cute $

The Bible is what you get when you got a lot of really smart philosophers who are just not very good at partying or talking to dumb people
But do make decent storytellers $$*

This open jail experiment show has made for good background motivation as I do my edits, but it is time to move on and find something a little bit more Fitting $

And immediately we’ve landed on “the search for Instagram’s worst con artist”
I think it’s a three part mini documentary $

Oh yeah, I’ve heard about this bitch
This is the BELLE bitch who faked cancer or something to promote wellness $

That’s so pathetic
Mark my words (he he)
Everything this bitch sought out to do using fucked up Fuckery,
I will do with comedy & with a bong in my hand $

Just reinforces the shit people will make up online $

I mean, seriously people
As long as you’re simply willing to suck in front of God and country for about three months,
You really can avoid being fooled $$$

Because people are only fools when they try to avoid something scary or that seems like hard work $$$

You were never foolish for “sucking” despite giving your best effort $$$

And I guarantee you that if you try more new things that it doesn’t take very long before some shit starts seeming extra familiar and mysterious and suspicious $$$

I also need to update the record
For all the party people who might be paying attention
I have taken one sludge shot once I woke up about 90 minutes ago
And it seems to be slowly kicking in
This is note worthy because the shot is equivalent in strength tWo of these shots I was taking every two hours or so.
From a buzz perspective, it feels like a six out of 10 - mildly sedating
Equivalent to maybe be a good four caps
But also feels twice as strong as it was two weeks ago,
So the conclusion…
Drumroll please.. $

Is my tolerance had gotten jacked up pretty good due to the method of ingestion
Because when you take the shot, 
you get a little buzz initially, but the rest still does kick in in the background $

But if you take a heavy shot, you can drive up your tolerance very quick, therefore becoming numb to the lower doses
Which is much harder to do with the capsules because of how long they take to kick in $

AnyWho, it’s about time for rice and the rest of that shot and whatever shit I got left in the tank lol $

If you wanna get into a fight, then try to normalize cancer around me
Or diabetes
Or addiction $$$*

When you understand every second of every minute of something
You’ve mastered it $$$

That means there’s a 60 minute test
And a 60 second test
And I like to throw in a 60 day test for the real gangsters $$

AnyWho, it is 4:05 AM and I have smashed two bowls of rice
I actually am growing more and more confident in my theory
You really don’t need that much extra protein if you don’t have that much muscle breakdown 
and in fact
You may be able to make even faster metabolic process by eliminating unnecessary food $$*

Sidenote
By throwing a shit load of butter into the rice
It basically converts it into a high fuel meal instead of just a high carb meal
And the way your body breaks down high fats plus carbs is different than carbs alone
Just ask your insulin $$*

This is also why you may notice after a very high fat meal, You don’t really feel tired or sluggish or sleepy. $$

Imagine being poisoned, and it being called therapy $$$*

It’s funny how many people might try to give me shit for such a simple diet strategy
But the reason why this is working is not because it is genius or anything,
It’s literally because most people eat out for every meal
And most meals are just dressed up and sauced up basic ass cheap food $$

If you think I’m kidding, then maybe you should get to know the general manager at your favorite restaurant $$*

And I’m obviously not talking about the nice places who deliberately source the best ingredients $$*

Placebo is still the most powerful factor
But having the right tools can make things a lot easier to believe in $$*

It is now 5:31 AM. I have done some more reading.
I’m just not sleepy lol this is the kind of shit that used to fuck with my head extra
Because I mean, honestly, I just don’t understand the point of rest
I seriously might go ahead and go to the gym although I did think I was gonna at least do a little nap or something
The real power move though is going early on the weekends before you get the morning rush $

You know what
 fuck it 
it’s decided
I’m gonna go ahead and start the pregame ritual
Start sipping on the pre-workout and see what happens
And by pre-workout, I mean the suspicious two dollars squirt bottles $

I wouldn’t have taken that last Kratom shot though if I would’ve realized I’d probably be going to the gym early. $

Reminds me of during my peak of training
Where I would have to go probably two or three full days
Training two or three times per day
(And coaching all day, of course)
With the net of no more than five hours of sleep each night $

And I felt phenomenal $

So good that my biggest problem was when I couldn’t do shit anymore $

And kind of like my last relationship,
It was like I was constantly being pulled into doing things I didn’t want to do $

Not her fault at all- which is why I tried to self medicate myself to save the relationship lol $$

But I’m just a fucking energy sports car or something $

Caffeine is the most widely consumed drug on the planet, and yet nobody goes to rehab for it $$$*

I gotta say that the 70° mornings are making it pretty easy to get moving $

Workouts hit different before sunrise $$$

God dammit 
they don’t open until seven
This is why Anytime Fitness is so much better $

Fuck $

I mean, I gotta kill 45 minutes, but I already started sipping my pre-workout 
& I’m in the fucking parking lot lol $

And y’all know my gas situation is not exactly ideal $

Some lessons you learn the annoying way $$$

Whatever
I’ve slept in my car enough times to find a way to kill 45 $

Tis now 6:58am
Bout to head in $

You can tell who’s serious by who’s the first to show up 
*cough 🤚 $$

Fit people are the most concerned with what you can do for them
Cuz they’re so used to being used for validation by others $$$*

My near sightedness is so bad and I can’t even appreciate my own reflection in the mirror that is about fifteen feet away from me lol $$

The gym is a different world without headphones 🎧 $$*

I have many holes in my shoes
But they’re just skate shoes 
…
Def not $$ related lol $

Isolation still the best way to strengthen some shit $$$*

Easy to be confident when you know the outcome… $$

Don’t care what anyone says
You remember eye contact $$*

Friendly reminder,
Don’t ask people mid set,
Just wait awkwardly 
It’s less awkward than being impatient $$$*

I say better to smell a little funky than too much cologne $$$*

I must confess..
My deodorant is failing before I am today lol $$*

Douchiest moment of all time
My long hair got caught in my heart necklace lol $$*

Everyone’s tough till iso-mobility $$$*

Better to smell like shit than feel like shit $$$*

Suitcase carries to manifest next vacation $$*

Better to be physically dirty than intellectually dirty $$$*

It is 9:28 AM and I am home from the gym and the current dash hoping to score 1 or two more so I can have lunch lol $

Got a coach coming by around noon so that’s exciting $

Being a parent is just being a coach to a level one human $$*

Being a coach to a grown adult is being a coach to a level nine $$*

Funny how many tendencies they have in common though $$

It’s honestly incredible how much just laying on the floor face down -helps $$

I’m going to invent a special floor mat to where you can lay face down without having to crook your neck $$

I’m convinced it is an subconscious- letting go 
because your brain recognizes the firm ground
So it can suspend its annoying, distracting processes, and Focus on the energy from the ground and proper distribution $$

This is why grounding is a real thing $$

Just thinking that there is still a mug shot of me out there somewhere $

Time to do some reading at 10:04 AM while waiting on some dashes
We’re picking up with “good energy” chapter 2 $

 humans are endurance killers
Literally, our primary strategy of hunting is just to chase something until it gets so tired it gives up $$

It’s a pretty good chapter
It’s weighing the inconsistencies in theory about VO2 max and training under your lactate threshold $

Basically saying that you can use VO2 max to measure true ability, regardless of intention or motivation
But with matters of endurance, VO2 max doesn’t mean shit
It comes down to one’s ability to self basically $$

View summary this week: $

IG
- Lats- 8k
- M&m - 31k
- B&b- 1200
- TRG- 900
41.5k ish $

TikTok
- Lats- 900
- M&m- 1800
- B&b- 1200
- TRG- 700
3600 ish $

That’s pretty cool
It’s a personal best
Biggest thing to know is the one on my M&M Instagram that’s over 22,000 views now
In about 48 hours $

Just thinking about the pyramid probably looked like shit until it was finished being built $$

That was amazing session
As always
I swear nothing fills me up more than coaching
And also nothing stresses me out more lol $$*

Just did a little dash to get some candy money and some dinner money
Probably gonna have to skate to the store tonight $

Failure is just training $$*

It is 2:53 PM
And I just ate six more eggs $

It is now 4:06 PM and I am up from my nap
It is time to change into my warm party gear lol $

On that note, I need to get myself ready for this trip $

I keep forgetting to write down that my last dash was in the same spot that I got robbed at when I was a teenager
I mean just across the parking lot because the robbery took place inside of the woods, but it was literally within 100 yards
I really hope that was the completion of that circle lol $

Grabbing a dozen eggs 
100 bags of black tea
& liter of water
5.78$ $

Rebuilding is a lot different than building
I’ll say that much. $$

I am excited, but actually pretty nervous for this mushroom lol
So that means I need to hurry up and go ahead and get on with it $

All right, it is 5:03 PM and I am beginning to eat the shroom
See you on the flipside $

Everyone’s real tough until they have to eat a 2 g dried mushroom lol 🍄 $$$

Time to return to the tea, weed, and new Joe Rogan podcast to really set the mood for the evening lol $

When you try long enough soon, it becomes more about doing the right workout at the right time instead of just doing the more intense one $$$

This is the transition between the athlete phase to the artist phase $$$

In which case, if you were to continue on repeating the same routine and pushing everything to the max, then you are going to do more harm than good $$$

But if you take out too much intensity, then you will sacrifice progress or your previous games
So solve that riddle $$$

For pretty much the majority of my adult life, I could never cry
For the longest time, I just thought I was emotionally dead
99% of the time I never wanted to
But whenever that one percent would come around, I couldn’t ever let my ego down enough to light it all out $$

Great shroom lol
Finally getting off the floor
Kinda haha $

My plates look like shit cut they’re a mirror for most peoples technique lol
Jokes on you, you already looked 😉 $$$*

You gotta Be gentle when smashing someone’s paradigm $$$

It almost time for my alcohol shot lol
So far we got
Shroom
Sludge
Black tea ☕️ 
Squirt 
+ salt lol at 7:09
+ vodka 7:39 
+ whiskey 8:13 $

Happy 7:00pm from the intellectual dance floor $

You gotta get dirty to appreciate clean 🧼 $$

Oh shit times moving mad slow again $

I think I’m officially on the dark side $

My point is your shadow is a better mirror than the mirror 🪞 $$$*

I was about to say my poor stomach and all that, but then I realized everything that I’ve taken so far is actually pretty natural minus the caffeine squirt thing
So my theory is that it should at least process relatively smoothly
Knock on wood lol $

There must be some reason why alcohol feels good
I mean from like an adaptation perspective
Nature wouldn’t allow it if it didn’t serve some good
Or at least more good than harm $

It is now 7:43 PM
Well, I think the shroom is shifting to phase 2
It just reinforces the potency of the shit that I grew
I mean I didn’t know what I was doing, and I don’t take any credit cause it was basically an accident but I would say the homegrown shrooms were at least twice as strong as anything I’ve gotten elsewhere $

But the last few times have been very interesting
This last shroom came from candy store friend
The last few came from the medicineman
But before that, it was a old buddy from the program $

Few things hit like a good war story though $$

8:13 PM and I have taken the second shot of Brown whiskey
That Chattanooga backwoods whiskey hits different bro I swear to God 🥃 $

Goddamn that shit just burns like the trauma from actual Appalachia $$

I have eaten another 800ish calories
Of
Drumroll please
Rice and butter
And it was so fucking good
It’s just so funny cause if you would’ve told me this shit a couple years ago I would’ve considered all the shit I have to do as hell but this is actually heaven lol $

A male gynecologist seems like the bad guy at first
Until you realize how many women are probably excited to see him… $$*

You’re gonna tell me that the doctor is less creepy than the random unhealthy strangers that walk into the appointment daily ? $$*

The more i think about it,
I don’t think there’s a more righteous position than a pussy doctor
But like an ethical one $$*

It is 917 in time for bed probably
Gonna be up early for a session at 4:30 $

Lol part of me is too excited to sleep just now so I’m probably gonna try to smoke until I pass out $

Kind of funny how the air element really just looks like smoke 💨 $

You know for those who want the smoke lol $$

Turn is calling my name
You already know why lol $

I’m really enjoying the 66° perfect humility weather in January
But my furnace wants to continue being a little hoe $

I can only imagine how much shit could’ve been avoided Wayback when if they actually had good training and nutrition
Ironically, they had the best sourcing
I mean, literally they could’ve had most perfect quality food at any moment
But instead, everybody was malnourished and eating bullshit $

So there by reinforcing that human nature is to blame more than any Anytime or place $$

It is 10:10 PM and I’ve eaten more eggs
You know what fuck it I’m not gonna take the MK tonight $

If you’re not certain what you’re doing is the right thing or not
It actually probably is and it’s probably just so new that you don’t have enough reference range to know it yet
Because the things that are bad are so instinctively bad, there’s not too much negotiation $$

It is 11:14 PM and I am still not sleepy
It’s kind of a bittersweet good and bad thing
Cuz, I feel good pretty much and I think I’m in a calorie surplus somehow so that makes sleep less needed $

I’m also just very excited $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-10-26

Good morning world
It is 3:55 AM and I am getting up to get ready before my first session $

It looks like I am mildly traumatized by the sound of my alarm lol $

Best deal ever
Artists only 
Pricing
20 weeks- $4200
16 weeks- $3,300
8- $2,000
4- $1200 $
(🔌 Holla if curious
Available as of 2:00am 1-18-26 👀) $*

It is 7:46 AM and I am going to try to nap
I did not go to the gym because I am gassed and out of proper fuel
If I can make it through the next 24 hours, then knock on wood, I should be able to fuel up $

Happy 10:01 AM
My furnace has decided to try to earn some redemption points $

I feel really good and really relaxed for the first time in a long time
I feel like I’m actually in recovery mode $

AnyWho, I’m waiting on confirmation on a couple things that will really determine the course of the next few weeks $

Did you know that all eggs have the same exact amount of calories in them? $$*

People would feel a lot better if they viewed salt as a nootropic instead of a threat $$*

This is gonna sound crazy, but I’m starting to have some really ancient memories like I keep having this these images of hanging around some rotunda in Ancient Greece $

Gonna do some little reading
Picking back up on chapter 3 of “Endure” $

I won’t lie I wish I realized reading was an exercise long ago $

Actually, that might not be entirely true because if I would’ve discovered that, then I might not have gotten into actual exercise $

And getting good at actual exercise makes you way better at reading than the other way around
Trust $$$*

So chapter 3 was really about the debate if there’s a governor in the brain or not controlling energy reserves and pacing subconsciously
Which confirms the ego theory and the fueling theory and the body machine theory, and all of that $$$*

And the delusional bullshit that people fall for constantly when their body says that it’s time to quit 
just because it’s uncomfortable $$

So now we’re switching and we’re doing chapter 2 of “Good Energy” $

Nearly 20% of adult women take some kind of antidepressant $$$*

Very common symptoms of bad energy disfunction for women are fatigue, acne, gastrointestinal issues, depression, insomnia, and infertility $$$*

Something that is often not talked about is how often menstrual cycles and women are disrupted due to environmental or lifestyle factors $$$*

Sleep food, movement, stress, toxins, and light are extremely important factors for everyone but especially women $$$

Reinforcing that all disease is a result of cellular malfunction
And cellular malfunction is a result of many lifestyle factors $$$*

Kind of funny how this morning sun walk at 11:31 AM is kind of chilly and hard to do
Yet I was outside in like a cold garage for two hours at 4 AM and didn’t even think about the temperature lol $

Always always always be extra intentional with somebody who cannot look you in the eye
And even more so with those who cannot stop looking at you 👁️ $$$*

Just finished a delivery on old Gold mine Court $

It is pretty easy to consider coaching as too expensive
Until you consider the opportunity time cost of the DIY approach … $$*

Or if you have a bad enough coach, you’d be paying to get out of it $$$

Just wait until you’re out of breath, showing your crotch to everyone in the gym cuz your guide is an oblivious asshat $$ *

People wanna act like it’s no big deal to exercise until they can’t get up
Or can’t get it up $$$*

As a trainer, I got to hear all about the fucked up baby back bitch boyfriends $$$

That’s it- that’s the joke. 
If you don’t want your girl talking shit about you to a guy like me then you should get it together $$$***

Most obese men have extremely low sperm count
An 81% chance of having zero sperm compared to normal weight men $$$*

As if you needed a different message from divinity to get your shit together to reproduce… $$$*

Male infertility factor is now up to 50% of the infertility cases, and that is almost always directly related to metabolic illness and usually has something to do with the hormonal production cycle process $$$*

Everybody wants to pretend like exercise is no big deal until you are too sick to even complete pregnancy $$$*

Miscarriages have climbed over 10% in the past 10 years with metabolic dysfunction at the heart of the issue $$$*

We got everything being poisoned while everybody else is ignoring it but at least we have the pregnant man emoji 🫃 
am I right? $$$*

