If you leave off in the middle of a big fight scene then that’s where you’re gonna pick back up… $$

Happy 12:04 AM $

Shake can get you just as stoned as the reg nugz 
It just tastes a lil funny $$

Apparently it’s cold and raining outside 
It took me a while to notice cuz of how cold it was inside $

Caught my body turning the “heater on”
When I woke up nearly sweaty again
(Meat sweats + warmth metabolism ) $

Went like a full year without being able to sleep without sweating 
Stress sweats… $

When trauma becomes unconscious, it’s usually to protect the person from the grave reality of their situation $$$

Slow kisses make me nauseous 🤮 $$$

You should write down your prayers every now and then just to make sure they haven’t dipped it to some kind of weird repressed sexual shit $$$

“ Come into me, oh Lord, and ravish me
Make me yours and show me the truth “ $$$

Like bro eww chill out $

The Bible boyz were trying to show you open mindedness and acceptance work better than rape and murder $$

And if you’re a G, 
you can discover telepathY $

Always a great moment when the kitty wants to snuggle 🐈‍⬛ $

Always painful when they want to leave for no reason $

I’d spoil Alex if I had more money and the ancients know that which is why I’m still goin thru the “financial awareness” trials 
I’m sure of it $

A good boop on a good snoot is what it’s all about
*sounds snoot alarm 🚨 $

Missing the dog from the last relationship more than anything else
(& the cat) 
So what does that say $

I truly thought the girl was my spirit mate
I Still haven’t even given up hope if she has a big come to Jesus moment $

But based on some of her beliefs, it ain’t looking good for us in this lifetime haha $

When the ex cares more about $$ or getting a Christmas xbox back (as leverage)
than your health and family situation…. $

Like I get it
But I made it as painfully clear to homegirl from day one that I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend but a partner in the life mission against fuckery $

& we were clearly at different stages of willingness 
I was full in the: 
never really sleep, go all in, no excuses, gonna fail anyway for a few years so fuck it mode $

She preferred the;
Sleep till noon,
Complain instinctively,
& Identify with any illness necessary to avoid conflict approach $

But I’m just proud of my side of the street $
Cuz from my side, I got to 
- witness her & her mom set strength personal bests on a weekly basis
- Crush double digit hikes when they never would have tried before
- Work together in the war against inactivity 
And I also got to
- witness shit talk and gossip behind backs (including mine)
- Incredible generosity with food. And incredible resistance to anything not involving food
- Mental ju jitzu to justify the family’s favorite past time: getting upset over politics at dinner $

Before I was ever a writer, I was shoe Hustler $

So I know when something fits physically or intellectually $

& more importantly, 
I know how to own up my own shit
If there was ever a superpower worth having it is that $

If there were ever a pathway to divinity, 
it would be through a long treacherous road of emotional trolling $$$

Get high enough up the Spirit Mountain, 
and even the smallest resentment will blow you off the ledge $$$

But the higher you go, the more fun the fall $$$

Just remember the whole point of climbing is to jump off (or fall off ) at some point anyway $$

Otherwise, you’re probably not gonna enjoy the ride to the bottom … $

This is a great month to look back on the year and figure out where you fucked up $$$

This is a great year to do the same as well $$$

It’s now 12:45 AM 
We got Vikings doing sexual politics 
I mean really all they did back then was kill each other and hang out in huts $

Can you really blame them for loving war as much as they did when the alternative is listening to the drunk uncle talk about gods and statutory rape 🛖 $

When in a world where;
alcohol is safer to drink than water,
Shit is bound to be a little rowdy $$

Guarantee you, 
I could go shot for shot with the greats 
Cannabis wise, that is $

I think who can smoke more without losing their mind to paranoia is more meaningful than
who can drink more before they pass out $$$

That rule definitely carries over on mushrooms $

You can find out what kind of ass(hat) you’re dealing with real quick with about 3 g and some electronic dance music 🍄 $$$

The difference between you and me is I’m totally fine with dying alone if it means I’ve written some dope shit. 
(And made my preparations, of course) $

Not because I wanna be dramatic and shit 
But because quite literally I have witnessed everyone I’ve ever known lose their minds over dumb shit $

I think there are still some reasonable and happy people left out there, 
but for whatever reason, the universe has seen fit to isolate your boy amongst the profane $

I must believe it is for comedic strength
Or else I would’ve off’d myself years ago $$

I can feel the munchies growing
I can sense a decision on the horizon…
PB&J or oatmeal? $

Hard to explain, but I think we gotta go PB&J
The only downside is the kitty is on the blanket and he is so comfy and cute right now
I don’t wanna move him and anger the gods $

But anyone who’s been 7 hits in and 13 feet away from a PB&J must be able to relate to the intense pull $

This Viking just straight up pulls out the skull of his first wife
That is the exact opposite of how you handle a resentment $$$

Last few meals
PB&J- 600 / 25
Tuna/ crackers - 750 / 35
Chicken & berries - 800 / 60
= 2150 / 120 ish
Not bad..
+ another PB&J (600/25)
=2715 / 145 $

The older I get the more and more I think that the Greeks got it right, having a whole squad of gods and shit $

I just hope to be the kind of writer that Zeus would wanna gather people around by the villa and be like yo-yo. Listen to this. $

The way I get all hyped on mushrooms is evidence of my Viking lineage $

I bet it’s only a matter of time before I bump into some of my other psychedelic selves
Like whenever we punch through this current reality space time and pop back into the in-between spot. I’m pretty sure I left myself some notes.
You know, popping through time and shit $

But what’s funny is I also relate on a spiritual level to the monk who’s just hanging out in the castle with the candles and the quills $

Trying to figure out what the fuck these dudes were talking about $$

 I mean, I guess if some of my old selves got murked by the time they were my age, 
They probably wouldn’t have been able to figure out too much. $

Other than some pretty bad ass techniques relative to their day, I’m sure 
But I also think that the few lifetimes that I got past this point in my life, I discovered some shit $

And I assert all the strangeness that has begun since I turned 30 as evidence $

I really need to get my grandfather clock back if you know what I’m saying $

“ we must preserve these fragments of writing for all of eternity”
-old English king in the castle to the priest, Homie 🏰 $

That’s what I’m saying though !
He gets it $

At least the Vikings understood that if you made peace with your enemy, you could go raiding with him 
At least until he became your enemy again $

Kind of random but the level of excitement that I’m getting just by thinking about lifting in a few hours is noteworthy 
Obviously, why I’m making the note 
But I think it’s the mushroom biology continuing to improve $

If my theory is correct, then I should see a noticeable continued emotional improvement throughout the rest of the week $

I can already feel the intellectual upgrade kicking into because words are smooth and more readily available $

And the whole habit of writing like I am is becoming unconscious, which is always good energy wise $

If something seems like it last forever that just means it’s a really good learning experience 
& very immersive $

Happy 1:13 AM 
From The first sandwich of the day $

All warriors are warriors and by definition can defeat others
But not all warriors can defeat their dark side $$

(PTSD/Addiction) $$$

The pathway to God consciousness is routed through the PTSD chapter $$$

Because until you know what it’s like to do everything right, but have everything break and everyone treat you wrong then you will not know what God might feel like $$$

That sandwich is so good. I feel like I could go run a marathon. $

If I can keep my health projectory going, then the goal is to actually spontaneously go run a marathon without it being that hard $

It’s pretty crazy watching your pants fit different in real time in a good way instead of a bad way $$

But it’s all fun and gainz until you can’t fit in your favorite pair of jeans $$

Unless you wanna buy some ridiculous looking skinny jeans, you’ll be wearing baggy shit forever 👖 $$

My apologies for the rain, I was brainstorming $

All of my notes are either going to help my case that the world is crazy and I’m not,
Or they’re going to completely seal it and take away any doubt that I am actually the crazy one $$

I’m fine with being the crazy one as long as I’m the fun and healthy one too $$$

I feel like the English language proves you don’t have to do all of that with all the weird squiggles in all the other languages $$$

Like the weird strike through and unnecessary dashes and shit $

Like I know we got ‘ but that’s really about it $

And it’s still the most complex language there is 
which is kind of a flex honestly cause that means we can get more creative $

It’s hard to believe how much people value revenge 
If they valued acceptance and forgiveness even a quarter is as much 
They would probably never think about revenge again $$

Everyday is a battle if you’re in a war against depression…
Every single day $$$

“There’s a Dark force controlling the worlds governments”
…. Okay but that doesn’t mean “bad”. Unless you’re a colorist? $$

I’d describe demons as spiritual trainers $$

Angels are more archetypal 
Demons are more elemental 
Humans are inbetween $$

Bad angels, or actual demons, are archetypes of evil $$

If you knew you were going to reincarnate as your daughters kid,
You’d view arranged marriages a lot differently… $$$

Funny that I’m making jokes about waking people up as I go back to sleep 💤 $

The crescendo of Zs is actually the best sleep emoji 🛌 $$

Happy 1:58 AM 
A suburban snack snatch is when you take the biggest handful you can of the snack and hide the bag as fast as you can before finishing it $$$

I think everybody knows it, but the walk of shame is the walk home the next morning wearing the “night before” clothes $

Yes, officer I’d like to report a runaway snack train 
This one is pretzel branded 🚂 $

This is my third snack grab $

2nd sleep begin: 2:20am $

My blanket cape would make my ancestors proud $

Speed smoke sess begin 6:26am $

Friendly reminder, that seed oils might not damage you directly but overtime damage your body‘s ability to operate at its best $$

Generally speaking, you don’t get cancer unless you outlive heart disease first $$

The downside to having long-term studies is it takes a while to dunk on people 
and honestly what’s more important right? $$

If you feed a kid nothing but processed crap for 10 years then they’ll be in a perfect position to begin to fall apart as they begin to build themselves up for puberty $$

And then all you need to do is gaslight them a little bit and make them feel like they’re a problem
Because they don’t really know much and because you have all the leverage and resources you’ll be able to easily defeat them in debate $$

And then just imagine the shit stew They’ll have to marinate in 
when they’re already being rotted out from the inside, physically and mentally, 
and then when they blame themselves for it… $$

I am grateful just to have a roof over my head during this rain $

You would think that someone would have the decency to own up to what they did but the reality is if they had the decency, they likely wouldn’t have done it in the first place $$

My life experience has shown me that it is foolish to wait for an apology
But it is wise to apologize as quickly as possible $$$

The only thing I could ever do is use fear to teach me how to manage it $

Things get gross very quickly once you start taking this life for granted $$$

Sometimes when you go to reset something, you can restart it too quickly 
Even though it did fully turn off 
Which means that there must be some kind of brief physical power delay $

And then other times it wouldn’t matter if you left it off for 30 seconds or 30 years as long as the parts are fully cool down $

Now apply that to reincarnation lol $

And for my next trick, I will prove the existence of the Almighty with just some regular household items $

I was beating myself up for not getting outside in the sun more but I’m also really excited to have a cold wet, rainy day to justify sitting inside $

It seems that I am fully in rest mode after second sleep, 
and once in rest mode, I am quite comfortable with being an absolute slob $

But if I am in work mode or fun mode, then the last thing I want to do is anything that I usually want to do in rest mode $

My life is just a series of short circuiting from one mode to the next, mostly spontaneously $

Thinking about how they have a TV show where they make things disguised as cakes, just to see who they can fool and how creative the cake can get $

You could say my whole life is cake based on how often I bake 
Intellectually speaking that is $$$

You can see why they gave me Adderall so I would shut the fuck up $$$

But before they gave me pills, they would just send me to another classroom 
Or to the office to call my parents 
Which was by far the worst $

But just take a moment to digest that the greatest threat of my life for a long period of time was pretty much anything involving my parents $

And I’m not trying to blame them specifically because they’re actually great parents in light of our culture today $

I’m trying to emphasize the madness that was just trying to make it through the day -when everyone around you was trying to get you to kill yourself $

It breaks my heart every time I have to listen to something regarding seed oils because I know they’re talking bad about my beautiful PB&J’s $$

So friendly reminder, 
if you don’t know that most breads have some kind of seed oil involved in it $$

And on that note
Just about anything out of a box or bag has oils $$

And the trick nowadays is to come up with some new healthy sounding oil because there are some oils that are not the worst. $$ 

Cause the profane just don’t give a fuck, they’re still eating at McDonald’s 
*lighter flic $

I think when your dead you can essentially “remote view” anything you want
So you could go to any place in time and watch anything being built
And you can bounce through time in any sequence you need
It’s kind of like having an all access pass to the greatest movies ever made $$$

So if you die consumed by your desires, then you’re probably just gonna do weird shit like creep on your ex or continuously check the leaderboard’s at work $$$

Or haunt some old timey house or some shit $$$

Or have to talk to annoying armpit hair girls because they’re the only ones crazy enough to try to listen to the dead ☠️ $$$

Amazing what you can do with someone’s attention if they think you’re smarter than them $$

This is by far the most fun job I’ve ever had $

Happy 7:04 am from the 704 $

Just can’t believe that not everybody else that’s ever lived Cares about everything the exact same way that I do. $

How could so many people be so wrong for so long? lol $

Just super grateful for this moment in time 
Mostly to not have to be going outside right now and instead get to wrap back up and be a burrito 🌯 $

Alex’s behavior proves that it’s possible to be a Devine being while testing everything and everyone around $$$

He can stress and bless at same time
Pet synchronicity $$$

If principles must exist 
Then hierarchies must exist 
Because by definition principles come before personalities $$$

 When you go back to square one for real - for real then you’ll realize why they call it that $$

If you really stop and kind of think about it 
Cats are actual cuddle monsters 👹 $$

In a world that is controlled by its emotional desires 
Being able to do an entire summer eating basically nothing but eggs and the most processed of processed foods, 
While undergoing the most tremendous mental stress, both physical, financial, and familial,
And not dying or killing myself or somebody else,
May be enough to transform into a superhero 🦸 $$

People would be more appreciative of their ego if they realized how much it has to filter out each and every day to not go nuclear ☢️ $$$

People would be more humble if they stopped to taste the pie they were making 🥧 $$$

Slithers back into bed at 7:31 am after a few “sessions” $

Hell if 25 min of my coaching time is worth $76
Then the univ owes me $144 $$$

It is now 11:44 AM and I am going on my “Sun walk”
In the rain 
In the 42° weather ☔️ 
Fuck my life lol $

That was once again nowhere near as bad as I thought 
But I still didn’t wanna do it $

Muscle focus training-
You never really know how many sets you’re gonna need 
It’s best to start counting when it starts hurting $$

Angles for bracing and leverage points matter the most to be able to push to and through failure $$

Fueling matters a hell of a lot too 
Because you might fail just because you didn’t eat as many carbs on Wednesday as you did on Monday 
Or you didn’t sleep enough 
Or you did something else slightly off in your training $$

Movement focus training-
Really doesn’t matter how many sets you do, all that matters was your best one $$
 
The primary goal is just to build or maintain performance abilities 
Bonus points if you happen to look like you’re in shape too 
Motivation matters most here 
And the training itself is far more mental than physical $$

If you don’t know what it feels like to be Loosey goosy 
That means you’re all righty tighty $

The irony is that by drinking out of the drinking fountains in office buildings and random ass churches for so long- might have helped me limit my fluoride intake over the years $

So my work ethic, saved me from being poisoned $

If you think I’m gonna let some petty BS, keep me from wearing my skittles Snuggie that my ex bought on our last weekend together then you don’t know me very well $

I’d wear this shit to deliver stuff if it wasn’t the exact opposite what you need technique wise $

If something happened, then there must be a reason why it happened 
Deciding significance is usually where people go wrong $$

If you don’t believe in black magic, then you must not have gotten a bad deal yet $$$

The ego does not like to trust nature to take her time $$$

Grocery list
- cat food
- Bread
- Water
Add dish soap 
and two ice cream bars ( snickers & Twix) $

I just want my kids to be able to say that their dad had a six pack when everybody else was fat as fuck $$$

Ice cream bars= So fuckin good $

This gonna sound lame af but I can really feel the love in the Harris teeter parking lot Rn $

But not any dashes lol
Shit is slow af $

I just can’t get caught staring lol $

Most people have never had to “drop everything at a moments notice” to go help a friend and it shows $$

*glances at lighter
“Do a scoot” $

The unconscious side of the ego is the most difficult to reason with
But it also has the most to deal with
Which is why it’s stubborn af sometimes 
And also why a mushroom can yeet it $$

Just ate a full pound of ground beef for the first time in a while 
Knock on wood for smooth digestion lol $

But that’s a big deal for getting back in the regular training rhythm
Because that was easy 100 g of protein and about 1600 cal or so
But will digest on the slower side
And that leaves plenty of room for fibrous carbs throughout the night and tomorrow $

So even though I’m doing a lot of high carb training, having the high protein and high fat background will help me regulate my energy $

Also, I should be a lot warmer because of the meat sweats lol
But that’s literally why your body does that in case you don’t know $

Sidenote, if you can stay cold, most of the time, your body has to naturally warm itself you will produce more internal vitamin D because of the light within your cells
This is why redheads don’t die when they spend nine months in a cold cave $$

Also having a belly full of meat when it’s cold and wet is spiritually satisfying
Trust me $$

I’m glad I discovered Kratom in this lifetime
Cause it’s way better in every way than alcohol- except for running from your problems
Cause you can’t blackout from it $

Shout out to all the other “only children” out there
We rare af $

Apparently, those who had siblings “can tell” I am an only child
W.e that means $

Ironically, my two closest childhood friends were also only children 
And they were basically the only - only children I’ve ever known lol $

Happy 8:33pm 
Tis time for first sleep 💤 $

Catch you on the flip side 
(Prolly) $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-2-25

I’m getting good at this $

Happy 12:07am
Clockin in from the throne $

Lockin in with the pipe $

If you can recover 12x faster than normal,
Then 9 months in the shit is nothing by month 13 $$

I can tell what type of muscle you are
Type 3 (2a)- spazzy & tires quick
Type 2- control freak/ slow
Type 1- weak, passive $

The human ego is far too delicate to hold up under the undeniable weight of deity $$

Meaning, if God suddenly made himself known to most people, 
their sense of self would instantaneously self-destruct cause they would not know what was/is theirs vs God‘s responsibility $$

It’s always a bittersweet morning when the cats wyling out $

The good life is the one after the end of a series of long grueling challenges 
It is not the one before the journey $$$

Although technically speaking, we are always right before a journey of some kind $$

We’re watching Vikings and we’re at the scene Were the one fuck boy Viking gets turned into a blood eagle by Ragnar, which I guess is kind of an honor for him now. 
But at the time of his death, it was probably some bitch ass shit 
But because Ragnar was such a motherfucker, he would go onto become a very important figure 
So important that the people he killed suddenly became memorable $

So There are levels to fame 
If you were so famous that you can make somebody else famous by fucking them or killing them then you are pretty high on the list $$$

The cat is the perfect philosophical companion 
Or sidekick to the superhero $$

Vikings be like
“I saw a crow in the field and that’s how I knew he killed my father” 🐦‍⬛ $

Functionally speaking tho- they got a lot more right than wrong
Except maybe the human sacrifice part $$

But I’d argue it’s better to be in a culture that would off the lazy mfers “for the gods” $$

It’s nice to watch the actors slowly get into better shape over the seasons lol $

And you can see the shirtless trajectory increasing haha $$

Tis time for some blueberry oatmeal 🥣 $

So apparently it’s like 31° 
But it’s rather nice inside 
Says 61 and the system has been off for a while 
Wasn’t quite sure if it was the meat sweats or not even though I’m not sweating $

Further evidence of telepathy is the look that you can give your pet when they’re on the counter when they’re not supposed to be $

Sales will teach you how to talk to anyone 
Even the wall 
Ask me how I know $$$

You’ll be glad to know that I put the sugar on attack mode to make up for lost time $

This is like cliff bar cereal but better $

In a world were literally everything is recycled why would spirits be any different? $

It’s impossible to know that much about somebody who doesn’t know much about themselves 
But if that’s the case, then you don’t need to know much beyond that fact $$

By definition, those who are insecure spend most of the time worrying about their securities (or lack there of)
Which limits their cognitive resources and brain power $$

#OperationGetOutofDebtCreatively 
#SuburbanSecret
#AlwaysUseVoiceToTextTo#
#CauseItAutomaticallyDoesTheCapsForYou 
#WithSurprisingAccuracy $$

Remembering this one time in the psych ward 
Me and the roomie didn’t want to sleep 
And wanted to troll instead 
So we would sneak out of the room and dodge the nighttime guards and see if we could throw a sockball or something into someone else’s room without getting caught
Let’s just say we never got caught lol $

Happy 1:44 AM 
My insulin is rapidly rising, just like my mood and well-being 
And they were both already in a good spot 
As I load the bong 
I began the fifth episode of Stranger Things $

I would like to get all obsessed and into the show like the rest of everyone 
and all corporations who are ripping off the theme for marketing $

Alex is wiling out big time right now 
Almost got angry for a second there because of the sudden crashes when he busted through the blinds $

Kinda sucks when the healthy cat food gives the cat bloody poops 
But also helps him lose weight and help helps his energy level 
Just hoping he doesn’t get bloody poop this time 
Yall pray for him $

Every now and then I’m catching him do this weird tick 
Like a Tourette’s like spaz
It’s like a weird flex and growl almost like he’s got something stuck in his teeth, but it’s clearly a neurological spaz 
I don’t know how to best describe it 
It seems painful but doesn’t last longer than a second or two
Kinda like he’s getting stuck in a sneeze almost maybe 
I don’t know. I know I’m rambling. Yall pray for him lol $

