If you leave off in the middle of a big fight scene then that’s where you’re gonna pick back up… $$

Happy 12:04 AM $

Shake can get you just as stoned as the reg nugz 
It just tastes a lil funny $$

Apparently it’s cold and raining outside 
It took me a while to notice cuz of how cold it was inside $

Caught my body turning the “heater on”
When I woke up nearly sweaty again
(Meat sweats + warmth metabolism ) $

Went like a full year without being able to sleep without sweating 
Stress sweats… $

When trauma becomes unconscious, it’s usually to protect the person from the grave reality of their situation $$$

Slow kisses make me nauseous 🤮 $$$

You should write down your prayers every now and then just to make sure they haven’t dipped it to some kind of weird repressed sexual shit $$$

“ Come into me, oh Lord, and ravish me
Make me yours and show me the truth “ $$$

Like bro eww chill out $

The Bible boyz were trying to show you open mindedness and acceptance work better than rape and murder $$

And if you’re a G, 
you can discover telepathY $

Always a great moment when the kitty wants to snuggle 🐈‍⬛ $

Always painful when they want to leave for no reason $

I’d spoil Alex if I had more money and the ancients know that which is why I’m still goin thru the “financial awareness” trials 
I’m sure of it $

A good boop on a good snoot is what it’s all about
*sounds snoot alarm 🚨 $

Missing the dog from the last relationship more than anything else
(& the cat) 
So what does that say $

I truly thought the girl was my spirit mate
I Still haven’t even given up hope if she has a big come to Jesus moment $

But based on some of her beliefs, it ain’t looking good for us in this lifetime haha $

When the ex cares more about $$ or getting a Christmas xbox back (as leverage)
than your health and family situation…. $

Like I get it
But I made it as painfully clear to homegirl from day one that I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend but a partner in the life mission against fuckery $

& we were clearly at different stages of willingness 
I was full in the: 
never really sleep, go all in, no excuses, gonna fail anyway for a few years so fuck it mode $

She preferred the;
Sleep till noon,
Complain instinctively,
& Identify with any illness necessary to avoid conflict approach $

But I’m just proud of my side of the street $
Cuz from my side, I got to 
- witness her & her mom set strength personal bests on a weekly basis
- Crush double digit hikes when they never would have tried before
- Work together in the war against inactivity 
And I also got to
- witness shit talk and gossip behind backs (including mine)
- Incredible generosity with food. And incredible resistance to anything not involving food
- Mental ju jitzu to justify the family’s favorite past time: getting upset over politics at dinner $

Before I was ever a writer, I was shoe Hustler $

So I know when something fits physically or intellectually $

& more importantly, 
I know how to own up my own shit
If there was ever a superpower worth having it is that $

If there were ever a pathway to divinity, 
it would be through a long treacherous road of emotional trolling $$$

Get high enough up the Spirit Mountain, 
and even the smallest resentment will blow you off the ledge $$$

But the higher you go, the more fun the fall $$$

Just remember the whole point of climbing is to jump off (or fall off ) at some point anyway $$

Otherwise, you’re probably not gonna enjoy the ride to the bottom … $

This is a great month to look back on the year and figure out where you fucked up $$$

This is a great year to do the same as well $$$

It’s now 12:45 AM 
We got Vikings doing sexual politics 
I mean really all they did back then was kill each other and hang out in huts $

Can you really blame them for loving war as much as they did when the alternative is listening to the drunk uncle talk about gods and statutory rape 🛖 $

When in a world where;
alcohol is safer to drink than water,
Shit is bound to be a little rowdy $$

Guarantee you, 
I could go shot for shot with the greats 
Cannabis wise, that is $

I think who can smoke more without losing their mind to paranoia is more meaningful than
who can drink more before they pass out $$$

That rule definitely carries over on mushrooms $

You can find out what kind of ass(hat) you’re dealing with real quick with about 3 g and some electronic dance music 🍄 $$$

The difference between you and me is I’m totally fine with dying alone if it means I’ve written some dope shit. 
(And made my preparations, of course) $

Not because I wanna be dramatic and shit 
But because quite literally I have witnessed everyone I’ve ever known lose their minds over dumb shit $

I think there are still some reasonable and happy people left out there, 
but for whatever reason, the universe has seen fit to isolate your boy amongst the profane $

I must believe it is for comedic strength
Or else I would’ve off’d myself years ago $$

I can feel the munchies growing
I can sense a decision on the horizon…
PB&J or oatmeal? $

Hard to explain, but I think we gotta go PB&J
The only downside is the kitty is on the blanket and he is so comfy and cute right now
I don’t wanna move him and anger the gods $

But anyone who’s been 7 hits in and 13 feet away from a PB&J must be able to relate to the intense pull $

This Viking just straight up pulls out the skull of his first wife
That is the exact opposite of how you handle a resentment $$$

Last few meals
PB&J- 600 / 25
Tuna/ crackers - 750 / 35
Chicken & berries - 800 / 60
= 2150 / 120 ish
Not bad..
+ another PB&J (600/25)
=2715 / 145 $

The older I get the more and more I think that the Greeks got it right, having a whole squad of gods and shit $

I just hope to be the kind of writer that Zeus would wanna gather people around by the villa and be like yo-yo. Listen to this. $

The way I get all hyped on mushrooms is evidence of my Viking lineage $

I bet it’s only a matter of time before I bump into some of my other psychedelic selves
Like whenever we punch through this current reality space time and pop back into the in-between spot. I’m pretty sure I left myself some notes.
You know, popping through time and shit $

But what’s funny is I also relate on a spiritual level to the monk who’s just hanging out in the castle with the candles and the quills $

Trying to figure out what the fuck these dudes were talking about $$

 I mean, I guess if some of my old selves got murked by the time they were my age, 
They probably wouldn’t have been able to figure out too much. $

Other than some pretty bad ass techniques relative to their day, I’m sure 
But I also think that the few lifetimes that I got past this point in my life, I discovered some shit $

And I assert all the strangeness that has begun since I turned 30 as evidence $

I really need to get my grandfather clock back if you know what I’m saying $

“ we must preserve these fragments of writing for all of eternity”
-old English king in the castle to the priest, Homie 🏰 $

That’s what I’m saying though !
He gets it $

At least the Vikings understood that if you made peace with your enemy, you could go raiding with him 
At least until he became your enemy again $

Kind of random but the level of excitement that I’m getting just by thinking about lifting in a few hours is noteworthy 
Obviously, why I’m making the note 
But I think it’s the mushroom biology continuing to improve $

If my theory is correct, then I should see a noticeable continued emotional improvement throughout the rest of the week $

I can already feel the intellectual upgrade kicking into because words are smooth and more readily available $

And the whole habit of writing like I am is becoming unconscious, which is always good energy wise $

If something seems like it last forever that just means it’s a really good learning experience 
& very immersive $

Happy 1:13 AM 
From The first sandwich of the day $

All warriors are warriors and by definition can defeat others
But not all warriors can defeat their dark side $$

(PTSD/Addiction) $$$

The pathway to God consciousness is routed through the PTSD chapter $$$

Because until you know what it’s like to do everything right, but have everything break and everyone treat you wrong then you will not know what God might feel like $$$

That sandwich is so good. I feel like I could go run a marathon. $

If I can keep my health projectory going, then the goal is to actually spontaneously go run a marathon without it being that hard $

It’s pretty crazy watching your pants fit different in real time in a good way instead of a bad way $$

But it’s all fun and gainz until you can’t fit in your favorite pair of jeans $$

Unless you wanna buy some ridiculous looking skinny jeans, you’ll be wearing baggy shit forever 👖 $$

My apologies for the rain, I was brainstorming $

All of my notes are either going to help my case that the world is crazy and I’m not,
Or they’re going to completely seal it and take away any doubt that I am actually the crazy one $$

I’m fine with being the crazy one as long as I’m the fun and healthy one too $$$

I feel like the English language proves you don’t have to do all of that with all the weird squiggles in all the other languages $$$

Like the weird strike through and unnecessary dashes and shit $

Like I know we got ‘ but that’s really about it $

And it’s still the most complex language there is 
which is kind of a flex honestly cause that means we can get more creative $

It’s hard to believe how much people value revenge 
If they valued acceptance and forgiveness even a quarter is as much 
They would probably never think about revenge again $$

Everyday is a battle if you’re in a war against depression…
Every single day $$$

“There’s a Dark force controlling the worlds governments”
…. Okay but that doesn’t mean “bad”. Unless you’re a colorist? $$

I’d describe demons as spiritual trainers $$

Angels are more archetypal 
Demons are more elemental 
Humans are inbetween $$

Bad angels, or actual demons, are archetypes of evil $$

If you knew you were going to reincarnate as your daughters kid,
You’d view arranged marriages a lot differently… $$$

Funny that I’m making jokes about waking people up as I go back to sleep 💤 $

The crescendo of Zs is actually the best sleep emoji 🛌 $$

Happy 1:58 AM 
A suburban snack snatch is when you take the biggest handful you can of the snack and hide the bag as fast as you can before finishing it $$$

I think everybody knows it, but the walk of shame is the walk home the next morning wearing the “night before” clothes $

Yes, officer I’d like to report a runaway snack train 
This one is pretzel branded 🚂 $

This is my third snack grab $

2nd sleep begin: 2:20am $

My blanket cape would make my ancestors proud $

Speed smoke sess begin 6:26am $

Friendly reminder, that seed oils might not damage you directly but overtime damage your body‘s ability to operate at its best $$

Generally speaking, you don’t get cancer unless you outlive heart disease first $$

The downside to having long-term studies is it takes a while to dunk on people 
and honestly what’s more important right? $$

If you feed a kid nothing but processed crap for 10 years then they’ll be in a perfect position to begin to fall apart as they begin to build themselves up for puberty $$

And then all you need to do is gaslight them a little bit and make them feel like they’re a problem
Because they don’t really know much and because you have all the leverage and resources you’ll be able to easily defeat them in debate $$

And then just imagine the shit stew They’ll have to marinate in 
when they’re already being rotted out from the inside, physically and mentally, 
and then when they blame themselves for it… $$

I am grateful just to have a roof over my head during this rain $

You would think that someone would have the decency to own up to what they did but the reality is if they had the decency, they likely wouldn’t have done it in the first place $$

My life experience has shown me that it is foolish to wait for an apology
But it is wise to apologize as quickly as possible $$$