Everyone’s real tough until they don’t have any ATP $$$

Childhood obesity has increased dramatically, especially within the last 50 years and it is more than tripled since 1970 $$$

Back then, there was only about 5% of children who were obese and now it is close to 20 $$$

Then you have fatty liver disease, which is the most common liver issue for kids
These numbers are far worse for minorities $$$

Especially for Hispanic young men between 25 to 30 , the number is now close to 42% with non-alcohol alcoholic fatty liver disease $$$

Alcohol is primary method of fucking you up is by disturbing several elements of lipid processing with your cells while also generating additional oxidative stress $$$

Over the past 30 years, nonalcoholic fatty liver disease has become the most chronic liver disease in the world, and it’s going from 25% of the population in 1990 to 40% by 2019 $$$*

This disease is full-blown metabolic dysfunction, both in kids and adults with liver cells filling with that which only worsens the insulin resistance
The culprits are the same as everything else; being processed food, refined sugars, and so on $$$*

Liver transplants have gone up nearly 50% in the past 15 years while alcohol and hepatitis C seem to be the leading causes $$$

Switching gears to mental health
Nearly 20% of all children have identified a mental health condition within any given year
By the time they reach 18, 
40% of children will have met the criteria for mental health disorder $$$

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for young adults ages 10 to 34 $$$***

A survey from the CDC show 25% of young adults contemplated suicide in 2020
Your boy included lol $$$*

The following is just a sampling of the health conditions that are increasing in children and are known to be related to poor cellular, energy production, mitochondria dysfunction, or oxidative stress:
ADHD
Autism spectrum disorder
Type two diabetes
Non-alcohol fatty liver disease
Cardiomyopathy
Depression
Anxiety
High blood pressure
High cholesterol
Irritable bowel disorder
Asthma
Atopic dermatitis
Allergies
Acne
Psoriasis
Eczema
Schizophrenia
Bipolar disorder
Borderline personality disorder
Hidradenitis suppurativa (painful inflammatory lumps under the skin) $$$*

Antibiotics come with significant consequences and are in no way harmless
In fact, they increase the odds of mental health issues by 1.44 $$$

Just about everybody, who’s had an issue with the stroke has also blood sugar problems, and are unaware of it
More than 80%…
Again, this comes back down to insulin resistance $$$

Alzheimer’s is now dubbed type three diabetes because if it’s prevalence with insulin resistance and sensitivity $$$

6.2 million adults live with Alzheimer’s disease age 65 or older and this is expected to double by 2050 $$$

I’ll never forget my first week in training for doing in-home sales
Roofs windows, and all that shit
The grimy & most slimy of them all
Anyway, we had to memorize this incredibly long script and do a role-play
the role-play itself is at at least 20 minutes,
Full-blown consult pitch and everything,
And I after my role-play, The manager who was kind of a decent guy, but also kind of a shit bird,
Said that it was the greatest he had ever seen ever
And that was my first attempt $

It only took me about two weeks to start selling stuff
And then two weeks after that to quit because of how much bullshit it was 
And how bad it made my soul feel $

Random
But I’ve had 400 pounds on my back more times than I can count
Let’s not even think about 300 $

lol next order is on rugged stone dr $

We are back after doing a brief dash and grabbing a seven Hydro treat $

Downside is all I have left is rice
But if my agreement gets accepted then I may be able to make a big grocery run
If not, then it’s not really that big of a deal. I will just throttle back my smoking 
So instead of smoking half a grams day, I’ll just smoke .25
Real crazy shit, you know $$

Fuck it 
I’m putting on “lone Survivor” cuz it’s the first thing that showed up and something about it is calling to me. $

But honestly, all that’s left to do today now is to “relax” and wait $

You ever walk into someone’s house and they have like a Bajillion empty alcohol bottles lined up like art somewhere? 
That’s what I got going on in my medicine cabinet with pill bottles and seven Hydro treats lol $

Well, what is equivalent to a miracle,
 I have found $2.25 and change
So there is my dinner bitch hell yeah $

I’m not even being sarcastic with my happiness
I am genuinely totally cool with having no more than two dollars to my name as long as it allows me to keep training without jeopardizing my ethical recovery timeline
Or self censoring $$$

I guess I gotta go do DoorDash for myself which I always the hardest man I swear to God $$

I just love how I found 5 quarters 5 dimes and 5 nickels
Clutch $

Try teaching yourself how to box in a big public commercial gym $$$*

If someone is truly sick, then they do not have the metabolic chemical arsenal to combat stress to the same degree that somebody who is healthy would $$*

To put it more bluntly
If you’re fat and sick, you’re gonna be impatient too $$$

Many people will say they’re not creative until it comes time to come up with some excuses $$$*

I don’t care who you are even the most religious types are going to have to learn how to admit when they’re wrong
So if you get upset if someone starts talking shit about “your god“ then that just speaks to your minimal understanding of actual divinity $$

When done right, religion will protect you from emotional bullshit $$$

Doesn’t mean you’re gonna feel great all the time $$

But it does mean that you’re likely not going to make any catastrophic error based off some bullshit itself as you go with emotion $$

Also, when you do make mistakes, it’s going to be far easier to correct them if you are open minded and willing $$

My promise to the world has been to never turn someone away
But also to never ever ever sugarcoat anything
Because everything already has enough sugar on it already $$$*

It’s better to view God as the ultimate recording program instead of a hypocritical genie $$

Because if everything is recorded perfectly, it doesn’t really matter when it’s reviewed
There ain’t shit you’re gonna get away with $$

You’ll just keep digging and digging and digging and digging until you decide to turn around and look at the mountain of shit you have to clean up $$

Everyone’s real tough until they turn the molehill into the mountain 
Usually in the form of a little bit of acne or water weight or fat gain $$*

Guaranteed most angry commentators are just mad at somebody in their personal life
And are two pussy to actually confront them $$$

If you join the “armed forces” just to pay bills, then you have lost my respect $$$

If you serve in silence, 
even without an official affiliation, 
then you have earned my respect 🫡 $$$

Aesthetic discipline is the hardest
This is why you have more freak athletes than you have peak show ready bodybuilders $$$*

Not because the bodybuilders are somehow better people, but because of the literal definition and requirements of bodybuilding
They require you to push to a level of failure and to manipulate health variables that are not sustainable, healthwise or emotionally $$

But freak athletes can stay in close to peak performance pretty much their entire career which almost always lasts decades, excluding injury or being cut for talent $$

If you are truly intelligent, then it is only a matter of time before you develop some kind of mental illness that you need to defeat for your own spiritual development $$*

It’s easier to pretend that life is not a game that way you don’t have to admit you suck at it
Than it is 
to admit that it is and that you have got to get your performance together if you wanna have a good time $$*

It is 5:44 PM and I have eaten another bowl of rice
I can’t remember if I logged my afternoon eggs or not
But I am excited that I have another dozen
And I am feeling genuine hunger
So probably gonna let the rice do its thing for about an hour and then slurp them eggs down
Which I have become a master at now $

And I’m not even kidding how much mileage I can now get out of one bag of rice and a bunch of eggs
It is like a superpower
Cause it comes out to be like less than five dollars a day and I get plenty of protein and carbs $$

And for any dietary nervous Nancy’s out there,
In a perfect world, I would be eating all kinds of nice whole nutritious, mixed fruits, veggies, and ethically sourced meats
But I am currently behind the enemy lines in suburbia and financially limited $$*

And I would take this situation all day every day, 
instead of going back to having a decent salary & stuck in an office $$$********

And now realize backpacking is so fun to me because I have apparently been doing it in many lifetimes $$

I won’t lie though
I do kind of miss being able to buy the expensive ribeyes daily like I was doing in real estate
But having everything so cushy & easy eventually took all meaning out of it
And there’s no way I could appreciate them as much as I do now $*

Most people desperately just want someone to tell them what to do so they don’t have to risk being wrong and then therefore judging themselves for being wrong $$$*

Well, just took another big L
I’m trying not to be dramatic and trying to be mature about it
It’s still fresh and it still hurts
I mean, you just swing & you miss sometimes $$

It sucks though when it comes down to literally just money in a most understandable way $

I’m really just kind of numb
I’m sad how quick I can go numb $

I understand some of the pain will pass and maybe I’ll feel better even by tonight
But at times , I just don’t fucking know man $

It’s 7:14 PM and honestly, I’m kind of over it
And I mean that in both like kind of sassy sarcastic and kind of sincere
I mean, I was going down the numb rabbit hole and then I realized that I was comparing and crucifying myself against an ideal and that there’s no way to be perfect and to be perfectly honest about every single thing and expect everybody to understand exactly for my own emotional validation 
Is some profane level fuck shit 💩 $

When someone is so delusional that they can’t see what is right in front of their face for years on end…
Which applies to me more than anyone because I am 100% responsible and guilty from the position that I find myself in $

But you don’t know what you don’t know until you figure out that you need to learn it $$

And learning takes some time
& So does healing $$

And I’ve got plenty of fucking evidence about how aware of shit I have been.. $$

And I’m certain that I’m probably misinterpreting some ethereal energy or some shit but whatever at least I’m doing the work $

And that is way more than most anyone else I can fucking think of can say $

It is time to stop giving away my time
It is time to say what I really think
It is time to abandon the idea of rest once and for all
I must remember there are no such thing as off days
I must always maintain my cool head, no matter what $

So if somebody is not willing to dig into the truth or to try to put in the effort to reach an understanding
Then that is not your fault
And that speaks to their character more than yours
And if all they have over you is a little bit of money,
Then it is important to remember that those things will fade and pass
But the memory will always remain
And no matter what- that soul will be responsible $$

So it is time to trust my own judgment over any other person place or thing $$

And I know probably reading that in a week I might be like “damn famous last words”
But I also have 14 fucking years of doing everything everybody else has said and learning their tricks & tips and all this and realizing how fucking crazy they are,
Then it is my fault for continuing to listen to them $$

It is time I poke buttons back
Because while they were busy poking mine, they did not realize they were showing me where theirs were 
While simultaneously desensitizing me and making me stronger to the said emo-games $$

AnyWho, I’m kind of juiced up now
I was thinking about going to bed so I can get up early for the session but maybe now I’m just gonna say fuck it and get back to work $

If you are in pain, then your spirit is trying to communicate with you that some shit is wrong $$*

If your pain comes from consideration of working with others and dealing with their own bullshit, then that is a good sign $$*

That is a healthy sign because it is not normal for everybody everywhere to be sick as shit, both mind and body $$*

The worst thing that can happen to somebody is to get a little bit of money and a little bit of comfort cause then they’ll forget the whole point of living
Just ask their family $$$*

It is 9:41 PM and I am to wind down I believe who the fuck knows $

Fuck it we’re throwing on “the company you keep”
It was the first thing that popped up
But it’s got Shia LaBeouf in it
And that’s my dog $

And of course, I decided to go ahead and make some eggs after watching six minutes
Why am I like this lol $

That is 18 eggs on the day
Usually, I eat about as many eggs as I take hits lol
Except I’ve eaten way more eggs today $

Time to return back to the movie that I already forgot about
It’s on YouTube so it’s doing that fucked up sound thing $

I immediately got distracted!doing some video editing. 
Didn’t even watch the movie for about 30 minutes and now putting back on TUrN probably for like five minutes before I go to sleep lol $

Got a session at 4:30 again
And looks like I might try to keep that spot filled for my own sake really $

Reminding myself that post shroom trip, sometimes can be a little extra moody $$

Yep, it’s 10:45 PM and I’m taking my victory hit and then my butt to bed. I guess like five hours hopefully $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-11-26

Happy 3:03 AM world $

I’m getting up from first sleep h

OK, I’m putting on “ bad influence : the dark side of social media“ $

Sorry for not rambling much I was working lol $

Getting ready for the day and the cold shower $

Yeah, buddy $

Lol I just realized it’s 27°
Yesterday it was like 50
That’s so funny $

Was able to scrounge up 320 thanks to the grace of God and his people $

My issue now, though is fighting a salt headache
It is 5:50 AM $

I feel like I need to give credit where it is due
My furnace has been an equivalent of a hero today $

That seven Hydro tab is doing its job
So is the little bowl of rice that I ate and the salt shot
Even though I still have a minor headache, I have more energy and motivation, and I’m gonna be doing some reading
It is 6:05 AM
I never thought I would ever be excited to read
I never thought I’d be happy with getting up at 3 AM
But here we are $

We’re going back to chapter 4 on “endure“ $

Pretty good 
nothing too crazy though stands out
Just reinforcing how the of the governor of the mind & mental fatigue model came to be $

It is 7:59 AM and I am leaving the Food Lion
With 60 eggs, four things of butter, one pack of double stuffed Oreo, Food Lion brand cookies two squirt bottles of caffeine thing juice and a 24 pack of bottle of water oh and 33 ounces coconut water $

You can be so right about so many things that it’s pretty remarkable and also you can be such a dick about it that it makes it not even worth it $$

I’m trying something new
New pre-workout drink
Coconut water plus a little bit of caffeine squirt
It actually tastes pretty damn good
But it’s got a lot more electrolytes $

People be destroying their skin biome by showering twice a day with all kinds of crazy products instead of just trusting their body and being reasonable with smells $$

Lol I remember when I first got my business cards and I thought I was a big deal
Nothing says I’m 25 like a headshot $*

That morning sunshine in January will hit you right in the eye $

Nothing ruins a friend group faster than a bad breakup $$$*

Office bros are usually real confident until it comes time to take a shirt off $$$*

Friendly reminder that when you talk on Bluetooth in the car the entire world can hear you 
unlike when you’re listening to music $$

Hahahaha bro the cardio section is lit af on mondays at planet
Holy fucking shit $$*

True Power is denying those the attention they seek $$$*

Real artists just need a corner
& Maybe one or two pieces of equipment $$$*

Just gonna say it
Don’t be a bitch when asking to work in
Be confident but extra nice $$$*

People really think they’re slick 
like you don’t know they’re trying to check your glutes $$$*

Best part about being an artist is annoying all the athletes $$$*

lol literally on Que 
The trainer from planet tried to pitch me a calf training session lol $

What I get for stretching on the leg press lol $

I swear to God, they move the leg curl machine every time $$

The profane be like “why do you have a jacket on the wall” $$$*

People think just cuz they got lucky once that they’re special $$$

The coconut water is doing its job amazingly $

Now ima go do calves 
Ya know, what homeboy was trying to tech me $$

Idc what anyone says
If you make eye contact more than 3x, someone’s thinking bout the other $$

If you’re the fastest then the biggest flex is really just going the slowest $$$*

If you’re a big dude considering ju jitzu 
Here’s some basic mobility to make sure you don’t fuck your self up lol… $$

“Yea I could do that at your age”
“I remember being your age” 
🤮 $$

I’m kind of shocked I made it this long into the game without realizing how great coconut water is for hydration
I mean, I technically knew that, but I didn’t know that if you know what I mean $$

Some days it’s best to slither more than you slide $$*

It is 11:58 AM
I have eaten three pretty nice chicken wings
Like Caribbean jerk or some kind
And one column of cookies $

It is 12:13 PM and we are going to get back to reading
This time we’re reading “good energy” and taking Hella notes because this is one of the best textbooks you could ever get $$$

Heart disease is the leading cause of death across the western world
And across that spectrum include high, blood pressure, high cholesterol, and coronary artery disease $$$*

Diabetes is also strongly linked to metabolic dysfunction and insulin sensitivity $$$*

Heart disease accounts for nearly 700,000 death per year
To reiterate, just about every single cause of heart disease is lifestyle related $$$*

COPD otherwise known as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease is the leading type of chronic respiratory illness $$$

Blood glucose is also associated in strongly linked to COPD $$$

Arthritis is another big one
And it is now being commonly accepted that it is more of a metabolic disease than a structural one $$$

COVID-19 is also obviously a very big one and very controversial
At this point, it is safe to say that it is a slightly stronger cold and it’s impact is heavily dependent on one’s current metabolic health
This disease primarily ravaged those who were already very ill
Literally exercise was demonized, and yet it was the major solution $$$

It is 1:04 PM and we are hitting the trail
I am so fucking excited for this
Time to alchemize his cookies $

You are allowed to take the wheel away if they’re driving the wrong way $$$*

How come everytime I pay cash for gas is when someone’s getting a ton of lottery cards $$

That was an amazing “world’s slowest jog”
That’s probably like a 12 minute mile at least
But it counts as a jog, 
and as the responsible bare minimum to set the training pace for the rest of the phase $$

I’m just laughing to myself that if somebody threatened to publish everything that’s on my phone from the last three years, that would be one of the greatest gifts Someone could give me from a sheer workload perspective lol $$