I can’t really hang out with the Christians cause they get mad at me for talking shit about Jesus and their church $

But I can’t hang out with the heathens and pagans either because they’re fucking ridiculous and they’re not fun way $

So I just keep chilling here in the corner of the room 
Lifting weights and spirits one day at a time $ 

An authentic smile is always complementary technique $$

Except maybe turn it down during times of death so not to seem so fucking creepy $

For the record, any good monster would be able to hide right next to you without being detected 
Otherwise, it’s not a very good monster 
Or a very dangerous one at that $$

Ironically, if you zoom in far enough, you can get a better understanding of the big picture $$

A lot of people wouldn’t be so tough if they knew the reality of booty juice $$$

A lot of people wouldn’t be so “tough” if they knew the reality of MDMA and electronic dance music $$$

The Gods understand the butterfly effect way better than us so just relax and focus on the small shit $$$

Eventually, everyone wants to see the hero bust out the fireballs $$

The Jedi woulda see more coming if they woulda had an inside man on the dark side
But alas, tis was the other way around $$

Remembering how grimy and slimy my managers is at LA fitness were
I mean, one literally the first interview he tried to talk me out of being a trainer and into being a sales person for the money $

Like my entire resume was clearly saying I was leaving a money career to teach and train lol $

I would realize why later 
Because this shit bird would get commission on top of commission and would make more on anything I sold as well $

I would basically just be helping him do his job 
Classic used car sales bullshit $

But what was worse is this guy was essentially abusing poor people who just wanted a fitness consultation in an attempt to convince them to buy the overpriced personal training $

 knowing damn well the trainer was only gonna make 9$ an hour of the $150 a client was actually paying $

 that the client Would quit in three weeks anyway and would forfeit the rest of the contract.$

Because what was even worse than the shitty sales manager was the fact that most people would pay thousands of dollars each month just to tell themselves they were making a change $$$

Just to keep that excuse in their back pocket that “OK maybe tomorrow I’ll actually go to my morning session” so I can eat the pizza tonight $$$

Rarely, would they come complaining about sessions or actually hoping to redeem them $$

That was actually kind of a joke 
Nobody ever cared about getting their money’s worth $$

And nearly all clients would admit themselves that they never did the diet or the homework so of course they couldn’t expect results $$
 
There is obviously so much meat on this bone that is why I had to make this freaking website 
Because of how many sad stories I have similar to this $$

If you run into somebody who makes a joke about how lame it is or how bad it is to have to work hard 
Don’t laugh $$$ $$$

Or better yet 
Do one of them super loud, sarcastic belly laughs, and then give them a dead pan stare down for nine seconds after $$$

Like 
HAHAHA 
🤨 $$$

Happy 2:09am
The oatmeal and six spoonfuls of sugar might be going to my head $

Progress requires friction $$$

Somewhere somebody has a complete list of all the people who have been on a casting couch or only fans $$

Also, they know what you’ve seen online $$

A blue belt amateur mine as well be a demigod to a white belt activist $$$

Time for a lovely 6:24 AM smoke off 
I’d say I’m gonna count the hits, but I always forget $

Sometimes it’s best to leave on the lame, generic daytime background television $

The 31° cold is no match for my 31 year-old attitude, my skittles snuggle, my big ass blanket burrito wrap, and my bong-mitzvah $$$

The downside to having fur would be not being able to appreciate a good blanket $$

I take back what I said about the boring background television if it’s an episode that you’ve seen a bunch of times $

We’re gonna go with the new Diddy documentary series instead 
Should be pretty spicy considering $

So as of now before we get too far, 
the feeling is that dude is a piece of shit, 
but a lot of his behavior was likely exaggerated by dark agendas $

Think Epstein, but with more celebrities
We’ll see what their main point is if they’re trying to make him seem like a monster or like he got off easy $

If you work in a profession in which you get paid for your perspective, 
Then I highly recommend that you start taking more notes on random shit and then expand on any preferred enjoyable patterns and pathways you see $$

I think more people than you realize would be interested in a department store managers commentary on the Diddy documentary $$

Once I said that for voice to text, I realized the nature of social media and how my last comment just exposes my hiatus from it $

New book
Patterns and pathways 📕 $

So far this documentary is really good, but it’s only made it clear that Diddy was a creative go-getter
Literally $

Enjoying all the old clips tho $

You can keep anyone’s interest for a while if you keep changing the subject / object 
#AskMeHowIKnow $$

Weird vibe when you’re enjoying a documentary so much 
Specially, when it’s on on sexual assault $

if someone ever responds to your request for help with 
“what do you want me to do about it“ 
or if they voice their concern about what they will miss out on,
Then run $$$

Time for good morning Sammy
Is 7:13 AM $

Modern day lifting calculus:
If seed oils delay recovery .01%
But a single exercise session increases recovery by 1% ;
Is the candy with the seed oils worth it if it gives you an amazing workout (& emotional satisfaction)?
My answer is almost always yes $

Gotta preciate the poison if you want more of it without actually poisoning yourself $$

Remember one man’s OD is another man’s pre-game $$

My goal was not to become the oldest young person There is but we are. $

You count as a young person until 35 $$

“Even a blind squirrel can bust a nut or two”
Or however the saying goes $$

weak men blame weakness $$$

Height wise,
I’m like as close as you can get to 6ft without technically being 6ft
But I’m over 6ft whenever I have on shoes lol $

We on episode 2 now
So far it seems like the message is “this dude got off easy” $

In a war of short angry dudes against fat arrogant ones, my money will always be on the underdog $$

3rd sleep starts 8:15am ish $

10:58am and I am now awake
And already past my first existential crisis
So that’s good 👍🏻 
Gotta do a sunwalk, and atleast it actually looks a lil sunny $

So many people People are so traumatized that they don’t know what they want because every time they were asked in the past it was just a set up to be gaslit $$

New segments 
- Spiritual sounding shit
- Sounded spiritual
- Don’t know where that came from $

My motivation for running went out the window as fast as I wanted to go out the door $

So I’m gonna bait myself with a chocolate treat $

Better to be slightly smelly than sick $$$

I’m the kind of guy to buy the treat before the run but still do the run anyway $

Being alone in the gym sucks
Being alone on the trail rocks
And vice versa lol $$

Love things that make sense but don’t $$

Remember the energy bonus you get every time you pick up trash and public $$$

Kidding aside I’ve been alone on the trail so many times $

I’ve done probably around a mile and a half again that is super slow grandpa pace $

Strong integrity often looks like superstition 
Just saying $$$

Strategy:
- Degree pages $

I think technology is just a slow revelation of magic in a way that keeps magicians from actually getting killed $$$

So when a motherfucker starts conjuring shit, he could just say it’s AI and the profane will keep working on their prompts $$$

Gonna hit a 10 minute “why not” walk $

A big dude’s biggest fears is going catabolic $$$

Artist have a tendency not to think about anyone other than themselves $$$

Adepts are the opposite 
For in order to evolve out of the artist phase, one must realize the benefit of working with others and must make that their process $$$

Alchemist have perfected the art of teaching to the point to where they can make money off of it $$$

A magician is one who has perfected the art of teaching across multiple areas $$$

A joker is one who has perfected the art of learning how to teach across multiple different platforms $$$

I just think things make more sense when we look at Jesus’s training protocol instead of just when he popped up out of nowhere with his miracles $$

They had to wait a couple hundred years after he died to publish shit in mass because he was that humble $$

It’s silly, but when you’re creating shit, the simplest stuff is the hardest and most overwhelming 
Like removing a background from a symbol $$

But subconsciously it’s extra hard because once you get the small stuff done, then the vision becomes real 
And it’s difficult each time you have to confront reality $$

Happy 4:32pm
Happy to say the Website is coming along 
lol my life is such a joke 😅 $

Bout to make some eggs and then hit the dash 🤞🏻 $

It really is kind of crazy how hard some the small stuff is sometimes 
I think my chemicals are coming back, but I’m still having pretty shitty reaction to things 
For example, the thought of cooking just makes me wanna hide in a hole 
But when I stop and think about it, it’s really not that bad and once I actually start making the food it’s nowhere near as painful as it’s been over the summer. The initial signal says fuck that shit & I have to rebuttal with myself each time that gets old. $

I do finally feel as if my body’s beginning to build and repair in ways that it hasn’t been able to do in probably a couple years at the rate I believe I’m healing. 
I will be at an all-time best physically mentally spiritually and hopefully financially come spring time $

Like my brain for the past year has just not allowed itself to feel much in the pleasure department $

And my idea of fun has become warped because all of I’ve done is work 
So work is my fun $

If I can get my calories back up and my energy expenditure back to the sweet spot as well as remove some of these stressors, I think my brain will be just fine long-term $

My warm-up dash of the night is to go get Alex His little treat squeeze, lick things. 
But it’s kind of sad how I forgot to do it earlier cause I was too busy thinking about my running chocolate that I didn’t even realize I forgot to get him more treats $

And then when I remembered that I had forgotten, I initially didn’t want to go do this dash for whatever bitch ass reason $

But I guess that’s just more ego talk and what I was just trying to say as far as being a stingy little bitch with my energy $

Ain’t none worse than missing the light except a whole Lotta shit actually $$$

Ain’t nothing scream 19 year-old fuck boy like a modified Honda Civic am I right y’all? $$$

If you ever need to find an AA meeting then just go to a church around sunset and drive around looking for a group of people chain-smoking and drinking coffee $$

If you spot any moped or scooters than you’re likely, getting really close too $$

The message of the day from the psych board is “don’t sweat over dumb shit“ $

Three hours of the wrong thing might as well be three years 
Three hours of the right thing might as well be three minutes $$$

With that being said, I am now back at home after getting dicked down from Burger King after having to wait 30 minutes for an order 
I hope that was the last one ever delivered 
I truly do $

I’m trying to digest an interpret this weird energy as far as what’s the next right thing to do 
And I feel more and more I have to return to coaching, but with a very selective client list 
And I feel like I have to go all in and start getting everything out there ASAP 
But I feel like this time I can do it without trying to make money from it while also making money from it $

We’re making some roast beef and hash now 
Gonna throw an egg or two in that bitch 
So this thing is about 700 cal before eggs 
Mostly carbs in fat, but about 30 Gs of protein overall so not the worst $

This is another one of those weird nostalgia foods that I haven’t eaten much in this life but is strangely familiar as I prepare it $

Like that’s kind of the case with most canned foods cause they’ve obviously been around forever, but I’ve never really eaten them 
Yet I can tell I’ve eaten a lot of them. Do you know what I mean? $

It is 8 PM and I think I’ve had maybe three or four existential crisis this evening alone 
Mostly financial, of course, as mentioned already 
But while I was waiting on an order at Burger King, it was pretty rough, watching the guy cuss under his breath because of how busy the store was getting $

And he’s probably still at work right now
And will be again very soon. 
Another reason why he’s probably stressed.
Just a reminder that these are the people that handle the food most of the time $

But I imagine whoever was involved in the canning process of what I’m eating right now I might not have been having the best of a life either $

By adding four eggs to the can we now have a complete gain plate $$

Yep- shit slaps $

2$ meal & bout 1,000 cals $

I wonder how ketchup got started
Specifically because tomato juice has never sounded good $

Let alone the king condiment $

Same with hot sauce
I’d love to witness the first time a renegade deliberately made some spices $

Reading is also fun again thanks to the mushroom 🍄 $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-3-25

Wanna see someone happy to wake up in the middle of the night?
 just tell me theres a bit of dank waiting on me $

Stress is a philosophers nemesis $$$

Imagine being a trend rider and riding the baggy clothes trend that makes you look like an actual clown 🤡 $$

Kind of pathetic what people do for a little bit of fame and notoriety am I right? $$

Most artists are kinda fucked up creatures tbh $$

It honestly doesn’t feel real watching this Diddy shit
And how many people worshipped this clown for so long $

I don’t buy into the narrative that he was the problem
He did what he did for years and years
Everyone around him was the problem $

If his behavior was not romanized due to money, he woulda been run out in the beginning $

Wouldn’t it be kind of funny if the CIA knew who he was gonna reincarnate as in his next life and he ends up as a hostage in Gaza $

How do you think hostages end up in Gaza? $

We have successfully done the 21st century equivalent of creative stencils 
For literally the most basic symbol as possible 
It ain’t much, but it is an honest humble step forward $

It is now time for a celebration 
And a request why my Kratom does isn’t kicking in yet $

Just saying you can tell who’s done their time 
shit just gets painfully and progressively more and more simple $

This is actually kind of a big deal though. I’m really proud of myself for doing some website work in the middle of the night without having a 30 minute motivation montage prior 
instead I did it cause I wanted to for funzies $

 which shows that my strategy of just saying fuck it and putting it out is worth it even though it’s straight up convict themed $

One thing for certain - you’ll never be able to say I didn’t keep it real $

Just saying that Jesus is gonna need a good coach whenever he comes back cause shit is fucked up out here yo $

So that’s why I’m doing this 
So Jesus, if you’re out there -
here if you need help, bro $

Yes, I just offered to help Jesus -
not the other way around 
I told you I was recovering fuck boy 
You should know what you’re reading by now $

You are not allowed to complain about money if you are wearing a diamond cross
I don’t care who fucked you $$$

Good news ladies and gents
 I think my buzz might have just been delayed
Was really hoping the airport didn’t lose my bag with the flight if you know what I’m saying $

Solving intellectual problems requires tremendous energy and precision due to the consequences and trade-offs $$

This is why managers and executives make the big bucks 
because it actually requires high-level skill or wisdom to not fuck everything up $$

Happy 6:12 AM we are up and we are answering questions $

Lol know it alls always find a way to give unsolicited advice 
Am I right? $$$

New segment call either
 “am I right?” or “told you so “ $

If you can’t show them, you have to learn how to tell them $$

And telling them is just simply trial and error plus time $$

Don’t listen to anyone whoever tries to tell you that being fat is justifiable
It is never justifiable
But it is always understandable $$$

Because you can understand how something is harmful as an mature adult without whining and without justifying it naïvely $$$

Friendly reminder, body fat is just dietary discipline $$$

Hard stop it just is $$$

Now you can get all kinds of crazy, creative, on how much energy you burn $$

Obviously, that’s my preferred strategy… $

But to ever justify eating in significant excess long enough to become fat -
is always a mistake 
or at best a misunderstanding/miscalculation $$

Because literally fat is the last thing that sneaks up on you $$$

It is the most fair and patience and gentle consequence you could ever come up with $$$

It is a direct reflection of your decision making and your internal emotional environment $$$

And honestly, it reflects over your entire life because a truly healthy and fit person knows there is no area exempt $$

So if you got some shit to hide, you are only hiding it from other idiots $$$

Man, I get triggered over people bitching about their stupid belly fat $

You shouldn’t care about how chiseled your trainer is 
You should just care more about their social awareness and ego management $$$

I see why I subconsciously put off doing this because I genuinely feel pain on behalf of the holy of holy’s because of how fucking arrogant and pathetic some of these questions are $

And I’m not trying to be mean 
I’m trying to be literal 
These questions are quite literally arrogant 
“ how can I eat my cake and keep body fa off without actually doing any work?” $

Like I’m all for eating the cake 
I’m probably too much for eating too much cake 
That’s the whole point of fitness $

But when you’re trying to cheat the game, then you’re disrespecting something I love $$$

because as someone who has worked their ass off to get and maintain sub 10% body fat
- while training others 
- while dealing with lifestyle bullshit 
- while dealing with XYNZ 
You do not get to roll up on Reddit and spew some shit like that without consequence 🎂 $$$

I’m gonna have a lot of editing to do… $

To be clear 
and to be a little bit more fair 
Because this is something I literally just went through -
I have very high standards for a coaches health and personal performance ability $

If a coach is not healthy themselves, then they are not in a position to truly help others (beyond the bare minimum in which they need to help others to help themselves) $

But this by no means means that you need to walk around at an all-time personal best aesthetically 
Or with a strength and conditioning PR in the tank $

But if your discipline has deteriorated to the point in which you are now considered fat, then that is an automatic termination $$$

Because that is inexcusable 
To be clear, to be considered fat this should be technically obese, not just having some extra fat
(so like 25% for men and 33% for women or so) $$$

Which is very fucking reasonable
Especially for a coach/ trainer $

Probably too reasonable
But if you have the intellectual skill and experience, very few will disagree with that range $

So me personally , 
This is why I have not accepted any new clients in a year 
Because due to my own mental health circumstances $

- which arose out of relationship and family and financial problems / had nothing to do with falling out of the gym -
trust - $

Left me in a position in which I could not appropriately afford to dedicate any extra energy into coaching $

I could’ve just kept collecting checks and signing contracts and then I would’ve just been playing both myself and the client $

That’s what you’re seeing when you witness fat personal trainers 
Speaking of my old sales managers at LA Fitness - they were all overweight and fat $

And looking at the flipside 
if your trainer is chiseled as a diamond,
at least you know what they’re doing is recent $$

And at least you know that what they’re saying has a higher likelihood of being truthful 
And most importantly, it is higher likelihood that they do practice what they preach $$

Practicing what you preach is extremely important even if you’re preaching something stupid $$$

Wild Blueberries + maple syrup = 🫠
(Blueberry sereal 🥣 )
Do you think a fat trainer would promote that shit ? $

They’re probably too busy logging some fucking dumb shit on “my fitness pal” $

For the record if you’re still using any type of calorie tracking shit, 
you’re an amateur 
Athletes don’t care just because they’re busy enough burning everything off $$$

There’s so much extra syrup in this that I can legitimately drink it off the spoon $

Also checking in mental health wise
I don’t wanna get to far over my intellectual ski is here but,
I do feel much more motivated and a little bit more balanced energy wise 
Still anxious financially, but handling it well $

But the reason why Im broke is because what I was just talking about 
-by not being a hypocrite and refusing to coach someone if I’m not in a healthy spot myself $

Because even though my mental health deteriorated, I was also completely out of shape physically $

Actually hold on that’s bullshit 
I literally have video evidence of me doing a workout with the weights heavier than I weigh 
24 hours completely fasted 
Down about 12 pounds 
Even though physically, I was on deaths door, I was still strong. $

I would just probably pass out if I had to go a half mile too fast $

But mentally, I probably couldn’t hold an emotional conversation for very long without some kind of mental medication $

And it would be became clear that the medication and not being able to eat, compounded with the stress -
was physically scarring my heart $

I mean, I remember the chest pain at the end of the day 
And I’d be driven in such a deficit calorie, wise that my oxidative system will kick in while it rest and so I would be actually breathing heavier just trying to stay awake 
You know, like a fat person $

It sucked because the only natural remedy I had to raising my dopamine was training $

But the forces in the universe had conspired against me by sabotaging my emotions so if I was too mentally compromise, I literally couldn’t train $

Besides punching the shit out of the punching bag, of course $

But that wasn’t real training, that was just letting some energy out $

So slowly, I began to lose my muscle investment, and with it became more energy dysfunction $

And when your unconscious energy is all fucked up then your conscious energy is gonna be confused as hell $$$

That’s when your guard is always up because something is wrong, but it’s outside your field of view so instead it’s easier just to scrutinize everyone and everything in your field of view $$

I figure keeping a public journal is the least I could do in this war against fake news
Because I bet you in time, people will trust my suburban newsletter even if it’s just a bunch of bro, spiritual shit talk 🗞️ $

This is me sharpening my intellectual blades 
And I’ve always loved blades 🔪 $

Animals are just a test to see what you would do if you truly thought you were a superior being $$$

After careful review, 
it would seem that God is doing everything he could possibly can to not get directly involved so we can maintain the illusion “we did it“ $$

But the day God starts acting like Santa Clause ,
is the same day that most people realize they’re getting a bunch of coal $$$

And then we’ll see how much of that Christmas spirit is left $

Once mommy leaves because daddy‘s only fan subscription got exposed $$$

Guess some people are getting shoes for Christmas if you catch my vibe (added during edit 1:16pm 12/12/25) $

“God,
Feeling pretty nervous but also feeling better and stronger than yesterday 
So very grateful and trusting you and hoping I’m not misreading shit 
Per usual lol” $

I think everyone should have to grow their own mushrooms in order to do them
The growing process is long enough & tedious enough to ensure you respect it $$

and you likely will have done your homework as to what to do when you get yeeted through space $$

I like to play this game with Alex, where I find the maximum amount of love that he can handle before he gets annoyed $

Which usually looks like me hugging him and screeching at him how much I love him and hold him up to be blessed for the gods $

Then, when I start getting carried away, he starts getting a little startled and that’s how I know to turn it down
And that’s a little game that I like to call the bare maximum of love $

My kind of university was in the middle of the night in the middle of the streets while all the forces of Fuckery conspired to try to kill me $

Happy 10 AM 
I don’t really know how many existential crisis I’ve already had but this one was a doozy $

Whenever you’re nervous about a bill to pay, it’ll take away your excitement for the day $$$

Remember that true assholes want to do everything they can to make you feel bad about yourself $$$

They’re not very concerned with giving you an opportunity to make you feel good about yourself $$

But opportunities to feel good about yourself often look hard and scary to those who prefer to feel bad about themselves $$

My spiritual approach has always been “make them stop you” $

My physical approach has always been “the bare minimum“ $

Remembering to give myself some Grace 
It’s 11 AM and I’ve already accomplished more writing and editing wise than what would’ve taken me a couple weeks- a couple weeks ago $

Friendly reminder that once you start getting it right, it becomes easy to think you’re doing it wrong when the resistance disappears $$