The only thing I could ever do is use fear to teach me how to manage it $

Things get gross very quickly once you start taking this life for granted $$$

Sometimes when you go to reset something, you can restart it too quickly 
Even though it did fully turn off 
Which means that there must be some kind of brief physical power delay $

And then other times it wouldn’t matter if you left it off for 30 seconds or 30 years as long as the parts are fully cool down $

Now apply that to reincarnation lol $

And for my next trick, I will prove the existence of the Almighty with just some regular household items $

I was beating myself up for not getting outside in the sun more but I’m also really excited to have a cold wet, rainy day to justify sitting inside $

It seems that I am fully in rest mode after second sleep, 
and once in rest mode, I am quite comfortable with being an absolute slob $

But if I am in work mode or fun mode, then the last thing I want to do is anything that I usually want to do in rest mode $

My life is just a series of short circuiting from one mode to the next, mostly spontaneously $

Thinking about how they have a TV show where they make things disguised as cakes, just to see who they can fool and how creative the cake can get $

You could say my whole life is cake based on how often I bake 
Intellectually speaking that is $$$

You can see why they gave me Adderall so I would shut the fuck up $$$

But before they gave me pills, they would just send me to another classroom 
Or to the office to call my parents 
Which was by far the worst $

But just take a moment to digest that the greatest threat of my life for a long period of time was pretty much anything involving my parents $

And I’m not trying to blame them specifically because they’re actually great parents in light of our culture today $

I’m trying to emphasize the madness that was just trying to make it through the day -when everyone around you was trying to get you to kill yourself $

It breaks my heart every time I have to listen to something regarding seed oils because I know they’re talking bad about my beautiful PB&J’s $$

So friendly reminder, 
if you don’t know that most breads have some kind of seed oil involved in it $$

And on that note
Just about anything out of a box or bag has oils $$

And the trick nowadays is to come up with some new healthy sounding oil because there are some oils that are not the worst. $$ 

Cause the profane just don’t give a fuck, they’re still eating at McDonald’s 
*lighter flic $

I think when your dead you can essentially “remote view” anything you want
So you could go to any place in time and watch anything being built
And you can bounce through time in any sequence you need
It’s kind of like having an all access pass to the greatest movies ever made $$$

So if you die consumed by your desires, then you’re probably just gonna do weird shit like creep on your ex or continuously check the leaderboard’s at work $$$

Or haunt some old timey house or some shit $$$

Or have to talk to annoying armpit hair girls because they’re the only ones crazy enough to try to listen to the dead ☠️ $$$

Amazing what you can do with someone’s attention if they think you’re smarter than them $$

This is by far the most fun job I’ve ever had $

Happy 7:04 am from the 704 $

Just can’t believe that not everybody else that’s ever lived Cares about everything the exact same way that I do. $

How could so many people be so wrong for so long? lol $

Just super grateful for this moment in time 
Mostly to not have to be going outside right now and instead get to wrap back up and be a burrito 🌯 $

Alex’s behavior proves that it’s possible to be a Devine being while testing everything and everyone around $$$

He can stress and bless at same time
Pet synchronicity $$$

If principles must exist 
Then hierarchies must exist 
Because by definition principles come before personalities $$$

 When you go back to square one for real - for real then you’ll realize why they call it that $$

If you really stop and kind of think about it 
Cats are actual cuddle monsters 👹 $$

In a world that is controlled by its emotional desires 
Being able to do an entire summer eating basically nothing but eggs and the most processed of processed foods, 
While undergoing the most tremendous mental stress, both physical, financial, and familial,
And not dying or killing myself or somebody else,
May be enough to transform into a superhero 🦸 $$

People would be more appreciative of their ego if they realized how much it has to filter out each and every day to not go nuclear ☢️ $$$

People would be more humble if they stopped to taste the pie they were making 🥧 $$$

Slithers back into bed at 7:31 am after a few “sessions” $

Hell if 25 min of my coaching time is worth $76
Then the univ owes me $144 $$$

It is now 11:44 AM and I am going on my “Sun walk”
In the rain 
In the 42° weather ☔️ 
Fuck my life lol $

That was once again nowhere near as bad as I thought 
But I still didn’t wanna do it $

Muscle focus training-
You never really know how many sets you’re gonna need 
It’s best to start counting when it starts hurting $$

Angles for bracing and leverage points matter the most to be able to push to and through failure $$

Fueling matters a hell of a lot too 
Because you might fail just because you didn’t eat as many carbs on Wednesday as you did on Monday 
Or you didn’t sleep enough 
Or you did something else slightly off in your training $$

Movement focus training-
Really doesn’t matter how many sets you do, all that matters was your best one $$
 
The primary goal is just to build or maintain performance abilities 
Bonus points if you happen to look like you’re in shape too 
Motivation matters most here 
And the training itself is far more mental than physical $$

If you don’t know what it feels like to be Loosey goosy 
That means you’re all righty tighty $

The irony is that by drinking out of the drinking fountains in office buildings and random ass churches for so long- might have helped me limit my fluoride intake over the years $

So my work ethic, saved me from being poisoned $

If you think I’m gonna let some petty BS, keep me from wearing my skittles Snuggie that my ex bought on our last weekend together then you don’t know me very well $

I’d wear this shit to deliver stuff if it wasn’t the exact opposite what you need technique wise $

If something happened, then there must be a reason why it happened 
Deciding significance is usually where people go wrong $$

If you don’t believe in black magic, then you must not have gotten a bad deal yet $$$

The ego does not like to trust nature to take her time $$$

Grocery list
- cat food
- Bread
- Water
Add dish soap 
and two ice cream bars ( snickers & Twix) $

I just want my kids to be able to say that their dad had a six pack when everybody else was fat as fuck $$$

Ice cream bars= So fuckin good $

This gonna sound lame af but I can really feel the love in the Harris teeter parking lot Rn $

But not any dashes lol
Shit is slow af $

I just can’t get caught staring lol $

Most people have never had to “drop everything at a moments notice” to go help a friend and it shows $$

*glances at lighter
“Do a scoot” $

The unconscious side of the ego is the most difficult to reason with
But it also has the most to deal with
Which is why it’s stubborn af sometimes 
And also why a mushroom can yeet it $$

Just ate a full pound of ground beef for the first time in a while 
Knock on wood for smooth digestion lol $

But that’s a big deal for getting back in the regular training rhythm
Because that was easy 100 g of protein and about 1600 cal or so
But will digest on the slower side
And that leaves plenty of room for fibrous carbs throughout the night and tomorrow $

So even though I’m doing a lot of high carb training, having the high protein and high fat background will help me regulate my energy $

Also, I should be a lot warmer because of the meat sweats lol
But that’s literally why your body does that in case you don’t know $

Sidenote, if you can stay cold, most of the time, your body has to naturally warm itself you will produce more internal vitamin D because of the light within your cells
This is why redheads don’t die when they spend nine months in a cold cave $$

Also having a belly full of meat when it’s cold and wet is spiritually satisfying
Trust me $$

I’m glad I discovered Kratom in this lifetime
Cause it’s way better in every way than alcohol- except for running from your problems
Cause you can’t blackout from it $

Shout out to all the other “only children” out there
We rare af $

Apparently, those who had siblings “can tell” I am an only child
W.e that means $

Ironically, my two closest childhood friends were also only children 
And they were basically the only - only children I’ve ever known lol $

Happy 8:33pm 
Tis time for first sleep 💤 $

Catch you on the flip side 
(Prolly) $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-2-25

I’m getting good at this $

Happy 12:07am
Clockin in from the throne $

Lockin in with the pipe $

If you can recover 12x faster than normal,
Then 9 months in the shit is nothing by month 13 $$

I can tell what type of muscle you are
Type 3 (2a)- spazzy & tires quick
Type 2- control freak/ slow
Type 1- weak, passive $

The human ego is far too delicate to hold up under the undeniable weight of deity $$

Meaning, if God suddenly made himself known to most people, 
their sense of self would instantaneously self-destruct cause they would not know what was/is theirs vs God‘s responsibility $$

It’s always a bittersweet morning when the cats wyling out $

The good life is the one after the end of a series of long grueling challenges 
It is not the one before the journey $$$

Although technically speaking, we are always right before a journey of some kind $$

We’re watching Vikings and we’re at the scene Were the one fuck boy Viking gets turned into a blood eagle by Ragnar, which I guess is kind of an honor for him now. 
But at the time of his death, it was probably some bitch ass shit 
But because Ragnar was such a motherfucker, he would go onto become a very important figure 
So important that the people he killed suddenly became memorable $

So There are levels to fame 
If you were so famous that you can make somebody else famous by fucking them or killing them then you are pretty high on the list $$$

The cat is the perfect philosophical companion 
Or sidekick to the superhero $$

Vikings be like
“I saw a crow in the field and that’s how I knew he killed my father” 🐦‍⬛ $

Functionally speaking tho- they got a lot more right than wrong
Except maybe the human sacrifice part $$

But I’d argue it’s better to be in a culture that would off the lazy mfers “for the gods” $$

It’s nice to watch the actors slowly get into better shape over the seasons lol $

And you can see the shirtless trajectory increasing haha $$

Tis time for some blueberry oatmeal 🥣 $

So apparently it’s like 31° 
But it’s rather nice inside 
Says 61 and the system has been off for a while 
Wasn’t quite sure if it was the meat sweats or not even though I’m not sweating $

Further evidence of telepathy is the look that you can give your pet when they’re on the counter when they’re not supposed to be $

Sales will teach you how to talk to anyone 
Even the wall 
Ask me how I know $$$

You’ll be glad to know that I put the sugar on attack mode to make up for lost time $

This is like cliff bar cereal but better $

In a world were literally everything is recycled why would spirits be any different? $

It’s impossible to know that much about somebody who doesn’t know much about themselves 
But if that’s the case, then you don’t need to know much beyond that fact $$

By definition, those who are insecure spend most of the time worrying about their securities (or lack there of)
Which limits their cognitive resources and brain power $$

#OperationGetOutofDebtCreatively 
#SuburbanSecret
#AlwaysUseVoiceToTextTo#
#CauseItAutomaticallyDoesTheCapsForYou 
#WithSurprisingAccuracy $$

Remembering this one time in the psych ward 
Me and the roomie didn’t want to sleep 
And wanted to troll instead 
So we would sneak out of the room and dodge the nighttime guards and see if we could throw a sockball or something into someone else’s room without getting caught
Let’s just say we never got caught lol $

Happy 1:44 AM 
My insulin is rapidly rising, just like my mood and well-being 
And they were both already in a good spot 
As I load the bong 
I began the fifth episode of Stranger Things $