But most people that is literally the definition of their worst nightmare
So you know, I think that’s what they were talking about in the Bible when it came down to revelation $$$*

“I’m sorry you are all stressed about money bro
Have you tried remembering this is a simulation?” $$*

I must confess that I’ve eaten nearly all the cookies by 1:53pm
Not my fault- it’s leg day $

It is 2:54 PM now and we are getting into chill mode $

Is 4:03 PM and we are gonna do some more reading surprisingly
The surprise is because it is not that we have to ,
it is because we want to
And by way, I’m obviously referring to me myself and I $

AnyWho, we’re reading “coyote America“ by Dan Flores
I’ve tried a couple times and I have a couple of his books and I’m not gonna lie while I kind of like his style. It’s kind of hard to read sometimes.
Sometimes it feels a little forced
Ask me how I know… $

See this is what I’m saying. I’m like three pages in and I can barely keep my focus.
I’m not saying it’s just the writer’s fault. I’m just saying that it’s not very interesting.
I think I’ll give it one more shot tomorrow or so but after that, that’ll be like three or four chances so I’m gonna move on $

Tis 7:08pm
I have successfully posted some shit and have been dancing since 6:30ish
Alchemizing them Oreos ya feel $

Time to run get candy $

My dark side coming out $

Which ironically used to be my day self
But is now back to my night self as it should be $

I don’t care if it’s only two minutes away,
I’m putting the seat warmer on $

It is truly disgusting. What happens when people refuse to take care of themselves because eventually they will find themselves in such a broken rundown vehicle that being a piece of shit is really their only option because they can be nothing else. $$

And suddenly becoming a burden on your family because you can’t take a shit by yourself because of your shitty lifestyle decisions in your entire life. 
Well, let’s just say the pain of that is its own karmic justice but once you have to do your life review and you have to watch what you’ve taken away from those closest to you because of your decisions…
Well,
Enough said $$$

The other bittersweet belief I have is that if you have a kick ass life this time, 
it’s probably because you had a shit one last time $$

There is something primal about runny eggs I don’t know what it is
And they are also the easiest to eat, except you end up wasting some calories because of the running, which is a fat
Unless you have a good piece of toast or something to cirque it up with $$

More evidence of reincarnation and that I was colonial as fuck is my civics and an economics class when I was a sophomore in high school
I was pretty much the best in the entire class
And I was high as fuck every single day
I mean, I literally found the test & quizzes basically effortless
I’m talking about how the government is set up the branches in the processes in the bills and the amendments and all of that
I mean, literally one time I was so fucked up on triple C’s that I could barely read the writing on the test that I was taking
And this was the fucking midterm
I got a 98
And I swear to God, I missed two questions on purpose so it didn’t look like I cheated
At the time I wasn’t fully confident I did that well I thought maybe “ I’m so fucked up that I’m making some of this up or somehow hallucinating the questions to being easier than they were”
And then I Got the results back $$

But back to the eggs
I swear to God when they’re runny with Texas Pete, it mixes with it so good
Like it’s good scrambled too, and the ketchup, which is my normal technique
But whenever I do, I guess you could call it like over medium or whatever
To where they’re flashy but runny
That’s when it mixes with the hot sauce twice as good $

It is 829 and we are going to try to go to sleep
Goal is to have another 430 session
Not sure what I’m gonna do for the gym at that point either go right after session (likely)
We’ll all go back to bed after session $

Or if I sleep really good and I wake up at like 130 then I’ll come to the midnight movies and talk some shit $

It’ll be a mystery until it is not $

It is now 11:56 PM and I am at the midnight movies $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-12-26

Happy new day everyone
Is 12:01 AM
It is Tuesday $

Remembering how I was born on a Tuesday
And crucified in my 31st year, lol $

My first official thought of the day was
You cannot call yourself a true philosopher unless you have a mug shot $$*

You can think about that as deep as you want to but once again if you’re true philosopher, 
you should already know what that means lol $$*

I don’t know if I’m actually gonna try to do some work now or not
I woke up with a bit of a headache
Threw some salt into the sludge
(not code, I literally just put pinches of salt into my sludge shot) 
And I am feeling a lot better now lol $

Anyhow, on a real note, I am going to be doing better with my diet
There’s a reason why I did not hold back in my disclosure of all of my debauchery $$

This is because nine out of 10 years. I am actually pretty textbook with my nutrition.
My point is simply that when you go through the intellectual desert, you may need to get creative with your calories $$

Sidenote, we’re gonna go ahead and watch “the patriot”
One because it keeps with our recent colonial theme
And two because it is about to leave Netflix
This is the one that I have seen a couple times I believe, but it has been a while
I just remember it being pretty brutal and Mel went pretty hard $

AnyWho, you don’t have to look very far to find pretty good examples of the people accomplishing amazing things under the world’s worst dietary strategies you can conjure $$

Brightness usually comes down to somebody doing the right thing under a fucked up circumstances $$*

And the fucked up circumstances are usually just a crazy community of the corrupted & fucked people $$

I just think people would enjoy historical movies a lot more of they actually realized that they were somehow someway involved back then
If they weren’t in human form, maybe there were as a tree or some shit $$

Maybe they were still working their way up to their first in incarnation in the Devine vehicle known as a human body $$

Maybe they were still sitting on the sideline watching this game unfold $$

Or maybe they were one of the horrible fucked up evil Hinchman $$

All kidding aside, the single greatest evidence that has convinced me reincarnation leapfrog is a real thing
Is whenever I put my hair in a ponytail $$

I am 31 1/2 years old and I have never had hair this long
And my hair has only been this long for about three months technically
At least that’s when I could start doing a little ponytail
But that little action of putting my hair up is one of the most familiar & natural that I do and I just started doing it.. $

I’m not trying to justify war
In fact, my point is that everything that we do is to learn from it
So when I say that I think earth is basically the equivalent of a spiritual Warzone for ultimate development purposes,
(Because again death isn’t actually real and there’s all kinds of support and love outside of the sphere and yada yada yada) $

it is our responsibility to avoid violence and war at all costs, 
but it is in inevitability that you must fight for your freedom at some point $

But when done right, that fighting becomes much fewer and further between battles $

I’d like to make fun of their old school military tactics because of how silly it seemed to lineup and shoot lead at each other $

But part of the reason why fighting was so formation focused was because of honor between armies $$

Because if there wasn’t some kind of order on the battlefield, then it’s almost impossible to have any kind of legitimate battle $$

I get the feeling that I’ve done the soldiering timeline back to back to back for a long time
And that I probably died in battle as a young man sometime early 1700s
But after that, I’ve survived pretty much every war that I fought in $

Except I do get the feeling that I was seriously wounded or something during like the Civil War
This is part due to that crazy health-scare 
I had last year out of nowhere that was so physically traumatic that I literally had some kind of strange out of body flashbacks. $

being in excruciating pain somewhere in my gut & rolling around under the moonlight $

And There is strange feeling I get whenever I get next to a white tent lol.. $

And again, I’m also super squeamish with blood, but not in the logical sense and but in the unconscious sense
Like my brain just panics whenever I see blood, but I will actually logically be just fine until my body just passes out $

And to keep a real
While I have maintained my temper and my composure during this life and have as close to a perfect nonviolent streak as you can find,
I know there is this switch that could flip to where I could just go crazy violent savage mode
To be clear, I have never killed anyone lol
I’m just saying, I can understand fucking somebody up if they have it coming and not thinking twice about it $

(lol not a threat, just a ramble 😂) $

This is why I don’t actually think I’m that “good” of a guy
I’ve got this whole fallen angel feeling
And part of me obviously feels like a prisoner $

Guess that’s why you’re reading writing on a wall lol $

I think to discover within one’s own self the actual key to conscious immortality, 
you would need multiple lifetimes to set up the grand conclusion
Meaning you can’t prove death isn’t real until you’ve woken up from it a few times $$

But the first few times are always gonna be pretty rough $$

It seems though that you go through 12 major cycles and then the 13th is always a motherfucker $$$

the 12 different types of timeline themes are really the foundation for things like the tarot cards $$

Remember that most patriots started off as loyalist or red coats
And never forget that before the revolution, the British army and Navy were the most badass motherfuckers the world had ever seen
Because they were actually the most honorable
I just mean, comparatively speaking
They were obviously still pretty fucked up when you consider people like Columbus
Even though he was a Spaniard, I believe $

Also remember that if you create a situation that’s just fucking off without any actual opportunity for recovery and growth then you’re gonna get the philosophical equivalent of spinning wheels 🛞 $$

Every day is an active recovery day
That’s the secret
So if I ever ask in the future, what the secret is for discounts and all that shit
Just say active recovery
Or something about rest being a myth $$$*

If the opportunity for greatness can make one righteous when successful
Then that same opportunity can tragically divert one when not successful
This is how you have “good people becoming bad people“ $$

Back to what I was saying earlier about how I’ve got this deep down belief that I was a savage in a previous life
But if I dare say so
A righteous honorable savage
Hopefully
But if that is the case, then that is the mandatory process of ultimate spiritual development $

You gotta have a lifetime too in which you’re an ultimate bad ass, but probably a pretty controversial one $$

Random but that coconut water really is pretty clutch
Kind of pricey, but kind of worth it $$

Man, that was really good mobility
Time to blaze a little bit more 
eat a big ass bowl of rice.
& You take another nap before coaching at 4:30.
Truly, a dream come true $

I can’t believe that for the most of my life, I used to blame myself for when I couldn’t be around the wrong people for longer than an hour or two without completely being drained $

This is because when you are around the right people, it is like you never run out of energy because you are constantly being with filled by the love and positive energy, $$

but if you are with the wrong negative people, it’s like a toxic drain $$

It is just that we have become so conditioned to this toxic drain that our first response is to blame ourselves because that is the only thing that has worked in the past to get a narcissist off your case $$$*

It is 6:02 AM
We have completed a session and we are getting ready to go to the gym $

Feeling pretty good
I’m gonna hold myself accountable and admit that I’m gonna tighten up on my carbs because I’m thinking that my insulin is actually getting a little fucked and not in the funny way
Whenever your toes and fingers start feeling a little weird sometimes and you’re having pretty crazy energy swings then you know it’s time to dial it back a bit $$*

But that also doesn’t mean that you’re fucked for the rest of all time
You just gotta switch gears to balance out a bit $$*

After my workout, though, I’m gonna make it a point to try to chill as hard as I can $

And when I say chill that just means active recovery, 
which just means all the work that I’ve been doing $$

Nothing will teach you that everything is a construct quite like sales will $$$*

The final movement is always letting go
Or giving it away to somebody else $$$*

I have officially passed on my “hundred tons” $

What was once the hardest lift has turned into the easiest and the most fun
What an arc $$*

If you think about it
Every human experience is just a drug for a spirit
Because drugs are just mind or mood altering substances $$*

Tuesdays are great because all of the activist are sore $$$

Hahahahaha dude I swear the gym is less than 30% what it was yesterday 
And it’s mostly chicks 🐔 $$*

If you look the same after 3 years then you should deff call me
Hell, even after 3 months… $$

Hard to ego lift in goodwill clothes
But it can be done $$$*

Remember your ABC’s at all times
Always be cool
😎 $$

The day has arrived
I am on the way to the store to get a new pan and hopefully one that isn’t going to poison me $

You can believe people are the problem 
As long as your trying to be of service and not a dick $$$

And of course, I found the perfect 12 inch pan with just enough cash left to cover it
I mean, literally the pan situation is more urgent than my water bill situation lol
But AnyWho, while leaving the store, I noticed a bunch of people sitting in their car and the Harris Teeter parking lot
Most of them were on their phones, of course
And naturally, my current bias is that they’re DoorDash or Instacart people
I mean, they were at least five within 30 yards where I parked
It’s about 8:42 AM on a beautiful sunny Tuesday
So I imagine it’s a little on the slow side
But regardless, I’m suspicious that a bunch of them were my competition dashing over the last few months
And you know what I’m fucking done dashing
Unless I have to do it again for candy money
That’s it 😏$

Only those who are ashamed go out of their way to try to make others feel that way $$$*

Shame is an incredibly powerful motivator
But you can be manipulated into self shaming if you were being gaslit by idiots and children $$

The only defense you have against that is education though $$*

And it takes time to educate yourself
So while you are educating yourself, 
you’re going to be kicked in the nuts or the tits by whatever lesson it is $$*

It is now 9:07 AM and I have eaten nine eggs
Again, just in case you’re jumping in now
I have been the world’s biggest dietary ass hat for the past couple months $

Part testing the fuel theory to see exactly what does and doesn’t work 
By doing the things you your “not supposed to do” $

Mostly because this is the standard American diet $

And two because broke as fuck and trying to make do with the absolute necessities $

And eating bodybuilding level calories under $3 a day food budget is pretty difficult, but it can be done $

Although the processed food and high fuel does fuck with your head 
and has been fucking with my head, 
hence the notepad strategy of documenting as much as I can $

And let me tell you it’s been one of the most life-changing things I’ve ever started doing $

I guess I’ll go make some tea and get to reading like the old-school Britt that I am $

Further evidence of reincarnation is how familiar this feels and I just started doing this whole eggs and Tea shit recently $

For the record, this new egg pan is slick and sleek as shit $

Caffeine seems like your friend until you don’t drink it one morning and then your head is split open $$$*

Insert plug for kratom here lol $$$

The additional difficulty that comes with mental illness roots in the fact that not only do you feel bad, but you’re liable to act out which causes a lot of damage to those closest to you, 
which makes you feel way worse than your original biological bullshit problem $$$*

And trying to forgive yourself when you’re already completely broken down feels like defying the laws of physics $$$*

AnyWho, we’re getting back to reading
Picking up on Endure
The chapters aren’t numbered so this might be like number four or five $

Well, that was a pretty short chapter without too much noteworthy notes $

Just that Nike is working on a lot of secret shit
Manipulating variables with their shoes and wardrobe, and doing all kinds of assisted trials such as fresh pacers and eliminating hydration stations and doing like mid run fueling pretty much $

If anything, it highlights the fact that there is a lot of money invested even in the smallest of the small details with athletics $$

It is now 1013 and I am going to take a brain break $

Just thinking about how food lion is actually probably the most bad ass grocery store $$

Even though it’s kind of ratchet sometimes
Their primarily in North Carolina chain
With an average square foot of 33,000 ft.² per store
Just saying 🏬 $$*

It is 12:42 PM and we have uploaded four or five different things on social media
I have it written down somewhere
And so now we’re gonna do some more reading before we get back to TikTok side of things $

80% of the American Farm bill subsidies go to corn grains and soy oil
Tobacco receives four times more government subsidies than fruits and veggies combined $$*

Suicide rate amongst doctors is also astronomically high with nearly 400,000 killing themselves each year $$*

Overall, that’s pretty much it. It’s just highlighting The fact that -
shit is really fucked up and most doctors aren’t really aware of it because they’re so deep in the system and they’re so improperly sanitized that they are naïvely perpetuating the problem. $$$*

At least that’s what she says and I think she’s trying to be nice
I’ve done seen a lot of people do a lot more fucked up shit for less money $$$

I know these motherfuckers know what they’re doing $$$

They know they’re deliberately ignoring to look into health and nutrition $$$*

You cannot scroll through social media and not get roasted or see some shit about it $$$*

So I am convinced that it is a level of delusion that is borderline evil -not that is simply unaware $$$*

That or these doctors have such low IQs that they shouldn’t actually qualify as physicians $$$*

If they can’t see that they’re stuck perpetuating the wheel ruining the lives of those they swore to protect because they’re too afraid to go without money or their stupid fucking Starbucks… $$*

 What a damn shame.. $$$

I’m surprisingly kind of hungry again
It might be time for more eggs
I’ve already eaten nine
Yeah, I think I’m gonna go ahead and slam another
Maybe seven
This new egg pan is so clutch $

It might sound silly, but this new pan is honestly one of the best tools I might’ve gotten in a while
Obviously, it’s not just this pan it’s the strategy of making eggs over medium but being able to do it with a nice smooth nonstick pan makes them so easy pick up and clean $

I’ve also updated to eight eggs instead of seven for the record $

Girls love dogs until their boyfriend starts acting like one $$

Anyone else ever gotten PTSD from a mailbox? 📪 $$$*

All right it is time to smoke weed, 
drink two more things of black tea, 
Watch the newest Joe Rogan episode and give God all the credit for a good day. $$

Looks like a spicy episode about Covid and it’s Fuckery
Funny timing $

Friendly reminder that children didn’t die and overall, had a very mild experience 
and yet have been harmed by the vaccine and by the social distancing procedures beyond Measure $$$***************