Crazy the lengths some motherfuckers will go to a avoid temptation
*Cough Amish cough cough 😷 $$

Just smashed the fuck out of my ceiling lamp light thing and got glass all over my fucking living room, 
which is where I stretch every day $

Ha ha ha good one ancients now I got micro plastic glass everywhere $

Like this is not funny 
I was just putting my hoodie on and I accidentally punched the fucking thing right off and because I had my head stuck in my hoodie. 
There was zero chance of stopping from shattering everywhere. $

Having a pretty good morning, too productivity wise, but this is literally worst case scenario safety wise $

I’m actively cleaning up as I record this $

I’ve already had seven years of bad luck so whatever $

So after bitterly picking up a bunch of these pieces, I’ve looked up the symbolism and apparently Jews break glass at weddings, cause they’re so excited and they want to warn off evil spirits, and shit $

So I hope this is some kind of good omen cause I’m literally gonna have to take apart the living room and put it back together cause there’s glass everywhere $

I mean, there’s micro glass shards fucking on everything now 
on top of the couch 
on my pile of clothes $

There’s so much I’m gonna have to come back after the gym to clean it up 
This is me giving the spirits my middle finger with a wink $

Whatever I have to clean anyway $

But now my ceiling fan looks absolutely ridiculous and I don’t know what to do about it $

New seg 
Fly on wall $

Hard to come up with a better low back punishment than squatting on a smith $$$

How I feel overall is an honest point higher than where I was last week and I’m on less stimulants $

So if I was like a six out of 10 last week,
right now I’m a solid seven all things considered $

But my seven right now physically is like a four compared to where I was on daily average about 18 months ago $

I gotta give credit to the mushroom 
and my body is adjusting to the base hypertrophy programming well as well $

I gotta give blame to my dark side for forcing me to explore it one last time a little over two years ago $$$

But knowing how bad one can physically feel while still maintaining a good attitude and while still creating 
It is very valuable info $$

Sometimes I have to write a little extra or use some extra emojis because of how much of a dick I look like in public 
(Resting dick face is real too) $$

Most will never understand that true excellence is usually shit on on and thrown away during its development 
because it threatens all the ignorant assholes who have power over it $$$

It’s just a matter of time before this is realized $$

We are out here dashing, 
and making the best of things 
pray for me because my motivation is low as fuck and I can’t afford another existential crisis 
literally $

God did not finally give you the opening to take a left, just for you to start sandbagging the traffic behind you $$$

God and I are one in this case $

Spiritual intuition can be a better father than most dads, 
and I assert all single mother athletes as evidence $$

Evil is gaslighting yourself for being right about something shitty 
Or condemning yourself for being caught between a rock and hard place $$$

Stuck somewhere between being the chosen one and being a choosey hoe
Guess that’s how it goes $$

My soul finally found a way to fly
And It’s at the end of big cry $

Don’t worry I ain’t crying rn lol
Just thought the lines needed outlining $

No’s travel the fastest 
Yes’s, the slowest $$$

Amazing how many people’s fate has been decided by a text message alert or phone call $$

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s shit only seems fucked if viewed from the wrong angle $$$

Don’t be a bitch when someone helps you in traffic
Like move it or lose it bruh $$$

I’d rather have fucked everything up on my own accord than have the blame put on anything else cuz then that would make me a victim $

Ugh I’m smelly lol $

Revving your engine to be tough is about the quickest way to look like a little bitch $$$

I can’t blame my chemicals for why I feel so shitty dashing lately
It’s like a spiritual dread now which is never a good sign
I don’t understand why it’s so mentally hard to power thru just a few hours of bs
I’ve done it just about everywhere $

The only thing that doesn’t even make me think about my faulty feeling brain is training stuff $

But every-time I even try to align things financially, I just spiral 
For no logical reason other than it seems like psychic warfare (or guiding) $

Damn bro
I’m at a real risk for a pity party 
“What you get for following a false god
I.e my plotting and planning “ $

I’m about to pack it in
Barring some miracle with training clients, I’m probably fucked $$ wise
Don’t know how fucked tho $

I’ll either be a month late on car or 
I already am cuz homeboy at bank didn’t structure my payment plan right lol $

For the record, I’ve showed up to dash the last 6/7 nights and it’s the emotional dread that is killing me $

This must simply be the energetic frequency of being in the wrong place doing the wrong thing $

But yea- I mean if some shit doesn’t fall out of the sky in 3 days- shits gonna get bloody again $

I honestly don’t even care about the $$ or car dude
I just can’t go thru another $$ crucifixion again… $

Your 20s are for learning how to compartmentalize shit so you can have a lot of stuff to unpack when you hit your 30s $$

I’m having a genuinely hard time trying to autopsy why I feel like death 
Because right now in the moment, nothing‘s actually wrong 
Nobody’s done anything wrong 
I thought I was doing the right thing 
Just like all the other nights 
But before I even went to go do it, there was a dread telling me not to do it 
It just doesn’t make any sense cause you know- broke as fuck $

But fortune favors the bold so whatever I showed up anyway 
I really think part of me is just traumatized because the thought of failing in a couple days from now is really quite crippling $

And I’m trying not to do the whole blame parents thing, but all I can feel right now is the absolute hell scape that I feel each and every time I have to go through this with them $

And then I swing back-and-forth between feeling bad for being traumatized because I feel like I should be over it by now $

And the thought of just jumping back in the car and going back to sit in the parking lot only to get shit on by some apathetic server.., $

I naturally have zero desire to do any fun work and I’m just petrified about how bad the morning is gonna be tomorrow and the following day $

So literally in order to even think straight, I’m gonna have to plan as if I’m going to lose the car
Cause if I don’t accept the worst case scenario, I literally won’t be able to function let alone create $

I just don’t understand why the thoughts have to get so dark so fast sometimes
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong
The only thing I can come up with that I deserve it. Some kind of karma.
Or it’s a legit attack from some stupid evil entity, bad spirit or some shit $

The only good thing about times like these is that it reminds me what it feels like to be an egoic baby back bitch $

And I swear on my fucking meat suit that I’d rather die than live like that anymore
So I’ll do I have to do 
fuck it- back to the bottom of the ocean we go $

The worst feeling in the world is not the worst feeling in the world
The worst feeling follows the thought “maybe I should let go of my pain” $$
 
There is a small fleeting moment when?
if you’re honest with yourself, 
you can let it go right now if you want to, 
but that requires a super uncomfortable weird transition feeling that isn’t really that bad 
but it’s also the worst possible sensation you could ever have at the same time $$

Two hits plus one sludge shot and I feel a bit better $

Which is further evidence that my reaction is heavily influenced by my biology 
Because I swear to God, the mental pain is so bad sometimes it is physically debilitating … $

Society has done a great job of gaslighting me into a high state of guilt for the medicines that I prefer to use $

But I know a lot of people who would’ve taken a shit load of Xanax or alcohol ifThey even felt a quarter of the stress that I feel on a daily basis $

I know because I’ve sponsored a lot of people and read a lot of inventories and at a certain point that spiritual shit doesn’t mean anything cuz you start comparing and keeping score after noticing enough patterns $$

I also need to note that I felt instantaneous relief after writing the line above about it being a legitimate attack, $

like some kind of evil fuck boy demon $

The more and more I meditate on that idea the more truthful feels 
Because I don’t actually get thoughts per se it’s more like my energy interpreter goes haywire and my ego returns some of the most heinous fucked up Thoughts $

I’m even hesitant to write down that it could be some actual demon 
because of the potential displacement of accountability $

And apparently, I am addicted to accountability 
I’d rather get possessed by a demon because I think it makes me accountable then actually call this shit what it is $

Cause if they got physical mosquitoes flying around, trying to suck your blood then why wouldn’t there be some kind of disgusting high frequency but negative ethereal leach $$

And evil should know by now to stop triggering me because I’m gonna come back with the ones and twos $$$

So take the fucking car 
You already did and I’ve got some pretty funny content from it $$$

14 years ago around this time, everybody thought I died 
I mean legit- they thought I died 
But it just took me 14 years of wandering around in limbo to come back from the dead $

I feel better than I should be feeling 
Like I have a halfway decent buzz now, but that’s not why 
I’ve got like this weird feeling you get after you pass a test $

I guess it’s important to remember that i’ve got a lot of pretty shitty memories of mostly me and my own fuckboyness $$

But I feel a spiritual sense of ease and calm
And it is distinctly different than the physical $

But sorting those two out has been literally my life‘s work 
I mean, it is funny because everything I’ve ever done really does come down to trying to figure out what kind of feeling this is $

Another reason why I’m probably feeling better is because by writing it down, it does function the same as telling somebody else
I.e a 10th step $$

And writing is timeless, so let’s say in 15 years from now somebody finds something of value here then you gotta give the spirits another W for playing the long con and allowing me to be a Debbie downer for a little bit $

But I’m in this weird spot where I can’t really talk to anybody about my shit because many potheads are not really that spiritual and sane $$

And Anyone in AA would crucify me for even trying to work their steps and be normal $$

And a therapist would just try to give me solicited advice, thinking I probably need more help than I do $$

Friendly reminder that a consistent demonstration of control is the exact opposite of addiction $$$

And the ultimate holy Grail of every addict in recovery $$$

I’m watching pulp fiction by the way 
And I conveniently forgotten how long Johnny T hair had gotten $

Acceptance is a good way to shut the ego up, but it usually requires a heavy lift $$

Bodybuilding will turn anyone into a makeshift chemist 
Weighing all sorts of strange pints and powders👨‍🔬 $$$

If you can sell it to a rich person, then you can sell a lot more of it to a poor person $$$

Anyone who’s ever sold anything expensive knows that those who say yes too easy are the worst types of Leads $$$

Anyone who’s ever sold anything knows that you’re gonna get a ton of no’s $$$

And that you can either go for volume and find the easy yeses
Or you can go for quality and conversion and try to convert some of these no ‘s $$

Just Did a Speed nap,
Now doing a speed smoke
Before another speed nap $

A lot of us are the
“If 3 works then 5 will be great” types … $$$

Life is all about riding the ups and downs
Doing what you can, when you can 
Trusting to overcome fear
Forgiving to forget the bs $$$

My posture gonna be so fucked cuz of the slouch and shit talk $

Happy 11:48pm
It ain’t over yet ladies and gents $

My editing self hates when I do this and ramble on just cuz $

Story of my life 
Literally $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-4-25

It ain’t over until the grinder runs out of Green $$$

You’re allowed to cheat before the game starts 
You just can’t use any cheats during the game $$

You will never know true growth unless you know true failure 
That’s one of them lessons that I’m getting kind of tired of to be honest $

I think the joke being that in pursuit of glory, we overlook very easy ways to fail and grow, ways that don’t require so much pain investment and recovery ❤️‍🩹 $

I may be the most anonymous of my ancestors but I guarantee I’ve talked the most shit when you add up my life
I mean we got
- elementary school 🏫 
- Skate hangs after middle school
- High school high hangs in woods
- Jailbird & psych bunny adventures 🐰 
- 9.3 years of daily AA (pre, & post meetings not included)
- 9.3 years of sales management/ real estate humor (for suicide prevention)
- Trainer talk during session with captive audience 
And that’s a hiGh lvl glance $

Anyone who’s ever got sober and then gotten into bodybuilding will quickly realize many of the carryovers from one lifestyle to the next
- Like when you’re carrying many strange bags of powders
- Constantly busting out the scale
- Getting super moody over strange substances
- And spending most of your time around sketchy sweaty dudes $

Remembering the time they used to sell legit steroids and all kinds of sketchy sups at GNC $

Now you have to go to strange hole in the wall places or you gotta go to the right website and send the right cryptocurrency to the right wallet and send the right prayer to the right Demi God that some shit shows up in the mail but strangely usually does $$

Happy 12am 
🫢 $

Bodybuilding will teach you how to get so fucked up stone cold sober you won’t even think about party drugs $$$

Until your mental health has deteriorated to the point where party drugs have now become a liferaft $$$

But these party drugs are now actually “breakthrough therapeutic treatments”, 
so let’s not worry about all the arrests and judgment we already passed on everybody $$$

Teenage anxiety and depression will teach you how to become self-taught in the ways of street pharmacy $$

Remembering the times I’d be on like five Vyvanse playing call of duty Black ops & writing raps between my servings of Cheez-Its $

I only wrote raps maybe like twice
I don’t expect you to believe me in spite of… Well, you know… $

I’ve got 4 eggs + canned ham (not spam)
& Some blueberries w/syrup 🫐 
And a healthy level of optimism $

But think ima save that for 2nd smoke shift $

How long it takes to bake depends on how much heat you can take
*lighter flick $$$

Cold berry syrup cereal will make you colder if you’re cold already $$

Happy 12:31am
Reminds me of the first time a shroom really yeeted me back to source code 👨‍💻 $

What a weird fucking ride dude… $

This is for everyone up who also don’t know why they’re up $$$

Holy flashback brother 
I just went all the way back to the McDonald’s third shift days $

I can’t believe I still have the name tag and the picture $

I challenge you to come up with a more terrifying challenge than:
- no drinking/ drugs (at all, at all)
- Drive Prius C
- Work McDonald’s overnight shift 
- Be 18 & Hang with other 18yr olds fresh out of rehab
$

God owes me some fucking dopamine bro lol $$$

My smoke off has modded into a smoke-a-thon $

Gotta get my routine reg somehow $

Prob bout to hit my 3rd PB&J in 24 hours 
Always a good day $

If I do, And after those berries- 
My low intestine will be doing cardio lol $

Friendly reminder that if you’re bulking, you want extra fiber…
Don’t wanna get clogged up $

Hate that we’ve somehow normalized pharmaceuticals but demonized herbal supplements…$$$

If legs are upcoming- choose high carb lol $$$

Life gets more livable if you don’t view pain as a bad thing $$$

If I make it thru this year I will have conclusive evidence that PB&Js are spiritually nutritious $$$

My 30’s so far is just whistling in the dark 
Or garage $

It’s like a weird retirement feeling every time I paint in a garage 
Call me old fashioned lol $

I prefer to believe that there are a lot of really good, genuine warrior like spirits out there
Who just got super distracted this go around because of all the advanced technology and fast food and tinder
I believe there’s hope for us yet because of mushrooms
 ((I hate saying warrior spirit too, but it’s true) $

Salt & sugar will have you feeling right as rain or absolutely insane
No inbetwene $$$

Happy 1:26am
I’m gonna put it down now after putting it down all day long 
So far at least $

Peace ✌🏻 $

Oh yea-
A good bong will keep your breath manageable and ash out of your mouth 👄 $

Happy 5:32 AM
We are having a brief intermission $

The thing is is you don’t have to do much character development to survive in the wilderness because often times your character defects Keep you alive. $$

So even if my ancestry had it harder physically, and they would’ve had a much lower bar intellectually or culturally $$

It’s very easy to figure someone who’s pretending not to care $$$

The skittles Snuggie is doing its job after nine months on ice $

I assert my nervousness tick of playing with my hair as evidence of reincarnation because this is clearly some kind of tick from a past life $

And I think it’s one in which I was a chick because I’m starting to get some weird flashbacks $

Friendly reminder that most fugitives fuck up and get themselves caught rather than get tracked down by Some McMarshal law dog $$

Remembering all the sketchy hotels I’ve seen and slept at lol $

Instead of trying to do a bunch of mental calculus I just wait until something triggers a long line of memories and then begin by intellectual autopsy $

The irony is that physical training cannot be fully recorded
But any writing training must be $$

Friendly reminder that relationships are pretty much everyone’s downfall $$$

But they’re extra fucked if you’re a fugitive $$

all “worth a shit” experiences must be lived to be understood $$$

Intellectual diamonds are small, shiny, and easy to carry too
Intellectual gold can wrap around just about anything too $$

Stating the obvious can make you both a philosopher and the class clown 🤡 $$$

If it makes you feel better after you read it, then it came from the good place $$$

You gotta learn how to use the word “you” a lot without actually talking about you though $$

Hiding in a cave or hiding under a rock - utilize the same technique $$

I don’t know I feel like if you’re a fugitive for like 15 years then that needs to be considered when you get caught 
Cause that’s pretty good track record not doing anything wrong 
that most non-fugitives can’t even claim $

You survive mental illness the same way an actor suffers a role 
Which is why they’re all so fucked up $$

Kidding aside and on a more positive point,
If you can accept your physical burden or limitations as your responsibility, but not necessarily your fault, you enjoy the flipside a lot more $$$

If by all reasonable estimations, the shoe fits comfortably, but they just don’t wanna wear it,
that doesn’t mean Santa didn’t make it for them $$

It ain’t very synchronistic if the timing doesn’t line up somehow $$$

And timing anything right is the most individual & unique thing in the entirety of known existence $$&

At a certain point you can easily ignore the negative intrusive Thoughts. 
But at first, it’s hard to know which is which $$

I guess if there are 7 AM AA meetings with just people sitting around literally blowing smoke calling it recovery why can’t I do that with my routine and imaginary spirit friends? $

I think if I was to admit I have imaginary friends, that would put me in the majority $

“ OK now stay here partially in the shadows at a 45° angle looking horizontally slightly left and look sad but also angry that justice was served”
-director speaking to fugitive actor $

“ OK now run into that RV suspicious like & make it look like you’re high and not trustworthy” $

Secret teachings of all ages summarize:
There’s been a group of smart people around for a long time who actually know how things work
They’ve hidden clues in just about everything and if you know how to look, you can see it everywhere
But it’s intentionally kind of confusing to make you think 
that way it can weed out the profane. $$

Because true love and evil exist, and evil has a way of destroying love out of ignorance $$

For the record, I’m grateful I made it past 31 years old without having anyone telling me to squat and cough $$$

Life feels more like a vibration of a string than the rotation of a wheel with all of its ups and downs $$

But if you look closely at the vibration of a string, it is actually going in a circle - not just alternating back-and-forth $$

Looks like it got all wet and icky outside $

“I don’t remember it. This is just what they told me.” $

Something something so easy you’ll think you’re doing it wrong $

Not today random naked dude in PF bathroom, not today $

Had to cut today’s workout short because I did not have emotional energy to deal with the crowd but had enough physical energy from the pre-workout to go home and clean $

The higher self has never not had control 
Meanwhile, the lower self periodically gets a taste of control 
So if you feel like you do not have control that means you are in your lower self 
But you need to be watchful when you feel like you do have control because you could still be in your lower self or you could be in your higher self $

Pay extremely close attention to the mental disorders that make time feel like it accelerates or slows down 
I think this is a microcosm into what it might’ve been like in a past life as a relates to relative time space $

A psy-op is anything that tries to make you feel like you’re the problem in some kind of victimized way $$$

Hard to recover if you don’t believe you have the power to $$$

But honestly, addiction is probably a good consciousness fail safe 
Because it will truly expose how good things can destroy way faster than bad things 
As well as expose how bad things can be the most constructive $

Listening to this guy on the Julian Dorey podcast talk about a tribe in Africa, who worships poop because of its healing properties 
They believe that a God is born out of the poop and to celebrate, they rub poop on their skin and throw it at each other
Man that’s symbolic as fuck $

Friendly reminder that the best mushrooms grow on poop $$

Your spirit doesn’t “know” per say but can remember $$

Especially- it can recognize and remember true and loving things
But only the mind can “know” $

Happy 12:31 pm $

You are most vulnerable during The time it takes to figure something out 
cause during this time, your focus is guaranteed to be directed and controlled 
so during this time, most people are easily distracted $$

It seems that more people died from the lack of hygiene then were saved by the poop God $$

I am also noticeably in a better headspace again today 
I am far more motivated 
Far less anxious 
And seem to be operating at a high cognitive level 
I think it is too full the improved and enhance spiritual realization of all the madness I’ve been rambling about 
And also getting back to everything I’ve been building after what you could call a break 
I am on the fence if it is mostly because my chemicals are a little bit better therefore, the machine is running better or if it is all philosophical reasoning 
I think it is probably half-and-half lol $

There’s really no point in doing the video version of the John Cena podcast lol $$$

*deep in thought 
**staring out the rainy window 🪟 
“I’m fucking brilliant 
I’ll just run up and down the street nine times and call it a work out challenge “💭 $

I’m so good at this $

Friendly reminder The mat gets cold af during the winter $$$

Most people have never been body slammed on a cold martial arts mat in the middle of a strip mall in the middle of winter in the middle of the greatest spiritual health scare of all time 
And it shows $$

Catch me outside 
Looking like rocky III $

I did it
An amazing… 4 min run? 
But a legit one lol
Like a half mile with no warm up / 6.5 rpe 
Probably would drop to 5 if I did more sets $

It was just enough to wake up my actual running muscles cause now I have a pump lol $

I am celebrating with blueberry sereal 🥣 $

… forgot detergent on my first load of laundry lol
The worst batch to forget it for too $

Bet you ima have another psy experience once I take a salt tab after all this sugar $

Fruit gives an excellent excuse to add syrup or honey too $

I’m all out of syrup now
Which I bought for pancakes 
Which didn’t go well the other day haha $

BRB gotta go see what these ancients have to say $

Cause every time I put my hair in a ponytail I have a colonial flashback $

My theory is that if you keep people fat sick and scared long enough, it essentially fucks up their spiritual development and downloads
And meanwhile, compounds trauma and negative behaviors and destructive tendencies $

But if you have the right perspective, and if you end up in the right place at the right time enough times then you can alchemize the shit and take a shortcut to Nirvana because it essentially turns into consciousness training to give you the opportunity to leapfrog spiritually thanks to your vices $