I would like to get all obsessed and into the show like the rest of everyone 
and all corporations who are ripping off the theme for marketing $

Alex is wiling out big time right now 
Almost got angry for a second there because of the sudden crashes when he busted through the blinds $

Kinda sucks when the healthy cat food gives the cat bloody poops 
But also helps him lose weight and help helps his energy level 
Just hoping he doesn’t get bloody poop this time 
Yall pray for him $

Every now and then I’m catching him do this weird tick 
Like a Tourette’s like spaz
It’s like a weird flex and growl almost like he’s got something stuck in his teeth, but it’s clearly a neurological spaz 
I don’t know how to best describe it 
It seems painful but doesn’t last longer than a second or two
Kinda like he’s getting stuck in a sneeze almost maybe 
I don’t know. I know I’m rambling. Yall pray for him lol $

I can’t really hang out with the Christians cause they get mad at me for talking shit about Jesus and their church $

But I can’t hang out with the heathens and pagans either because they’re fucking ridiculous and they’re not fun way $

So I just keep chilling here in the corner of the room 
Lifting weights and spirits one day at a time $ 

An authentic smile is always complementary technique $$

Except maybe turn it down during times of death so not to seem so fucking creepy $

For the record, any good monster would be able to hide right next to you without being detected 
Otherwise, it’s not a very good monster 
Or a very dangerous one at that $$

Ironically, if you zoom in far enough, you can get a better understanding of the big picture $$

A lot of people wouldn’t be so tough if they knew the reality of booty juice $$$

A lot of people wouldn’t be so “tough” if they knew the reality of MDMA and electronic dance music $$$

The Gods understand the butterfly effect way better than us so just relax and focus on the small shit $$$

Eventually, everyone wants to see the hero bust out the fireballs $$

The Jedi woulda see more coming if they woulda had an inside man on the dark side
But alas, tis was the other way around $$

Remembering how grimy and slimy my managers is at LA fitness were
I mean, one literally the first interview he tried to talk me out of being a trainer and into being a sales person for the money $

Like my entire resume was clearly saying I was leaving a money career to teach and train lol $

I would realize why later 
Because this shit bird would get commission on top of commission and would make more on anything I sold as well $

I would basically just be helping him do his job 
Classic used car sales bullshit $

But what was worse is this guy was essentially abusing poor people who just wanted a fitness consultation in an attempt to convince them to buy the overpriced personal training $

 knowing damn well the trainer was only gonna make 9$ an hour of the $150 a client was actually paying $

 that the client Would quit in three weeks anyway and would forfeit the rest of the contract.$

Because what was even worse than the shitty sales manager was the fact that most people would pay thousands of dollars each month just to tell themselves they were making a change $$$

Just to keep that excuse in their back pocket that “OK maybe tomorrow I’ll actually go to my morning session” so I can eat the pizza tonight $$$

Rarely, would they come complaining about sessions or actually hoping to redeem them $$

That was actually kind of a joke 
Nobody ever cared about getting their money’s worth $$

And nearly all clients would admit themselves that they never did the diet or the homework so of course they couldn’t expect results $$
 
There is obviously so much meat on this bone that is why I had to make this freaking website 
Because of how many sad stories I have similar to this $$

If you run into somebody who makes a joke about how lame it is or how bad it is to have to work hard 
Don’t laugh $$$ $$$

Or better yet 
Do one of them super loud, sarcastic belly laughs, and then give them a dead pan stare down for nine seconds after $$$

Like 
HAHAHA 
🤨 $$$

Happy 2:09am
The oatmeal and six spoonfuls of sugar might be going to my head $

Progress requires friction $$$

Somewhere somebody has a complete list of all the people who have been on a casting couch or only fans $$

Also, they know what you’ve seen online $$

A blue belt amateur mine as well be a demigod to a white belt activist $$$

Time for a lovely 6:24 AM smoke off 
I’d say I’m gonna count the hits, but I always forget $

Sometimes it’s best to leave on the lame, generic daytime background television $

The 31° cold is no match for my 31 year-old attitude, my skittles snuggle, my big ass blanket burrito wrap, and my bong-mitzvah $$$

The downside to having fur would be not being able to appreciate a good blanket $$

I take back what I said about the boring background television if it’s an episode that you’ve seen a bunch of times $

We’re gonna go with the new Diddy documentary series instead 
Should be pretty spicy considering $

So as of now before we get too far, 
the feeling is that dude is a piece of shit, 
but a lot of his behavior was likely exaggerated by dark agendas $

Think Epstein, but with more celebrities
We’ll see what their main point is if they’re trying to make him seem like a monster or like he got off easy $

If you work in a profession in which you get paid for your perspective, 
Then I highly recommend that you start taking more notes on random shit and then expand on any preferred enjoyable patterns and pathways you see $$

I think more people than you realize would be interested in a department store managers commentary on the Diddy documentary $$

Once I said that for voice to text, I realized the nature of social media and how my last comment just exposes my hiatus from it $

New book
Patterns and pathways 📕 $

So far this documentary is really good, but it’s only made it clear that Diddy was a creative go-getter
Literally $

Enjoying all the old clips tho $

You can keep anyone’s interest for a while if you keep changing the subject / object 
#AskMeHowIKnow $$

Weird vibe when you’re enjoying a documentary so much 
Specially, when it’s on on sexual assault $

if someone ever responds to your request for help with 
“what do you want me to do about it“ 
or if they voice their concern about what they will miss out on,
Then run $$$

Time for good morning Sammy
Is 7:13 AM $

Modern day lifting calculus:
If seed oils delay recovery .01%
But a single exercise session increases recovery by 1% ;
Is the candy with the seed oils worth it if it gives you an amazing workout (& emotional satisfaction)?
My answer is almost always yes $

Gotta preciate the poison if you want more of it without actually poisoning yourself $$

Remember one man’s OD is another man’s pre-game $$

My goal was not to become the oldest young person There is but we are. $

You count as a young person until 35 $$

“Even a blind squirrel can bust a nut or two”
Or however the saying goes $$

weak men blame weakness $$$

Height wise,
I’m like as close as you can get to 6ft without technically being 6ft
But I’m over 6ft whenever I have on shoes lol $

We on episode 2 now
So far it seems like the message is “this dude got off easy” $

In a war of short angry dudes against fat arrogant ones, my money will always be on the underdog $$

3rd sleep starts 8:15am ish $

10:58am and I am now awake
And already past my first existential crisis
So that’s good 👍🏻 
Gotta do a sunwalk, and atleast it actually looks a lil sunny $

So many people People are so traumatized that they don’t know what they want because every time they were asked in the past it was just a set up to be gaslit $$

New segments 
- Spiritual sounding shit
- Sounded spiritual
- Don’t know where that came from $

My motivation for running went out the window as fast as I wanted to go out the door $

So I’m gonna bait myself with a chocolate treat $

Better to be slightly smelly than sick $$$

I’m the kind of guy to buy the treat before the run but still do the run anyway $

Being alone in the gym sucks
Being alone on the trail rocks
And vice versa lol $$

Love things that make sense but don’t $$

Remember the energy bonus you get every time you pick up trash and public $$$

Kidding aside I’ve been alone on the trail so many times $

I’ve done probably around a mile and a half again that is super slow grandpa pace $

Strong integrity often looks like superstition 
Just saying $$$

Strategy:
- Degree pages $

I think technology is just a slow revelation of magic in a way that keeps magicians from actually getting killed $$$

So when a motherfucker starts conjuring shit, he could just say it’s AI and the profane will keep working on their prompts $$$

Gonna hit a 10 minute “why not” walk $

A big dude’s biggest fears is going catabolic $$$

Artist have a tendency not to think about anyone other than themselves $$$

Adepts are the opposite 
For in order to evolve out of the artist phase, one must realize the benefit of working with others and must make that their process $$$

Alchemist have perfected the art of teaching to the point to where they can make money off of it $$$

A magician is one who has perfected the art of teaching across multiple areas $$$

A joker is one who has perfected the art of learning how to teach across multiple different platforms $$$

I just think things make more sense when we look at Jesus’s training protocol instead of just when he popped up out of nowhere with his miracles $$

They had to wait a couple hundred years after he died to publish shit in mass because he was that humble $$

It’s silly, but when you’re creating shit, the simplest stuff is the hardest and most overwhelming 
Like removing a background from a symbol $$

But subconsciously it’s extra hard because once you get the small stuff done, then the vision becomes real 
And it’s difficult each time you have to confront reality $$

Happy 4:32pm
Happy to say the Website is coming along 
lol my life is such a joke 😅 $

Bout to make some eggs and then hit the dash 🤞🏻 $

It really is kind of crazy how hard some the small stuff is sometimes 
I think my chemicals are coming back, but I’m still having pretty shitty reaction to things 
For example, the thought of cooking just makes me wanna hide in a hole 
But when I stop and think about it, it’s really not that bad and once I actually start making the food it’s nowhere near as painful as it’s been over the summer. The initial signal says fuck that shit & I have to rebuttal with myself each time that gets old. $

I do finally feel as if my body’s beginning to build and repair in ways that it hasn’t been able to do in probably a couple years at the rate I believe I’m healing. 
I will be at an all-time best physically mentally spiritually and hopefully financially come spring time $

Like my brain for the past year has just not allowed itself to feel much in the pleasure department $

And my idea of fun has become warped because all of I’ve done is work 
So work is my fun $

If I can get my calories back up and my energy expenditure back to the sweet spot as well as remove some of these stressors, I think my brain will be just fine long-term $

My warm-up dash of the night is to go get Alex His little treat squeeze, lick things. 
But it’s kind of sad how I forgot to do it earlier cause I was too busy thinking about my running chocolate that I didn’t even realize I forgot to get him more treats $

And then when I remembered that I had forgotten, I initially didn’t want to go do this dash for whatever bitch ass reason $

But I guess that’s just more ego talk and what I was just trying to say as far as being a stingy little bitch with my energy $

Ain’t none worse than missing the light except a whole Lotta shit actually $$$

Ain’t nothing scream 19 year-old fuck boy like a modified Honda Civic am I right y’all? $$$

If you ever need to find an AA meeting then just go to a church around sunset and drive around looking for a group of people chain-smoking and drinking coffee $$

If you spot any moped or scooters than you’re likely, getting really close too $$

The message of the day from the psych board is “don’t sweat over dumb shit“ $

Three hours of the wrong thing might as well be three years 
Three hours of the right thing might as well be three minutes $$$