They knew about natural immunity from the gate $$$*******

I just realized that and I’m not exaggerating,
I have a total of maybe eight hours sleep over the last three days 
and I actually feel phenomenal 
other than literally physically being like napping every two hours 
like it’s like my body has adapted to this cause it’s recharging on the go $

So I think I’m gonna try to go to bed extra early so I can do the night shift $

I crushed my diet today and I’ve already had 17 eggs and two bowls of rice 
100% clean and I have more room for more soon $

It is 5:43 PM and I am going to do some more reading
We’re gonna go with “12 rules for life by my boy JPP 
sorry Dan Florez, but I can’t do the coyote shit. 
I need the deep philosophy.
It is time to carve up this nice pristine book $

Vice is defined as behaving in ways that are least conducive to happiness $$$*

What are the most valuable things Everyone should know? 
-Be grateful in spite of you’re suffering
-Do not do things that you hate
-Do not hide things in the fog $$$*

It is now 6:20 PM and I think it’s time I try to go to bed
My eyes are bleeding, cause I am shelled as a tortoise 🐢 $

But I’m hoping I can be up right around midnight. I might end up in a weird spot though if I’m up at midnight, I might have to stay awake for another like 18 hours or so, which I guess isn’t that big of you that I think about it $

Having me a little bowl of rice 🍚 $

The risk to reward to raising your voice,
 is really never worth it $$$*

I have never had it resolve a situation for me and only ever made me look like an asshole. $$$*

We’re gonna watch “Sandcastle”
Which is about the Iraq war, 
which was the greatest distraction for the real war that was going down on the streets $$

It’s so sick how many people have joined the military due to money or college $$*

Imagine going to war because you wanted to go to school $$*

It is 10:30 PM and I am going to do some reading
This is my reward after fighting tooth & nail for four years to force myself to enjoy it $

Nothing against readers or books or all that it’s literally I’ve had to take the pavlovian dog approach to conditioning my brain 🧠 $$

We are halfway through chapter
Talking lots about lobsters and dominance hierarchy
Kind of funny how recent podcast was talking a lot about lobsters
And psychedelics
And I have the cut to prove it
But AnyWho, lots of great points were made as far as how lobsters act when they’re defeated
And the ratio and relationship between the certain chemicals that I always ramble about
Serotonin and dopamine
The muscle & the movement of the mental world, lol $

But it is now 10:49 PM and we’re gonna take a little break break
The goal is to finish the chapter
But for now we’re gonna hop back to the weed and war movie 🎥 $

Just thinking that if I can reach 3000 people a day then I will likely reach over 1 million within a year
And then I’m assuming that will exponentially grow as well $

But I have officially completed all my posts for the day, which should be a total of 13
I completed it at exactly 11:13 PM
On January 13 lol $

you want to talk about synchronicity and lining things up?
Do you wanna talk about timing?
Cause you can’t beat that shit man 
And that was 100% “accidental“ ⏱️ $$

Completely lost plot of the movie and interest so that’s the cost of production $

I’m gonna try to find something else $

Maybe “ traitors” will be interesting
Which is about a British spy I believe lol $

Also, in a very strange series of events, one of my space heaters has now connected with my remote Bluetooth wise somehow
But only whenever I press the mute button $

Like it’s so weird
I have to keep that heater unplugged if I wanna mute the TV
Because whenever I hit the mute button, it’ll cut on some timer or something 📺 $

Part of me almost wants to eat more eggs
But it’s truly more for entertainment
I don’t actually need the protein, but I could probably use the fat
I’m just not actually hungry
And you know my rule with eggs $

Just in case you don’t-
If you’re not sure what hunger is 
just wait until you’re willing to eat eggs and you’ll be surprised with how amazing they taste 
and how easy it is to eat a damn near dozen in one sitting
And then you’ll notice how that ravenous hunger is instantaneously satisfied $$$*

And not in the weird fucked up “did I just drug myself with food again “ way $$$*

Shit, I think I missed the opening scene. When some lady snaps and kill some dude $
 
all the egg talk Got me excited $

Actually, I don’t know. I don’t even know if I have the attention span to return to it.
Cause I kind of wanna go back to Read, but I’m also starting to feel restless
Which may be the big bowl of rice and butter that I ate earlier starting to digest fully $

Which leads me to another good opportunity for a brief tangent
My metabolism has become so dynamic that it can throttle and increase its energy expenditure depending on its perceived needs
But because it learned how to basically idle and runoff my respiratory oxidative pathways
Which is a really good thing
It just means that my digestion timing is all fucked up
But if I focus on higher fat meals, then it’s no big deal because my body is using the primarily ketogenic pathways, it’s just that if I want fast energy for true hypertrophy training, I’m gonna have to divert to the superfast fuel
And then that’s where the financial game and life on life’s terms game comes in to play too
Because if I eat a lot of fuel and refill to quick, then that’s basically jumping the line digestion wise 
& if I do end up in a steep caloric surplus, my body is highly resistant to storing fat and instead it tries to burn it
Again, hence, the shaking legs and the nonstop training
And the gaslighting because I thought by gassing up myself, I was somehow broken
Couldn’t be further from the truth $$

If you keep a cheetah in a very small pen, he may not ever realize his potential
But if you tease him enough and train them enough 
and open the door just enough one day,
Then maybe that cheetah will be the fastest of all time due to the rebound effect $$

Maybe it’s the cannabis, but I am inspired by this cheetah analogy
Maybe it’s a Cheetos from my childhood
How is one to choose 
How is one to really know 
Maybe we should ask the cheetah what he would do 
Then again, maybe not 
*bubbles roar 🐆 $

Yeah, I already bailed on the show because I want to give it an honest shot and you can see where my heads at right now lol $

So we’re gonna go back to the open jail experiment show $

Which I’m not really paying attention to, 
but it’s nice to pop in and out of with a commentary $

Just thinking how sad it is and how many people are probably watching these inmates and romanticizing their behavior just because they’re on a TV show $$

I know that’s like the oldest old man thing I could’ve said but still $

I’m just on my smoke break before I go back to reading at 11:31 PM on 113 $

Sometimes it’s pretty easy to line things up but most of the time they do it by themselves $$

Right after I close the app, I had to reopen it to note down the fact that there is now a piping hot article about Kiefer Sutherland assaulting an Uber driver or something like that
And if that’s not capturing the moment, I don’t know what it is $

In a weird wave of nostalgia, I just flashed all the way back to McDonald’s over 13 years ago
Mostly because I was a spiritual Crusader at the time and anyone that’s willing to go into a McDonald’s for the greater good and keep a good attitude is the equivalent of a spiritual Navy seal $$

So I’m certain now that all these distractions from studying are subsiding, that I’ll be able to dig into those memories and all the cool fucked up stories that come with them $$

But really it’s just a cache of some of the best cringe you can conjure $$

With all of my Prius , Jordans, AA meeting commitments, Ace Hood, mixtapes , & family drama trauma 🎭 $$

I was laughing silently but out loud during my last workout because of how many throwback bangers were played, 
and I knew some spiritual shit was involved because I haven’t heard those songs in years and they just happen to play on one of my daily mixes today $

I know an inside joke when I feel it $$

I say it a lot, but everybody thinks they’re so slick when they’re staring at your form and counting your reps $$$

I obviously enjoy the attention more than I dislike it as long
as it stays silent 🤫 $$

But I also enjoy helping and serving so much that’s why I have to do shit like this notepad and make this website
I’m just usually so introverted and socially anxious in person lol $$

And also, unfortunately, sometimes maintaining a resting dick face is the most energy efficient
But that’s only when my mental health is in the shitter $$*

So if you see me out, I’m actually really nice. I promise.
But I do fucking hate small talk so I probably won’t do that $$*

Unless that’s exactly what I divert to out of forced habit $$*

Then you can be assured that I’m gonna roast myself the second I walk away for diverting to old pathways $$*

But also, I’m not trying to be like edgy or like a fucking crazy hipster any weird shit like that $

Because part of the true me is pretty nerdy and geeky and buttoned up and all that $$

And then there’s the dark side of me… $$

I’m 100% gonna have a community wake and bake 
something or other for those who struggle to get up and go in the day $$*

Seriously, Secret Service plus cannabis plus mobility plus caffeine plus Kratom equals emotional magic 🪄 $$$*

Fuck it I’m gonna go ahead and make seven eggs so that way it brings my days in total to 24 and then that will be a damn perfect day $

So for any haters out there that’s like “this motherfucker eats only candy and somehow has a six pack and 6% body fat” $

It is because the majority of the time I am the equivalent of a disciplinary demigod $$*

But I take no credit for it because honestly, if it wasn’t for the spiritual trolling and suffering for years on end,
I wouldn’t enjoy it 
because I’m a diva and a drama king for sure $$

Oh another way I can tell that I’m in a healthy surplus is because of how cold it is but how warm I feel 
especially for the northern types,
It can be a very big deal and make a very big difference with your energy management if you allow yourself to simulate what you think you might have been used to ancestrally $$

 you just don’t have to go fucking crazy Weird with it $$$

But I’m convinced that my ginger ass,
 while I cannot tan to save my life,
I am Hella efficient with heating and cooling and vitamin D production within my cells. $$

Once again, if everybody had to get outside at the exact right time each day from the exact perfect angle with the sun in the hemisphere and all of that
 just to get some vitamin D pump,
everybody would’ve died out forever ago if they couldn’t have adapted otherwise $$*

I know I just said I’m in a surplus, but I might be rethinking the amount because I’m suddenly very hungry
It could be the MK
But I also think it’s probably a natural rebound
Because now that I’m in a surplus and my hormones are back and my mood is back and my stress is down
I have feeling pretty good. 
I would like to get back up to probably 185. 
I feel like that’s my healthy muscle weight.
Movement weight, I can clearly get away with 165
So that 20 pounds really is going to be mostly type 2
 is my frame is pretty much a rockstar at 160 $

I can’t believe though that I went all the way down to like maybe 139 over the summer. This was legitimate starvation status though and I had gone several days with less than 500 cal. It was some true naked and afraid of shit. $$

If you exchange the environmental factors for regular every day extra fucked up ones such as 
-having to quit your job with no parachute, -having to deal with family insanity and trauma of their health falling apart 
-while both roasting you for it $$

this goes on and on, but the catch is that you have to maintain a good attitude because your literal future depends on it $$

because if you fall apart, 
then everything you’ve done so far to that point literally is for nothing 
and you prove everybody else around you, correct $$

Which is why the greatest advice that I have to thank Joe Rogan for is to burn the boats $$$

Otherwise, you’re not gonna make it $$$

you’re gonna find a way to cheat yourself and make an excuse $$$

Throwing the towel early when you should’ve pushed $$$

Because even if it doesn’t pay off financially, 
the spiritual award is worth it so many times over $$$**

Most of my adult lifting career could be summarized with the pattern of gaining and losing about 40 pounds over the course of two years $$

But occasionally, I will hang out at either the high end or the low end of that spectrum for an additional year or two to really get a good sense of what’s going right and wrong $

I’m so good at making eggs at this point 
this is ridiculous 
and I swear they taste good every time as long as you’re hungry $

Eggs are a super food because not only are They perfectly balanced macro nutrient wise 
but they’re basically a different meal based on how you cook them $$

just like the barbell or body weight $$

and I’m a big fan of things that go both ways $$

except for that one area, 
you know what I mean… $

Part of the reason why I’m rambling is because I’ve gotta g3t to editing & the day is almost over and I had a little bit of room left in the intellectual bank If you will $

its cut off in eight minutes,
 I just gotta be careful not to keep rambling too much and ruin tomorrow too.. $

But the theme for this year really is gonna be just fucking around and see what happens 
while building everything behind the scenes extra buttoned up and clean for next year and then we repeat $$

These eggs are so good 
keeping them a little runny with the Texas Pete as a hack. 
don’t know why, though I’m gonna have to dig into the chemistry. $$

But dude, I’m gonna be so excited if I can get back to a healthy bulk and not have to do the financial fast again in two days $$

I do wonder how long I can go with just eggs and rice
And whatever fruits and veggies I can find in the suburban wild $

“my buddy how’s it going? “
-when Alex pops up $

Like dude, hot sauce and egg yolk is so good. 
It makes me wanna lick the plate.
So I’m gonna try something 
I’m gonna make a little bit of rice and then I’m gonna mix it with what I have left $$

Amazing $$

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-13-26

It’s hard to believe how good this is actually $

Sorry, happy new day everyone $

I’m so excited about my egg yolk hot sauce, butter rice $

If my mass monster munchies come back over the next few weeks because of my metabolism ramping up, then I really am gonna have to keep only eggs, rice and maybe some fruits and veggies in the house $$

You could literally put the philosophers stone in front of everybody’s face, and they still go to their graves while looking for the fountain of youth $$$*

The snuggies cape is officially clean and smells amazing. Thanks to the new but old detergent
 you know those old bottles you keep stashed around and then you end up trying it out 
and at the new brand turns out to be better than the old brand. 
It’s a pretty common natural pattern. $$

Maybe I was wrong because now that I just ate another large meal my restlessness is actually subsiding substantially and that must’ve been about 1000 cal that are just a
Mostly fats, 
& we have probably about 60 g of protein $

Also, I think the meal is helping my metabolism accelerate the leftover kratom $

Which if you aren’t too familiar
Kratom is weird that it breaks down at different rates for different people
Because I’m used to it & whenever I take the powder leaf it’ll usually kind of chill in my stomach until my next meal in which case it’ll process fairly quickly, giving me a decent buzz for a very small dose
It just never lasts long
Which is why my usage is always small doses, but relatively frequent just cause I process fast
AnyWho, when you’re doing the tea or a shot method then you can almost view the powdered leaf as somewhat spread out in your small intestine by the time it makes it there
So it’s kind of a weird type of breakdown
And any heavy users will openly admit that the T is far different than the capsules because of the increased dose and tolerance manipulation $

Alex has decided to get his workout in at 12:10 AM which is fine because I am a chatty Cathy right now $

I know that I am craving blueberries
And if I can scrounge up some cash, that’s probably the first thing I’m gonna get $

Because whenever I start going on my tangent about eggs and rice
(Or PB&J’s god rest them for now)
I’m doing it mostly from the point of making good out of a fucked up situation
And I just happen to find them pleasantly surprising $

But if you put a bunch of super dank, diverse meats, fruits, and veggies of all kinds then I would be going on a tear of epic proportions $

Trust me, I really do not discriminate much when it comes down to food. It’s just based off preparation and purpose.
And to emphasize that word food $

Because when I’m eating food, I am doing it for a different reason then why I’m eating fuel $

And my point is always that when you are in the shit, you really don’t have time for food because you’re in active mode so you just go until you run out of fuel
And then you use the food to recover $

It is 12:31 AM and we have finished chapter 1 of the 12 rules for life
Really like how he’s talking about lobsters and dominance hierarchies 
and how if you act like a bitch, you get treated like one $$

But a big Takeaway is the fact that most people are choosing to be willingly ignorant of actual evil
And will go to extreme bizarre mental lengths to justify going after their true wants and desires $$

Or are too comfortable being resigned to drugs, and alcohol and shallow relationships and so on and so on $$

So yeah, it’s good stuff but I’m sleepy now sonI’m gonna try to go to bed now lol $

Good morning world it is 4:26 AM. We are up.
We are doing our check-in and our wake and bake $

Felt like a little baby back bitch for the first 30 seconds there upon waking
But that didn’t last long
Now feeling pretty good $

You can adapt to anything if you’re willing to suffer for at least three months $$*

You can adapt to adapting if you’re willing to suffer for a full year $$*

And once you’ve adapted to adapting for 12 years in a row, well then let’s just say things are getting a little weird $$*

We’re gonna find something interesting and funny to watch while we do our edits and let the wheels on the bus to go round and round $$

I’m probably not gonna pay attention, but we’ll go ahead and put on something about the Tylenol murders $

The whole story is about somebody who was poisoning Tylenol or something like that
Which therefore poisoned a lot of random innocent people $

Most would Rather just brag about their health instead of helping somebody else achieve it
They fail to realize that helping others is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself $$$*

I already got to see someone doing sumo’s on the smith $*

And someone doing sit ups with dbs lol $*

It’s gonna be a good day $

The set doesn’t count if the you don’t sync with the beat $$*

It is now 7:21 AM and I’m back from hitting back at the gym $

Friendly reminder that attention is more mind and mood altering than drugs $$$*

It is now 8:18 AM
I had a little nap after that workout and now I’m feeling refreshed $

I’m certain tha times like this my ancestors would’ve just taken their daily multivitamin and then gone to their office job right? $$

There is no such thing as right and wrong per se
Just how it impacts you overtime
And how would it aligns with your goals and your health and so on
There are perfect ideals, and perfect principles that are right and are wrong
But when you start judging actions in situations based on ideals instead of realities, then you’re gonna have a bad time $$