I am cooking the cooked ham 
By putting it in the oven for about tree fiddy $

 True art requires true failure $$

If your ego is triggered enough, then that spiritual shit goes out the window 
And justifiably so $$

But if your ego is dissolved enough, then all that is left is a bunch of spiritual energy $$

The ham is starting to smell good 
And smell is half the taste 👅 $

Just gotta do what I feel like doing without being so scared of it … $$

That was good ham, even though it came out of a can 
At least it was a fancy looking can $

I think another big reason as to why I’m feeling so much better just at a base is I’m actually getting reward chemicals from completing chores and stuff again 
And reading $

I don’t know if I like referring to “my chemicals“ 
I just don’t like saying it
Feels weird $

Dead ass 
if women have a physical menstrual cycle then men must have some kind of bullshit mental cycle too $$

The feeling of well-being that hits after you get a belly full of meat is ancient as fuck $$$

Happy 4:20 PM 
From the wet and wonderful cultural wild of mint Hill $

As of now, I can say I feel like dashing and I’m overall enthusiastic $

I have a really good feeling from the universe financially and I’m just not gonna question it
But hustling up some side cash can be really fun at least that’s how I currently feel $

We will see if I get smacked in the dick or not lol $

Serotonin is the spiritual chemical while dopamine is the physical $$

Door dashing really comes down to how fast you can peel out of a place 
and I’m good at that shit $$

There’s always a moment after delivery where I completely forget where I am $

Finishing a dash in the same neighborhood of the first pool I lifeguarded at and also the third girls titties that I grabbed on that year that’s it $

And then I took a wrong turn because I was doing voice to text $

Something about stone carvings and symbols on walls that doesn’t get old $$

Something about ancient shit doesn’t get old $$

We bailed out the dash ladies and gents $

After some deep philosophical reasoning, I have determined that my spirit is telling me to get back to writing and all the other monumental amount of work that I have to finish $

But it’s the internal green light I’ve been waiting on
Where most of the work has become unconsciously easy
And genuine and authentic $

So we got enough food and gas money to go all in
At least for a few more days $

More good news is that I have a whole sleeve of crackers for snacking
Four eggs
A third pound of the ham
And enough bread, butter, and jelly for the greatest toast of all time $

I know there’s gotta be some restless ass spirits out there jealous of me making the best out of shit $

I have learned to accept the L with a smile $

I mean, what series of unfortunate events leads one to be at a beautiful ass castle for a annual formal photo shoot with the girlfriend’s family the moment he gets the news of his grandmother dying
Then has to smile for the camera 
now that’s what I call spiritual trolling 📸 $

Remember that if the mere thought of something can bring you significant existential dread, 
then the mere thought of something different can bring you significant existential joy $$

I have a tremendous amount of personal evidence that sometimes you can do everything right and still feel like shit 
And that doesn’t mean that something is acutely wrong 
It just means that there’s a bigger part of the story that’s taking longer than you expected to unfold
But in hindsight will justify the pain $$

This reality is actually so sophisticated that it’s designed to be mistakenly simple and to seem somehow accidental $$

You know, to see what you would do when you think no one’s watching $

In all reality, 
it’s so you can learn how to spend time with yourself and to not destroy yourself $$

Secondarily it’s to be less annoying $$

I’m still working on that second part $

You really learn how much cold you can comfortably take when you’re hanging out in a parking lot for two hours every night $$

Everyone can adjust to the cold
But not everyone can handle the first 3 minutes without bitching $$$

“No’s” don’t actually exist,
Just delayed “yeses” $$

(Obv excluding cases of sexual consent lol cuz in that case
 “no” means FUCK NO ) $$$

I truly forgot what it felt like to be in a caloric surplus 
It seriously has been years $

Like an honest balanced surplus
Excluding the brief massive meals that went to my head instead of my muscles $

Your body is conditioned to food and fuel intake just like everything else
So any major deviations is going to make you uncomfortable $

The real truth is always written in third person because it applies to everyone $$

A trigger is something generic misconstrued to be something personal $$$

Fear clouds more than actual clouds $$$

My maternal grandfather taught flying in World War II, so I am about to watch a documentary on Netflix called “Britain in the blitz” 
And we’re gonna see if there’s any weird nostalgia triggers $

This is so strange….
I can almost smell some of the footage?
Like nostalgia mixed with hyperfocus
I’m not “seeing” anything but I’m like sensing/ feeling with my body 
Like old cotton or wool
Itchy $

You can be pretty tough if all you need to do is something pretty simple 
It is very difficult to be tough and precise with multiple complex systems simply due to the sheer amount of energy it takes $

I said hard, not impossible $

The joke is that my legs haven’t even run one percent of one % what my mind has $

Everything is just an imaginary quantity of something $$

Happy 10 oh 2 PM 
When I started writing the first line, it was 10:01 PM $

Kind of concerned Alex isn’t eating much still except for the pate treats that he scarfed down at light speed …
But I’m actually not too worried because his behavior is still rambunctious 
And he goes through phases where he just doesn’t eat much for a couple weeks and loses a bunch of fat 
Which is why I don’t feel so bad letting him bulk up when he feels the need to bulk up $

For Those of don’t know, he is FIV positive which means he is a prisoner in this house (my soulmate) $

That’s adorable. I said cellmate , but voice text put soulmate so ima leave it ❤️ $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-5-25

Happy 1:32 AM
I love the super esoteric days $

They are so few and far between 
And yet there are so many and close together $

Once your body’s internal heater turns off “, shit gets sensitive to the cold $$

Nothing worse than an agnostic storyteller $$$

I just wake up and think about what to write on walls 
It is a pattern older than time $

“ I can’t sleep. I am wondering what it is like to die.”
Lol relatable, young Viking warrior Björn 
Relatable $

The super religious boys back then were just as egoic as the fuck boys, 
they just had better stories to tell $$

Ain’t nothing better than being in a warm blanket and a cold room $$

Ain’t nothing worse than that brief moment when you have to get out of the blanket into the cold room and you have not activated your bodies internal heater yet $$

“Nothing worse than a soft ass monk”
-God probably cuz he allowed them all to get pillaged $$

Some people have no idea what they’re doing
Some people having a sense of what they’re doing
Some people know what they’re doing
Some people really know what they’re doing
And some people know that you know that they know what they’re doing $$

I’m obviously growing up because I’m more interested in the Vikings politics than I am the violence $

Also, if you keep your house cold as fuck, your pets are gonna be forced to cuddle with you more cause they love the warmth $$$

It’s nice that you can see family get-togethers when you pull up at random parks these days $

Cause back then you would probably pull up on a random ass family feud battle 
And blood soaked fields of pagans $

Back then, they really did not give a fuck about anything other than their class system 
Which had the right idea but the worst execution $

When all you have to look forward to is a campfire and a perverted uncle, I would go fight for foreign lands too $$

I feel like those who left blood to linger on their face longer than it needed to be after battle, would let you know who is the fucking creep back then. 🩸 $$

That emoji is sick as fuck and I’m not quite sure why $

Remember that you get points for pain 
Somehow someway someday $$$

If the situation is super serious, then it’s seriously important to be silly $$$

If the situation is super silly, then you will seem silly for being too serious $$$

I know I get points for how many times I give Alex kisses too $

Friendly reminder that you get points every time you hug and kiss your pets too $$

You get half points for doing it to your kids lol $$

People will treat you like a God if you can entertain them better than one $$$

If you like keif then buy shake 
Trust me $$$

People would act different if they knew they had a massive mushroom waiting on them $$

So I started the MK about a week ago and I’m beginning to tell the difference with my skin $

The weather’s been so weird - cold and wet $

My sleep has been phenomenal comparatively to the last two years basically lol $

If something seems lame that is because you do not recognize it’s potential $$

But some motherfuckers make it hard to recognize their potential 
If you know what I’m saying $$

Give a skater kid mushrooms and he’ll think he’s mastered time and space $$

It’s 2:51 AM 
Or almost blueberry oatmeal time $

Probably gonna end up using the last of my sugar $

I feel like if I was a chick,
 it definitely would’ve been during the Viking times 
Cuz I would not have had the patience to deal with the patriarchy $

So I salute you, 
women who have incarnated in the last thousand years to deal with the heightened Fuckery $

The suburban version of “naked and afraid” is going three weeks without your phone, Internet car, money, friends, & meanwhile getting attacked by family and community 
While detoxing from amphetamines $

Iron is forged in fire 
Just like steel 
Just at different temperatures $$

Memory is not stored in the brain, 
but even if it was, there is enough mobile memory to master all of the arts sciences , become best friends with every person who’s ever lived, and remember everything from everyone with photographic of detail $$

I mean, you really can look at the human body, the equivalent of a spiritual cell phone $$

With different kinds of signal strength and mobile hotspot capabilities, 
and shit like that $$

Hi, my name is Jarrett and I’m a paint-a-holic
I just get paint on everything eventually $

You are allowed to be self-absorbed from the ages of 29 to 32 
But anything outside of that should be dedicated towards serving your community $$$

I would also argue that if you don’t take some kind of intermittent halftime to get your adult self in order, then shit’s gonna go out of whack real quick $$$

Reminder: 
Bitch-ass-ness spreads faster than covid $$$

Happy 3:14am
Reminds me of the craziest trip I’ve ever had,
 where I literally died $

Also, reminds me of the day, 
I first got sober 
I had just chewed a ritilan patch at about 1 PM while watching “shutter Island” $

And then I feel pretty shitty about it 
So later that evening while sitting in an AA meeting, I decided fuck it. 
Why not give this whole God and program thing a try $

If I do everything they tell me to, 
then when it doesn’t work, 
I can be super righteous
And alas the next 9.3 years were history $

It’s all fun and games until you’re having an identity crisis on your Tinder date $$$

You know it’s gotten out of hand when you got all three dating apps going 
and you still think the world is the problem $$$

I dead ass just measured my amount of oatmeal based on how much sugar I had left and I’m not ashamed to admit it because that’s why I’m writing that down $

I’m making some pretty heavy duty oatmeal because it is back day in a few hours and you know the lat pull down is going to be on the chain $

… You see what I did there $

I hear a mysterious dripping in the background, 
and I don’t know what it is
It’s not the faucet
And it’s not my swag
Except it is
my swag is always dripping $

This is the kind of shit my Tinder dates had to deal with $
 
Some people are gonna find these notes and think they are actual lines for stand-up $

I’m just trying to entertain myself while making oatmeal $

And that is the power of writing $

I fucked up. I forgot to put out the blueberries a little early to cool down the bowl but I think it’ll be OK. $

It’s honestly been a few days since I’ve had oatmeal
If there’s anyone binge reading my notes, they would actually be able to tell me better than I can recall at the moment $

It gets pretty easy to talk to the wall when you realize there’s no such thing as a wall and that somehow someway someday your words find a way home anyway $$

Bro I fucking nailed the oatmeal again $

I actually think I need to clarify 
This isn’t oatmeal 
These are old-fashioned oats 
So it’s a little different 
I like to say if you make it right, it taste like a spiritual cliff bar $

We are now on season three episode one of Vikings 
And if I hadn’t seen it at all before, I wouldn’t remember much $

Seems that the blueberries won the temperature competition $

I’m really not trying to eat all this fiber 
it’s just happening by accident 
But it really helps Keep away constipation from Kratom $

The ancients resorted to stones and symbolism cause they got tired of technology and overexplaining shit $$$

God this oatmeal so good $

The place where Ragnar is standing in “Viking land“ looks an awful lot like the beautiful cliff my ex took me to in Portugal $

It’s so easy to tell who’s insecure around pretty girls 
And it’s even easier for them to tell $$$

Part of knowing everything, 
is knowing how long you’ve known everything 
Which is impossible to know 
Or is it? $

The process for preparation: (anything)
Take large quantity and place in round spherical object
Then Slowly isolate smaller quantities with, smaller spherical object
Repeat $$

Happy 3:33 AM motherfuckers $

The worst crime is being someone else
Because your true self would never lie cheat, steal, kill or rape $$$

Those things only happen if you’re fake as fuck long enough $$$

The hard part about an invisible disability is convincing others you have it $$

Which is funny cuz
The hard part about an invisible ability is convincing others you have it $$

Each and every day my notepad is evidence of some kind of intelligence working somewhere other than here, through me, because I simply get out of the way and the floodgates open $

The hardest part is just remembering that $

Always bittersweet when the cat is literally climbing the walls $$

Lack of patience steals more energy than anything else $$

You could just call this spiritual quarantine $$

If you’re afraid of the disease, then the cure is likely going to do more harm $$$

If you built an agency that swore to protect and defend our enemies foreign and domestic, and then you began to witness all of the citizens turning on themselves,
 what would you do about it? $

A trustworthy atheist is always better than a greedy Christian $$$

A trustworthy atheist actually does know the truth unconsciously they just have not worked it all out yet consciously $$$

Anyone who does the right thing because it’s the right thing to do is Devine $$$

Whether they actually believe in it or not 
Because they’re obviously following that divine intuition which was instilled in them $$$

You can use your tongue to make men and women moan with different frequency patterns 
For men, it is verbal affirmations of the truth
For women… You get it $$

Happy 6:42 AM
The pregame smoke
The game being continuing sleep and then hitting some pull muscles $

Lucifer seems like a good name for the first 30 minutes of my bitchy bitch ass ego $

I’m the kind of guy to realize that there’s a different sound to each sizzle 
each time you burn your hand on the stove $

And I will alternate techniques to produce the best song $

It is very likely that a lot of northern climate types get extra anxious, extra easy when they have internal energy they cannot burn off as body heat $$

If my pale ass genetically speaking prefers to burn an extra thousand calories 
because of the cold, 
then that would make a hell of a lot more sense as to why I’m so lean and shit $

“I’m back and I feel a lot better this time”
-me every time I get back from a 10 minute walk
-me every incarnation $

If you don’t know the cause, then you don’t know the cure $$$

Even if you get lucky sometimes with the solution $

Most people don’t believe in the power of forgiveness because they have not forgiven that many people $$$

I hate to admit it, but there’s some ancient ass feeling every time I put my hair in a ponytail $

Nothing funnier than a big dude afraid of a barbell except maybe a big dude afraid of a mile $$

 I really hate to admit it, but the ponytail might be the most spiritual hairstyle there is
Cause it’s a bit of both worlds 
In many different ways $$

For the record, I realize that my energy motivation and cognitive horsepower has taken another significant step forward today. $

It is becoming easy to adjust to the cold.
And my rebound motivation is back to lightning quick $

Most have never had the good kind of chills and it shows $$

“Yea I’m just tryna connect with the weight”
- artists only $

“We gon see how you handle resistance”
-ancients
-liberty boyz $$

Nickleback slaps bro
Idgaf $$$

Doing polymerics at planet fitness without setting off the alarm is its own resistance game $$$

“I’ll figure it out when I get there”
-adepts only $$

Those who don’t believe in magic either have never done drugs or have done too many of them $$$

Any self limiting thought is evil by definition 
And saying, I’m “just being realistic“ makes it worse $$$

Gotta love when you trip a breaker and have a panic attack 10 minutes before a client shows up $

About to eat that 3 g mushroom and go kick it with the ancients for a bit and figure out how to get out of this pickle 🥒 $

I guess it’s about time to fly 
Ironically, I built the plane before I built the pilot this time 
But both are ready nonetheless $

Straight up just accidentally stole three cartons of eggs 
so this is step one of my amends process lol honestly admitting it was an accident $

Time to pay to forward lol $

Alrighty there’s three Gs down the hatch 
In one mushroom 🍄 $

Happy 420 pm
Time to fly bitch $

Bro, it’s taking less than 10 minutes and I’m already starting to feel funny lol $

Maybe I’ll end up drinking the five beers that I have in the fridge 
I’ve been saving them since the summer $

Just reiterating love and good vibes to everybody 
I’ve done my pre-flight journal $

I don’t think I’ve ever felt better before a trip as it relates spiritually $

I have complete faith and trust in the process and the beings 
Even though I fully accept the fact that shit can go sideways real quick 
Which is why I hear by turn the reigns over to my spirit guardians $

God plz help me be spiritually confident without being intellectually arrogant $

Based on how much better I have felt this week versus prior weeks
And based on my recent health and training protocol
It confirms my hypothesis about the human machine
And how it relates to connecting spiritually and translating energies $

Those who think it’s not possible to be put in the wrong body are blessed or cursed, depending on your world view $$

Dreams seem fake until you remember the pain they cost💲 $$

They ran out of shit to get on me in this life they had to start digging up graves $

The Party has started fyi $

Bitch I’ve been trying to warn the world not to give me some dopamine 
Ya done fucked up lol $

Dancing is so great
Just spazzing for fun lol $

This is prob GOAT TRIP 🐐 $

just cuz of philo math lol $

Deff goat trip
Never gon be the same $

lol $

My dumbass got sweet potato pie instead of pumpkin pie, but I am pleasantly surprised actually this might be even better $

I think I could eat the whole thing if I tried 
But I’m stopping after a quarter $

Think I’m finally coming back down and let me be the first to say holy be Jesus $

As with any good trip, there are no real words $

But man, I really think I might eat another quarter of that pie 
The first quarter followed the tuna crackers, great lol 
*lighter flic $

I can tell I’m coming down because I’m getting self-conscious again $

But for the record, that was certainly the most profound $

Biologically, I bet I’m gonna be a little moody the next couple days 
That was certainly the greatest reset I’ve had 
I mean, I went all the way back to source you know what I’m saying 
It’s 11:10 PM for the record $

I keep returning to the spirit math to account for my personal experiences with high strangeness & that angels/little green man must exist $

You know I never thought I’d be a pony tail kind of guy but I’m telling you something about it just feels right. I have no idea how it even looks and I honestly don’t care. $

The other week I said that extreme butter is better than movie theater butter for popcorn, but I must confess that I have not tried the movie theater butter yet which I am trying right now for the first time $

AnyWho, this shit is good but I think I was right $

I need a year to digest today’s trip, which is the whole point I guess next year lol $

My posture is gonna be so fucked up if I don’t straighten up $

Also, the Cat is wiling for no apparent reason $

11:31 PM we’re gonna finish out the day with some popcorn and some Vikings $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-6-25

Nearly spilled the bowl because I was so excited to document my sweet potato pie $

Not to worry, I have finished half of it now 🥧 $

It was so good $

I mean, that must be 500 cal of straight pie right before bed $

I can prove magic is real by how much dietary shit I get away with $

Not sure if I wrote down my theory yet or not, 
but if your DNA comes from the north, 
then you can burn a lot more energy Just warming yourself throughout the day. $$

Training for anything is just preparing for failure or worst case scenario $$

So if you’ve been dealing with what seems like the worst then that’s just training for something better $$$

I think it’ll be laughably easy to be normal after all of this once my biology kinda gets back to a smooth rhythm $

I’m thinking more and more about starting to smoke cigarettes lol 
I just miss the cold night air evening smoke $

Remembering how for nine years when I pretty much went out every night, It was sober people lol $

Which pretty much everybody in recovery is getting high on nicotine and caffeine $$

I remember when I went to the Kentucky young people convention spontaneously in 2014 just after Thanksgiving, 
there was a Red Bull fountain and people were shotgunning them in the parking lot $$$

This was a couple months after me and my buddy Caleb would do the same thing and Wilmington’s beach convention $

It is 12:18 AM and I have not slept because I was too busy flying obviously 
So I have skipped first sleep 
But I should be on schedule for second sleep, which will technically be first sleep 
And we will rest up 
Get a chocolate tomorrow morning 
And pray for more miracles lol $

Always great when the seventh falls on a Sunday 
& The next one is my birthday in June 
of course it is lol $$

Next year is February, March and November
Just gonna note that at 12:21 AM for no reason ofc $

I can tell I’m ready for bed because I’m ready to take the socks off $$

But my circadian sleep rhythm is all fucked up because of the shrooms so I’m trying to blaze a little more so when I clock out, I stay out for a while $

I got a feeling I was involved in a lot of fucked up amputations based on how squeamish I get around blood $

I feel like if you died in a fucked up way, 
youd know it if you just don’t overthink it $$

So I’m pretty sure I got yeeted with a cannonball at some point $

I know for a fact I was a pirate, 
but not the evil kind 
But the adventurous Noble kind for sure $

Yeah, yeah yeah I know that’s what they all say
*Takes off skittles Snuggie cape $

Can you sleep with a ponytail asking for a friend? $

Realizing I forgot to edit today, but that’s OK cause I’ll enjoy doing it tomorrow $

If the modern equivalent of live like you’re dying, is one bill at a time then so be it $$$

Happy 4:20 AM 
Some moments just write themselves $

“ Anyway I just started stabbing people
And after I stabbed all the people, 
then I chased him down and stabbed him because he ran “
-bro on fugitive show lol $

I’m just sitting here in like some kind of divine disbelief of just how profound the mushroom was 
On one hand, it seems so profound, I’ll never understand it fully. $

But on the other, that’s why it’s so profound is because I feel like I fully understand lol 
I mean, I say it a lot, but it just makes everything make sense every time 
It really does make the pyramid make complete sense 
And elevates just how significantly perfect the monument really is $

Symbolism is like lying but the karmically approved ethical way $$

Damn dude I’m still thinking about that pie too 
I just know that I can’t even touch it again unless I’m ready to eat the whole half lol $

Before the last mushroom week, I would have said that I was around 50% of cognitive operating “feel good strength”
But I’m beginning to think maybe I was much lower than that.. $