With that being said, I am now back at home after getting dicked down from Burger King after having to wait 30 minutes for an order 
I hope that was the last one ever delivered 
I truly do $

I’m trying to digest an interpret this weird energy as far as what’s the next right thing to do 
And I feel more and more I have to return to coaching, but with a very selective client list 
And I feel like I have to go all in and start getting everything out there ASAP 
But I feel like this time I can do it without trying to make money from it while also making money from it $

We’re making some roast beef and hash now 
Gonna throw an egg or two in that bitch 
So this thing is about 700 cal before eggs 
Mostly carbs in fat, but about 30 Gs of protein overall so not the worst $

This is another one of those weird nostalgia foods that I haven’t eaten much in this life but is strangely familiar as I prepare it $

Like that’s kind of the case with most canned foods cause they’ve obviously been around forever, but I’ve never really eaten them 
Yet I can tell I’ve eaten a lot of them. Do you know what I mean? $

It is 8 PM and I think I’ve had maybe three or four existential crisis this evening alone 
Mostly financial, of course, as mentioned already 
But while I was waiting on an order at Burger King, it was pretty rough, watching the guy cuss under his breath because of how busy the store was getting $

And he’s probably still at work right now
And will be again very soon. 
Another reason why he’s probably stressed.
Just a reminder that these are the people that handle the food most of the time $

But I imagine whoever was involved in the canning process of what I’m eating right now I might not have been having the best of a life either $

By adding four eggs to the can we now have a complete gain plate $$

Yep- shit slaps $

2$ meal & bout 1,000 cals $

I wonder how ketchup got started
Specifically because tomato juice has never sounded good $

Let alone the king condiment $

Same with hot sauce
I’d love to witness the first time a renegade deliberately made some spices $

Reading is also fun again thanks to the mushroom 🍄 $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-3-25

Wanna see someone happy to wake up in the middle of the night?
 just tell me theres a bit of dank waiting on me $

Stress is a philosophers nemesis $$$

Imagine being a trend rider and riding the baggy clothes trend that makes you look like an actual clown 🤡 $$

Kind of pathetic what people do for a little bit of fame and notoriety am I right? $$

Most artists are kinda fucked up creatures tbh $$

It honestly doesn’t feel real watching this Diddy shit
And how many people worshipped this clown for so long $

I don’t buy into the narrative that he was the problem
He did what he did for years and years
Everyone around him was the problem $

If his behavior was not romanized due to money, he woulda been run out in the beginning $

Wouldn’t it be kind of funny if the CIA knew who he was gonna reincarnate as in his next life and he ends up as a hostage in Gaza $

How do you think hostages end up in Gaza? $

We have successfully done the 21st century equivalent of creative stencils 
For literally the most basic symbol as possible 
It ain’t much, but it is an honest humble step forward $

It is now time for a celebration 
And a request why my Kratom does isn’t kicking in yet $

Just saying you can tell who’s done their time 
shit just gets painfully and progressively more and more simple $

This is actually kind of a big deal though. I’m really proud of myself for doing some website work in the middle of the night without having a 30 minute motivation montage prior 
instead I did it cause I wanted to for funzies $

 which shows that my strategy of just saying fuck it and putting it out is worth it even though it’s straight up convict themed $

One thing for certain - you’ll never be able to say I didn’t keep it real $

Just saying that Jesus is gonna need a good coach whenever he comes back cause shit is fucked up out here yo $

So that’s why I’m doing this 
So Jesus, if you’re out there -
here if you need help, bro $

Yes, I just offered to help Jesus -
not the other way around 
I told you I was recovering fuck boy 
You should know what you’re reading by now $

You are not allowed to complain about money if you are wearing a diamond cross
I don’t care who fucked you $$$

Good news ladies and gents
 I think my buzz might have just been delayed
Was really hoping the airport didn’t lose my bag with the flight if you know what I’m saying $

Solving intellectual problems requires tremendous energy and precision due to the consequences and trade-offs $$

This is why managers and executives make the big bucks 
because it actually requires high-level skill or wisdom to not fuck everything up $$

Happy 6:12 AM we are up and we are answering questions $

Lol know it alls always find a way to give unsolicited advice 
Am I right? $$$

New segment call either
 “am I right?” or “told you so “ $

If you can’t show them, you have to learn how to tell them $$

And telling them is just simply trial and error plus time $$

Don’t listen to anyone whoever tries to tell you that being fat is justifiable
It is never justifiable
But it is always understandable $$$

Because you can understand how something is harmful as an mature adult without whining and without justifying it naïvely $$$

Friendly reminder, body fat is just dietary discipline $$$

Hard stop it just is $$$

Now you can get all kinds of crazy, creative, on how much energy you burn $$

Obviously, that’s my preferred strategy… $

But to ever justify eating in significant excess long enough to become fat -
is always a mistake 
or at best a misunderstanding/miscalculation $$

Because literally fat is the last thing that sneaks up on you $$$

It is the most fair and patience and gentle consequence you could ever come up with $$$

It is a direct reflection of your decision making and your internal emotional environment $$$

And honestly, it reflects over your entire life because a truly healthy and fit person knows there is no area exempt $$

So if you got some shit to hide, you are only hiding it from other idiots $$$

Man, I get triggered over people bitching about their stupid belly fat $

You shouldn’t care about how chiseled your trainer is 
You should just care more about their social awareness and ego management $$$

I see why I subconsciously put off doing this because I genuinely feel pain on behalf of the holy of holy’s because of how fucking arrogant and pathetic some of these questions are $

And I’m not trying to be mean 
I’m trying to be literal 
These questions are quite literally arrogant 
“ how can I eat my cake and keep body fa off without actually doing any work?” $

Like I’m all for eating the cake 
I’m probably too much for eating too much cake 
That’s the whole point of fitness $

But when you’re trying to cheat the game, then you’re disrespecting something I love $$$

because as someone who has worked their ass off to get and maintain sub 10% body fat
- while training others 
- while dealing with lifestyle bullshit 
- while dealing with XYNZ 
You do not get to roll up on Reddit and spew some shit like that without consequence 🎂 $$$

I’m gonna have a lot of editing to do… $

To be clear 
and to be a little bit more fair 
Because this is something I literally just went through -
I have very high standards for a coaches health and personal performance ability $

If a coach is not healthy themselves, then they are not in a position to truly help others (beyond the bare minimum in which they need to help others to help themselves) $

But this by no means means that you need to walk around at an all-time personal best aesthetically 
Or with a strength and conditioning PR in the tank $

But if your discipline has deteriorated to the point in which you are now considered fat, then that is an automatic termination $$$

Because that is inexcusable 
To be clear, to be considered fat this should be technically obese, not just having some extra fat
(so like 25% for men and 33% for women or so) $$$

Which is very fucking reasonable
Especially for a coach/ trainer $

Probably too reasonable
But if you have the intellectual skill and experience, very few will disagree with that range $

So me personally , 
This is why I have not accepted any new clients in a year 
Because due to my own mental health circumstances $

- which arose out of relationship and family and financial problems / had nothing to do with falling out of the gym -
trust - $

Left me in a position in which I could not appropriately afford to dedicate any extra energy into coaching $

I could’ve just kept collecting checks and signing contracts and then I would’ve just been playing both myself and the client $

That’s what you’re seeing when you witness fat personal trainers 
Speaking of my old sales managers at LA Fitness - they were all overweight and fat $

And looking at the flipside 
if your trainer is chiseled as a diamond,
at least you know what they’re doing is recent $$

And at least you know that what they’re saying has a higher likelihood of being truthful 
And most importantly, it is higher likelihood that they do practice what they preach $$

Practicing what you preach is extremely important even if you’re preaching something stupid $$$

Wild Blueberries + maple syrup = 🫠
(Blueberry sereal 🥣 )
Do you think a fat trainer would promote that shit ? $

They’re probably too busy logging some fucking dumb shit on “my fitness pal” $

For the record if you’re still using any type of calorie tracking shit, 
you’re an amateur 
Athletes don’t care just because they’re busy enough burning everything off $$$

There’s so much extra syrup in this that I can legitimately drink it off the spoon $

Also checking in mental health wise
I don’t wanna get to far over my intellectual ski is here but,
I do feel much more motivated and a little bit more balanced energy wise 
Still anxious financially, but handling it well $

But the reason why Im broke is because what I was just talking about 
-by not being a hypocrite and refusing to coach someone if I’m not in a healthy spot myself $

Because even though my mental health deteriorated, I was also completely out of shape physically $

Actually hold on that’s bullshit 
I literally have video evidence of me doing a workout with the weights heavier than I weigh 
24 hours completely fasted 
Down about 12 pounds 
Even though physically, I was on deaths door, I was still strong. $

I would just probably pass out if I had to go a half mile too fast $

But mentally, I probably couldn’t hold an emotional conversation for very long without some kind of mental medication $

And it would be became clear that the medication and not being able to eat, compounded with the stress -
was physically scarring my heart $

I mean, I remember the chest pain at the end of the day 
And I’d be driven in such a deficit calorie, wise that my oxidative system will kick in while it rest and so I would be actually breathing heavier just trying to stay awake 
You know, like a fat person $

It sucked because the only natural remedy I had to raising my dopamine was training $

But the forces in the universe had conspired against me by sabotaging my emotions so if I was too mentally compromise, I literally couldn’t train $

Besides punching the shit out of the punching bag, of course $

But that wasn’t real training, that was just letting some energy out $

So slowly, I began to lose my muscle investment, and with it became more energy dysfunction $

And when your unconscious energy is all fucked up then your conscious energy is gonna be confused as hell $$$

That’s when your guard is always up because something is wrong, but it’s outside your field of view so instead it’s easier just to scrutinize everyone and everything in your field of view $$

I figure keeping a public journal is the least I could do in this war against fake news
Because I bet you in time, people will trust my suburban newsletter even if it’s just a bunch of bro, spiritual shit talk 🗞️ $

This is me sharpening my intellectual blades 
And I’ve always loved blades 🔪 $

Animals are just a test to see what you would do if you truly thought you were a superior being $$$

After careful review, 
it would seem that God is doing everything he could possibly can to not get directly involved so we can maintain the illusion “we did it“ $$

But the day God starts acting like Santa Clause ,
is the same day that most people realize they’re getting a bunch of coal $$$

And then we’ll see how much of that Christmas spirit is left $

Once mommy leaves because daddy‘s only fan subscription got exposed $$$

Guess some people are getting shoes for Christmas if you catch my vibe (added during edit 1:16pm 12/12/25) $