All pain is a product of forgetting about the big picture $$$*

Just did my little sludge shot and morning poop and and now ready to take some notes
Wait a minute… 🗒️ $

I’m just sitting here realizing some shit
I think that I received a skateboard and a clarinet at the same age of eight
And I didn’t even know at that time, but I made my decision because if I was some kind of uptight musician artist type in the past life,
Then this was a pivotal moment in my development because that skateboard put me on the streets instead of in the books or the libraries $$*

Side surprise 
just found a pretty big nug in the shake bag. The candy store will do shake specials of an ounce for 50 bucks and I like to partake when I can 
and every now and then you find some good nugz in the shake, 
which is pretty cool and perfect timing for our morning sit and smoke. $

Back to the story
If I would’ve chosen that clarinet in my heart, then I know I would’ve continued down the band geek route which was a route of comfort and familiarity
 I can now see
Growing up, I would always blame my mom for forcing me to do so much shit and being so by the book & this and that
And even as a kid, I knew she got it from her dad..
It was one of those common family jokes like “oh you should’ve seen my father if you think I’m bad”
 ha ha ha $$

… $

Well, that’s hitting a little different now that I’m growing up and realizing the nature of cycles and shit $$

But obviously, we’ve had significant spiritual support and guidance our entire lives, and I know now that even the mistakes I made were essentially scripted to get them out of the way as learning lessons $$

But my dad was very “ go with the flow, didn’t wanna get involved”
 kind of thing while my mom was always the step up and take care of it by the book 2 strict type $

So naturally, I was at war with myself every single moment of every single day forever lol $

But let’s just say that 
If my spirit was once her dad,
And he knew some pretty high-level shit,
That I am now beginning to understand,
And was all obsessed with time,
(I mean, the motherfucker was literally building grandfather clocks) $

Sorry, digressing 🕰️ $

And he recognized within my mother, 
some personality tendencies that are both powerful and l concerning,
And did the best he could managing his own artistic genius 
while supporting the many different women in his life…, $

( the biggest issue probably was his penis)
((But I would challenge you to find any hot shit that isn’t controlled by his dick))
(((That is before he goes through the school of the mysteries, of course))) $

AnyWho
I feel like that motherfucker was wise enough to recognize that you can’t convince people to drink the water, $$

But you can build them all the tools that they need to make it while you’re not around $$

And if he knew he would be back,
 that is exactly some shit that I would say, and I would do $*

I would go bury a bunch of shit 
and have this whole elaborate scheme and plan $$*

I know I’m swerving so sorry getting back to it $

And then my dad’s side,
 I am convinced as where I get all my natural talents 
Sadly and magically, 
I think that the whole ADHD and suffering, and all of this has taken given my spiritual creativity to completely different universes $

My natural physical skill, and intuition that I cannot take credit for is a God-given gift
And my point is also that it is a God-given curse when mis handled lol $$

This is why I think my dad struggled so much is because of the actual skill he does have that never got out 
because he was not willing to learn the lessons needed to actually make it
And he allowed his fear to control him $

But if it wasn’t for his both biological bullshit and his absenteeism
I would not have been forced to carry the weight
And then I would’ve not ever fell in love with the weight $$

And while I always had my eyes set on my next workout because that was when I felt the most free and the most strong,
I didn’t even realize the other two areas $

Areas that are far more meaningful community wise
This is something else I cannot take intellectual credit for because my best thinking absolutely destroyed my life before I even turned 18 $**

But if it wasn’t for some type of invisible spiritual guidance in the form of other street kids or anonymous alcoholics or cringe corporate institutions,
 I would not be where I am today
Feeling as good as I feel today
Regardless of the actual current stats $$**

Because if you were to go back and trace my stats man, 
I am really excited to take a look at those numbers $

So switching gears I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is an element of ADHD that is completely misunderstood
But it often also joked about whenever the person’s circumstances are positive $$*

Meaning, most crazy workaholics will claim to have ADHD, but will usually laugh about it $$

The dark side of ADHD leaves you incapacitated emotionally so even if you’re performing at a job, you’re destroying your family and any long-term future through your own destructive tendencies $$*

So if you’re not actually doing that, then you don’t have the “illness ADHD”
You’re just spiritually motivated
Even if you’re not that spiritual
That’s the mindfuck of it all $$*

That’s the part where you have people missing their calling,
convinced that they are now seriously ill $$

Because every single illness ever always has come from some kind of malfunction $$

Or Something not operating as intended $$

And the only thing that can interfere with that, is somebody making a poor decision and not trusting their instincts $$*

So if you feel like you’re broken, it is most likely that you are just seriously pretty far down the wrong street $$*

But what most people don’t focus on is that even if you’re pretty far into the woods, the walkout is pretty exciting $$*

And if you’ve never gone on a long walk in the woods, in a way, it’s gonna be a lot more fearful than the way in $$*

And by the time you make it out, you are going to feel so much better about yourself $$*

You’re not gonna mind all the energy it took to get there and back $$*

So if you find yourself down the wrong path, don’t be afraid to turn around because you’re likely going to enjoy the walk out of the shit if you can simply humble yourself and admit that you were wrong more than you were right $$$*

Here’s another thing
If you’ve been an ass hat for a while, everyone around you already knows it and is already fed up with it $$*

So sometimes it’s really in your best interest just to go apologizing for some shit even if you don’t really need to just to see if you have been a dick in your blind spots $$*

I cannot tell you how much happier those around you will be if you look them in the eyes and you say “hey look I know this might be random, but I fucked up this one time. I just want you to know I’m working on doing better.” $$*

Even if somebody goes around talking shit about you that is on them and that does not mean that it has anything to do with you $$*

Anyone willing to gossip is already shaming themselves, regardless of the speech that comes out of their vocal cords $$*

If you can control your emotions, you’ll avoid all of the bullshit and distractions, and then you can quickly counter with some comedic jujitzu $$*

It is 10:59 AM
I have finished my social media review
And I gotta say
I love it
There are a couple in there that I had to curate
And I have plenty of notes on myself as far as how I can do things better of course
But I can see now that I was undeniably correct for trusting my gut
I mean, I would’ve said that pretty much every day in my life
But now I have documentation Of what happens when you stick to the process $

I’m gonna read and try to dash up some lunch money $

On chapter 5 of endure $

Everybody’s really excited to join the fight until they realize that they’re gonna be fighting against their lower natures $$$

Which means doing things they do not want to do by inescapable definition
Because no matter what it is, we think we want to do, We’re simply gonna pick the opposite for character development.
That’s how life works
But once you figure out the trick, you can un jailbreak your mind, and in a form of intellectual jiu-jitsu & learn to like shitty things, and therefore get a lot of pleasure out of it $$*

Super clutch that the lunchtime dash is literally from the Pizza Hut and to the house down the street
And I gotta say that Pizza Hut has been very outgoing as of late
I really appreciate them
So if you’re near mint Hill and you need pizza there you go- 
The Power of promotion $$$

Anyhow, we’re back and we’re gonna try to read as much as we can $

The sudden rain is working for me though cause they’re already adding a bonus
So if it goes well, I might say fuck can’t get a treat anyway $

So finished chapter 5 but it was kind of fluff
Just a bunch of random science, about studies - no real takeaways other than the fact they’re still trying to isolate the ego $

AnyWho, I just did another quick delivery and I’m now posted up in the parking lot in which I was comically born in
The one with the dollar general my friends & I nearly burnt down lol $

It was about a year ago the first time I was sitting in a parking lot for DoorDash
Actually, not really cause I did a few way back in 2022, but that doesn’t really count $

This time of year ago, I agreed to go back to working some kind of part-time something to help with the financial stress
Even though the coaching that we were doing resulted in big business for my ex
And Even a 5 figure sale the weekend before she moved out, 
Ya know, the one were working all winter on..
but whatever.. $

I found myself sitting in parking lots waiting on pizzas & just bullshitting with myself as usual $

You know you’re pushing it when your gas light just says low and it doesn’t even tell you how many miles it thinks you got $$*

I’ve got to deliver a Philly cheesesteak one and a half miles away at the local elementary middle school with basically no gas 
so I have to be real light on the pedal
But once I deliver it, I should have just enough to get candy and lunch $

We have successfully delivered the Philly cheesesteak, 
but now we gotta make it to the gas station on the way to the candy store
Which should be I think about a mile and a half $

I will not lie this is pretty sketch $

This is about as close a call I’ve had I think
But I have faith $

Bro, check this synchronism I am at 103,656
I just withdrew my $17.76 from my last dash $

We have successfully gotten gas, and I even got this new little red lanyard that says a pledge to be drug free lol 
I found it on the ground right when I stepped out of the car the middle school $

We did it 
completed the delivery and now eating our lunch eggs 
& going to the candy store in a bit $

Just thinking how fear will rot anybody if it’s held on too long enough
And also, it will take the form of pretty much any metabolic disease. $$

AnyWho, I’m gonna eat nine eggs for lunch over medium 
and I guarantee you it’s gonna be glorious $

I’m excited for the podcast and chill here in a few
And to throw more shit at the wall
Intellectually speaking that is of course $

It is 1:26 PM and we are leaving the smoke shop/2nd candy store and getting ready to kick it $

Kind of proud of me in a weird way
My head has been kind of hurting a little bit all day
And I thought it was a caffeine headache
And then I realized that I didn’t actually drink any caffeine this morning when I was working out
My squirt was actually electrolytes lol
So as someone who has relied on caffeine for pretty much a decade, I just placebo’d myself into a raw workout $

And it actually was decent
But that explains why the first time in my life I came home and went back to sleep pretty much immediately $

And this tea just ain’t cutting it $

AnyWho, we’re going back to reading the chapter 4 of “good energy”
Made it about a third of the way through because it’s a long ass chapter, but
It’s really good about insulin resistance and fasting blood sugar, and all of that
I’ll post some pictures somewhere $

You don’t get good at creatively solving problems unless you have to 
either because your brain is malfunctioning or because everything around you is shit
God help you if it’s both $$*

Leaving Food Lion now with the new bag of cookies and a thing of canned hash and of course, a smile
Thank you 🙏 $

I got chewy chocolate chips this time which should be about 1600 cal of straight rocket fuel, 
which by listening to my cravings, is very much needed after all these hypertrophy sessions $

For the record keto bodybuilding is just foolish $$$*

Holy shit, these cookies are so good
Poison is so pleasurable $

I just gotta pace myself
The canned hash is mostly fat though so that’ll be good $

All right, I’ve eaten 1/3 of the cookies
I’m gonna take a little bit more of the treat
To Try to steer into a rest or a nap of sorts to prepare myself for this evening $

Calorie recap of the day
Seven eggs
Big ass bowl of rice
Training session
Another big bowl
Nine eggs
Like 8 cookies $

So
Like 150 g protein
And like 3300 cals ish $

So I should be pretty good once the cookies kick in
Will probably do some kind of mobility focus work out this evening 
maybe dancing or fighting or something
And then tomorrow, 
the goal is to do some kind of training that really stimulates my metabolism and hopefully turns on my oxidative bullshit so that way I can begin slicing carbs
And I think I’m gonna try to slide them all the way down throughout the weekend just to see what I’m working with $

Because I’ve gotta give myself some credit here for a bit
I am looking so saucy and so amazing
Mostly because I’m just doing the right training with the right fuel, even though the fuel is absolute insanity $$*

I’m not even trying to get big, but I am swelling back up at record pace
I mean, it’s pretty crazy how much my muscles remember and how tight my shirts are already $$

And I’m not even gaining fat
So that’s a whole another thing that I’ve learned throughout this process
Because I pretty much lost every bit of body that I had over the summer
I mean, literally down under 5% for sure and under 140 pounds body weight
That was truly fasted though so true weight was probably 150 but you get it
And I haven’t really added my fat back at all since saved for maybe a month when I rediscovered blueberry oatmeal and PB&J’s with a strawberry jam
But I digress
Ever since I started doing more hypertrophy again about two months ago,
Easing into it at an incredibly slow pace,
I mean, my workouts are barely longer than 30 minutes
I just did a lot of movements
But now those muscles were activated the right way, and my type two muscles are basically the reservoir for all the sugar and bullshit that life wants to throw at me to try to sabotage my mental health
But jokes on them because processed food makes the best pre-workout $$$*

It is 3:13 PM and I’m eating more cookies 🍪 $

So dank $

This is how inmates get so Jacked off commissary $$*

Again, if I could get 3000 cal of healthy fruit and veggies for four dollars I totally would
But I can’t
And also muscles do not like breaking down a kilo of broccoli just to get a pump $$*

It is 4:05 PM and we are going to the gym and probably gonna lounge around and do some weird shit on the rower
I like the rower because you can actually change up the technique a little bit to be a little more real world, even though you look silly
It’s just another way to stay engaged
I personally treat the rower as somewhere between zone two and 3
9 out of 10 times
With the occasional- send it session - where you see how fast you can do 5000 m or something like that $$*

I am back and doing a cooldown walk before cooldown ritual routine at 5:27 PM $

That was a fantastic cardio session
Very muscle focused
Which consisted of me just jerking around on the rower
Literally
And then getting all the excess energy out on the elliptical
Oh, and all that was like 45 minutes at
No real rest
Heart rate was zone three 
jumpin between 140 to 160 a little bit
But it was all muscle 
like I didn’t sweat really at all
I mean, no surprised because of all the cookies
But just reinforces that if I did that a year ago, I’d be so gassed and already pretty beat up so I’d be breathing very heavy and I would default directly into oxidative $

I believe if you inspire someone to move that is worth more energy points than anything else
But all art that causes a unifying loving reaction earns a ton of energy points I promise $$$*

It is 5:57 PM
I am not hungry, which is good
Probably cause I’m in such a surplus lol
If I played my cards right then maybe I will slowly cruise all these calories off and not lose my mind $

But AnyWho, I’m gonna go read probably from JPP 12 rules of life
I’m leaving my phone on the charger so I might not take more notes
Sorry, lol $

Just finished another chapter by 6:30 PM $

I’m just proud that I’m actually reading and it’s not that forced $

I swear to God 
I knew so little about martial arts 
That when I first started jujutsu I thought GI was short for group instructor.. $*

I must confess that I finished all of the cookies 🍪 $

Two days in a row is officially a streak
And the length of streaks don’t really matter except for the ego
So whatever you have an active streak of - you should be proud
Assuming it’s not something shitty lol $$*

It is 7:22 PM and time to put on a movie that I’ve seen before $

Anyhow, the movie is called “brothers”” lol $

It’s about $

Get this $

a pair of brothers $

& one is in the army and one is in prison, $

and then the one in the army gets captured, and then put in a prison, 
but in like the Warzone $

and then I guess the convict brother comes home and starts finessing the family $

I’m not gonna lie. I’m pretty stressed about the whole financial situation. I do feel really good because I am now getting just the basics of social media rolling and the routine is what I am most focused on building right now to make sure that I can handle all the digital shit and in person coaching without losing my fucking mind $

And right now it’s looking better than I expected between the training deck and all of my ready content $

And by ready content, I mean what you’re looking at before you
Which inevitably floats uphill if it’s good enough
And then I will throw it on a reel and see what happens $

So yeah lol
I’m doing a little mobility $

I do need to give myself some energy points because even though my training today didn’t feel difficult because I had so much fuel and because my body is rebounding, and because the intensity really wasn’t that much compared to the grueling gauntlets I used to put myself through,
 if I was to score today versus over the summer, 
which I will do soon actually,
it’s not even in the same level 
and I can say the same thing for all my creative work and reading and happiness and lack of resentment and absurd egg consumption total lol $

Truthfully, this is where the cliché “one day at a time really helps “ $$$

Ironically, a lot of people in active addiction are very familiar with this concept
It’s just right when you put the substance down that suddenly you try to take on the entire future all at once $$*

But right now again, my shit always comes down to the financial peace because of the drama that it causes with my family if I ever have to borrow 100 bucks $$

Most somehow manage to find creative ways to ignore opportunities to change $$$*

And the only thing that is positive about it at this point is that it has gotten so ridiculous that it is now pretty easy to not gaslight myself into being the bad guy $$$*

It is 753 in time for first sleep $

Is it now 10:41 PM and I’m getting up from first sleep which was not too bad $

All right, 
we’re at the movies now
Just gotta figure out what to watch and then hang out and try to watch it $

I have witnessed grown men escape from responsibility more than once under the guise of a good game $$*

Fuck it we’re going with our TURN cause I don’t feel like searching 
the old shows never get old $$

It is 11:45 PM and we have been chilling super hard
Alex has found the perfect warm spot on the Blankey between the legs which is right next to this space heater fireplace
Which is right next to the amazing big ass TV playing the super dope colonial show sending me down nostalgic imagination/memory lane $