I’m thinking back now that probably my brain was even better before the amphetamines and relationship 
And that when I started the amphetamines, they got me back to fighting shape while helping me power through five months of hell
But now that I’m no longer spending so much energy, learning or sorting or testing or fighting or running 
that I can share all of that energy into actual emotional recovery and maintain in a better state than I ever reached on Adderall $

But I remember thinking that while I was on Adderall and realizing it before I gave it up and I was like dude fuck this is gonna suck worse than anything because this is the greatest feeling ever $

But they fucked up because now I know how good it’s possible to feel by just reading and praying and shit 
and I know I wasn’t actually “high“ $

The Meds really did just get me to regular baseline and help me fight long enough to see the truth about my “illness“ $$

Hard to express how much of a gift that it actually is $

The easiest way to justify the reality of the Devine is to remember that each moment is actually built up by infinitely small moments and even though things seem to go by fast they are actually going by really, really slow relatively speaking $$

Another way of looking at it is that amphetamines are a one dimensional solution to a three-dimensional problem and if you use them long enough, you can make the problem much worse because of how unbalanced everything else gets $$$

On the other hand, mushrooms are four dimensional solution to a three-dimensional problem, and therefore not only help you balance multiple areas, but gives you additional insight that makes it easier and more enjoyable along the way $$$

Put another way numbers don’t lie, and if you do enough of something 
and master something to a certain extent, the Devine will make self known to you $$$

I’m also gonna add that I’m going back to meditating at least an hour every day for real for real 
Because on the way back down, that was by far the trippiest experience ever $

That last hit was so strong it got me more sober lol $

Oh bro, it’s so foggy creepy cool outside $

It’s 9:40 AM
At this point I mean, I’m kind of convinced that there’s no way what I went through was even real 
But it has to be $

But that’s also part of the process of every trip is the afterwards dismantling of the profundity of it $$

Not all feelings come from the same place
Some are almost given to you and others are earned
But I’m beginning to think that maybe the feelings that are earned aren’t really feelings per se, but more states of consciousness $$

We got that pre-workout kicking in quick boy lol $

I was sitting here doubting myself for a little bit and then the buzz started $
 
It’s a good problem to have kind of 
but the better I feel,
 the more I realize how bad I really was feeling $

But which is actually a good thing because when I was feeling bad I was able to take really good notes so $$

I came up with a theory as to why my body was malfunctioning 
And steps to take to fix it, of course 
And clearly I was right and it was working 
Which means I was right about everything else because I’ve aligned everything with the same paradigm lol $

It’s just funny how easy it is to get overwhelmed by a long to do list $

So I’ve spent the last two years training with lists of lists of lists of lists $

While letting life kick me in the nuts with all the strength apparently $

So now I got diamond nuts bitch 
Knock on wood lol I do not want to be kicked again anytime soon if possible, but I guess that’s not for me to decide $

When your paradigm gets flipped, just remember to look at your pets and follow the love that you feel for them philosophically $

I’m fully convinced that the right book can grab the right timeline by the balls and take it for a ride $$

AnyWho, I’m just gonna keep caffeinating myself until I’m forced to run $

“ all right, now lean against the wall and smoke a cigarette slowly trying to look as cool as possible”
-Director to the sketchy drug dealing extra $

 I am halfway through the pre-workout and the pre-workout is halfway through my body based on how I’m squirming in the chair $

I keep forgetting how cold it is 
It’s mid 30s $

Which I’m learning it’s actually better to run in the cold for a couple reasons 
Because they called works as a good incentive to keep moving to stay warm 
And if you’re not really trying to go all out, you can stay under the sweat threshold assuming it’s cold enough $

Also from a strength efficiency perspective you’re going to be a lot better in the cold and tire less quickly $$

Sprinting on Sunday might be the best idea I’ve ever had $

If you can be David, then you can be Goliath $$

But, if you can’t be a Graceful Goliath then you can’t be a Devine David $$

I’m really proud of myself for doing the sprints 
only need three rounds $$

Lovely now I’m excited to read 
That’s about as close as it gets to magic $

Shit starts making sense once you realize how specially non-special you are $$$

That’s about as best I can describe it lol $

At exactly 4:45 PM while I was editing another note from last week 
And while listening to a podcast that is over a year old 
Robert Epstein said déjà vu at the exact same moment that I read it from my notes $

there are no odds, odd enough to explain that $

I’m sure it synced up with some thoughts too, but naturally my mind was running around editing so I don’t recall exactly what I might’ve been thinking $

But that seriously is probably one of the smallest most precise God shot déjà vu synchronicity moments I have ever witnessed $

I mean, they’re literally talking about everything that I’m doing 
Which actually now that I’m saying this,
I know this is gonna sound even crazier 
And probably deter some people who might be willing to give me some credibility 
But this is the same shit that was happening all summer long pretty much $

Just not as exact exact $

AnyWho, I literally had to stop midway through editing. Pause the podcast to take a moment to compose myself and obviously note that note worth noting. $

Funny how post trip I’m finding less urge to write as much cuz my brain is back to computing shit manually if that makes sense
In a good way- it’s connecting lots of dots $

We did one dash at Pizza Hut to get a little extra cash to keep the website active haha $

The grind restarts tomorrow at 5am $

Finishing dinner with some fried chicken and sweet potato pie 
And the shit slapped 🥧 $

My floodlight is stuck on on the side of my house for some reason and I don’t know how to turn it off so now I’m anxious that it might be blinding my neighbors 
And I don’t have a ladder big enough to get up to the thing at the moment 
And it’s 6:51 PM on a Sunday 
I hope it’s not bothering them, but I’m pretty sure it’s shining into one of their windows $

Alex has begun to believe he’s a counter cat, which is not the truth $

Sometimes seeing some disturbing shit is the greatest gift you could get $$$

The wise as people let others make mistakes for them $$$

We’re gonna go to the midnight movies at 8:28 PM $

“A burning, bush experience“ just sounds like level 3 (of7) psychedelic trip $$$

We got popcorn, Stranger Things, and a cat hanging over my every bite $

If all adaptations only arose from evolutionary need 
then maybe I can finally become telekinetic if Alex keeps stealing by my popcorn $$

I met a lot of really good people 
But truthfully, I met a hell of a lot more fucked up ones lol $$$

I’m not exaggerating when I say Alex is watching my every move super creepy way too $

We’re at the scene in the show where they kill a deer, but when they go to kill it, it gets snatched away by some crazy high strangeness $

I can’t believe I used to not believe in paranormal really $$$

Actually, I was more like an open minded agnostic most of my life $

I just figured if some shit started going down that I’m not important enough to be involved so I better just focus on doing the right thing so they don’t fuck with me too much $$

I think this bitch just uncovered the upside down 
Doesn’t look too fun 
And instead has a bunch of weird Venus fly trap monsters running around $

I’m actually prob gonna gain some fat soon if I’m not careful 
But I prob need a lil lol $

Is it bad that I might eat an entire quarter of sweet potato pie after an entire bag of popcorn after just confessing my soon to be fatness? $

I can chug more water than a horse 🐎 $

Looking forward to that treat chocolate kicking in any minute now … $

So I’m probably at 80 g of protein 
20 for the PB&J and 60 for the fried chicken 
And probably around 2000 total on the day 
Which actually is pretty low 
So I might have to go ahead and get that pie $

My heart is black and cat shaped with a white underbelly $$

I’m not fully familiar with 11‘s powers yet but it’s starting to make more sense The older I get.
Seven years ago, I was like “bro this is lame and not realistic“ $

But those who actually do have psychic powers are not going to be accidentally exploding cars and shit 
They’re going to be abusing drugs $$$

I keep forgetting to get new lighters 
Like they’re legit all so low and so annoying to use now $

Kind of interesting that it’s set in 1986 
I just don’t know why yet $

Alex is straight chilling like a gangster on the couch 
Which is his couch $

Honestly, jiu-jitsu is far more impressive than being able to use the force with your mind 
Because of how hard jiu-jitsu is to learn $$$

I feel like you should get an honorary purple belt if you make it to blue belt without getting injured $$$

I’m obviously kidding because the gap between blue and purple is pretty damn big
But not as big as a lot of purples think it is $$$

Thinking back now to all the crazy shit I did during Covid just to get a pump 
Such as driving 45 minutes one way to the golds gym in South Carolina because they were brave enough to open $

Been thinking about it and I don’t think I’m gonna post client reviews 
Why make it about me when I can simply post the answers to people’s questions? $

Or the crazy shit that runs through my head for lols $

I’m sure the ancients saw it coming, but I have already finished the entire sweet potato pie $

Which I know it is different than pumpkin pie, but is it though ? $

Because it don’t really seem like it, and I honestly am not quite sure which one is better $

My body is back to being extra dramatic with the cold 
Probably why it told me to eat the pie $

I’m telling you people to embrace the cold 
Bundle up as much as you want or as you can 
But don’t Nerf everything by keeping your house 70° when it’s 30° outside $

OK, this is gonna be a little crazy but bear with me 
This applies to Pretty much anyone reading this 
If your neighbors suddenly turned evil and wanted to kill you, it would be extremely easy 
So the only thing stopping them is the choice not to do that
But once upon a Time, they might’ve made a different decision
Especially if they’re strangers
So the fact that we can live amongst so many strangers in such populated areas and crime is what it is and not worse than what it is
Is a pretty big deal actually $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-7-25

It’s 2:36 AM 
I’ve gotta be up at 4:20 AM for a session with a client 
I’m feeling good energy wise, but I’m gonna go back for another nappy nap 
So I’ve made a pre-workout shot $

The hack is take the shot 30 minutes ISH before you need to be up 
Go back to sleep 
Lol or try to 
And then let the shot work. It’s magic. 
Then boom you’re up before the crack of dawn 🪄 $*

Remembering that
 no matter how bad times get,
there are always people putting their cash & change in the basket $$$

The joke is that there are no words to describe the fire inside sometimes 
I know because I’m obviously trying and they will never do it justice $

Yeah, there’s no way I’m going back to sleep because my brain is just flying 
In really good ways you could say but it is just like a fucking machine gun right now $

so when on the crazy train, Must learn to enjoy the ride $$

“That actually is a really great point” 
-me to myself every five seconds $$

This is weird how my brain is running faster yet I’m writing less 
It’s mostly because some thoughts are coming by so fast that to write them down wouldn’t be reasonable $

I do feel substantially more improved if that isn’t clear enough already 
And even my tolerance for the THC is lower 
Which is another added benefit of the Shroomie shrooms $

Everyone still banged everyone back then
They just overreacted to it more $$$

Honestly 
The madness of the last thousand years was probably worth it in the long run because we can’t go back to spraying blood all over our fields every time we want to pull crops $$

Because even though they had a better relationships with spirit realms and shit,
They did not have the most ideal relationships with science $$

Glad to know my supervisor is now over my shoulder as I have officially clocked in 🐈‍⬛ $

But I’ve actually clocked in a bit early if being honest 
See evidence above $

Bout to hit that Monday Mobility if you catch my drift $

Happy 4:32 AM $

Remembering the time when I had to split payment for a dozen eggs $$

Remembering the time I had to go to the bank to deposit one nickel 
And i had to go inside to deposit change so I had to do the walk of shame in front of everybody $$

Remembering the time I had to skate to the grocery store because I didn’t have any gas money 
Which was also the same time I had to split payment for the dozen eggs lol $$

I can’t emphasize this enough that if you can go thru hell, you will make it to heaven $$$

BRB time to do some Monday manly mobility $

Just gotta change out of my chillin flannel hoodie combo to my work flannel hoodie $

I am ready to coach 
I have my Lakai hoodie, which was a gift 
I have my red stunner flannel, which was a gift. 
I have my Rick and Morty slides.
And an attitude of gold $

Sometimes it’s better to run your mouth than to run 
If struggling with something internally that is $$*

Most of the time it’s best to shut up and help somebody else $$$

Most people are stuck trying to be somebody they’re not, 
and they don’t even know it $$$

Not because they’re actually trying to, 
but because they just don’t know who they are 
and it’s been so long since they felt something true $$$

It is bittersweet Every time I catch myself looking forward to doing something regular and mundane 
Like cleaning or working out alone in a garage 
Because for basically my whole life those small things were the hardest $$

But I guess I’m just mad that I have to fight so hard sometimes 
Just reinforce to how important it is to take care of your body in mind $
 
Friendly reminder that a bad relationship will do more damage than just about anything else $$$

Powerlifting session this morning was super good 
Very lightweight, but it felt so easy 
And I hadn’t touched the barbell in like three weeks almost or something like that 
Was muscling it which is to be expected, but if you wipe my memory, I probably wouldn’t have realized it had been so long since I had a bb session $

It is 7:50 AM 
I have been awake since 2:30 AM 
I’ve been writing and chilling a little between sessions
Had a 90 minute and a 30 minute
Ive read two chapters
& I have more energy than I know what to do with 
Having a little toke break before I get back to the digital grind $

It’s 834 and we are baking to get hungry to actually bake food or something $

I can’t even scroll Instagram for more than three minutes without getting sick 
And no, it’s not “me” 
It is their algorithm suggesting all kinds of shit 
And God forbid you pause long enough just to see if you like it or not 
Cause then you’re gonna end up seeing like 10 more of that first thing $

I’ve been in inventorying with myself for like the past 30 minutes to try to figure out why 
If it’s just me being self-righteous (per usual)
Or if something somewhere is trying to signal me something $

The downside of feeling better is my ego ego comes back with a vengeance $$

I think my serotonin is more improved than my dopamine so far since last trip
Because my mood and well-being are fantastic
But my actual concentration is buzzing around like a bee 🐝 $

I don’t even wanna think about what dating apps are like these days $

If you’re not certain, if what you’re thinking is from your ego or from your spirit, then look at it from both ends
Start with the most loving possible answer you could imagine even if it seems delusional 
And then think of like the most bitch ass lame thing you can think of 
And something in the middle 
Count to 30 (and Take a 10 minute walk if you can)
And then read what you wrote or revisit what you thought $$

You can never pass the amateur phase if you train in jeans unironically $$$

If you don’t have a deadpan stare then I know you’re not concentrating $$$

It’s not always about how many steps forward 
It’s usually about limiting the steps backwards $$

Wisdom is worth money but
Money is not worth wisdom $$$

To limit being easily overwhelmed
And If all things are equal, 
then split up chores or adult tasks to maybe one per day instead of having a bunch on any given day $

Them ancients are calling my name 
It sounds like a primordial hum 
So I’m gonna take a couple hits and get back to it $

Calories so far 
Tuna and crackers - about 500
Six eggs - about 400
900/60 $

Gonna do a cool walk 🥶 
Brb $

Adding blueberry $cereal $

It is 4:12 PM. I have been kind of napping/meditating for about an hour. $

About 12 hours went into to work today and didn’t even realize it which is the goal $ 

God help the rich ugly highschoolers 
They’re gonna have a really difficult go of it in their 30s after they burn everything in their 20s $$$

“Bless your heart” is still the worst southern burn you could ever get $$$

It’s OK to be pissed off if you’re doing it for funzies $$

And if you know how to contain the dragon 🐉 $

I got so lucky that I’m not an ugly ginger
But I also have worked my ass all day and night my entire life to avoid that fate so I think I finally earned it 🫚 $

They straight up have a ginger emoji now 🫚 $

If anything, my notepad will be a documentary of the evolution of emojis 
And their impact on the culture $$$

Then I am so easily overwhelmed intellectually it’s ridiculous 
But in a “too many ideas at once” way $

If you never seen some southern white kids from the suburbs drink in the woods, then I feel bad for you, son $$$

My first time drinking me and a buddy had a water bottle full of Captain Morgan and another pint of vodka 
Or maybe it was the other way around 
but doesn’t matter cause we drunk them so fast at 10:30 AM on a Saturday in September 
On the day of our third friends 12th birthday, I believe $

We all had that friend who would instantaneously change personality types the second they start drinking 
Which is a major red flag of alcoholism by the way 
Even if they’re not drinking that much $$$

Addiction is shitty because it has this invisible line 
It goes from fun to fun with problems to just problems $$$

You go from a partier to a heavy drinker to a functioning alcoholic to a rock bottom alcoholic $$$

You can be dependent without being addicted, 
but it’s usually just a matter of time before you fall into the addictive category from that point $$$

The specific Substance can influence the risk of dependence tremendously $$

You can never be the same kind of dependent on weed as you are on alcohol $$$

You can still do a lot of self harm with weed don’t get me wrong $$$

But you have to be a special kind of stupid and you have to be dedicated to the harm 
So the issue isn’t the plant $$$

Alcohol has a way of hijacking your brains functioning 
And inducing a personality change almost always for the negative $$$

The only net positive way of drinking is truly just a couple drinks every week $$$

I mean, one or two a day isn’t gonna kill you, but it also kind of seems pointless $

Alcohol is probably the most dangerous thing that we have normalized as a culture 
Second is our prescription “medicine” $$$

If you drink only for fun, then that’s OK $$

If your only fun is drinking then I feel bad for you $$$

I’m watching a documentary about Some Murdoch murders in South Carolina somewhere $

Probably should’ve said that before I started talking shit about the southern folks $

But don’t get at me 
I’m born & bred Southern $

North Carolina is the smartest and classiest southern state $$$

And you know it’s true 
Don’t even try to argue that shit 
you can feel the truth $$$

The mountains and the beaches that we got - are top of the line $$

And if we’re counting past lives, then I’m certain that my last couple were between Florida and Alabama and Louisiana $

You gotta take the bad with the good $$

Don’t ever justify domestic violence 
Under any circumstances $$$

I truly can’t believe that there are a large amount of men who have used their strength against their closest women $

On the other hand, I can kinda understand because when I was at my darkest at 17 and was fighting with my mom…
Let’s just say the drywall took a fist-missile $

But I know what it’s like to be so emotionally overwhelmed it becomes difficult to physically control self $$

It is 5:06 PM and I am in recovery and recuperate mode
I’m really excited that I might actually get into a balanced caloric surplus for the first time in like two years $

Listen until life kicks me back in the nuts, and I fall back into a deficit $
(Back in deficit as of 12-20 editing lol)

I got a pretty nice Kratom buzz kicking in
And it’s just kinda crazy how much that helps my motivation $$

My spirit screams every time as I scroll past a World War II documentary $$

*Me to the remote with my minds eye
“Do a scoot”$

No scoot 😞 
… yet $

We’re starting “the buy now conspiracy “ documentary 
This oughta be good $

I’m not ashamed to say that I do believe deep down. I’m the greatest salesman of all time. 
So I’m excited to see if they’ve got some secrets to tell $$$

At the end of the day
And I mean at the very very end of all the possible days
Science comes before art $$

Alex is doing that thing where he stands on my armrest and stares me right in the face like just dead pan no blinking for minutes on end it’s Hella creepy $

I just love this little fucker so much 🐈‍⬛ $$$

AnyWho, so far they’re just talking about how they paired sneakers with pop culture to sell more which is obviously obvious $$

We have successfully ingested more tuna and crackers $

I’m kind of split between what brand is the best
I’m getting the olive oil kind obviously
But the starkist solid white albacore is pretty good, 
but so is the yellow fin Genova
But the super cheap saltine crackers from Food Lion are like the best crackers I’ve ever had and they’re like two dollars a box just pretty crazy $

Yep, I’m gonna wash it down with a PB&J for dessert $

The best part about high fiber bread is that it keeps the train moving if you know what I’m saying $$

I’m admitting right now that I’m using way too much strawberry jelly and that is probably going to leak out everywhere but that’s OK. 
We’ll figure it out in like 30 seconds and when you’re reading this $

Just thinking that I’m a good dude but I’m probably just so dumb in ways I don’t know yet $

I was right that sandwich is leaking everywhere $

I guess it makes two things in common with your girlfriend $$

Lol JK I’m basically born in virgin at this point $

Realizing that I think I drew the preacher card when incarnating $$

Anyhow, that sandwich was so fucking good $

Like you know who … $

Sorry, 
I’m kidding again. 
I guess I’m just upset that I’ve got sticky all over my fingers … $

Sorry 
I’ll be 🆒 
*burps $

In about 13 years when the CIA finally releases consciousness replay technology, then you guys can get the footage of my life right now, 
which is me looking lost in my kitchen per usual $$

I’m hoping I can get sleepy sleepy soon 
Which I mean, I should considering I’m running on four hours of sleep in north of 36 hours 
I wouldn’t even know it if I didn’t think about it $

Which is a really good feeling and reminds me of a couple years ago before I torpedoed my life with the relationship and all $

But I would get away with three or four hours of sleepover 2 days easy $

Gonna check my body weight at the end of the day with Hella clothes on and more water than a water buffalo 
Just for shits and gigs $

172.8 
Which means my true weight is probably around 166 Ish 
Cause I’m literally wearing like so much $

But that’s actually really good because I’m looking saucy as fuck with a pump $$

And I’ve literally just been doing cables and leg machines lol $

And minimum reintroduction of some basic barbell power stuff 
But I’m doing that as a full body maintenance movement thing 
So really like once every 10 days or so if that $

Easy Peezy $

Also, this is one of the least engaging documentaries I’ve ever seen 
Which is why I fucked off to go eat the tuna and sandwich $

So we’re bailing on that too $

Let’s see if we can find a good old prison documentary to really soothe the soul $

Again, another big concerning part lol $

So now we’re gonna try “the puppet master“ $

Just thinking about how the one thing I’m good at is doing time lol $$

Let the record state that this documentary starting off in February 2020 
Before she really popped off $

I can’t believe i have a man bun 
And I like it more than I’ve liked most hairstyles I’ve had 
Just keeping it real 
and probably keeping it $