“God,
Feeling pretty nervous but also feeling better and stronger than yesterday 
So very grateful and trusting you and hoping I’m not misreading shit 
Per usual lol” $

I think everyone should have to grow their own mushrooms in order to do them
The growing process is long enough & tedious enough to ensure you respect it $$

and you likely will have done your homework as to what to do when you get yeeted through space $$

I like to play this game with Alex, where I find the maximum amount of love that he can handle before he gets annoyed $

Which usually looks like me hugging him and screeching at him how much I love him and hold him up to be blessed for the gods $

Then, when I start getting carried away, he starts getting a little startled and that’s how I know to turn it down
And that’s a little game that I like to call the bare maximum of love $

My kind of university was in the middle of the night in the middle of the streets while all the forces of Fuckery conspired to try to kill me $

Happy 10 AM 
I don’t really know how many existential crisis I’ve already had but this one was a doozy $

Whenever you’re nervous about a bill to pay, it’ll take away your excitement for the day $$$

Remember that true assholes want to do everything they can to make you feel bad about yourself $$$

They’re not very concerned with giving you an opportunity to make you feel good about yourself $$

But opportunities to feel good about yourself often look hard and scary to those who prefer to feel bad about themselves $$

My spiritual approach has always been “make them stop you” $

My physical approach has always been “the bare minimum“ $

Remembering to give myself some Grace 
It’s 11 AM and I’ve already accomplished more writing and editing wise than what would’ve taken me a couple weeks- a couple weeks ago $

Friendly reminder that once you start getting it right, it becomes easy to think you’re doing it wrong when the resistance disappears $$

Crazy the lengths some motherfuckers will go to a avoid temptation
*Cough Amish cough cough 😷 $$

Just smashed the fuck out of my ceiling lamp light thing and got glass all over my fucking living room, 
which is where I stretch every day $

Ha ha ha good one ancients now I got micro plastic glass everywhere $

Like this is not funny 
I was just putting my hoodie on and I accidentally punched the fucking thing right off and because I had my head stuck in my hoodie. 
There was zero chance of stopping from shattering everywhere. $

Having a pretty good morning, too productivity wise, but this is literally worst case scenario safety wise $

I’m actively cleaning up as I record this $

I’ve already had seven years of bad luck so whatever $

So after bitterly picking up a bunch of these pieces, I’ve looked up the symbolism and apparently Jews break glass at weddings, cause they’re so excited and they want to warn off evil spirits, and shit $

So I hope this is some kind of good omen cause I’m literally gonna have to take apart the living room and put it back together cause there’s glass everywhere $

I mean, there’s micro glass shards fucking on everything now 
on top of the couch 
on my pile of clothes $

There’s so much I’m gonna have to come back after the gym to clean it up 
This is me giving the spirits my middle finger with a wink $

Whatever I have to clean anyway $

But now my ceiling fan looks absolutely ridiculous and I don’t know what to do about it $

New seg 
Fly on wall $

Hard to come up with a better low back punishment than squatting on a smith $$$

How I feel overall is an honest point higher than where I was last week and I’m on less stimulants $

So if I was like a six out of 10 last week,
right now I’m a solid seven all things considered $

But my seven right now physically is like a four compared to where I was on daily average about 18 months ago $

I gotta give credit to the mushroom 
and my body is adjusting to the base hypertrophy programming well as well $

I gotta give blame to my dark side for forcing me to explore it one last time a little over two years ago $$$

But knowing how bad one can physically feel while still maintaining a good attitude and while still creating 
It is very valuable info $$

Sometimes I have to write a little extra or use some extra emojis because of how much of a dick I look like in public 
(Resting dick face is real too) $$

Most will never understand that true excellence is usually shit on on and thrown away during its development 
because it threatens all the ignorant assholes who have power over it $$$

It’s just a matter of time before this is realized $$

We are out here dashing, 
and making the best of things 
pray for me because my motivation is low as fuck and I can’t afford another existential crisis 
literally $

God did not finally give you the opening to take a left, just for you to start sandbagging the traffic behind you $$$

God and I are one in this case $

Spiritual intuition can be a better father than most dads, 
and I assert all single mother athletes as evidence $$

Evil is gaslighting yourself for being right about something shitty 
Or condemning yourself for being caught between a rock and hard place $$$

Stuck somewhere between being the chosen one and being a choosey hoe
Guess that’s how it goes $$

My soul finally found a way to fly
And It’s at the end of big cry $

Don’t worry I ain’t crying rn lol
Just thought the lines needed outlining $

No’s travel the fastest 
Yes’s, the slowest $$$

Amazing how many people’s fate has been decided by a text message alert or phone call $$

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s shit only seems fucked if viewed from the wrong angle $$$

Don’t be a bitch when someone helps you in traffic
Like move it or lose it bruh $$$

I’d rather have fucked everything up on my own accord than have the blame put on anything else cuz then that would make me a victim $

Ugh I’m smelly lol $

Revving your engine to be tough is about the quickest way to look like a little bitch $$$

I can’t blame my chemicals for why I feel so shitty dashing lately
It’s like a spiritual dread now which is never a good sign
I don’t understand why it’s so mentally hard to power thru just a few hours of bs
I’ve done it just about everywhere $

The only thing that doesn’t even make me think about my faulty feeling brain is training stuff $

But every-time I even try to align things financially, I just spiral 
For no logical reason other than it seems like psychic warfare (or guiding) $

Damn bro
I’m at a real risk for a pity party 
“What you get for following a false god
I.e my plotting and planning “ $

I’m about to pack it in
Barring some miracle with training clients, I’m probably fucked $$ wise
Don’t know how fucked tho $

I’ll either be a month late on car or 
I already am cuz homeboy at bank didn’t structure my payment plan right lol $

For the record, I’ve showed up to dash the last 6/7 nights and it’s the emotional dread that is killing me $

This must simply be the energetic frequency of being in the wrong place doing the wrong thing $

But yea- I mean if some shit doesn’t fall out of the sky in 3 days- shits gonna get bloody again $

I honestly don’t even care about the $$ or car dude
I just can’t go thru another $$ crucifixion again… $

Your 20s are for learning how to compartmentalize shit so you can have a lot of stuff to unpack when you hit your 30s $$

I’m having a genuinely hard time trying to autopsy why I feel like death 
Because right now in the moment, nothing‘s actually wrong 
Nobody’s done anything wrong 
I thought I was doing the right thing 
Just like all the other nights 
But before I even went to go do it, there was a dread telling me not to do it 
It just doesn’t make any sense cause you know- broke as fuck $

But fortune favors the bold so whatever I showed up anyway 
I really think part of me is just traumatized because the thought of failing in a couple days from now is really quite crippling $

And I’m trying not to do the whole blame parents thing, but all I can feel right now is the absolute hell scape that I feel each and every time I have to go through this with them $

And then I swing back-and-forth between feeling bad for being traumatized because I feel like I should be over it by now $

And the thought of just jumping back in the car and going back to sit in the parking lot only to get shit on by some apathetic server.., $

I naturally have zero desire to do any fun work and I’m just petrified about how bad the morning is gonna be tomorrow and the following day $

So literally in order to even think straight, I’m gonna have to plan as if I’m going to lose the car
Cause if I don’t accept the worst case scenario, I literally won’t be able to function let alone create $

I just don’t understand why the thoughts have to get so dark so fast sometimes
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong
The only thing I can come up with that I deserve it. Some kind of karma.
Or it’s a legit attack from some stupid evil entity, bad spirit or some shit $

The only good thing about times like these is that it reminds me what it feels like to be an egoic baby back bitch $

And I swear on my fucking meat suit that I’d rather die than live like that anymore
So I’ll do I have to do 
fuck it- back to the bottom of the ocean we go $

The worst feeling in the world is not the worst feeling in the world
The worst feeling follows the thought “maybe I should let go of my pain” $$
 
There is a small fleeting moment when?
if you’re honest with yourself, 
you can let it go right now if you want to, 
but that requires a super uncomfortable weird transition feeling that isn’t really that bad 
but it’s also the worst possible sensation you could ever have at the same time $$

Two hits plus one sludge shot and I feel a bit better $

Which is further evidence that my reaction is heavily influenced by my biology 
Because I swear to God, the mental pain is so bad sometimes it is physically debilitating … $

Society has done a great job of gaslighting me into a high state of guilt for the medicines that I prefer to use $

But I know a lot of people who would’ve taken a shit load of Xanax or alcohol ifThey even felt a quarter of the stress that I feel on a daily basis $

I know because I’ve sponsored a lot of people and read a lot of inventories and at a certain point that spiritual shit doesn’t mean anything cuz you start comparing and keeping score after noticing enough patterns $$

I also need to note that I felt instantaneous relief after writing the line above about it being a legitimate attack, $

like some kind of evil fuck boy demon $

The more and more I meditate on that idea the more truthful feels 
Because I don’t actually get thoughts per se it’s more like my energy interpreter goes haywire and my ego returns some of the most heinous fucked up Thoughts $

I’m even hesitant to write down that it could be some actual demon 
because of the potential displacement of accountability $

And apparently, I am addicted to accountability 
I’d rather get possessed by a demon because I think it makes me accountable then actually call this shit what it is $

Cause if they got physical mosquitoes flying around, trying to suck your blood then why wouldn’t there be some kind of disgusting high frequency but negative ethereal leach $$

And evil should know by now to stop triggering me because I’m gonna come back with the ones and twos $$$

So take the fucking car 
You already did and I’ve got some pretty funny content from it $$$

14 years ago around this time, everybody thought I died 
I mean legit- they thought I died 
But it just took me 14 years of wandering around in limbo to come back from the dead $

I feel better than I should be feeling 
Like I have a halfway decent buzz now, but that’s not why 
I’ve got like this weird feeling you get after you pass a test $

I guess it’s important to remember that i’ve got a lot of pretty shitty memories of mostly me and my own fuckboyness $$

But I feel a spiritual sense of ease and calm
And it is distinctly different than the physical $

But sorting those two out has been literally my life‘s work 
I mean, it is funny because everything I’ve ever done really does come down to trying to figure out what kind of feeling this is $

Another reason why I’m probably feeling better is because by writing it down, it does function the same as telling somebody else
I.e a 10th step $$

And writing is timeless, so let’s say in 15 years from now somebody finds something of value here then you gotta give the spirits another W for playing the long con and allowing me to be a Debbie downer for a little bit $