Time to do the final daily recap and get ready for the big reset
Instagram it was pretty good today
With a total of about 3200 new views in 24 hours amongst three accounts with one share shared post $

And about 2800 on TikTok amongst four accounts $

What’s note worthy is all of the posts were pretty quick and fall into the category of me just fucking around $$$

Which is the most important part because I enjoyed posting them and it didn’t really take much mental energy $$

So I feel quite confident that after a bit of a break and when I return, I’ll be much better and hit harder $

Lol and only like 500 views from YouTube across four videos
And my most recent short, which is a joke about Covid has only gotten one view because the algorithm such a hoe lol $

Jokes on them because it wasn’t supposed to go viral
Now… $

A few things worse than getting stuck with a bad coach it makes you do endless amounts of push-ups just because you fucked up and said the wrong thing and you’re pre-training assessment $$$*

Or worse because they didn’t bother to do a mobility assessment and then tossed you on some stupid machine and failed to take into account Your recovery time $$*

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-14-26

Happy new day bitches $

We are basically halfway through January now
That’s pretty cool
And pretty crazy
Cause it feels like just a minute ago we were celebrating the damn fireworks $

AnyWho, it is right on the money at 12 AM. We’re in the middle of our movie break.
Just fine-tuning the buzz a little bit
Might need to do a little mobility $

I will say for someone who’s eaten about 2000 cal worth of cookies in the past 12 hours. I am very relaxed now.
And I am not “high” $

Just to reiterate for any new peeps that might be reading this shit
I’m pretty good at keeping a buzz, but I’m rarely- rarely ever anything you would consider “intoxicated” $

And I haven’t been legitimately incapacitated intoxicated in over 14 years so $

Being yeeted back to childhood on some mushrooms, 
does not count as intoxicated
If anything- that’s enlightened $$$*

Or at least that’s how you start the path and the process if you know what I’m saying $$

I think I’m gonna have to switch to some kind of reality TV shit even though the Washington spy show is hitting pretty good $

You know the pendulum rule $$

Every now and then I’ll play this game 
 I like to call “scroll and shoot” $

I just scroll and then count to a random number and then pick whatever I land on
Or repeat lol $

God, I’m already leaning towards historical documentaries though $

Fuck it I’m doing this thing called “the lost pirate kingdom” $

Because if there’s one thing I’m more convinced about,
It’s that before I was in the revolution,
 I was on a pirate ship 🚢 $

But maybe I was only on the pirate ship because I was privateering because I was a bad ass naval Commander.. $

It explains the overwhelming urge to get a ship chest tattoo at age 19 $

I didn’t realize my tattoos were returning to some kind of prophesy for my help my life $

Just further evidence that we script our lies before we come into existence and then we attempt to wake us the fuck up to our own bullshit $$

Cause the amount of fuck shit I’ve had to go through has been so tactfully spaced out,
just enough to allow for me to recover… $$

We already bailed out of the pirate documentary and we’re now doing the one about the Boston bomber
Mostly cause I really don’t know Jack shit about that whole situation
And because I just remembered getting my tattoo when the news for that broke lol so there’s a connection $

I cannot stand the site of fat law-enforcement in the field
I mean seriously $

Come the fuck on y’all $

If your job is to protect and serve and put down the fucking cheeseburgers 🍔 $$$

And no, I’m not talking about a little bit of fat. 
I’m talking like you’re pushing 33% or more body fat and your job depends on your physical vehicle $$$*

Which is governed by your mental vehicle $$$

Which is truly reflected by your decision-making $$$

And only those sicker than you will rely on you to protect them $$$

And I guarantee you, they’ll be constantly putting themselves in positions in which you’ll be constantly bending over backwards for some bullshit $$

Sorry, but while watching this, and
 when I see every single first responder is significantly overweight…
And they are guarding a marathon… $$$

Come on people
Wake the fuck up $$$

I’m not justifying resorting to a bomb
But why do you think people are going to extremes to prove points? $$$

Because the amount of delusion that the everyday person holds just to avoid being uncomfortable, 
is the reason why people are doing this $$&

How else can you wake up? $

Everyones shit stinks
It is your responsibility to take a good wiff of it to make sure you don’t have something else going on $$

Not to put it in a bag to the side and watch it pile up while you complain about other people shit $$

Seriously
What is it going to take?
Why do you think the news is so bizarre all of the time? $$

Besides half of it being legitimate fake propaganda $$*

The other half is just the whole “truth is stranger than fiction” with a pharmaceutical twist applied $$*

To finesse you into buying some pill or procedure $$$

It’s this way to make it easy to justify judging and gossiping $$*

Therefore, proving easy when exposing the hypocrites amongst us who are dumb enough to buy into that let alone perpetuate it $$$*

Why you are fuzzy bro? $

All right,
 now that I got that itch scratched,
 now I need to turn my attention to all these fucking cardio bunnies at this marathon $

Let me be clear. 
I got a lot of respect for those who run marathons and all.
I just can’t help but get on my soapbox every time I see when somebody missed the plot so much $

Why would you want to walk around frail as fuck just to be able to bounce on the concrete? $$*

To brag on social media about your Walmart medal? $$*

Don’t get me wrong. 
I think those events are actually pretty amazing 
even though I’ve been to very few formal races.
Cause I’ve been too busy alone in the woods or you know at some fucking secret Salvation Army speech thing or selling a house or some stupid shit $$

But when you pack in so many people that you can’t even see the ground,
And they look like skittles, 
just rolling down downhill
And you can tell every last one of them only cares about their completion time.. $$

Maybe we missed the plot $$

Maybe I’m biased because I’ve been doing all the social media shit but you can just tell every last one of them is thinking about that caption on that post at the end of the race $$*

And if it gets you off the couch, 
& gets you moving,
I’m all for it. $$

Just saying there’s probably a better more fun way and maybe one that requires less ego $$

Because then maybe we wouldn’t be going to such silly extremes $$

I am not sure what you have heard,
Cause you can run all the time and have a little bit of muscle $$

You do not have to be delusionally fragile
Whether that’s physically or emotionally.. $$*

AnyWho, it is now 12:27 AM and I am going to wrap up that little tangent with a pretty bowl 🥣 $

It’ll be excited to read and edit in the next week and two $

It is 12:33 AM now and I’m gonna go do some reading $

Just thinking of myself, I probably need to go to bed around two for my session at 5 AM $

I’m staying with the philosophy tonight. I don’t feel like doing science right now. $

Ehh I made it like 10 pages and then my attention started fading $

I’m thinking I might need me some eggs in a bit though$

You know somebody’s getting out of pocket whenever they start calling women harlots and shit $$$*

It is now 1:35 AM and I am 3/4 of the way done with my weekly review. $

The one thing I really don’t like about the 7oH buzz is it can be so easy just to get it slightly too much 
and then you get kind of cross eyed
This is very common with higher doses of Kratom
And usually, I can avoid it easier with the tablets than I can the leaf powder,
Because when done right, that minuscule amount of tablet equals a slightly cleaner, sedated buzz, then the 5 g of leafs $

It is 1:48 AM and I am following through on my egg threat
And I am eating eight $

I can tell I’m officially in build mode 
In the good kind of hypertrophy 
because I’m definitely in a caloric surplus but I’m craving healthy food 
like I don’t really even want carbs right now $

The real pro move when cooking large amounts of eggs over medium is letting a few of them actually get closer to over hard while leaving one or two a little runny 
So when you go to mix them when you eat them, it’ll be the perfect, $$

Tis 5:01Am and we are getting moving 
*Lighter flic $

Lol looks like somebody over slept $

For the record people 
is totally cool if you struggle to get up at the ass crack of dawn $$*

What is not cool is if you have an asshole coach who makes you feel bad for missing a session or two despite you actually caring $$* 

It is totally fine to make mistakes and I miss some things
It’s totally fine $$

Wisdom is knowing chick fil a is the fastest drive thru but the slowest door dash $$$*

Was able to snag a dash on the way to the gym to get gas money in case I need to go out later
I also have an extra four bucks for food - really carbs in case I need it
It’s on bitch!! $

Another day
Another dude shakin like a leaf with the DBs $$*

Ahh, I’m right at home 🏠 $

Suburban challenge:
Complete one chick fil a door dash
& 100 split squats with 20% bw $

Most notorious fitness crime is simply skipping over the low hanging fruit 🍌 $$

If it’s been a few years and you’re looking older…
Then something ain’t working chief $$*

Most people won’t think twice about spending 50 bucks when they go out to dinner but will hesitate when it comes to investing in their future $$*

Everything’s all fun and games in fantasy land until you decide you wanna get healthy and then you ask for help and then you get screwed over by some fucking snake who claims to care about your well-being $

And to be clear, I am also a snake who says he cares about your well-being
I am just willing to prove it before I take your money $

It is 7:48 AM and I am going to do some reading $

I’m trying a new method that could be very risky
I’m putting a pinch of salt into my sludge shots
And washing it down with electrolyte sports drink
It is combining both worlds for sure in my stomach
Hopefully for the ultimate morning work cocktail $

And after a glorious but mild leg session, I’m hoping that I can tap into my energy reserves and coast with a clear head for the rest of the day $

That was a pretty good chapter
But kind of repetitive
I mean, it’s still reinforces the whole idea of a governor and the fact that things don’t add up when you take a muscle focused approach
Such as lactose acid and glycemic fueling and all of that $

At the end of the day, 
if you wanna go the distance, 
it’s all gonna come down to your ability to suffer and manage your pace $$*

Unfortunately, most of the time when people go to test muscles 
it’s like testing a fish for its ability to fly
They’ll ask type 1 to do some heavy lifting because they don’t understand the recovery process
You can extrapolate that analogy out $$

To clarify by “they“
I’m talking about the general public because it’s pretty clear science, 
and even the most beginner level trainers are pretty good about keeping sets and reps and rest in the right color if you will $

It is 10:21 AM and I am getting back to reading 
picking up on good energy 
long ass chapter about insulin and stuff fasting blood glucose, 

Imagine acting like an ignorant asshole, and wondering why you’re depressed all the time $$$*

Then imagine being an outgoing, delightful person who is also depressed all the time $$$*

Square that philosophical circle $$$*

We finished chapter 4, and then there’s a lot of numbers that I am not going to recount here, but I’ll probably post pictures somewhere $

Not all weights are the same
You can lift a lot of one type of weight and very little with another
All that matters is your experience with that movement $$

The worst thing you could do is try to outdo somebody when they do a good deed
Like just smile and say thank you and give them the win $$*

Sales taught me the most important thing on earth is knowing what the other person knows
And how easy it is it take advantage if you find yourself with leverage
And how much of a piece of shit you’ll be if you actually do that to someone who doesn’t deserve it $$*

Starts podcast on YouTube
Pauses to go read point three seconds later
I’m not even exaggerating
“ADHD at its finest” $

AnyWho, we’re picking back up with 12 rules of life $

I just witnessed something you will never ever see again
There is nobody at the line at Chick-fil-A at 12 noon on a sunny Thursday $

And I’m not exaggerating
 three people drove behind me without even checking 
running the stop sign
Every last one of them was white as the driven snow 
with bumper stickers galore $

Just had an order delivery at the elementary school that I first ever played basketball at and other team sports $

If all you care about is money & security than youre profane $$$

Kind of nauseous right now cause I had to cut my dashing short because I don’t have enough gas until tomorrow when I can withdraw the $12 I earned just now
But after my last delivery when I pulled out of the apartment complex 
I’m pretty sure my mom and my dad were in the car behind me
And the logical conclusion is that they were going to get some kind of lunch or some kind of shopping $

And I had didn’t even have enough gas to safely complete a dash for myself $

Good thing I have a skateboard though $

Which ironically has always saved my butt emotionally and financially speaking
So whatever $

I guess some things you gotta let go of $

Time to make some eggs $

It is 2:24 PM & time to skate to the store $

Just came back from the store with graham crackers and a dozen eggs. Life is good. $

It Is 3:43 PM and I was laying on the floor for a bit, but I think I might actually go try to take a legitimate nap now
Then maybe I can have a fresh creative palette 🎨 $

Lol it is now 6:12 PM and I had like a mini heart attack thinking it was a.m. and I overslept for a coaching session $

So obviously the goal now is to get real sleep because clearly I need it $

What is the point of a higher consciousness if it doesn’t act higher?
*lighter flic $$

It is 7:03pm I have eaten another sleeve of cinnamon crackers
So good $

It is now 10:33pm &

It is now 10:39 PM and we are watching some CIA documentary $

I think the world would be a better place if more people were randomly just like
“Oh yes, good morning
 would you like to talk about 9/ 11?” $$$*

Instead of faking the fact that they’re OK,
Maybe addressing the fact that our government is completely corrupt by designed to wake people up $$$*

I think my furnace might have answered the call, but let’s not get too excited $

It’s sad that smoking by myself in the middle of the night is the only time I feel actual peace because I know I might have at least a couple hours before some fucking ass hat does something that challenges my faith lol $$*

And at this point, I’m not concerned about doing the lift because that’s the fun part. 
I’m just tired of having to recover from all of these wounds. $

I’m bailing on the CIA documentary $

We changed to “his and her” which is like a murder mystery series or something $

We’re six minutes in it and I gotta say it’s pretty good and I really like their style. 
I am actually very impressed by their filming and the quality of each shot and it’s pretty funny yet engaging $

I’ve watched the first episode and I gotta say it’s good
But I’ve got to take a break to eat some eggs
I’m forcing myself to eat eggs before I eat another sleeve of crackers 🍳 $

I can do this
 I know I can do this $

Whenever you start becoming aware of your own philosophy, you’re gonna find yourself saying shit like “that’s a really good point” every five seconds $$

The rule I’m trying to teach the world is that there’s no such thing as “good and bad” when you’re just trying to keep someone’s attention 
you’re either gonna learn it from me or your major news outlet… $$*

11:31 PM is an extra cool time because it’s got three ones and a 31 $$

If you think I’m just gonna post it without some secret master plan, then you don’t know me very well
Are you have not read my website.. $

It’s probably inevitable, 
confusing thoughts with your own as you claim the ladder of enlightenment $$

There used to be a running joke amongst my friends that my level of comedy was so advanced I’d often have to explain the punchline to my jokes, 
and that explaining the punch line became a joke itself $$

So what I’m saying is 
I don’t suck to sandbag or because I’m secretly super good,
I do genuinely suck
But I’m willing to do it in front of God and everybody
Just like most newcomers at a big commercial gym
 my goal is not to entertain you- but challenge you anyway I can
I don’t mean that as a warning, I mean that as an invitation $$

Because another major sad joke, 
growing up has been the fact that nobody wanna play with me $

But that never stopped me before $

These eggs are good even at 11:41 PM $

I’m just thinking more and more 
laughing to myself, 
Like I would totally lock myself in a philosophical box for 30 years if it meant becoming an emotional black belt for any future incarnation $$

I must confess, though that I think I fell short on my recent eggs and I’ve only eaten 
 seven out of eight 
probably because of the crackers I’m also eating that I said I couldn’t wait until after or whatever $

Bro, I knew it 
cinnamon is amazing for you
And helps a lot with carbs $

I mean, I bet I heard that somewhere at some point
But is digesting pretty smooth
Like I feel way better than I do after cookies so far and I’m probably over 1000 cal and just crackers now $

And these are the food lion cinnamon graham crackers
Like 13 servings of 130 cal
Or 1,690 cals total $$

Which sounds crazy, but that’s basically just like a mass gainer
And I just ate my eggs, which was at least 50 g of protein $

So boom
I’ve learned another technique from the streets of hard knocks $

So to recap
Hang on gotta scroll back up..
That should be 
24 eggs today
One can of hash
One box of graham crackers $

And extra sugar in my tea’s $

That last line could define my entire life lol
AnyWho $$

My buzz is slowly rising
Finishing the last bit of my 7oH treat $

So for accountability sake, I will not be using any for probably two days
And most likely whenever I do use it again. I will likely just use it one evening instead of micro dosing it throughout the day. $

It was a big help creatively whenever my anxiety would rise and I’d be like fuck this shit I’m not doing anything
But now that that’s no longer so difficult I’m gonna try to get away from it throughout the day $

Back to “his and hers”
Start an episode two
Getting ready to flip the notepad $

A lot of sex in this show so far
Not complaining
No wonder it’s so engaging
Penetrating even $

*Bubbles roar $

But I gotta say that I’ve got a craving to read
So we’re gonna ride that wave 🌊 $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-15-26

Good morning world
It is 4:20 AM and I am trying to scrape myself out of bed $

I have a session at five $

No wonder it is so cold
It is Like 20° $

And of course, my furnace is not working… It’s probably gonna be warmer in the training garage than it is in my lounge $