Yeah, I’m probably not even gonna make it five minutes into this show and it’s only 6:09 PM $

Happy 9:29 PM 
I am up after a little cat nap 
I mean napping with the cat $

Hate it when the fugitive on the fugitive TV show runs away from Florida to North Carolina $$

How do you drive for 13 hours and not get caught? 
Well, I guess that’s not that hard $

My greatest fear is that I was some kind of 31 & 3/4 year-old preacher who turned prisoner somewhere along the last lifetime line $

Meow $

Alex is acting a bit foolish 
Which is overall a good thing $

Time to do a little intellectual fishing before I go back to sleep $

If you’re living in hell, just know that heaven is waiting 
You just might have to wait a while lol $$

Hell is just constantly increasing anticipation with zero means of satisfaction $$$

“The freight train riders of America “ $

I don’t understand why cats have to bap everything off counter though 
I don’t understand how that was some kind of adaptation along the way 
It’s like they can’t help it 
It’s true evil it’s just not that big a deal $

But they’ll look you dead in the eyes 
Knowing damn well what they’re doing 
and then do it to send a spiritual message $

I got a feeling the next 24 hours are gonna be magical $

I mean 9 – 12–25 
(if you write the date European style) $

It’s not hard to believe in super advanced reptilian people running the world when you walk into a fast food shop and you see blob monsters running the pizzas 🍕 $$$

I would argue that no order
 is better than 
the wrong kind of order $$

Because it’s so much easier to teach something than it is to unlearn something $$

God help you when it comes time to learn your own value 
Because there’s only one way to do that 
And it’s the hard way $$

Ironically, I did the real estate retiree phase, before I did the struggling suburban artist phase $$

Makes me think about the fool card in the tarot deck, 
and how he faces the other direction than all the other cards
And I’ve never related more towards any card in my life $

You can never kill 
you can only convert $$

I really never thought I was gonna be like that kind of super spiritual religious type 
I would think that as I’d be on the way to my third a meeting of the day or my third training session or between calls between sponsees and shit $

Finishing up more eggs and berry $cereal now 
So I think I’m at a total of 160 g of protein in somewhere around 2500 cal I think 
Maybe just shy of 3000 $

We probably won’t be going to midnight movie cause it’s 11:06 PM. I’m about to go back to bed this time for real.
And more likely hibernate like a bear because of the belly full of blueberries $

Remembering one time in fourth grade when I got punched in the nose by this massive girl, 
While playing soccer during recess 
My shit was bloody as hell dude
I’m pretty sure I cried a little bit 
But that’s the worst part about nose injuries is that you’re gonna tear up no matter what $

I didn’t need to get revenge because she had already been held back a couple times & was a few years older so I realized this is a battle I was not gonna win physically. $

Remembering the dare program 
What a joke 
Y’all know, they literally made kids do more drugs $$

Like they ran some studies and shit and they determined that the program did much more harm than good $$

I mean that’s how the story goes right
 like they probably did shit on purpose so we can learn a lesson early 
Or they wanted everybody to rebel and do fentanyl when they got done with college $

Happy 11:11 PM right? $

The berry $cereal is highly addicting 
I advise caution $

It’s actually really easy to write this many lines 
Because it’s a lot like how I used to text except I don’t have to worry about waiting on somebody else else’s reply
I just handle all the crazy shit that’s running through my brain 🧠 $

Like beep bop, beep beep bop 
That kind of shit is just nonstop $

And weird kind of sound effects $

Remembering the cringe of how I used to make fun of people when I was in the elementary school 
Then quickly realized how much of a fucking shit bird I was being and grew up quick $

My number has always been seven just for the record 
67 if you wanna be precise 
Just keep my birth certificate if you don’t believe me $

I love eating a bunch of meat and fruit like a suburban bear 
Although I am much more of a sneaky snake $

I think I used to be a copperhead snake, but now I’m a king snake $$

Even the first day I went to go film in the garage a copperhead showed up and was hanging out amongst the weights 
And I have footage $

I’m telling you cannabis and crime shows just don’t get old $$

Should I do popcorn? 🍿 $

I should do popcorn 
Before more bong rips he he $

Gonna have a loaded one waiting on me when I get back though $

Pro tip to always break up the bag before you microwave it 💼 $$

Just saw an article headline about some kids in California making a human swastika and people losing their shit over it $

Everybody does evil shit 
By anyone who likes doing evil shit is evil $$$

You can joke all you want, but I know who my prayers are addressed to 
(angels, aliens, & ancients) $

People seriously think that just because you call Jesus by the wrong name that you’re gonna go to hell $$

Sometimes popcorn forces you to eat it and you’re not sure why $$

I know I hit the muscles Good when I’m getting extra thirsty at the end of the day, they’re getting all spongy. $$

It really is pretty wild watching my mood and well-being improve steadily in real time 
It’s like I can feel my brain healing itself 
And my ego doing its proper job of interpreting some crazy shit the right way $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-8-25

Happy 3:58 AM world 
Clocking in a little later than usual $

Sometimes accepting credit for the work you did is harder than doing the work $$$

Many of us would rather just keep digging, than move onto another hole 🕳️ $$

Never let a dude gaslight you about God 
Including me $$$

The best thing you can do is get a motherfucker to start asking the big questions $$$

Because the ancients know once you think about it 
And they know how many times you thought about it $$$

It’s better to have someone who’s taken more tests with a C average 
Than someone who’s only gotten an A on a few $$

I like how you can fumble some words together on some sentences $

I used to think monks and all them old time boys were dumb for using herbs 
Or more like the herbs would be pretty weak 
But Boy oh boy oh boy was I wrong on that one lol $$

Grateful that all my hard work has allowed me the opportunity to work hard without having to work too hard 
If you know what I mean $$

It is pretty funny, though how quickly and how easily you can begin to doubt yourself 
Even in areas in which you are the strongest $$

Sometimes the need to get things right does more damage than letting them be a little wrong $$

If you get good at math, then you can figure out how the pyramids were built 
Just saying $$

But I’m warning you 
Once you start on that journey and you start asking those questions, 
then shit is about to get pretty weird
And you’re gonna get a new functional understanding of why holidays are when they are $$

I’ve always wanted to smoke and talk spiritual shit 
I just couldn’t smoke that weed stuff for a while if you know what I mean 
So we would just chain smoke cigarettes, outside of churches $

Remembering how me and Caleb got to be best friends 
We were both fresh in intensive outpatient rehab 
Our rehab was in uptown Charlotte 
I lived in suburbia on the east (20 min away
He was in suburbia in the far northeast (50 min away)
because I had a month more experience and I got a car early, I had to drive him and all of the boys to and from meetings $

Pausing for a moment for the nostalgia hit because that shit’s coming on strong 
hang on please $

AnyWho 
Every Friday & Saturday I’d spend at least three hours in the car every night driving dudes home
After a couple weeks, I would make sure to take Caleb home last because he was the most enjoyable to talk to $

Or more like he would just let me ramble without being extra weird $

And when I would drop him off, we were chain-smoke under the stars for hours $

It was funny because he was a much heavier smoker than me 
But once I started smoking and talking, I could out smoke anyone back to back it seemed 
I just wouldn’t smoke at all during the day pretty much leading up to my main event $

But I digress 
That went on for about three years 
Our friendship that is 
until work took us apart for a couple years 
And then his unfortunate passing in late 2019 $

Which would’ve just passed the last couple weeks ago I guess.. $

If I’m being honest, those memories are the ones that hurt 
& I don’t have any tricks and tips on how to handle that shit other than to face it and to not be afraid $

What a moment
Got the notepad in one hand
Got a bong in the other
A few lame ass tears 
And enough nostalgia to film a series $

Ironically, I am afraid that today is going to be a heavy day
And I ain’t talking about lifting $

It’s important to remember that everybody is ugly when they cry $$

Only real adepts can laugh simultaneously tho $$

Looks like we’ve crossed back into the chemical emo surplus 🖤 $

Which is bittersweet cuz when the actual depression sets in, you just don’t feel shit $$

Other than a crushing confusion as to why and where the madness comes from $$

The undeniably new reality -of the reality of those dilworth days -
hits very different after that last trip $

Like its not the physical feelings per say
But It’s the new knowingness that those moments were definitely recorded and preserved in the great halls of consciousness $

I’m just so tired of seeing friends die
Or basically beg for it cuz of their decisions $$$

Think I need some pancakes or some shit lol $

Or maybe I should do is recovery PB&J

I think I’m just gonna stick to the PBJ lol
We got a new loaf
Always cool to have a fresh loaf around just in case you need a pick me up $$

Nearly had a panic attack cause I thought I was out of jelly $

I don’t know why I’m thinking about the fucking real estate exam. 
That shit was so hard.
Real estate in general is actually super freaking hard $$

Which is why it is very cushy if you can do it $$

But like 33% of people pass the exam the first time
10% make it through there for a few years as an agent
Maybe 10% of them make it to five years $$

Less than one percent of human agents will sell more than 50 homes $$

And if you don’t think the homebuying process is a big deal then you never bought a house $$$

AnyWho, you don’t understand energy until you start understanding spiritual shit $$

You shouldn’t play with fire
Unless you know what you’re doing 🔥 $$

Bitch, I’ve been playing with fire since I was like nine years old
That was probably around the time I burned down my first field $

The first time I was arrested was when I was 13 for arson in November
It involved me & two friends, 
a pile of newspapers, 
a Dollar General, 
and a cold Saturday morning
I still got the trauma pathways to prove it
Just ask the ancients $

I did my first court ordered fire safety class while I was in middle school
That’s it - that’s the joke $$

Ive taken every adult court ordered drug class that meck county offers
As a minor $$

I dropped out of high school and completed it before my classmates
While in rehab $$

I worked as a lifeguard in the summer of the south
As a ginger 🫚 $$

My whole life people have looked at me like they were looking at some kind of dangerous piece of art
So it’s time I start acting like it $$$

I feel like the god’s much prefer to handle shit on the fly
Than to plan out every single detail as if nobody actually has a real choice $$

I feel as though they would prefer to serve, but would need the right perspective and opportunity to utilize $$

If you wanna understand the nature of the Gods, then just watch children play
But and a healthy respectful, non-pervy way $$

Happy depression is called creativity
Stress depression is called ADHD
Sad depression is called depression $$$

Depression really has more to do with ability to concentrate then it does circumstantial well-being $$

If you got high serotonin but low dopamine, you’re gonna have a lot of really weird ideas $$$

This is one of the first times in like a year to where I have felt genuine excitement to go to the gym first thing
I mean, like feeling wise
I always “don’t mind it“ or “know I need to“ but because training has been my escape for so long most of the training I do was really just fucking around to kill time
Which leads to over training in its own special way $

So now that I am fresh and at the beginning of a nice building cycle
And I’m fully fed
And I’m no longer being nagged at least at the moment
And the Shroom is doing its job on helping me reset $

So I’m overall pretty excited, but I’m bound to be pretty emotional $

It’s pretty crazy like I can feel almost my tolerance, decreasing in real time as well $

Now to be clear, the majority of my rapid rebound is due to the fact that I have so many deep historical pathways that as long as I have the sert/dope, it’s really easy to be productive $

My brain is just Hella stingy with production during times of drama 🎭 $

Random but the last couple batches of mushrooms that I bought
Just reinforce how potent the ones I grew were
I mean when I grew them, I obviously didn’t have much experience to go on or to compare to
But now that I’ve done my fair share
I think the ones that I grew, we’re almost twice as strong as the average ones I’ve bought 
And I’m not really taking much credit cause I grew them strong on accident $

The first batch was so pathetic 
I think I got maybe like three or 4 g total $

But it didn’t take too terribly long before I got good at it, and I grew some beefers $

I got the pics and trippy stickers to prove it
And a new consciousness, obviously $

Bro, even my hamstrings are starting to bulge again
This is exciting because now that I don’t have to wear jeans anymore 
so if I did want to get this quad back to full strength, then I could
Oh, I could $

It is 8:30 AM and I have risen
I have made my pre-workout good morning drink
I have my skittles Snuggie cape
And comedic itch that needs to be scratched $

It is cold as a bitch, and my heat wants to be a little funky $

For the record 
My mental health is drastically improved again today 
Even the small stuff like cold and waking up are back to being very mild signals 
But for the past year, all I’ve done is wake up to absolute dread and an existential crisis $

I’m not even fully awake and I haven’t even slipped my pre-workout yet and I’m already close to the cognitive place where I’ve been maintaining it $

The eyes can only see what the mind can comprehend $$$

My spirit doesn’t know Jack shit about ADHD 
Which is why it needs my ego $$

You get more done if you just look at it like there’s a higher self and a lower self 
And the lower self is the grunt 
And the higher self is the critic $$

It really just boils down to this
If freedom is real then we are in a spiritual war $$$

If freedom is not then it doesn’t matter anyway $$$

Only amateurs bug out over the number 666 $$$

Athletes love competing against Satan $$$

Artist love plotting on their competition with Satan $$$

Adepts love pretending to be Satan $$$

When they say “you wouldn’t understand” that’s usually a polite way of saying “you haven’t done the groundwork yet“ $$$

Because anyone who’s done the work instantly understands
Regardless of what $$

The truth burger comes in all shapes and sizes and with any seasonings and toppings that you like 
But will only taste as good as youve prepared it $$

Don’t mind me 
 just working on jailbreaking my brain over here 👈🏻 
*.lighter flic $$

In the realm of the paranormal and supernatural it’s best to assume that the majority of cases are complete bullshit $$$

But there will always be a few genuine and authentic ones worthy of investigation 
And it only takes one to destroy the current public paradigm 🫆 $$$

Update wall
FAQs 
Post & share
-stop / regroup $

I still do not want to do this fucking wake up walk though and I’ve been up for a half hour talking about how good I feel 
I don’t know what it is with going outside that I love it to hate so much. I think the truth is probably that this is a classic case of the comfys where I don’t want to change my state. 
Even though my fear of the change is worse than change itself 
Anyhow, here we go into the 30° sunshine $

Well, looks like a package got delivered to my doorstep and I’m already clocking in a good deal of the day by moving this to my neighbor $

I’ve been outside for 30 seconds and I’m no longer really bothered by the cold
And I’ve already had a nice little good morning small joke with another neighbor and her wiener dog so that was a nice little cute moment 
To be fair, it is cold enough to where my hands are starting to hurt just by being outside my pockets $

And well, another neighbor tried to hit me with their car so looks like the law of balances is working pretty quickly today $

God is just the best possible thought on any topic you could ever think $$$

God is just the highest and best use of energy $$$

God is just the highest level of consideration possible $$$

I am officially splitting my days into muscle and movement days 
Not exactly sure why just kind of seems like the universes direction $

I’ve walked a mile in the cold
And did some mobility 
Gonna do some dance/ fight/ react train
Prob fight as I was dancing all weekend haha $

I can’t get over this snuggies skittles cape
Y’all know I’ve been saying this shit
And I completely forgotten that my ex and I bought snuggies the weekend before she moved out
So this is a break up snuggle
And my mystery cape $

If you think things are weird now 
Just wait until you start having your prayers answered $$

I have seen the hopeless of the hopeless become grateful for the thing that took their hope away originally more times than I can count $$$

I have seen some of the shittiest people do some of the kindest acts of service $$$

I have seen some of the kindest people react in the most sinister ways $$$

I have witnessed the greatest of intelligences become Weaponized against themselves $$$

Happy 1:23 PM 
We are very productive today, writing and reading wise 
It is a movement movement day, therefore, as a mind focus day 
So I’ll probably do some light cardio in the mid evening 
Or going a long walk actually cause it’s finally sunny 
Yep, long walk. It is cause it just feels right. $

I said it’s better to live in imagination land than it is to live in the continental United States 
you know what I mean $$

Gonna eat a big ass thing of ground beef and then go on that long walk I was just talking about $

Can someone explain to me why stale popcorn is so good 
My ex was right about that shit $

I usually do the 8020 or 7327% beef
And I like the ground beef because you can eat so much so fast and you don’t have to worry about eating for the rest of the day $

All I need is just a big thing of ketchup and some salt and pepper and I can house some beef $

Friendly reminder that if you always have to be listening to something like music or podcast, then you may have a low dopamine $$

Growing up, the most stressful thing I could hear would be that I need to clean up the kitchen 
And I know that sounds sad pathetic 
And that’s exactly my point about what depression does to you $$$

And depression will disguise it and it’ll make it just look like some basic teenage shit but when you’re seriously having a mental panic attack because you have chores to do, it makes it pretty hard to focus on learning in school and all that $$

And then realizing how pathetic what it is you’re stressing over, just makes it worse $

And that’s honestly the ultimate depression DP 
When it makes you feel bad for something dumb and then makes you feel bad for feeling bad $$

And then isolate you because most people are actually going through the same thing, but they’re so bad they don’t even know 
They’re too busy blaming you for all of their problems in the back of their head $$

You find out what people are made of when you squeeze them 
most people spew shit
Some, gold $$$

Earth is just vice management school $$$

May need me a little nappy nap now after all that beef $

Remembering the time that one of my neighborhood “running” buddies broke into the corner store down the street 
For a couple thousand dollars and a ton of cigarettes 
And he became a brief neighborhood legend because he had to do six months in jail for it $

I met the dude randomly while walking down the street with another friend 
30 minutes after meeting, we end up smoking some Js in the woods $

And I knew he was off from the jump $

But when you’re 15 and you don’t know Jack shit yet especially nothing from the previous lifetime 
You got a recapture that loss knowledge the hard way you know what I mean $

I was about to meditate (nap), but I found myself getting so excited to read that I just don’t want to 
What has happened to me? $

Like if you could read my inventories over the past four years, even the toughest critic will believe in magic $$

How can you take a fuck-boy and make him a fuck-man ?
Without too much Fuckery?
Asking for a friend $

It is 4:03 PM and we are doing some berry $cereal after a little nappy nap $

There’s one thing I’ve learned from the ancients 
it’s that the profane do not like the truth 
Even if they say they do $$

And God forbid you find yourself in a position to where somebody on the lower consciousness scale has leverage over you
Except that’s most of us $

It’s about egg 30 or 7:42 PM 
Same thing $

I can’t wait for the day to where I can make dinner without being poisoned by something innocent like a pan or a wrapper $$$

But guess not today
I am feeling pretty stressed. I will not lie. DoorDash does not seem to be working. 
I’m ready to jump back in full speed with the training anyway. $

So I imagine anyone reading this will probably be after the fact of seeing some new marketing posts $

So for anyone’s curiosity, I have taken the last about nine months off of coaching to get my mental health $

 order due to several factors that ironically we have nothing to do with exercise 
and while my physical health did suffer over the past year, 
I was well overdue for a long training break anyway 
as it was the first time in 13 years I did not train daily multiple times per day $

so now that my mental health is back as anyone will clearly see 
I am finally able to coach and get back what has helped me and saved my life so many times $

And also, I’m broke as fuck and I need some real money now
But I couldn’t coach until I figured out the training and separated it from the money bullshit $

So AnyWho, if you’re considering myself as a coach or one of my coaches, 
then I hope you’ll believe me when I say that we do what we do out of love and not for money
Except you know we gotta eat lol $

Potential script for first video back
Sup world it is your boy
I forgot what I was gonna say already, which is why I’m making this draft
Burp $

It is 8:55 PM and I am making a cool down PB&J after blazing some notes & posting on some walls 
It is kind of funny that I ended up going with 
 the prison writing on the wall theme because of the digital walls I’ve been writing on my entire life $

Like I remember, ninth grade when Facebook was still brand new before it was on cell phones having to sneak into the family computer with my friends or a stupid status or two 
So I figured it was pretty genuine theme 
Also cause I feel like a fucking prisoner half the time lol $

Can’t wait for someone in like 30 years to be reading this $

After the interdimensional alien revolution $$

If the seed oils take me out, then it was worth it $$$

Cause I made it pretty far with them $

That’s one of the best PB&J I’ve ever had 
Not sure why 
I mean, the ingredients are top-notch, but maybe because it’s not leaking jelly 
I will design the ultimate PB&J that does not Leak but can handle extra jelly $

Mark my words 
Oh wait I just did lol 
Nice $

Just remembered legs tomorrow and got really excited $

Karma is not a bitch. It is a mirror. $$$

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-9-25

Eating saltines with a dry mouth is a special punishment $$$

One of the worst ideas ever had $

Happy 3:04 AM $

Good morning world $

We are up and we are less anxious than we have been 
So that is already a win $

Time to throw on some Vikings and make them observations $

It’s always sad when a king turns on his own people 
Just out of sheer fear of future inconvenience $

Farming must’ve been such a bitch to learn $

Bro, it’s not like I can remember children being born 
But it’s this weird feeling of 
“been there done that”
A lot $

I really hate the fact that 
I was most likely kind of shitty in the past life in the small, fine personal ways 
Because of how sensitive I am to those in this life 
And because of the nature of karmic teaching $

Everybody has that one friend who’s always hyping up the violent extreme option $$

Like floki and his boats $

I hate people who overreact every time shit goes south $$$

Like bro, that’s the whole point 
Shit was always gonna get fucked 
Just like your bitch ass attitude and life‘s dirty dick $

Sorry, that was a little aggressive $

I’m watching a scene where Ragnar finds out about the English king killing his people in the distant lands 
And we got floki freaking out for no real reason other than his imaginary friends are upset $

I feel like the gods would care more about what you do for them and less about what you say about them $$

Kind of funny how I didn’t really believe in a burning bush experience
Meanwhile, I’m over here burning up bushes daily
If you know what I’m saying $