But I’m in this weird spot where I can’t really talk to anybody about my shit because many potheads are not really that spiritual and sane $$

And Anyone in AA would crucify me for even trying to work their steps and be normal $$

And a therapist would just try to give me solicited advice, thinking I probably need more help than I do $$

Friendly reminder that a consistent demonstration of control is the exact opposite of addiction $$$

And the ultimate holy Grail of every addict in recovery $$$

I’m watching pulp fiction by the way 
And I conveniently forgotten how long Johnny T hair had gotten $

Acceptance is a good way to shut the ego up, but it usually requires a heavy lift $$

Bodybuilding will turn anyone into a makeshift chemist 
Weighing all sorts of strange pints and powders👨‍🔬 $$$

If you can sell it to a rich person, then you can sell a lot more of it to a poor person $$$

Anyone who’s ever sold anything expensive knows that those who say yes too easy are the worst types of Leads $$$

Anyone who’s ever sold anything knows that you’re gonna get a ton of no’s $$$

And that you can either go for volume and find the easy yeses
Or you can go for quality and conversion and try to convert some of these no ‘s $$

Just Did a Speed nap,
Now doing a speed smoke
Before another speed nap $

A lot of us are the
“If 3 works then 5 will be great” types … $$$

Life is all about riding the ups and downs
Doing what you can, when you can 
Trusting to overcome fear
Forgiving to forget the bs $$$

My posture gonna be so fucked cuz of the slouch and shit talk $

Happy 11:48pm
It ain’t over yet ladies and gents $

My editing self hates when I do this and ramble on just cuz $

Story of my life 
Literally $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-4-25

It ain’t over until the grinder runs out of Green $$$

You’re allowed to cheat before the game starts 
You just can’t use any cheats during the game $$

You will never know true growth unless you know true failure 
That’s one of them lessons that I’m getting kind of tired of to be honest $

I think the joke being that in pursuit of glory, we overlook very easy ways to fail and grow, ways that don’t require so much pain investment and recovery ❤️‍🩹 $

I may be the most anonymous of my ancestors but I guarantee I’ve talked the most shit when you add up my life
I mean we got
- elementary school 🏫 
- Skate hangs after middle school
- High school high hangs in woods
- Jailbird & psych bunny adventures 🐰 
- 9.3 years of daily AA (pre, & post meetings not included)
- 9.3 years of sales management/ real estate humor (for suicide prevention)
- Trainer talk during session with captive audience 
And that’s a hiGh lvl glance $

Anyone who’s ever got sober and then gotten into bodybuilding will quickly realize many of the carryovers from one lifestyle to the next
- Like when you’re carrying many strange bags of powders
- Constantly busting out the scale
- Getting super moody over strange substances
- And spending most of your time around sketchy sweaty dudes $

Remembering the time they used to sell legit steroids and all kinds of sketchy sups at GNC $

Now you have to go to strange hole in the wall places or you gotta go to the right website and send the right cryptocurrency to the right wallet and send the right prayer to the right Demi God that some shit shows up in the mail but strangely usually does $$

Happy 12am 
🫢 $

Bodybuilding will teach you how to get so fucked up stone cold sober you won’t even think about party drugs $$$

Until your mental health has deteriorated to the point where party drugs have now become a liferaft $$$

But these party drugs are now actually “breakthrough therapeutic treatments”, 
so let’s not worry about all the arrests and judgment we already passed on everybody $$$

Teenage anxiety and depression will teach you how to become self-taught in the ways of street pharmacy $$

Remembering the times I’d be on like five Vyvanse playing call of duty Black ops & writing raps between my servings of Cheez-Its $

I only wrote raps maybe like twice
I don’t expect you to believe me in spite of… Well, you know… $

I’ve got 4 eggs + canned ham (not spam)
& Some blueberries w/syrup 🫐 
And a healthy level of optimism $

But think ima save that for 2nd smoke shift $

How long it takes to bake depends on how much heat you can take
*lighter flick $$$

Cold berry syrup cereal will make you colder if you’re cold already $$

Happy 12:31am
Reminds me of the first time a shroom really yeeted me back to source code 👨‍💻 $

What a weird fucking ride dude… $

This is for everyone up who also don’t know why they’re up $$$

Holy flashback brother 
I just went all the way back to the McDonald’s third shift days $

I can’t believe I still have the name tag and the picture $

I challenge you to come up with a more terrifying challenge than:
- no drinking/ drugs (at all, at all)
- Drive Prius C
- Work McDonald’s overnight shift 
- Be 18 & Hang with other 18yr olds fresh out of rehab
$

God owes me some fucking dopamine bro lol $$$

My smoke off has modded into a smoke-a-thon $

Gotta get my routine reg somehow $

Prob bout to hit my 3rd PB&J in 24 hours 
Always a good day $

If I do, And after those berries- 
My low intestine will be doing cardio lol $

Friendly reminder that if you’re bulking, you want extra fiber…
Don’t wanna get clogged up $

Hate that we’ve somehow normalized pharmaceuticals but demonized herbal supplements…$$$

If legs are upcoming- choose high carb lol $$$

Life gets more livable if you don’t view pain as a bad thing $$$

If I make it thru this year I will have conclusive evidence that PB&Js are spiritually nutritious $$$

My 30’s so far is just whistling in the dark 
Or garage $

It’s like a weird retirement feeling every time I paint in a garage 
Call me old fashioned lol $

I prefer to believe that there are a lot of really good, genuine warrior like spirits out there
Who just got super distracted this go around because of all the advanced technology and fast food and tinder
I believe there’s hope for us yet because of mushrooms
 ((I hate saying warrior spirit too, but it’s true) $

Salt & sugar will have you feeling right as rain or absolutely insane
No inbetwene $$$

Happy 1:26am
I’m gonna put it down now after putting it down all day long 
So far at least $

Peace ✌🏻 $

Oh yea-
A good bong will keep your breath manageable and ash out of your mouth 👄 $

Happy 5:32 AM
We are having a brief intermission $

The thing is is you don’t have to do much character development to survive in the wilderness because often times your character defects Keep you alive. $$

So even if my ancestry had it harder physically, and they would’ve had a much lower bar intellectually or culturally $$

It’s very easy to figure someone who’s pretending not to care $$$

The skittles Snuggie is doing its job after nine months on ice $

I assert my nervousness tick of playing with my hair as evidence of reincarnation because this is clearly some kind of tick from a past life $

And I think it’s one in which I was a chick because I’m starting to get some weird flashbacks $

Friendly reminder that most fugitives fuck up and get themselves caught rather than get tracked down by Some McMarshal law dog $$

Remembering all the sketchy hotels I’ve seen and slept at lol $

Instead of trying to do a bunch of mental calculus I just wait until something triggers a long line of memories and then begin by intellectual autopsy $

The irony is that physical training cannot be fully recorded
But any writing training must be $$

Friendly reminder that relationships are pretty much everyone’s downfall $$$

But they’re extra fucked if you’re a fugitive $$

all “worth a shit” experiences must be lived to be understood $$$

Intellectual diamonds are small, shiny, and easy to carry too
Intellectual gold can wrap around just about anything too $$

Stating the obvious can make you both a philosopher and the class clown 🤡 $$$

If it makes you feel better after you read it, then it came from the good place $$$

You gotta learn how to use the word “you” a lot without actually talking about you though $$

Hiding in a cave or hiding under a rock - utilize the same technique $$

I don’t know I feel like if you’re a fugitive for like 15 years then that needs to be considered when you get caught 
Cause that’s pretty good track record not doing anything wrong 
that most non-fugitives can’t even claim $

You survive mental illness the same way an actor suffers a role 
Which is why they’re all so fucked up $$

Kidding aside and on a more positive point,
If you can accept your physical burden or limitations as your responsibility, but not necessarily your fault, you enjoy the flipside a lot more $$$

If by all reasonable estimations, the shoe fits comfortably, but they just don’t wanna wear it,
that doesn’t mean Santa didn’t make it for them $$

It ain’t very synchronistic if the timing doesn’t line up somehow $$$

And timing anything right is the most individual & unique thing in the entirety of known existence $$&

At a certain point you can easily ignore the negative intrusive Thoughts. 
But at first, it’s hard to know which is which $$

I guess if there are 7 AM AA meetings with just people sitting around literally blowing smoke calling it recovery why can’t I do that with my routine and imaginary spirit friends? $

I think if I was to admit I have imaginary friends, that would put me in the majority $

“ OK now stay here partially in the shadows at a 45° angle looking horizontally slightly left and look sad but also angry that justice was served”
-director speaking to fugitive actor $

“ OK now run into that RV suspicious like & make it look like you’re high and not trustworthy” $

Secret teachings of all ages summarize:
There’s been a group of smart people around for a long time who actually know how things work
They’ve hidden clues in just about everything and if you know how to look, you can see it everywhere
But it’s intentionally kind of confusing to make you think 
that way it can weed out the profane. $$

Because true love and evil exist, and evil has a way of destroying love out of ignorance $$

For the record, I’m grateful I made it past 31 years old without having anyone telling me to squat and cough $$$

Life feels more like a vibration of a string than the rotation of a wheel with all of its ups and downs $$

But if you look closely at the vibration of a string, it is actually going in a circle - not just alternating back-and-forth $$

Looks like it got all wet and icky outside $

“I don’t remember it. This is just what they told me.” $

Something something so easy you’ll think you’re doing it wrong $

Not today random naked dude in PF bathroom, not today $

Had to cut today’s workout short because I did not have emotional energy to deal with the crowd but had enough physical energy from the pre-workout to go home and clean $

The higher self has never not had control 
Meanwhile, the lower self periodically gets a taste of control 
So if you feel like you do not have control that means you are in your lower self 
But you need to be watchful when you feel like you do have control because you could still be in your lower self or you could be in your higher self $

Pay extremely close attention to the mental disorders that make time feel like it accelerates or slows down 
I think this is a microcosm into what it might’ve been like in a past life as a relates to relative time space $

A psy-op is anything that tries to make you feel like you’re the problem in some kind of victimized way $$$

Hard to recover if you don’t believe you have the power to $$$

But honestly, addiction is probably a good consciousness fail safe 
Because it will truly expose how good things can destroy way faster than bad things 
As well as expose how bad things can be the most constructive $

Listening to this guy on the Julian Dorey podcast talk about a tribe in Africa, who worships poop because of its healing properties 
They believe that a God is born out of the poop and to celebrate, they rub poop on their skin and throw it at each other
Man that’s symbolic as fuck $