You know you’re getting bigger when everyone else starts lookin smaller 👀 $$*

If docs were so great I wouldn’t be so busy cleaning up after their messes..* $$*

Thinking slows you down more than anything else $$*

Whipping down the cables is a waste of time 
I said it $$*

We are leaving the gym and we just did a little dash for ourselves by going to the Food Lion and getting a box of graham crackers, a dozen eggs, and a can of hash
Life is good
And has never been better $

After everything I’ve been thru,
 I think it just comes down to some people are simply not willing to sacrifice their comfort to be of service $$$*

And they’ve never even really tried because if they did, 
they would realize how it’s really not that big a deal and how much better they feel after
Hence the transformation process $$$*

For someone to go from being profane to an activist, they must take the first step and honestly admit that they need to change $$$*

To get from activist to amateur, you must experience failure, even if it’s fairly easy $$$*

To get from amateur to athlete, you must experience true failure, which is never going to be easy, especially the first time $$$*

To get from athlete to artist, you are going to experience significant failure due to your own mistakes
And if you are not willing to admit that the failure is due to your mistakes, then you are still an athlete $$$*

To get from artist to adept, 
you must experience failure that is next to death or equivalent of functional annihilation due to factors that are not your fault
And you must recover from it while helping others $$$*

Bonus points if they don’t even know how hard you’re struggling because at this point, you are likely a leader and leaders do not have the luxury of broadcasting their problems unless it is to share their experience, strength, and hope on how to survive them $$$*

To get from adapt to alchemist
You must demonstrate mastery over all six major area areas of training
While getting kicked in the nuts each and every day
And the kicker is, you will be judged based on the quality of your work, 
not based on the circumstances in which it was performed $$$*

You’ll get bonus points from the Devine when everything is all said and done, 
but while you are here on man’s earth you either put up or shut up $$$*

It’s either good art or it’s bad $$$*

However, you are not responsible for the size of the audience
So as long as somebody thinks it’s genuine, doesn’t really matter how many $$$*

It just has to strike that one person $$$*

People either repeat the same pattern of behavior consciously or unconsciously $$*

Most of the time they’re repeating whatever it is cause it’s worked in the past
So if somebody does something fucked up to you
And it seems rehearsed
That is because it most likely $$*

Because when somebody’s doing something new for the first time, it is the most obvious thing in the world $$*

And whenever that new thing is a positive action founded in love and unity and all that, then that is a beautiful thing $$*

And most of the time when you see someone doing something new, it is usually a positive thing $$*

Those who are perpetuating negative and evil actions have most likely done it many times in the past
Because it’s unlikely that you’re their first victim $$*

My point is if something feels suspicious “- always listen to that feeling $$$*

Athletes are usually not scientists
Although they try to pretend like they are $$*

If you still site studies, then you’re a athlete at best
Artist know experience matters more than anything else $$*

It is 9:52 AM and I have already eaten 2/3 of my box of graham crackers
Which is probably like 1200 cal lol $

It is 12:35 PM and I am going to the trail after a brief nap and mobility $

It is 1:40 PM and I am finishing up my run
And I got to stay it was glorious
Those crackers really came through
I mean, I’m feeling impervious and I’ve been going for about an hour
Even finished with sprints $

Them crackers are officially gone lol $

But if they digest well, then that is gonna be my new trail food
Or at least part of it
Cause I felt like I was floating out there
And digestion was great so far 
knock on wood lol $

It is 4:13 PM and I am going on my afternoon walk $

Today is really the most justifiable recovery day I have had emotionally speaking $

meaning I don’t really have to do anything tonight if I don’t want to, 
but I’m still trying to without trying to 
if you know what I mean. $

I feel really good about the process and rhythm and everything
And that’s clearly the most important part about all of this just so I can not go insane $$

And it’s getting more and more fun - the easier the tools are to use $

The only downside though is the Kratom buzz is pretty weak and I’m not sure why
 I really don’t want to have to take a bunch of shots
But I’m also not gonna get the seven today
There’s a chance I will tomorrow afternoon because I should get some cash in the morning to re-up on candy and groceries
And I’m definitely overdue for a good party
But again, my priorities still are trying to get all this shit out $

It is time for eggs $

It is 5:32 PM and I am winding down. I’m almost hoping I can go to sleep early so I can get up early so I can kick it with a fresh brain slate for my 5 AM session.
But it’s a little too early $

So I’m strategically trying to time that can of hash as well
Cause that’s really the only carbs I have, which is actually fine cause I’m going to the store after the session in the morning
But after that work out, I have to take a rest day $

And just thinking out loud 
I’m realizing that this is the first full six days per week that I’ve had unobstructed pretty much all fucking year lol
And if you’ve seen the other days, you know I’ve had to get through on a bunch of rice and graham crackers $

And nothing but eggs for protein $

But I’m also feeling and looking better physically than I have in at least a year $

And better yet
 I don’t give two shits about spending a bunch of money on food I don’t need $$$$$$

Cuz, for pretty much my entire adult life I spent at least 20 or $30 a day on food or supplemental expenses
Maybe not exactly calories but you get it $

And now that shit can last me a week easy $

Which is great practice for when I’m in the woods all the time $

Kneeling by my table has successfully fixed my posture that I was complaining about a few weeks ago $$

And probably earned me some bonus points with the Devine but let’s not get greedy $$

I will add though if you’re willing to take a knee when you take a photo,
 the shot is going to be substantially improved $$*

But the real reason why I’m kneeling by the table is because Alex still has my chair and he looks so cute that I can’t disturb him $

It would seem like it’s against the rules $

Fuck it I’m just gonna say it
If you’re using heavyweight & training for aesthetics, then you’re being foolish
And just wasting energy $$

And that kind of hurts me to say because I’m such a big proponent of using heavy weight as often as reasonably possible $

It’s just that aesthetic is secondary when you’re talking heavy resistance
But medium to light resistance with the right tempo and the right technique can be extremely therapeutic $

It turns into cardio with weights, but much better than silly cardio $$

You can flow from one movement to the next
Enjoying the amazing carbs that you have consumed all day leading up into this magical moment $$

Even though your face might be scrunching and screaming, it’s the best kind of pain possible
If you can even call it pain $$

And for aesthetic,
 is really when you want to focus on volume $$

But the smartest and most wise know you really only need one or two good solid failure sets per muscle $$

But again, if you’re talking aesthetic, then you’re talking isolation
And you might be doing four different kinds of flies $$

Let’s not even get started on vertical pull downs
Cause there’s 1 billion different things you can do from a fully in a high position $$

The best program is a mix of both worlds
But don’t be shy to focus heavy on one for a few months if that’s what it takes $$

And ignore all the idiots who don’t understand difference in techniques $$

It is 7:20 PM and I just ate a can of hash and four eggs
So we are at one box of crackers and 20 eggs and one can of hash
So like 170g / 3600ish $

Which, if these numbers are right, I have been in a significant surplus in a few days, but I am still ravenously hungry $

But the way I be looking and does confirm that because I am sauced up $

And my shirts are tight again $

But my sludge shots are kind of weak
Which is justified my 7oH tablets $

Honestly, I do think that once money isn’t an issue I probably will keep extracts for the heavier dose just because the plant shit is so hit or miss or takes forever $

But I’m just hoping that I can get to the point where I can train a lot more
Because when I’m training three times a day it’s like I have a fresh tolerance for everything cause my metabolism and recovery processes are running so fast $

I also think one of my space heaters bit the dust
So that’s lame
And my furnace came on when it was the warmest part of the day
Just to troll me
But last night got down to 17°
I think that’s the coldest all year
I think there was one night in like November or some shit that I got down in the teens out of nowhere
And my furnace was being a bitch then $

And yes, yes, 
I know I could probably have it corrected quickly, 
but what’s the fun in that?
Then I couldn’t have people bug out whenever they find and read this $$

oops, sorry, buddy
*Steps on cat $

Anyway
If I fix it, 
then either there’s no way I’m gonna keep the house cold and therefore, 
I will have no way of testing my theory 
But seriously if I’m eating like 3500 cal a day and I’m not gaining fat,
And my house is cold as fuck, but I’m not cold,
Do you need me to do the metabolic math for you? 🥶 $$*

You don’t believe me?
then come to Planet Fitness somewhere between 6 to 7 AM in mint Hill lol $$

That’s if you don’t want to show up to the open gym $

And I am fully aware that this is gonna be posted and edited a week in arears
So I’m kind of kidding, not kidding $

But for real, you should check the update and see what’s going on this day whenever you find this site
If you need a moving buddy $

Or matching buddy wink wink $

Just don’t be too weird obviously $

I feel like that statement actually is a lot more effective than you would think $$*

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

1-16-26

It is 1:12 AM $

Kind of shocking how the first thing on my mind was somehow trauma based $

Meaning, I popped out the bed real quick & real stressed
Because that’s been my life for the past four years lol $

But I’m just gonna kick it now for a little before trying to get a couple more hours of sleep before my session $

AnyWho, we’re gonna watch “Southland” which is some kind of series about LA cops or something
It is shot with “gritty realism” $

I’ll be the judge of that $

I feel like I have a fresh cognitive slate and that if the buzz kicks in good, I’ll probably go on some Rembles in a minute. 
That’s not a promise or a threat 
that’s just an observation. $

Sometimes you can tell,
but I think I might just be traumatized as well on that part cause I’m used to getting up & talking as much shit as I can before emotionally shutting down $

Like I’m just saying- if I had been a soldier of sorts and would’ve fought in a few major conflicts,
Then it would make complete sense that In this lifetime I would end up trapped in some kind of secretive supportive role on the real underground war that’s going on in the streets every day
Mostly with addiction and mental health, and if you added up those numbers and those casualties from that war, it would shit on anything involving a firearm $$*

To reiterate, the “needle” has killed more directly in indirectly than the trigger $$$*

The needle being a placeholder for drug seeking mind and mood altering behavior
So it could be in a pill or procedure or a false promise $$*

I’m referring to the fact that most people seek comfort at the expense of their own well-being instead of an enacting violence towards others $$

Even though both sadly do take place $$

If magicians really are running the world
Then they should make sure that any animal that is ever abused,
Is either some kind of respectful prop 
Or is somehow impervious to the damage
That way, the trauma is restricted to the individual who was targeted for the lesson $$$

Otherwise, they’re not very good magicians… $$$

In like the third scene of the show, they have this poor young teenager getting gunned down randomly
And then they have a random person coming up claiming that the solution is to give everybody free marijuana $

And you know what
I agree
And I’m also a fan of the fact that they made this point indirectly within the first 13 minutes of the show $

It’s staring a little cheesy and chopped naturally, but so far it doesn’t seem very hacky $

Just thinking about my recent diet and I was about to roast myself in a not so funny way
And then I realized how many respectable hard-working people survive off Waffle House (or the equivalent ) daily $$

And I guarantee you, my eggs are cleaner than theirs lol $$

Side tangent
My primary secret meeting was the 10 PM meeting in the most pretentious part of town
It would meet every day of the week, 365 days a year
It would attract the most dynamic range of individuals you would ever see
You might have investment bankers, active working girls, bartenders, and therapists all sitting side-by-side $$*

The meeting itself would be absolute bonkers and insanity most of the time $$

Sometimes it was so bad that I couldn’t even go inside $

The other times I would try to “be the change I wished to see in the world”
 and all of that stupid shit. $$

But just simply showing up for thousands of times on end to unlock the door or to point to it, carries more weight than the rest of it $$*

AnyWho, I digress
We developed a small social group at this meeting
One that I preferred to spend most of my time with
Mostly because of how authentic everybody was willing to be
And that is one correlation with the crazies~
Is that they are usually willing to be themselves regardless of the expense
So even though on paper, my friends looked completely fucked, they were more authentic and more genuine than any you would find anywhere else $$$*

Naturally, over time people grow apart, and that is why I really left
So if you were one of these people from that path, then just understand that it is with love that I left
And also, if you were there, then you should get it cause of the absolute insanity that was called recovery
❤️‍🩹 $$$*

Sorry, I digress again
I told you I’d probably swerve a bit
My last point was that we developed a pretty big social group there
On any given night, we would have between 6 to 19 people hanging out
Some nights would be so crowded, that we would have to be very strategic about where we would go out to eat
Or else, we would overrun some poor server and cook somewhere $

So every night of the week we would have different restaurants or spots we would try to go out to eat at
And then, we would have alternates whenever for some reason we couldn’t go to our primary spot $$

This was more difficult than it sounds because keeping in mind, we were trying to get food after 11 PM on a Sunday sometimes $$

And in the south things get real sketchy when you start going to bars on Sunday $$*

Or things are going to be completely bonkers if you go on a Friday $$*

A few of our main go-to spots were 
-Brix pizza (two different locations)
-Angry ales (profane’s fav)
-Midnight diner (amateur’s favorite)
-Waffle House (adepts favorite)
-Amelie’s (artists favorite)
-Moosehead (alchemist fav) $$*

* lighter flic $

I could add some more to the list
But those give a really good impression of what we were working with $$

And where we would spend most of our time $$

I cannot even count how many times we rolled into brix - 12 deep or more right before midnight
Mostly because it was right down the street from this secret church basement $$

And that’s how it was for many years
For a while, I usually couldn’t make it in time for the formal meeting so I would just group with everybody right afterwards $

Having that to look forward to, 
And the daily examples of fuckedupness was really the reason why I was able to abstain from drugs and alcohol $$*

And didn’t even bother to test the waters again until after 18 months of Covid and things becoming clear that I needed to get to the true cause of my emotional nature $$*

The irony is though
While I was pretty fit and active at the time
And essentially working nonstop,
The food that I was eating one could argue is more mind and mood altering than the cannabis and kratom that I consume 
Especially you consider all factors $$

Because pizza before bed isn’t always the healthiest physically, but sometimes it can be spiritually* $$*

Is the other sad part is
That that basement door was a revolving one,
A very quick fast revolving door,
And all doors in that secret society of recovery revolve fast
But that meeting had an especially high turnover due to its timing & population and production 
cause like i was saying- it wasn’t producing that many disciples of discipline 
if you know what I mean $$*

So as many people as I got to get to know,
There were at least nine more who I never even got their name.. $$

That was another reason why I would actually hang out in the parking lot
I got more value out of having authentic conversations with the people who couldn’t stand to sit still in the meeting $$*

Or the ones who showed up to get a sheet signed And decided just to hang out outside chain-smoking $$

And many times it was more interesting and motivating to hear their story $$

Good or bad, crazy or sane, Than to hear the same old rehearsed cliché come out of some hypocrites mouth $$*

In a way, this leads me around to my social media strategy
If you find yourself reading this, and you ended up trickling down from the socials
Then maybe this helps shed some background as to what I’m really after $$

My whole life has been defined by people watching me but being too afraid to say anything let alone get involved with me $

I don’t mean that to be all melodramatic or it sound like a victim,
I mean, it seems like some kind of weird joke
And at this point, I’m forced to assume that most people are simply intimidated by me $$

Because they’re sick and I represent a challenge $$

Sorry, I digress again
Before I do that, though, I must swerve to the other side and say this is exactly why I’m doing all of this $$

To allow myself to weave and see why
And most of the time it’s more like just scratching an itch, that way I don’t have to think about it again $$

But sometimes when I weave, I see some cool content and then I’m glad I wrote it down
But if you think that the notepad is intended to be aesthetically and functionally pleasing, then you do not know my subconsciousness yet lol $$

The notepad represents why I throw paint on a iron plate and shake it all about $$

It’s not about what it looks like
It’s about how much fun it was to shake $$*

So for socials, most people look, but don’t engage
But the algorithm knows
The algorithm knows if you look your eye to that corner
It knows if you paused the scroll with your thumb
It knows what time a day you lean a certain way $$*

And within two weeks, I’ve already broken five figures of views
And most of the shit that I posted is less than 10 seconds along
And literally just cut from my rambles
With a little bit of lipstick on, of course $$*

I’m all after exponential growth but
I could care less about viral or big hits $$$

In fact, that is actually what worries me,
and what I’m trying to avoid when reasonably possible $$

Because sales taught me all about funnels,
So to go from a scroll to a separate place l
Require some filtering
Or else I will go insane and mislead those that I’m trying to help $$

So you can view my strategy kind of like an Easter egg hunt $$

I can guarantee you that every post is connected
And that there’s some hidden shit in each and every one of them
But nothing too crazy 
it just might be something lines up in a way you might not originally catch
Or an inside joke that makes sense later on $$

my main goal is to reproduce and recreate what that secret Society gave me $$

Which was a place to go to when I had nowhere else
Physically and emotionally $$

Something to do that wasn’t trying to poison me or make a profit off me
And people to make me not feel so alone $$*