Few things worse than a mindless monk $$$

Jesus,
now their dragging Judith through the streets to be publicly shamed
For a thotting around the castle 🏰 $

They straight up tied her to a post and cut off her ear before she snitched on who the father is $

Love how the king starts getting all excited once he finds out that his homeboy is the father of his son son-in-law‘s cheating wife $

You gotta love old time in England $

I can speak from first hand experience that the crazy ass religious experiences are real $$

But most of the time their subconscious and sneaky $$

I think the ancients appreciate more a healthy understanding of just how fucked up people are 
Then an overly ambitious bitch boy trying to impress everybody with his slave-atude $$

There is no other explanation for the tests and trials of the strange high strangeness 
And it’s diversity and apparent all inclusivity $

Athelston was like you know what,
There’s gotta B an OG G O D
Over the squad of Demi Gs &

Shit makes more sense if you view GOD as an institution rather than an individual $$

Imagine being a super lame preacher 
Devoting all your time and energy to studying the big book 
Instead of hitting the streets 
Shredding and serving all the like $

Who would you want as your God‘s messenger? 
A super lame virgin who has no functional understanding of the complexities of a fucked up relationship/sex life? $

In his pursuit to get in my lap, Alex accidentally turned my TV off 
Which is the cutest little asshole move one could ever have done $

“It’s OK buddy you can turn off whatever you want 
I love you so much” $

Also important to know that my level of interest and engagement is far improved if you can’t tell $

Because we’re halfway through an episode and I’m still here $

Man, it feels good to feel good again $

Bro, you know everyone’s family is descended from Odin right $

Never forget how seriously people took rings and trinkets back in the day 
I mean, literally how they would take them from everybody and everything $

And now we got a zepbound commercial 
Which is another stupid GLP -1 $

People
 please stop trying new weight loss drugs 
Try spiritual psychedelic drugs instead $$$

Because worst case scenario, you’ll figure out how much of a shit bird you’re really being 
Instead of becoming dependent on a pharmaceutical medication for the rest of your life $$$

But I’m not gonna lie to you 
If you’ve been fucking around 
Then just get ready to address it $$$

But if you would rather just shoot something in your thigh, every couple days or so 
And be proud of that 
Then “to each his own” $$$

I say that so much that I had it tattood on my arm before I even started this fucking journey 12 years ago $

Motherfuckers can’t even see the symbolism on their own arms $$

I am a motherfucker
lol $

Smart kitty $

However, I am the chess master of this house
By keeping the house cold as fuck and by being Already super clingy
Alex is like nonstop, cuddle mode, mostly due to my warmth 
Physical and spiritual that is $

If you don’t believe me that I can sell anything to anyone just because of my ability to bullshit then just wait 
I’m coming for your money 
But in like the most respectful reasonable way possible $

And only if you actually see the value in supporting yourself with my guides and challenges $

Yeah, I really do need to get back into woodworking $

Apparently I was building airplanes and boats in the past life $

Which I never considered until recently 
When I uncovered a bunch of shit that is $

But when I started this whole journey 
I was like “I need to build an intellectual airplane” 
And I had no idea why I would think it like that or where that thought would come from $

This was while I’m wandering around at nags head kill Devil Hills (site of the first flight)
And first settlers Beach in Virginia $

I was all like “just feels like the universe is trying to tell me something” $

And I had that feeling super strong while running around the castle in Portugal $

Bro, what if what my grandpa used to say is true and somewhere along the line, if I wasn’t king of England I was in a very close family tree
And the ancients obviously know all of this 
And they’re just watching me wander around this castle with this family
Like “just wait till he figures it out“ $

If you find yourself in a situation in which you were the only one willing to do the right thing 
Then just remember that that’s a test 
And it gets much easier to do the right thing $$

Damn, this is a sad scene where Ragnar has to bury his closest friend who was killed by his other previously closest friend $

But Applestone did die like a gangster $$$

Whatever y’all know who I’m talking about I’m not gonna keep trying to pronounce his name, right $

Applestone is funnier anyway $$

See this is exactly how nicknames get started cause now I’m gonna keep with that shit $

But I may don it myself $

Goddamn, I relate on such a deep level, burying friends man 
I’ve lost a lot of friends in this life, but it’s been even more tragic This go around because they naturally drifted away before they drifted into their graves by their own doing
But it’s hitting different from like a past life perspective
Because if I was who I think I was
Then I would’ve lost a lot of buddies during World War II $

The days in which you must do what you don’t want to do are the most important for the future days to be able to do what you do want to do $$

Even if you have to eat the rat, you should still be kind to it $$

Even if the rat is cute, you still have to eat it if you’re a snake that is $$

Eating cute animals does not make other animals evil $$

Therefore, defeating intellectual animals does not make other intellectual animals evil $$

Emotionally uncomfortable truth is that everything exists within a hierarchy $$$

And only those at the bottom, who have never moved, dislike the idea of a hierarchy $$$

Think I need to do some berry $cereal before legs in a little bit $

Happy 4:20 AM $

Friendly reminder that the most important thing you can do is pay close attention and trust $$$

Friendly reminder that the hardest thing to do is to pay close attention and trust $$$

I hate when I go through dishes at a disproportionate rate 
Because then I have to do weird shit like eat berries out of a glass container $

Saying I just watched movies throughout Covid 
Was not nearly as cool as saying 
I survived a global pandemic by using art to say sane $$

Best to leave profane education to the professionals $$$

If you eat cold berries when you’re already cold, then you’re just gonna get a little colder
But not as cold as if you eat cold berries when you’re warm cuz of the contrast $$

It won’t take me long before I’ve written more than anyone else ever has at the rate that I’m going
Que evil laugh 😈 $

Take that every single English teacher I’ve ever had
And Spanish teachers
And court ordered drug class
And therapist from rehab
And assholes from the gym
And assholes from the streets $

And all the assholes who called the cops on me when I was hustling just trying to make some money to feed my intellectual “daughter” $

Alex stop with the cabinets 
Alex with the cabinets 
Alex, what are you doing silly? $

You know what they say 
When the cats got his mind made up then the mind is made $

I just love watching this little motherfucker bebop around $

Arranging marriages was just a fucked up way ugly, lazy, old fat dudes used to get away with staying that way $$

Every week I retain more water than a manatee 
Around my midsection 
And I’m around 8% Ish body fat 
Maybe less 
And I can easily look closer to 20 with the wrong lighting
So it just goes to show water is the primary aesthetic nemesis $

And you don’t know hell until you started depleting your water for looks $$$

Ain’t nothing worse than being dehydrated and dumped and dunked on all in the same week $$$

If you have not stretched recently, then I guarantee you that you are tighter than you need to be 
Then you could be $$

And you don’t know relaxation if your muscles are tight 
I don’t care how good you are meditating, you’re still neglecting an entire side of the triangle $$

Soap box time 
It blew me away how many people would go to the craziest meetings on planet earth but would not go to the fucking gym to support their recovery $$$

I mean, these people will literally get in front of A podium in front of the entire anonymous world and talk about how great their program is
Knowing damn well, they fight every time they can to take the easy route $

And then when they walk away, 
they’ll pull out their phone to start speed swiping on Tinder $

Like don’t get me wrong I had all three dating apps on my phone while I was behind the podium too
But at least I also had a pump $

Just ask the shawtys on the dating app if you don’t believe me $

Kidding, not kidding 
That’s it’s own website, let alone segment $

I know I was a woman in the past life because I remember what it’s like to be pregnant Every time I retain too much water 🫃 $

Isn’t that crazy that they had to make a pregnant man emoji🫃 $

Like if you were a part of that movement, may the ancients have mercy on your soul$$$

Imagine being so brainwashed that you literally support and promote your own kids self castration
And being so far gone that you can’t even admit your part in it $$$

Just wait until your ego is dissolved and you have to watch that and feel what it feels like to be a participant of the greatest atrocity The human race has probably ever known. $

I know that there are areas in which I am hypocritical 
That is why I am up at 4:44 AM writing about it 
Because that’s the only way to get to the bottom of shit $

And you get to the top of the pyramid by getting to the bottom of the ocean if you know what I’m saying $$$

It’s pretty crazy how many people never bother to learn how to swim $$

But what’s worse is how many people never bother to read,
Books that is 
I’m not talking about reading too much Situations
Because everybody’s good at that $

Even at my worst ADHD, I would still drag my ass to the library, 30 minutes away in South Park 
(most popular and pretentious part of town)
Only to read out some random book for like 32 minutes 
Before the existential dread and social anxiety would eliminate any remaining dopamine I would have left 
And then I would go wander around a park all lonely like 
Before I’d wander into a random meeting somewhere $

I could probably still recite most of the literature for memory $

Alcoholics anonymous is a fellowship of men women who share their experience strength and help with each other than they solve a common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fee for membership we are self supporting through their own contributions. AA is not allied with any sec denomination, politics, organization, or institution does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes, our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other other alcoholics achieve sobriety 
4:47 AM $

Beat that shit bitch 
I said that in less than 30 seconds 
The ancients were witness 
I said it so fast that voice to text couldn’t even keep up
The only AA meeting I went in 4 1/2 years was a speaker meeting on my 30th birthday last year $

Which was the first time I’ve been to a meeting in four years
And the speaker was the head chairman of the Dilworth center
Which was the intensive outpatient rehab I went to back in 2012. $

If you wanna know why am up the crazy ass hours of the night
It’s because that’s when it’s the best intellectual fishing
Them thoughts be swimming fast boy
You just need the right bait
Or weed $

You’ll never fully be alive until you have a chance to go all in on something $$$

You’ll never truly be free until you’ve had a chance to recover from failing from going all in on something $$$

Because it’s not the success that’s important 
It’s the removal of the fear of failure $$$

Psychologist love talking about repressed memories, and instinctual drives and shit like that 
But hate bringing up where those memories or instincts may actually be stored $

Most modern health science is the equivalent of dissecting a smart phone looking for the Facebook app $$$

Some motherfuckers will go to any links possible Avoid death, excluding of course, admitting anything to do with the whole GOD shit $$$

Some motherfuckers are so caught up in the definition of God that they miss the actions of unity $$$

If you’re more concerned about the correct name of the correct God, then you’re essentially just playing spiritual Pokémon $$$

Which I’m all for 
Cause I got a Charizard bitch 🔥 $$$

Everyone knows Charizard is it still the greatest $$$

Speaking of which 
Pokémon is so dope
Except that it’s been hijacked to skirt the line of demon worship $$

Speaking of which I remember now that I had a pretty respectable Pokémon collection growing up
Same with Yu-Gi-Oh! $

Damn voice to text is familiar with Yu-Gi-Oh! lol $

When you find what God has in store for you 
It is the internal equivalent of the most comfortable pair of jeans you’ve ever had 
Or flannel $$

And You’ll never wanna wear another outfit again $$

The older I get the more I understand the whole preacher business 
And how God likes to call people without using phones $

Is so delightful 
It is 4:59 AM 
I have logged quite a few intellectual miles
I have a nice little buzz going if you can’t tell 
Talking about recovery and AA and hypocrisy and shit $

I know I’m just asking to be crucified, right?
Too bad they already did that shit
Now I’ve got the adaptations from the nail holes 
and improved mobility from the stretch of hanging there all summer long 🕳️ $

I am hungry, but I’m not $

I may be extra lean now but for most of my adult life, I was at least 10 to 15% no matter what I tried
I was always popping ibuprofen and Tums cause I was eating out for every meal and didn’t understand hydration outside of the gym 
And because I was in the constant bulk and cut cycle without actually really understanding my fueling, my body was going to keep some extra fuel $

But after dipping into deep enough deficits , eventually, my body became comfortable with maintaining at extra low levels
Because even at 5% body fat, you still have an easy few thousand calories 
It’s just your body doesn’t wanna spend that if it doesn’t know how $

I’m not saying everybody has to become a health Nazi 
But to naïvely pretend that it’s not worth it at least a few hours every single day 
Is probably the most egregious mistake you can make from an opportunity cost perspective $$$

Because training to maintain is so simple and does not require much at all $$$

It really is inexcusable to not be focused daily on something to build on
Cause you may only need 30 seconds or three minutes $$$

Sitting on your hands is not a very good dietary discipline 
And it’s not comfortable $$$

Yapping about seed oils is also not a very good dietary discipline 
Cuz it just makes you look like an uptight bitch $$

Biohacking is not buying the latest and greatest shit 
Bio hacking is tactful, intentional management of your internal and external environment to align with natural patterns $$

Meaning,
 not going to bed angry or drunk
Will do more for your fitness than the ice bath $$$*

They say ice baths help with ADHD 
But I say that only people with ADHD are crazy enough to jump in cold water and call it health $$$*

Kidding aside, though it really does help with the brain dopamine and shit 
But it’s more of a hack to stop rumination 
Cause it forces you to not think about it and just do it 
And you can use that mentality just about every area $

The shock of cold water the first time will literally take your breath away $$$

And if you’ve never had your breath taken away against your will, 
just realize it’s gonna change the way you see things $$$

A lot of people have never been in so much pain that they’ve been forced to focus on literally one breath at a time 
And that’s honestly a bittersweet thing $$$

It is 5:15 AM and I am gonna go idle in bed until my legs & my heart tell me that it’s time to move $

ADHD taught me that there is a time to move time to sit still 
But that you can blur the line the majority of the time and it’s gonna be fine $$$*

ADHD tell me that most y’all are boring as fuck $$$

Writers and dragons both love smoke and fire $$$

Another reminder that the gods or any higher intelligence have a better sense of humor than you and I
Guaranteed $$

Not all ego is bad 
In fact, the right kind of ego is cherished by most 
But all egos die eventually $$

Good morning again world 
It is 8:36 AM 
Our first existential crisis of the day is fully underway 
I got lots of running thoughts 
Lots of possibilities that all seeming pretty possible 
So I’m starting my caffeine now and my intellectual walk down off the ledge 
All is good or at least will be for sure $

These early December Sunday mornings really fuck with me 
They’re so beautiful and yet
It just brings me back to the absolute worst period of my life lol $

Let’s just say you don’t forget a sunny skyline view from the psych ward window $$$

Or the moonlight one either $

And I’ve seen that view from both sides of the glass 
As a patient and a visitor $

And today I get to have a “come to Jesus talk” with my dad
I have a really good feeling about it 
Because it explains the existential dread that I woke up with lol!$

The lesson I think I’m learning is that if you’re not willing to play the extra in somebody else’s lesson then you haven’t fully learned it yet $$

Because it always takes two to tango 
And at some point of the summer shit was so crazy I thought I was in some kind of single player RPG 
And that everybody else was some kind of NPC 
And so in many ways,
The beauty of this lesson is that reinforces the true spiritual freedom that permeate beneath all decisions, causes, and effects $

I have humbled myself in more ways than I can even conjure up at the moment 
Or more like the universe has humbled me $

But my body and my name are merely instruments ready to serve their purpose in the course of time $

And the greatest gift is knowing that $

Time to prove it $

The dragons den looks different for everyone 
So does the valley of death 
But we each have one and the debt must be paid $$$

I’d rather get an 80% on as many test as possible
Than 100% on only a few $$$

Well, that was one of the best sit downs I’ve ever had
And also one of the most eventful uneventful
A truly balanced meeting of the minds it seems
And a blessing worth more than money $

God help you if you decide you wanna write a book because then every dark force in the universe is going to conspire against you to see if it convince you to stop doing it
It’s primary goal is just to ruin the mood and vibe living your ability to create $$$

It is 4:33 PM
I am emotionally well but exhausted $

I am learning more about stress management and it’s impact on my emotions every day lol $

But seriously, it’s pretty remarkable. How draining some things can be naturally. 
Not like a bad way just in a energy consumption way 
So reminding myself that it’s OK to be internally fatigued $

The most functional piece of advice ever given is to simply focus on the process and leave the results up to whatever $$

Everybody’s got a favorite burner to cook on 
And everybody knows exactly how far to turn that knob to get perfect heat, depending on what you’re cooking 
Or you’re part of the everybody that never cooks for themselves which that’s OK too I get it $$

Most people don’t realize that if you master self control, then you can control others who haven’t mastered self control $$$

Things get a lot easier if you can get Lucifer out the way 
And focus on Jesus, 
which is just higher self by the way $$

Ironically, I have found that the more drugs you do,
the more of the Bible begins to make sense not the other way around $$

For some people, the universe will give them a gentle little nudge until they get it together 
For others, it relies on a swift kick in the nuts $$$

You know the game of hot and cold 
Where you just bumble around while somebody else tells you if you’re getting warmer or colder to something 
Where do you think that was inspired? $

God God, I never thought I’d be one of the hair tie motherfuckers 
Just swoosh my hair 
But hey here we are $

I mean this is the One major hairstyle that I’ve never even tried before
So you gotta have some Grace with me if it doesn’t look that great 
Cause I haven’t really seen myself with it and enough angles to truly judge $

I am doing my evening sunset walk at 5:05 PM in the 50° weather $

My life story is just be getting creative when nobody wants to play … $

Unfortunately, I have witnessed money turn people into monsters far more than it has turned them into Saints $$$

If you do not rest and recover, then you will literally burn yourself up 
Now you should be able to do that if needed because endurance is very important 
But you should also know where the line is and avoid burning during building season $$

Many people can relate to feeling like they are in the wrong section 
And then again many are too stubborn to admit it $$

My favorite game symbolically speaking is got to be pin the tail on the donkey, 
even though I’ve never played in person $

My dinner includes six eggs, a bowl of berry cereal, and some extra saltine crackers $

Don’t know why I’m feeling pretty low now
Think it could be just exhaustion
Or low caffeine lol $

It’s 6:48pm
I want to nap a bit but don’t think I’ll fall asleep 
But also don’t think I can enjoy staying awake $

Guess ima try again $

Friendly reminder that you can run and sleep at the same time 
From your problems it is $$

My ego acting up big time rn
So I gotta go on the offensive 
Movie + treat + dank $

The third person self commentary echo in the back of my head after everything I do is pretty fucking annoying honestly $

I am eating popcorn now 
Unfortunately, still the old-fashioned way 
No telekinesis yet $

Bonus points If you visualized me being telekinetic with popcorn 🍿 $

Some people never realize that the craziest high is after you say sorry $$$

99% of people who owe somebody an amends just don’t wanna do the uncomfortable thing first 
Bonus points if you make the first move $$$

Alex is already stolen one Colonel
I mean kernel lol $

But the first is funnier, cause he would do that shit if he could $

If anything ever comes from any of the things i write then that is proof that a well timed cat can save the world 🌎 $$

I’m trying to watch Stranger Things again, but I’m not quite sure what’s so strange 
So far it just seems like a documentary on some of the CIA classified projects $

Heaven is at the end of hell 
If hell was at the end of heaven, then that’s still the garden if you know what I’m saying $$

I’m just saying I’d like my chances with a demo Gorgon $$

The popcorn was satisfying in a slightly disappointing way if I dare say $

Hate it when the demigorgon has its tentacles down your homies throat $$

Same with stupid hoes $$

Happy 8pm 🕗 $

Might be time for first sleep soon $

The scene in which 11 uses her mind in the forest to really fuck up that demon thing on episode eight season one 
Is an accurate way to represent me versus my dark side over the summer 
Thanks for letting me share $

Happy 11:38 PM 
Intermission from a nap 
Trying to determine if I’m gonna stay up $

The movies are calling my name 
Or maybe that’s the ancients
Either way we are up and we are ready to make the best of the worst things 
*opens Netflix $

So we’re gonna watch this tennis movie
& think about a tennis playing client that one of my coaches is working with lol $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-10-25

The one thing famous people want more than anything else in the world is anonymity $$$

The one thing anonymous people want more than anything is to be famous $$$

The real gold is always buried somewhere in the middle $$$

If you find yourself on some kind of weird trajectory, just remember that even if it only impacts one person, it’s worth it $$$

Yes, yes I know the numbers sometimes don’t seem like they make sense $$

And the cliché often ruins the meaning $$

I believe in secret sweepstakes 
I believe in a secret government modeled after God 
Therefore, I believe in a secret spiritual government sweepstakes to reward the faithful who saw through the gaslit agenda $$

If you’re not willing to fight for your country, then you should not be allowed to live for it $$$

But to think that fighting for your country must consist of killing somebody in another-
Is the gravest misunderstanding of the highest degree 📜 $$$

Don’t me over here scribbling on walls and shit $

Best part about the theme is
It guarantees my audience is the type willing to read the writing on the wall $$

So when it’s all said and done, 
and the Devine is doing some digging 
You get bonus points for listening to my crazy ass $$

I hate when I lose my lil smoking tool 
That spiritual shit goes out the window real quick you know what I mean $

I’m glad one of the tennis dudes has hair similar to mine
I’m gonna take some notes on hair management
It’s even longer than his girlfriends lol $

Happy 12:12 AM to all the good boys and girls out there
Friendly reminder that Santa is coming soon $

And as a part-time pizza Santa, I gotta say that a lot of people are getting coal this year $$$

All roads lead to Rome 
If you know, you know, lol $

The ancient Greeks were still the most creative, especially with their gods $$

Gotta remember to eat my eggs tonight 
Which is easier to do when it’s the only food around $

I am unfortunately out of blueberries 
The wild blueberries are usually about $12 for 3 pounds and worth every penny you ask me 🫐 $

I mention a lot, but just in case someone somewhere hasn’t stumbled upon the secret yet 
Blueberries are so great because you can add syrup or honey 
And chocolate chips if you’re a real gangster 
And then you have the greatest pregame snack or an amazing and quick hang around snack 🍯 $$