Friendly reminder that the best mushrooms grow on poop $$

Your spirit doesn’t “know” per say but can remember $$

Especially- it can recognize and remember true and loving things
But only the mind can “know” $

Happy 12:31 pm $

You are most vulnerable during The time it takes to figure something out 
cause during this time, your focus is guaranteed to be directed and controlled 
so during this time, most people are easily distracted $$

It seems that more people died from the lack of hygiene then were saved by the poop God $$

I am also noticeably in a better headspace again today 
I am far more motivated 
Far less anxious 
And seem to be operating at a high cognitive level 
I think it is too full the improved and enhance spiritual realization of all the madness I’ve been rambling about 
And also getting back to everything I’ve been building after what you could call a break 
I am on the fence if it is mostly because my chemicals are a little bit better therefore, the machine is running better or if it is all philosophical reasoning 
I think it is probably half-and-half lol $

There’s really no point in doing the video version of the John Cena podcast lol $$$

*deep in thought 
**staring out the rainy window 🪟 
“I’m fucking brilliant 
I’ll just run up and down the street nine times and call it a work out challenge “💭 $

I’m so good at this $

Friendly reminder The mat gets cold af during the winter $$$

Most people have never been body slammed on a cold martial arts mat in the middle of a strip mall in the middle of winter in the middle of the greatest spiritual health scare of all time 
And it shows $$

Catch me outside 
Looking like rocky III $

I did it
An amazing… 4 min run? 
But a legit one lol
Like a half mile with no warm up / 6.5 rpe 
Probably would drop to 5 if I did more sets $

It was just enough to wake up my actual running muscles cause now I have a pump lol $

I am celebrating with blueberry sereal 🥣 $

… forgot detergent on my first load of laundry lol
The worst batch to forget it for too $

Bet you ima have another psy experience once I take a salt tab after all this sugar $

Fruit gives an excellent excuse to add syrup or honey too $

I’m all out of syrup now
Which I bought for pancakes 
Which didn’t go well the other day haha $

BRB gotta go see what these ancients have to say $

Cause every time I put my hair in a ponytail I have a colonial flashback $

My theory is that if you keep people fat sick and scared long enough, it essentially fucks up their spiritual development and downloads
And meanwhile, compounds trauma and negative behaviors and destructive tendencies $

But if you have the right perspective, and if you end up in the right place at the right time enough times then you can alchemize the shit and take a shortcut to Nirvana because it essentially turns into consciousness training to give you the opportunity to leapfrog spiritually thanks to your vices $

I am cooking the cooked ham 
By putting it in the oven for about tree fiddy $

 True art requires true failure $$

If your ego is triggered enough, then that spiritual shit goes out the window 
And justifiably so $$

But if your ego is dissolved enough, then all that is left is a bunch of spiritual energy $$

The ham is starting to smell good 
And smell is half the taste 👅 $

Just gotta do what I feel like doing without being so scared of it … $$

That was good ham, even though it came out of a can 
At least it was a fancy looking can $

I think another big reason as to why I’m feeling so much better just at a base is I’m actually getting reward chemicals from completing chores and stuff again 
And reading $

I don’t know if I like referring to “my chemicals“ 
I just don’t like saying it
Feels weird $

Dead ass 
if women have a physical menstrual cycle then men must have some kind of bullshit mental cycle too $$

The feeling of well-being that hits after you get a belly full of meat is ancient as fuck $$$

Happy 4:20 PM 
From the wet and wonderful cultural wild of mint Hill $

As of now, I can say I feel like dashing and I’m overall enthusiastic $

I have a really good feeling from the universe financially and I’m just not gonna question it
But hustling up some side cash can be really fun at least that’s how I currently feel $

We will see if I get smacked in the dick or not lol $

Serotonin is the spiritual chemical while dopamine is the physical $$

Door dashing really comes down to how fast you can peel out of a place 
and I’m good at that shit $$

There’s always a moment after delivery where I completely forget where I am $

Finishing a dash in the same neighborhood of the first pool I lifeguarded at and also the third girls titties that I grabbed on that year that’s it $

And then I took a wrong turn because I was doing voice to text $

Something about stone carvings and symbols on walls that doesn’t get old $$

Something about ancient shit doesn’t get old $$

We bailed out the dash ladies and gents $

After some deep philosophical reasoning, I have determined that my spirit is telling me to get back to writing and all the other monumental amount of work that I have to finish $

But it’s the internal green light I’ve been waiting on
Where most of the work has become unconsciously easy
And genuine and authentic $

So we got enough food and gas money to go all in
At least for a few more days $

More good news is that I have a whole sleeve of crackers for snacking
Four eggs
A third pound of the ham
And enough bread, butter, and jelly for the greatest toast of all time $

I know there’s gotta be some restless ass spirits out there jealous of me making the best out of shit $

I have learned to accept the L with a smile $

I mean, what series of unfortunate events leads one to be at a beautiful ass castle for a annual formal photo shoot with the girlfriend’s family the moment he gets the news of his grandmother dying
Then has to smile for the camera 
now that’s what I call spiritual trolling 📸 $

Remember that if the mere thought of something can bring you significant existential dread, 
then the mere thought of something different can bring you significant existential joy $$

I have a tremendous amount of personal evidence that sometimes you can do everything right and still feel like shit 
And that doesn’t mean that something is acutely wrong 
It just means that there’s a bigger part of the story that’s taking longer than you expected to unfold
But in hindsight will justify the pain $$

This reality is actually so sophisticated that it’s designed to be mistakenly simple and to seem somehow accidental $$

You know, to see what you would do when you think no one’s watching $

In all reality, 
it’s so you can learn how to spend time with yourself and to not destroy yourself $$

Secondarily it’s to be less annoying $$

I’m still working on that second part $

You really learn how much cold you can comfortably take when you’re hanging out in a parking lot for two hours every night $$

Everyone can adjust to the cold
But not everyone can handle the first 3 minutes without bitching $$$

“No’s” don’t actually exist,
Just delayed “yeses” $$

(Obv excluding cases of sexual consent lol cuz in that case
 “no” means FUCK NO ) $$$

I truly forgot what it felt like to be in a caloric surplus 
It seriously has been years $

Like an honest balanced surplus
Excluding the brief massive meals that went to my head instead of my muscles $

Your body is conditioned to food and fuel intake just like everything else
So any major deviations is going to make you uncomfortable $

The real truth is always written in third person because it applies to everyone $$

A trigger is something generic misconstrued to be something personal $$$

Fear clouds more than actual clouds $$$

My maternal grandfather taught flying in World War II, so I am about to watch a documentary on Netflix called “Britain in the blitz” 
And we’re gonna see if there’s any weird nostalgia triggers $

This is so strange….
I can almost smell some of the footage?
Like nostalgia mixed with hyperfocus
I’m not “seeing” anything but I’m like sensing/ feeling with my body 
Like old cotton or wool
Itchy $

You can be pretty tough if all you need to do is something pretty simple 
It is very difficult to be tough and precise with multiple complex systems simply due to the sheer amount of energy it takes $

I said hard, not impossible $

The joke is that my legs haven’t even run one percent of one % what my mind has $

Everything is just an imaginary quantity of something $$

Happy 10 oh 2 PM 
When I started writing the first line, it was 10:01 PM $

Kind of concerned Alex isn’t eating much still except for the pate treats that he scarfed down at light speed …
But I’m actually not too worried because his behavior is still rambunctious 
And he goes through phases where he just doesn’t eat much for a couple weeks and loses a bunch of fat 
Which is why I don’t feel so bad letting him bulk up when he feels the need to bulk up $

For Those of don’t know, he is FIV positive which means he is a prisoner in this house (my soulmate) $

That’s adorable. I said cellmate , but voice text put soulmate so ima leave it ❤️ $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-5-25

Happy 1:32 AM
I love the super esoteric days $

They are so few and far between 
And yet there are so many and close together $

Once your body’s internal heater turns off “, shit gets sensitive to the cold $$

Nothing worse than an agnostic storyteller $$$

I just wake up and think about what to write on walls 
It is a pattern older than time $

“ I can’t sleep. I am wondering what it is like to die.”
Lol relatable, young Viking warrior Björn 
Relatable $

The super religious boys back then were just as egoic as the fuck boys, 
they just had better stories to tell $$

Ain’t nothing better than being in a warm blanket and a cold room $$

Ain’t nothing worse than that brief moment when you have to get out of the blanket into the cold room and you have not activated your bodies internal heater yet $$

“Nothing worse than a soft ass monk”
-God probably cuz he allowed them all to get pillaged $$

Some people have no idea what they’re doing
Some people having a sense of what they’re doing
Some people know what they’re doing
Some people really know what they’re doing
And some people know that you know that they know what they’re doing $$

I’m obviously growing up because I’m more interested in the Vikings politics than I am the violence $

Also, if you keep your house cold as fuck, your pets are gonna be forced to cuddle with you more cause they love the warmth $$$

It’s nice that you can see family get-togethers when you pull up at random parks these days $

Cause back then you would probably pull up on a random ass family feud battle 
And blood soaked fields of pagans $

Back then, they really did not give a fuck about anything other than their class system 
Which had the right idea but the worst execution $

When all you have to look forward to is a campfire and a perverted uncle, I would go fight for foreign lands too $$

I feel like those who left blood to linger on their face longer than it needed to be after battle, would let you know who is the fucking creep back then. 🩸 $$

That emoji is sick as fuck and I’m not quite sure why $

Remember that you get points for pain 
Somehow someway someday $$$

If the situation is super serious, then it’s seriously important to be silly $$$

If the situation is super silly, then you will seem silly for being too serious $$$

I know I get points for how many times I give Alex kisses too $

Friendly reminder that you get points every time you hug and kiss your pets too $$

You get half points for doing it to your kids lol $$

People will treat you like a God if you can entertain them better than one $$$

If you like keif then buy shake 
Trust me $$$

People would act different if they knew they had a massive mushroom waiting on them $$

So I started the MK about a week ago and I’m beginning to tell the difference with my skin $

The weather’s been so weird - cold and wet $

My sleep has been phenomenal comparatively to the last two years basically lol $

If something seems lame that is because you do not recognize it’s potential $$

But some motherfuckers make it hard to recognize their potential 
If you know what I’m saying $$

Give a skater kid mushrooms and he’ll think he’s mastered time and space $$

It’s 2:51 AM 
Or almost blueberry oatmeal time $

Probably gonna end up using the last of my sugar $

I feel like if I was a chick,
 it definitely would’ve been during the Viking times 
Cuz I would not have had the patience to deal with the patriarchy $