However
I am also either crazy enough 
or competent enough
 to envision an institution that embodies these principles without actually brokering bodies $$*

I will create a health club
Greater than the world has ever seen
It will be a place for the weak to get strong
& The lonely to find fun
And a place where a peace is the minimum $$$

Gym by Day
Club by night
All major areas of training featured
Including martial arts and team sports like soccer & football
Specialty restaurants on one side
herbal lounges and refueling stations on the other
Full medical and supplemental arsenal
And due to its connections and many different adventuring opportunities, will also have its invisible counterpart in every major city which essentially goes around turning homelessness into backpacking with incentives and supplies $$$*

(big weave coming)
Meaning, I’m certain there’s a place in the woods nearby any major city in which you can basically set up an ethical tent city
And if you actually give people the right incentives, they might go there instead of hanging on the street $$

I went on this tangent a week ago I think
But seriously
With the right incentives and right consequences you could solve homelessness and the private prison problem with Mother Nature $$$*

I will reiterate that it is a pretty harsh solution, but it is far more appropriate and productive than just throwing people in a box and hoping they’re different in a few years
After getting shanked and molested and poisoned by jail food $$$*

I would argue that jail food is better than hospital food when you look at the production of its people $$$*

How else can you explain to me that prisoners are usually healthier than patients? $$$*

Oh, you’re telling me it comes down to their chosen activity level?
But aren’t they both locked in a box? $$$

Oh, you’re gonna say it’s because one person is sick..
But literally has access to all the “health tools” available?
And you’re telling me that you can’t develop a solution to offset their actual physical movement limitations? $$$

Or is it because most of the procedures that are performed in these places do more harm than good 
Esp when you consider the cognitive opportunity cost that comes with it $$*

Because it would seem that simply feeding somebody honey buns and tuna packets is a better option for their physical health as long as you give them a pull-up or $$$*

Than it is to feed them pudding and Jell-O and that fake hospital chicken salad 
and telling them that it’s gonna be OK if they just sit and do nothing $$$*

Because luckily, we got a pill for that $$$

I obviously not been paying attention to this TV show and I missed the entire first episode cause I was rambling $

And so we’re gonna go ahead and jump to the next first thing
“Godless”
Which is a modern western
Back in 2017 I believe
And I think it took me like three tries to actually make it through
But AnyWho, it’s either gonna make a good background concert or you’re gonna see the notepad time travel lol $

I’m gonna try to upgrade my Kratom
 buzz
But this is the dilemma
I give it like a 5 out of 10 currently
It’s a line between productive and sedating
And I’m trying to push it over the edge just a little
So I’m finishing the last bit of my shot $

Which is probably all in all 10 g split into maybe 4 ounces of water
Something like that $

And because the liquid method causes it to move through my digestive track quickly, I’m convinced some of it is not actually breaking down compared to as if I had taken the capsules which sit in the stomach for a while, first before moving on all at once $

This is why the seven tablets are the exact opposite
It’s just that they do have the tendency to get a little sketchy from a habit forming perspective 
because of the quick come on $$*

So my point is 
it’s better to take the long way more often than the shortcut
When getting your buzz on so to speak
This keeps you honest $$*

In a perfect world I would alternate. I would probably do leaf one night,
General extract the next
7oH the night after that
And then some kind off night $

The truth is, I would like to have more completely stone cold several days, but this isn’t until I can find some kind of social replacement
Cause I’m not just gonna sit on my hands alone doing nothing again like I did during Covid
I’ve already proved my ability to suffer lol $$*

So until then, I will just continue to prove that if you are respectful and responsible with your herbal medicines that they can serve you daily for years on end instead of these stupid pills $$*

Just thinking more and more how everybody has it backwards
Like if aliens do exist, why would they want a different vehicle other than the human body? $$$*

Because the body is the perfect vessel to practice and perfect higher level principles $$

Meaning, you can’t have a super smart octopus learning the same lessons that you would learn in the human body $$*

I’m not ruling it out,
Of course you could have super advanced arachnids or some kind of reptilian ETS
But why?
Because the next step in evolution is obviously going to be dealing with quantum and consciousness itself $$*

And anybody who hasn’t realized that they’re the same thing is probably under the impression that either we are alone or that reptilians control the world $

Like I don’t know how much character building opportunities you can get if you were like some kind of super smart T-Rex or something $$*

Maybe that’s just reinforcing my bias as a human lol $$

The other piece too is that really things come down to logic in philosophical reasoning- not just how much random shit you know $$

True intelligence is emotional intelligence $$$

And again, if you were perfectly crafted by nature to not have to worry about much shit then explain to me how that actually aids in your higher level spiritual development? $$

Cause you can only develop spiritually if you isolate some kind of variable $$

If everything is working!perfect, then it is not very challenging$$

But could be very enjoyable $$

But you also would never know it’s working perfect until it lets you know what it’s like to not work perfect $$

And that’s where most people are at these days 
but instead they get upset & they think they should have everything they want right now,
and instead of zooming out to see the bigger picture they just get upset that they’re not magically born with superpowers or the world doesn’t know that they’re God‘s gift to it yet $$

Sometimes your week comes down to one single rep
Hell, maybe your month comes down to it
Maybe your year
Maybe even your entire life comes down to one single rep
Three seconds of resistance
And how you handle it
I think the kicker as you know, is
We don’t know when those three seconds is gonna arrive $$

Activist‘s favorite thing is trying to build muscle while burning fat at the same time $$*

Amateur’s favorite thing is lecturing activist on why they should bulk and cut $$*

Athletes favorite thing is accidentally building muscle while burning fat due to their extreme physical demands $$*

Artist love actually building muscle while burning fat at the same time except no amount is ever good enough $$*

Adepts don’t really care anymore about it as long as they can keep lifting
And yet they’re the most shredded and the most jacked proportionally to their body weight of everyone $$*

It is 3:25 AM and I think it is time for a mini nap before my session which I moved to six so that way I can immediately go to the gym $

Actually fuck it I’m gonna do a little bit more reading
I’ve already finished my review from last week $

It is 3:47 AM and time to nap $

It is 6 AM
The Creed is playing
And it is time to get moving
Love when the words lineup all smooth $

Just like steps to a pyramid $

Gotta be careful not to get carried away $

The tea is hot, but the air is cold $

Tis now 7:21 am and time to get a pump $

Shit, I’ve seen today alone:
-Girl doing some squats on the Smith
-Random bro, spazzing out with the cables
-Sweet Young thing nearly throwing her shoulder out $$*

Say what you want about the crazy Christians on the street corner but they could be doing a lot of different things besides trying to promote love
Or segregation… $$

Ahh yes, you can just feel the righteousness from the other new dashers when their first order doesn’t go as expected $$

Most people will seriously get mad at you for uncovering their secret instead of addressing what was so secret to begin with $$$*

It is 9:55 AM and we are leaving the lion with a stash of food for the day;
-We got 30 eggs
-A box of graham crackers
-2 L of water
-A big bag of cat food
-And a 2 pound bag of jasmine rice
Oh, and we made a quick run by the smoke shop to get a little seven treat hee hee $

I’m excited to rest and relax today
I think I’m gonna take the MK right when I get home
And then start getting my buzz on $

I am proud that I’ve already posted a bunch of stuff today
Some of it was scheduled
Some of it was from my two week review $

It is 10:40 AM and I am going to do some more reading
I am genuinely choosing reading over a movie
I am definitely 31 years old now lol $

It is now 1105 and time for eggs $

If you’re truly intelligent, but you’re getting mad at people for not recognizing how intelligent you are,
 then you are not that intelligent to begin with $$$*

Getting mad at other people for their own stupidity is amateur shit 
real adults troll people with their own ridiculousness without even getting caught $$$*

Recognizing that it’s more of a game of leveling up instead of right versus wrong will help take a lot of stress off your self righteous your shoulders $$$*

You usually don’t need to say things perfect if the intention behind the words is clear
This is both positive and negative
This is why you have people losing their shit over what they think is passive aggressiveness
And others who make tough conversations easy because they understand where the other person’s coming from what they’re trying to say $$*

Just finished watching “the rip”
With Matt, Damon and Ben Affleck
Partly because they were just on the JRE
Also, because Netflix recommended it
Also, because I like those guys
And I gotta say it was a really good movie
Definitely recommend it
Lots of twists and turns
Very mysterious $

It is 2:56 PM and I just finished a little nap
I’m guessing I’m just gonna chill & potentially dash or something $

I say
Better to be alone than to share what little you have with idiots who don’t appreciate it..
Even if it’s just time patience or sanity $$*

It is 3:18 PM and I just finished my afternoon walk down memory
I got my tea cooling off
Got a slight buzz kicking in
Emphasis on slight (at the moment)
And we’ve got a new fresh episode of Washington spies coming up
What more could I need? $$

Other than maybe a big titty… $

Kidding $

Kind of lol 
Hehe 👀 $$

I gotta say, kneeling by my smoking table is one of the best moves I’ve ever had $

I fixed my posture and elevated my status with divinity all in one mov
And I am restrained by smoking with this reasonable honorable gentlemanly method $$

Smoke as much as you want as long as you got a knee on the ground $$$*

Here’s a great video idea
Offer somebody $1 million if they’re willing to go expose their search history and screen time live in front of a massive audience
After disclosing their actual info for accountabilities $$$*

Score another big ass bowl of rice and butter at 3:53 PM probably like 800 cal
I damn near went ahead and started eating the graham crackers I’m trying to save for later.. $

It is 4:51 PM & time to do more reading 📖 $

I think I’m already halfway done with three books this week alone
Which means hopefully by this time next week, I will have finished reading three books in two weeks
Legit books too
Grown adult books
📚 $

That didn’t last long lol cause I’m too stoned and now I’m getting sleepy
The MK is giving me mad munchies too, 
and all I have is eggs, rice, and crackers
So that’s actually a good thing though $

If I can get back to like 205 but under 5% body fat, 
Less than 15 mg of MK 677 for two days a week …
I will basically be a demigod
And I don’t think anyone can dispute those numbers $

The only downside with all the butter rice is that it takes much longer to fully metabolize and take my hunger away because of the saturated fat $

And I’m really trying to restrain myself and finishing those crackers $

So I might eat like six eggs here in a few
That’s how I keep myself honest $

And then, if I eat those easy, then I can justify eating whatever I want after that $

It is 5:12 PM and I think I’m gonna go ahead and take another nap $

It is now 8:05 PM and I am rising from my beautiful nap $

Never forget how many people are the consequence of some forced marriage or the very least some marriage made under false pretenses $$

I’ve said it before, but you would think of arranged marriages a lot differently~ If you realize you’re gonna come back as your daughter‘s kid sometime. $$$*

Some people might read some of my ridiculousness and judge me
Or think that what I’m going through is somehow difficult
But I say the real challenge is to continue on in a relationship that you’re not supposed to be in $$$$$$$$-*

Or to continue with an employer that you shouldn’t be working for $$*

Or to continue eating something you probably shouldn’t be eating, but you definitely don’t need biologically $$*

The same people who cringe about cannabis are the same ones waiting in line at the Walgreens pharmacy drive-through $$$*

I’m glad I didn’t go ahead and give into the temptation earlier and eat the rest of those crackers $

I was right that I just needed to wait a bit for that butter rice to kick in $

The stronger my surplus gets- the warmer I feel as well $$

I am just more and more convinced that people like me were meant to have cold because we fidget and burn so fucking much
And I think we fidget as a replacement for the metabolic itch of warming self $$*

Further evidence that I’ve reincarnated a bunch of times
I cannot stand the sight of animal suffering
But self-inflicted human suffering just makes me giggle $$*

OK, on the real note at the very least I’m indifferent towards human suffering if it’s self-inflicted
But I’m also very sensitive to any type of tyrannical bullshit $$*

Forgive me while I return back to my Washington spies show lol $

“Without gunpowder there is no freedom“ $$$*

They really didn’t give a fuck about combining designs back then
Everything was so fucking extra in that weird kind of Victorian bullshit $$

No wonder everybody left England because everybody was so uptight $$

I’m convinced that I was once a part of the super honorable Brits $

And then they started fucking around and me and the boys were like hey man, 
I got an idea,
It would be crazy
Hear me out.. $

What if we get on that big wooden bitch over there? $

And wait for a windy day or two and see what happens $

Maybe we can at least find a new trade route $

But I’m pretty sure we’re just gonna fall off the end of the Earth cause it’s flat $$*

So let’s go find out $

Few things hurt more than being betrayed by your own country
Even when you’ve given everything to serve it $$

But I also think that’s part of the serving-
If you’re not willing to give everything and receive nothing back with a smile, 
then really how willing were you to begin with? $$$*

Because the knowingness that you were a participate in building something that you are inevitably going to be a part of the receiving end of- should be enough for any grown individual $$$

But nobody is interested in knowingness anymore
More concerned everybody else knowing shit about them $$$*

Again, I think both are obviously important because what you do will directly impact those around you and what they know about you $$

But it’s funny how most things that truly do serve the greater good usually come with a lot of drama in the beginning 
and resistance from idiots who don’t like to change $$*

So the compensation is from keeping your cool long enough, 
and not completely losing it and spoiling the inevitable $$*

We’re at the scene we were Benedict Arnold starts his bullshit. $

More great man have fallen due to even greater women who were influenced by even more greater men who were influenced by even greater women
And so on and so on $$

It seems I have hit the ramble buzz
Lol meaning I’m obviously all chatty Cathy now
Because the cannabis is doing its job, yo $

I really can’t believe people see that beautiful plant and just go
“Eww no, that’s too dangerous” $$*

And then they’ll go order another round lol $$$$$$$$*

I mean, I totally understand trying it & not liking it because it definitely isn’t for everybody. 
I’m just saying those who swear it off have a lot in common…
Bullshit bitch ass tendency wise that is of course $$*

And those who do not blaze are just not as funny as those who do $$$*

That is basically science at this point $$*

And you might think I am kidding $

But I guarantee you if you were able to somehow run the numbers.. $

Cannabis is heavily involved in comedy
The good kind that is $$

There is no way to do dirty business and stay clean
Prove me wrong $$*

Guarantee you can’t do it without citing personal examples of your own filth $$*

Just like how most people can’t argue against God without bringing up self-inflicted suffering as some kind of argument against divinity $$

It’s totally understandable to be upset about circumstances that you cannot control
Especially if you are in the fresh receiving end of a good life lesson, $$

Because there’s inevitably a period of time where it takes for hindsight to fully set in or acceptance to be found in which we must wallow in resentment $$

But you will be judged by your ability to smile in the face of shit 
& place others needs above your own -even the need for entertainment $$

Especially the need for entertainment… $$

“ But what’s in it for me?” type of motherfuckers make me so sick dude. $$$*

I must confess that I have finished all the crackers as of 9:19 PM $

At the end of the day, 
happiness is directly correlated with understanding
Because understanding eliminates suffering
And the natural state for things is usually one of quiet Bliss
As long as nothing interrupts it
Therefore, as long as you understand yourself and your position and your place and purpose, 
you will never need to worry about happiness $$*

Interesting to see the social media engagement so far
My only goal is just to see what stops the scroll with as little as possible 
with being as authentic as possible $$

And also the old performance manager in me is obsessed with analytics, 
so I’m just trying to get a pulse as to what the algorithm is actually doing in real time so I don’t flood the feed with dumb shit $$

You will never know who you truly are until you sacrifice everything you have and that you think you are ~ for something bigger than yourself $$

And until you have done that, your primary focus should be on preparing yourself and your willingness to be able to do that if I asked
Cause guess what? $

Nature always comes a callin $$

The truth is most people at the bottom of the army back then were really just people physically able enough to point a weapon $

It didn’t take too much talent or integrity to rise above to at least an officer level $$

And then most combat was honor based
At least amongst major armies
So an officers position was relatively protected, considering they were usually separate from the troops for coordination sake $$

And then given just a sheer odds of being able to read plus dodging any major health bullshit $$

We’re at the scene where John Andre has to hang himself basically
And he does it like a gangster and a gentleman
Which are really the same thing if you do it right $$

Otherwise, you’re just a criminal & uptight pussy probably $

Hanging would suck though, dude
He requested a firing squad, but I guess they denied him $

I could just be being dramatic right now, but I relate to these hanging scenes lol $

It is 9:43 PM and I’m gonna go try to read a little bit more
Gotta give credit to the buzz on this one otherwise I probably would not be doing this
And that is again another example of true American alchemy $

I will continue to read this philosophy and then return to my historical show about George Washington and the Revolutionary war lol
Maybe crack a beer $

It is now 10:23 PM and time for I guess technically first sleep but it’s more like second nap $

That’s how you know it’s a good recovery day $