So I salute you, 
women who have incarnated in the last thousand years to deal with the heightened Fuckery $

The suburban version of “naked and afraid” is going three weeks without your phone, Internet car, money, friends, & meanwhile getting attacked by family and community 
While detoxing from amphetamines $

Iron is forged in fire 
Just like steel 
Just at different temperatures $$

Memory is not stored in the brain, 
but even if it was, there is enough mobile memory to master all of the arts sciences , become best friends with every person who’s ever lived, and remember everything from everyone with photographic of detail $$

I mean, you really can look at the human body, the equivalent of a spiritual cell phone $$

With different kinds of signal strength and mobile hotspot capabilities, 
and shit like that $$

Hi, my name is Jarrett and I’m a paint-a-holic
I just get paint on everything eventually $

You are allowed to be self-absorbed from the ages of 29 to 32 
But anything outside of that should be dedicated towards serving your community $$$

I would also argue that if you don’t take some kind of intermittent halftime to get your adult self in order, then shit’s gonna go out of whack real quick $$$

Reminder: 
Bitch-ass-ness spreads faster than covid $$$

Happy 3:14am
Reminds me of the craziest trip I’ve ever had,
 where I literally died $

Also, reminds me of the day, 
I first got sober 
I had just chewed a ritilan patch at about 1 PM while watching “shutter Island” $

And then I feel pretty shitty about it 
So later that evening while sitting in an AA meeting, I decided fuck it. 
Why not give this whole God and program thing a try $

If I do everything they tell me to, 
then when it doesn’t work, 
I can be super righteous
And alas the next 9.3 years were history $

It’s all fun and games until you’re having an identity crisis on your Tinder date $$$

You know it’s gotten out of hand when you got all three dating apps going 
and you still think the world is the problem $$$

I dead ass just measured my amount of oatmeal based on how much sugar I had left and I’m not ashamed to admit it because that’s why I’m writing that down $

I’m making some pretty heavy duty oatmeal because it is back day in a few hours and you know the lat pull down is going to be on the chain $

… You see what I did there $

I hear a mysterious dripping in the background, 
and I don’t know what it is
It’s not the faucet
And it’s not my swag
Except it is
my swag is always dripping $

This is the kind of shit my Tinder dates had to deal with $
 
Some people are gonna find these notes and think they are actual lines for stand-up $

I’m just trying to entertain myself while making oatmeal $

And that is the power of writing $

I fucked up. I forgot to put out the blueberries a little early to cool down the bowl but I think it’ll be OK. $

It’s honestly been a few days since I’ve had oatmeal
If there’s anyone binge reading my notes, they would actually be able to tell me better than I can recall at the moment $

It gets pretty easy to talk to the wall when you realize there’s no such thing as a wall and that somehow someway someday your words find a way home anyway $$

Bro I fucking nailed the oatmeal again $

I actually think I need to clarify 
This isn’t oatmeal 
These are old-fashioned oats 
So it’s a little different 
I like to say if you make it right, it taste like a spiritual cliff bar $

We are now on season three episode one of Vikings 
And if I hadn’t seen it at all before, I wouldn’t remember much $

Seems that the blueberries won the temperature competition $

I’m really not trying to eat all this fiber 
it’s just happening by accident 
But it really helps Keep away constipation from Kratom $

The ancients resorted to stones and symbolism cause they got tired of technology and overexplaining shit $$$

God this oatmeal so good $

The place where Ragnar is standing in “Viking land“ looks an awful lot like the beautiful cliff my ex took me to in Portugal $

It’s so easy to tell who’s insecure around pretty girls 
And it’s even easier for them to tell $$$

Part of knowing everything, 
is knowing how long you’ve known everything 
Which is impossible to know 
Or is it? $

The process for preparation: (anything)
Take large quantity and place in round spherical object
Then Slowly isolate smaller quantities with, smaller spherical object
Repeat $$

Happy 3:33 AM motherfuckers $

The worst crime is being someone else
Because your true self would never lie cheat, steal, kill or rape $$$

Those things only happen if you’re fake as fuck long enough $$$

The hard part about an invisible disability is convincing others you have it $$

Which is funny cuz
The hard part about an invisible ability is convincing others you have it $$

Each and every day my notepad is evidence of some kind of intelligence working somewhere other than here, through me, because I simply get out of the way and the floodgates open $

The hardest part is just remembering that $

Always bittersweet when the cat is literally climbing the walls $$

Lack of patience steals more energy than anything else $$

You could just call this spiritual quarantine $$

If you’re afraid of the disease, then the cure is likely going to do more harm $$$

If you built an agency that swore to protect and defend our enemies foreign and domestic, and then you began to witness all of the citizens turning on themselves,
 what would you do about it? $

A trustworthy atheist is always better than a greedy Christian $$$

A trustworthy atheist actually does know the truth unconsciously they just have not worked it all out yet consciously $$$

Anyone who does the right thing because it’s the right thing to do is Devine $$$

Whether they actually believe in it or not 
Because they’re obviously following that divine intuition which was instilled in them $$$

You can use your tongue to make men and women moan with different frequency patterns 
For men, it is verbal affirmations of the truth
For women… You get it $$

Happy 6:42 AM
The pregame smoke
The game being continuing sleep and then hitting some pull muscles $

Lucifer seems like a good name for the first 30 minutes of my bitchy bitch ass ego $

I’m the kind of guy to realize that there’s a different sound to each sizzle 
each time you burn your hand on the stove $

And I will alternate techniques to produce the best song $

It is very likely that a lot of northern climate types get extra anxious, extra easy when they have internal energy they cannot burn off as body heat $$

If my pale ass genetically speaking prefers to burn an extra thousand calories 
because of the cold, 
then that would make a hell of a lot more sense as to why I’m so lean and shit $

“I’m back and I feel a lot better this time”
-me every time I get back from a 10 minute walk
-me every incarnation $

If you don’t know the cause, then you don’t know the cure $$$

Even if you get lucky sometimes with the solution $

Most people don’t believe in the power of forgiveness because they have not forgiven that many people $$$

I hate to admit it, but there’s some ancient ass feeling every time I put my hair in a ponytail $

Nothing funnier than a big dude afraid of a barbell except maybe a big dude afraid of a mile $$

 I really hate to admit it, but the ponytail might be the most spiritual hairstyle there is
Cause it’s a bit of both worlds 
In many different ways $$

For the record, I realize that my energy motivation and cognitive horsepower has taken another significant step forward today. $

It is becoming easy to adjust to the cold.
And my rebound motivation is back to lightning quick $

Most have never had the good kind of chills and it shows $$

“Yea I’m just tryna connect with the weight”
- artists only $

“We gon see how you handle resistance”
-ancients
-liberty boyz $$

Nickleback slaps bro
Idgaf $$$

Doing polymerics at planet fitness without setting off the alarm is its own resistance game $$$

“I’ll figure it out when I get there”
-adepts only $$

Those who don’t believe in magic either have never done drugs or have done too many of them $$$

Any self limiting thought is evil by definition 
And saying, I’m “just being realistic“ makes it worse $$$

Gotta love when you trip a breaker and have a panic attack 10 minutes before a client shows up $

About to eat that 3 g mushroom and go kick it with the ancients for a bit and figure out how to get out of this pickle 🥒 $

I guess it’s about time to fly 
Ironically, I built the plane before I built the pilot this time 
But both are ready nonetheless $

Straight up just accidentally stole three cartons of eggs 
so this is step one of my amends process lol honestly admitting it was an accident $

Time to pay to forward lol $

Alrighty there’s three Gs down the hatch 
In one mushroom 🍄 $

Happy 420 pm
Time to fly bitch $

Bro, it’s taking less than 10 minutes and I’m already starting to feel funny lol $

Maybe I’ll end up drinking the five beers that I have in the fridge 
I’ve been saving them since the summer $

Just reiterating love and good vibes to everybody 
I’ve done my pre-flight journal $

I don’t think I’ve ever felt better before a trip as it relates spiritually $

I have complete faith and trust in the process and the beings 
Even though I fully accept the fact that shit can go sideways real quick 
Which is why I hear by turn the reigns over to my spirit guardians $

God plz help me be spiritually confident without being intellectually arrogant $

Based on how much better I have felt this week versus prior weeks
And based on my recent health and training protocol
It confirms my hypothesis about the human machine
And how it relates to connecting spiritually and translating energies $

Those who think it’s not possible to be put in the wrong body are blessed or cursed, depending on your world view $$

Dreams seem fake until you remember the pain they cost💲 $$

They ran out of shit to get on me in this life they had to start digging up graves $

The Party has started fyi $

Bitch I’ve been trying to warn the world not to give me some dopamine 
Ya done fucked up lol $

Dancing is so great
Just spazzing for fun lol $

This is prob GOAT TRIP 🐐 $

just cuz of philo math lol $

Deff goat trip
Never gon be the same $

lol $

My dumbass got sweet potato pie instead of pumpkin pie, but I am pleasantly surprised actually this might be even better $

I think I could eat the whole thing if I tried 
But I’m stopping after a quarter $

Think I’m finally coming back down and let me be the first to say holy be Jesus $

As with any good trip, there are no real words $

But man, I really think I might eat another quarter of that pie 
The first quarter followed the tuna crackers, great lol 
*lighter flic $

I can tell I’m coming down because I’m getting self-conscious again $

But for the record, that was certainly the most profound $

Biologically, I bet I’m gonna be a little moody the next couple days 
That was certainly the greatest reset I’ve had 
I mean, I went all the way back to source you know what I’m saying 
It’s 11:10 PM for the record $

I keep returning to the spirit math to account for my personal experiences with high strangeness & that angels/little green man must exist $

You know I never thought I’d be a pony tail kind of guy but I’m telling you something about it just feels right. I have no idea how it even looks and I honestly don’t care. $

The other week I said that extreme butter is better than movie theater butter for popcorn, but I must confess that I have not tried the movie theater butter yet which I am trying right now for the first time $

AnyWho, this shit is good but I think I was right $

I need a year to digest today’s trip, which is the whole point I guess next year lol $

My posture is gonna be so fucked up if I don’t straighten up $

Also, the Cat is wiling for no apparent reason $

11:31 PM we’re gonna finish out the day with some popcorn and some Vikings $

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THOUGHTS I HEARD

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SUBURBAN SECRETS

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WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-6-25