Damn dude that’s another top-tier emoji $

I gotta start using that honey pot more 
Considering that’s all everybody even cares about $

It’s been hard, but I’m glad I waited like 4 months before I started marketing again $

I’m about to jump back into coaching full-time it feels 
And I’m very excited for considering now that I have all this new curriculum streamlined 
And all the bullshit removed lol $

When done right coaching should give me more energy than I spend 
But unfortunately, historically, I get caught up in the flow of things and usually spend myself short pretty fast 
Ruining any chance I have of a social life lol $

So now that I’ve got the exercise science squared away to where it’s so easy - Anyone can follow it 
(Insert shameless plug 🔌) 
lol peep the training deck if you need workouts. 
Just know the shit is always a work in progress $

Now I can focus on the fun coaching stuff like motivation and trolling and jokes and competitions and prizes and yada yada $

I’m obviously writing this down in great detail so that it’ll be fun for anyone looking back on at any point in the future from this time at 12:19 AM on 12-11-25 lol $

As much fun as playing with words is,
It ain’t shit compared to playing with sticks and stones $$&

Which is why I love the heavy ones so much $

I’m telling you dude 
my spirit is an ancient as fucking fuck fuck $

I love the overly enthusiastic sports know at alls
As if that somehow means really anything other than a few puppets on TV $$

I mean, I guess knowing a bunch of sports facts is good to avoid talking about anything actually worth a shit in a any social situation $$$

Everybody has an ego Button
But not everybody is dumb to place it where always gets pressed $$$

And most people actually don’t even know what an ego is
Because that’s all they’ve ever known $$

You can’t ever learn anything new until you experience something new $$$

Anything new at first is going to be threatening until you learn that new things aren’t always threatening $$$

But because it takes some time to get a return on the learning lesson session
Most would rather jump the assumption shark 
Because A false sense of security is more comfortable than growth 🦈 $$$

It sucked being a hack for so long because I wasn’t actually trying to be an artist
I was trying to be a businessman or sales person or scientist
But just with a little bit of “not so boring“ seasoning $

But along the way, I begin to realize that my neurotic tendencies really weren’t just mental illness $$

Although, i’ve had so many sick strings attached 
that it took 13 years or so just to untangle them all $$

Friendly reminder that if you’re the superstitious or the the super strict ritualistic type, 
you’ll likely go insane before you find happiness 
or whatever it is you think you’re looking for $$

Smart motherfuckers love inventing new ways to get upset because no one realizes how smart they are $$$

If you’re not strong enough to support the weight of your genius, 
then you should call me for a training session $$$**

Authenticity is the only requirement for acceptance $$$

My favorite route is the “high road” if you know what I’m saying $$$**

“You can be as stoned as you want as long as you do the right thing”
-ancients $$$**

Abstinence is the very, very, very slow, boring path to enlightenment $$

And is eventually going to be routed through the PTSD/addiction chapter anyway 
So I say fuck it and ride the wave brother 🌊 $$

It’s a lot of work getting these emojis in the right place 
And anyone with the smart phone should be able to relate to that $$

The joy of competition is the excuse it gives you to justify crazy shit $$$

I think people are a lot like glow sticks 
& most are afraid to be cracked, 
Cuz they know that once you start glowing, the timer starts ticking ⏱️ $$

But you always can just get a new glow stick 
But the glow stick creator isn’t gonna give you a good one if you don’t know how to handle it 
You’ll be stuck with the training glow stick set up $$$

For anyone who doesn’t know 
There are many different forms of Kratom extracts
The 7-hydro is the newest and strongest and honestly quite cheap $$

It’s being called gas station heroin tho
Because it is extremely powerful and similar to morphine $$

I am mentioning this because honest awareness is better than fearful exaggerations
But this one deserves extra caution $$

If anyone is struggling with sincere and significant pain than this is something I highly recommend instead of any pharmaceutical $$

It is far stronger than cannabis and is honestly equivalent to narcotic $$

And on the flipside of that is that if you have a tendency for addiction or higher dependence -
than I strongly recommend sticking to the low strength old school extracts or the plant leaf $$

But If you’re in the middle and you can appreciate a strong treat 
than I have found that somewhere between 30 to 50 mg spread over one to two days with double that time in between 
is a balanced and pleasurable protocol $$

And it makes you little chatty if you can’t tell lol $$

I’m halfway through a three pack 
But nowadays, there’s so many different brands and quantity options that I recommend always limiting it
It doesn’t help that they make them kind of like chewable candy $

The candy store I go to has started hiding them under the back counter because these things can be very potent for a beginner $$

It’s one of those tough areas to where I’m actually glad that it’s a product and easily available because of the benefit it’s given me 
But if this shit was available when I was 15, then I probably would be doing a lot of of it $$

Which one could argue would’ve still been better than all the fucking other shit that I was doing
Because I was just doing actual narcotics instead, lol $

But I would’ve been using a hell of a lot more of these because of the easy access and the low risk $

And to emphasize that at the end of the day, you really can’t OD
You can just get yourself to where you wanna die from it though but from like uncomfortability wise $$

So you’re not gonna accidentally overdose like you would’ve off “medicines”
Which counts for a hell of a lot in today’s war on health and happiness $$

And I would still argue- It’s better than drinking.
Especially the way I like to do it, which is my weekly treat $

Pairs well with the midnight movies if you know what I mean
You should know what I mean because you’re reading everything I’m saying at this point lol $

OK, I’m gonna do that thing now to where I stop saying every actual thought so it doesn’t take me forever to edit $

That’s always like pumping the brakes on an 1884 train 🚂 $

Choo choo motherfucker here comes the gain train $

Just got hit with a very strong PB&J craving 
But I think I need to force feed eggs because of the protein $

This is How do I keep myself dietary wise
If I don’t want the eggs, then I probably don’t actually need food $$

But if I can eat the eggs and I still have room for more, then I can eat whatever I want $$

But if my fuel reserves really are starting to spill over to body fat, then my hunger will disappear halfway through them eggs $$

I know what I just said, but I actually think I might skip the eggs and just go straight to the sandwich cause fuck it $

Let’s see what the ancients have to say about it real quick 
They are better at keeping notes on my shit than I am $

Yeah, fuck them eggs
 I’m eating a sandwich 
They said I’m close enough on my protein and I gotta run in the morning anyway so 🥪 $

Happy 1:03 AM 
Remembering that there are a lot more stars than there are people 
Or probably more stars than there are atoms on earth 
So it’s actually almost guaranteed that eventually everybody will have their own planet or solar system 
Unless… $

It’s all fun and gains until you can’t lift your hand above your head $$

It’s all fun and games until you can’t sit comfortably $$

All fun & games until that elbow gets a little crunchy $$

Everybody’s real confident until they feel a twinge $$

Everybody gets played and fooled eventually 
But not everybody learned how to forgive and let go, which is the entire point of the prison planet 🌎 $$

If this planet is a prison, 
then I am institutionalized as fuck 
And loving it $$$*

Grape jelly might be the best 
But that is a fucking tough call dude $$

The joke is that everything is actually a joke, but none funnier than death $$

But the flipside of funny is tragedy
And remember the golden rule about one with the other 🎭 $$

And that boys and girls, 
is the meaning of life 
To get stoned with your friends 
And build things in stone with your friends $$

And if you feel like you don’t have any friends 
(And you truly are a decent person and not being a dickhead or ass hat)
Then it won’t be long
And once you’re there, it’ll feel like you never left $$

Bro, that PB&J just put my spirits on cloud 13 $

Actually, I’m sorry technically it’s cloud 31 because they see it backwards in heaven $$

My angels are like spiritual firefighters going around, putting out all the shit that I’m blazing up $$

The bong is the alchemist perfect tool 
It combines the four elements to produce the fifth consciousness element 
Which is always some form of intellectual gold 
Or at the very least intellectual training material $$$

And remember how your word means more than anything
And is the key to actual magic
You know once the CIA actually approves everybody who’s completed their training 🪄$$

I mean, just imagine some super cool magicians trolling the fuck out of assholes while the good people get to go on vacations and shit 
Because I promise you people like me don’t enjoy vacations as much as we enjoy training 
And nothing is more enjoyable than destroying some egos in the name of the Lord lol $$$*

The right buzz can make anyone productive at any point in the day 
Which is why doing all this writing at 1:15 AM $

Call me crazy, but I’m convinced that the single greatest thing I can do is be honest & be available and be happy and write and write and write $$*

Just gotta get good with the organization
Which is the entire point of AI
Is just magic training $

I mean seriously once anybody can create anything verbally or intellectually instantaneously,
 how do you think we will determine what’s worth anything? $

It will obviously be who decides to do things by hand or the long way
Just as how handmade goods are worth more than mass produced goods now
We will just be able to mass produce handmade goods because true artists will no longer waste time worrying about how to pay their car payment and shit $

Meanwhile, the profane will be trying to use it to invent the latest and greatest sex robot $$$

The next big technological leap needs to be text suggestion correction in real time 
I can’t be the only one who has to keep correcting the same old suggestions for words that fit my talking style $$$

Like I’m never talking about propane 
Propane propane, propane (VTT)
PROFANE (truth)
The walls are listening to me just yell at my phone lol $

Every 10 minutes there is a pyramid minute 
Example right now is 1:21 AM 
But there is only one perfect pyramid number per hour
The rest are just mathematical pyramid sandwiches $$

And on that note, I am going to pull off on the notes because this shit is starting to weave a little too wide $

But not before I write down my fleeting random ass nostalgia thought that hit from the gas station that I went to in Portugal $

Literally super uneventful other than it being a nice day and Hella awkward because the long car ride with the exs fam who secretly didn’t like me and thought I didn’t know $

Just trying to give the people something they can relate to before I pass back out lol $$

I’m putting back on the fugitive show instead and then going back to fucking off $

See you later 
love you $$$

😘 $$

1:48am $

Happy 6:39am $

Time for speed smoke
Speed treat
Second nap? $

Any crime TV show is perfect Smoking material. $$$

As a philosopher, you never know when your next shift is, but it’s likely going to be the exact opposite of the last one $$$

Real philosopher’s die in really weird ways bout every time $$$

Consistent pooping is a healthy thing
Cuz it’s good to have a steady stream of shit coming out $$$

Life is actually perfectly fair
Just gotta zoom out far enough to the right perspective $$$

As a philosopher you must always be ready to go to the other side $$$

So if one day, you have to wake up and get to work all super fast and shit
Then one day you need to sleep in and take your time $$$

You’re not a real pothead if you don’t devote time to do a speed smoke and spend time with the Devine $$$

You’re not a real writer unless you have a history of strange relationships and a lot of eclectic lifestyle memorabilia $$$

I’ve got my skittles Snuggie cape on and some fresh dank $

The second you declare that you want to be a writer,
 it’s like all the other intellectuals of the world band together to l be jealous and pissed off over stupid petty shit
Thereby giving you endless content $$$

My point is always if you do it right you can last forever
And my ego hates that shit $$

Unless it identifies with being the best at being the most patient
Then I have used intellectual jiu-jitsu to successfully spiritually submit my ego $$

The best thing that you can do for your health almost always feels like the literal worst thing you can do (at least at first) $$$

But then it gets easier and more fun and feels better each and every time 
And soon it will help you overcome the external resistance of the nearby nervous Nancy’s $$$

But if each subsequent time you do something you find that it is more frustrating , more stressful, or all in all more difficult,
stop doing what that thing is that you are doing $$$

As long as you break out a pre-existing norms patterns and pathways 
Most will pay attention just out of instinct to see something different 
Then it’s up to you to get your message across $$

 shit like that last group of lies feels like something channeled ,
Like that feels like a message to me from something else 
Because when I reread that in a weird way, it’s almost like I don’t remember saying it 
Even though I’m aware that I did say it 
Does that make sense? $$

It’s not the smoothest or fanciest technique, but by consistently pausing to check if your audience is following is a reliable method to getting your point across
Does that make sense? $$

If you can proactively explain what and why it is you were saying and doing what you are ,
You will avoid 80% of unnecessary objections or hesitations $$

My cat’s favorite communication style is just knocking something over 
The issue is because he does it every time he needs something, It is difficult to distinguish what he needs. 
Therefore, it’s important to be intentional with whatever it is you break for somebody’s attention $

Smoke, sleep, and slay dragons 🐉 $

Black magic is when you’re unconsciously more dangerous than you’re aware of -
salesmanship is one of the most common outlets of this 
Because in a one hour one negotiation, whoever is superior in awareness will always win $$$

No nonsalesman will ever understand the power salesmanship gives you $$$

It allows you to almost guarantee that you can get your way every time if you are willing to be stubborn enough $$$

It is quite literally like magic when at the end of a conversation suddenly money moves from .A to point B $$$

But the secret of sales is not to try to convince somebody to do what you want them to do,
It’s to give them permission to do what they already Want to do. $$$

Which is why it is ultimately a buyer beware situation $$

Because you might be a sane and sound shopper, dear reader;
But I can promise you that most people are not and are actively asking for the product that will poison them the fastest $$$

so modern black magic is
Those in a position of power and resource
Deciding to take advantage of those who don’t fully understand what they need
Just to maximize financial greed $$$

Instead of pursuing new creative & common solutions 
Interest is on widening separation $$

But those in a position of power and authority, have a responsibility to the innocent and those younger and weaker $$

The responsibility of the Shepherd is to reduce extremely complex concepts down to practical practices
Independent of deep, philosophical understanding 
And effective enough to support the individual while they grow and deepen their understanding $$

The sheep’s responsibility is to eat the grass and grow the wool
And listen to what the Shepherd and the shepherd’s dog say $$

because an independent sheep is not properly equipped to master the universe $$

fun is that feeling when things nearly got fucked up, 
but didn’t for whatever cool reason $$

Remembering to Deprogram from recent trauma is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s also one of the most important $$$

This is why I must reiterate the importance of 
 reasonably going from one “extreme“ to the next 
Because you’re likely not really like the extreme ends on either end 
But you’ll find some nice sweet spot along the way 
That you’ll be able to focus on next go around 
Thereby limiting unexpected future bullshit and Fuckery because you already have some know it at all experience $$

Pretty funny how the fugitive on the show was once a reserve police officer 
Who apparently shot up a friend’s house for basically no reason ? $

Sounds like some shit a reserve cop do sadly $$

Just thinking back to all the dumb shit I did for attention from girls lol $

I don’t care who you are if you care around a gun all the damn time - there’s a part of you that wants to use it $$

I didn’t say it was for bad reasons $

But to pretend like each and every time when you pick that thing up, you’re not making a conscious and unconscious decision is ridiculous … $$

I’m sorry, but until you’ve gotten up on a daily basis and done precisely the exact opposite of what you wanted to do in the moment for the greater good of what you really want to do in the future, 
then you are in no position to try to empathize with those who have $$$

And you should just focus on getting up tomorrow when you say you are $$$

Fake IDs work so often because Nobody actually looks at the picture 🪪 $$

Like dude where did that emoji come from?
I think it’s great, but do we really need it? $

It means it’s probably someone somewhere in some cubicle drawing these things up
Which you know, I’m happy with for the most part
As long as the person in the cubicle is happy $$

My experience has shown me that happiness is hard to have in a cubicle $$$*

My experience has shown me that happiness is hard to lose outdoors $$$*

If you don’t think it’s possible to ruin a good thing then that’s because you haven’t ruined a good thing $$$*

It is a few days away from the 14 year anniversary of when they locked your boy up in the psych ward 
The one and only time may I add $

I don’t know what it is about this year in particular 
Perhaps is the crushing solitude 
But the last couple mornings have been beautiful 
And have instantly sent me back in time 
Especially yesterday’s conversation at my dad’s 
Cause I rarely ever go over there 
But I had gone over there a few times during my rock bottom 
So yesterday, I could drive down memory lane in the best possible -uncomfortable way $

We have taken the second half of the treat tablet and will be recording some more thought lines until I hit the third and final nap before first lift $

I’m probably gonna cut back the Kratom or switch back to capsules
Firstly, because I’m feeling so much better baseline wise
More credit to this shroom and the post trip settling $

But second because my shot method 
Where I just take a tiny little spoonful of the powder into a shot glass 
Usually between 2 to 5 g at a time 
But it’s just not really hitting the same 
And I don’t think it’s really a tolerance per se. It’s more like my body is just not really breaking down as much. 
So I have to take more, which just makes it breakdown even less 
if that makes sense $

I’m probably gonna catch myself saying that a lot because I had to say that a lot yesterday when talking to my dad $

This is a good time to reiterate, how much my parents have done for me and how grateful I am for them $$$

And how much I appreciate their Fuckery because it’s been the perfect learning experience $$$

It just felt like the ultimate trolling experience for 30 years 
Credit to the ancients for writing that script $$$

My theory is that angels have not gone through the human experience 
But ancients have and have kind of made it back around the loop to being angel hybrids $$

You know the whole story about the fallen angel and the dude rising from the dead $$

I mean, fine I’m just gonna say it 
If reincarnation is real, and if there is a way to kind of reconnect with your previous life and get a lot of old memories back per se - $$

Then that is the symbolic equivalent of Jesus dying and raising from the dead after three days, which usually represents about three or 30 years $$

Jesus, being an archetype for consciousness, therefore, representing every single person 
Same with Lucifer by the way $$

Oh, and Satan actually refers to the secret body controlling the world 
Satan wants you to think he’s evil but he’s actually the number one angel 
So they have mastered all of their vices
Which is why they use them to control the world $$

Because if you can control your vices when somebody else can’t, then it is the equivalent of being a God $$

When your competition can’t get off social media… $

When your competition can’t wake up early cause they’re too sleepy or too hungry …$

When your competition can’t sleep in the same room as a bottle of liquor ….$

Then please explain to me the difference between that and an actual God 
I’ll wait 
*lighter flic $$

Remember that thing I said about me being grateful for my parents a minute ago before you read what I’m about to write- $

But they both have recently & independently declined offers to do very small, but casual normal wholesome things because of their own comfort and ego $

My mom said she didn’t wanna go to the Christmas parade 2 miles down the street on Saturday because it was a little too cold
It didn’t get below 33° $

My dad declined to go to the park today, which happens to be one of the nicest days of the week because..
Well, he actually didn’t give a reason. He just said “let’s not worry about it” $

But my mom was pretty quick to thank me for the hundred dollars I sent her for the three bills that landed on her credit card. $

And my dad was pretty quick to offer some financial help with restructuring my car loan so I can pay him instead of the bank $

But this was after getting torn to shreds by them all summer long 
For just all kinds of shit $

But I really couldn’t even do anything different other than try to balance out mentally because of coming off the Adderall and getting closure from my previous major relationship and escaping being an actual wage slave again in South Charlotte $

And by balance out I mean, write the resistance games $

And if anyone who’s ever written anything, I hope you can understand the magnitude of writing out a couple different thousand games , movements, articles, and traumatic life stories with comedic seasoning $

While getting kicked in the nuts
 in 3 dimensions 
by all 4 elements $

When in doubt, write it out $$$

And then fight tooth and nail with yourself to review it later $$$

Works with step work
Homework
Busy work
And unfortunately, the fun work too $$

God gave creative mental illness to help them discover Nirvana $$

If you’re still mad at God for your mental illness, and you have not mastered it yet $$$

If you’re still mad about anything, then you have not mastered it $$$

There are many lines that I type out and then quickly delete
That the world will never see $$

And thank God, nobody’s watching or listening to me now….
G, I love being all alone ….$$

We’re just on the super random & meaningless, but maximum lucky perfectly sized ball of dirt $$

With the even more perfectly sized Moon, and with the most perfect relatively sized Sun in ratio to the Earth and moon 🌖 $$

Just by happenstance  
No biggie 🌙 $$

Cause you know that’s just evolution, bro $$

I’m sorry, but anyone that believes strictly in the Darwin and narrative that we really did come from monkeys
Either
Is innocently unaware of the universal workings of nature and the overwhelming synchronistic processes that occur within literally everything
Or
Just Wants to believe in that everything is meaningless because they don’t want to clean up their own mess or get down off their evolutionary high horse $$$**

But bro, math doesn’t lie $$

You have to believe that you’re the “end all be all” in order to be a victim 
Otherwise, you were just view it as a joke or a training experience $$$*

I believe all life is is just alternating between training and joking, and then training for a joke $$

Friendly reminder that spiritual intuition is usually so big you can’t properly ignore it
And will continuously increase over the course of the hour $$$

& that bullshit, egoic, petty biological trauma resistance is a mile wide, but an inch deep 
And will disappear after about three minutes $$$**

You know what - I’m gonna do it 
I’m gonna try to make these protein pancakes again 
Mostly because I need a vessel for the syrup and I’m out of blueberries $

But I’m sure once I get the recipe and the process down I will have another nostalgic flashback because pancake is an ancient art $

Wish me luck $

The suburban chef shortcut 
is when you just take one clean dish at a time out of the dishwasher instead of unloading it $$$**

OK step one I have mixed the batter and I have poured it into the pan 
So I’m gonna let it cook a little bit longer this time before I try to flip it I think $

We’re trying to make three $

“I just feel like I should do something 
Instead of just watching them 
But I guess I must wait until they are ready to be eaten “ $

You can tell me who said that $

I was 31 years old before I learned how to make pancakes 
Ironically, that’s one of the last things that it took me to learn 🥞 $

They said wait until the bubbles form ?
Whatever that means $

It is 8:30 AM on a Thursday
The buzz is good, but not as strong as you would think $

Just hoping to avoid the existential crisis before the pre-workout caffeine $

I see bubbles and I really want to get involved, but I feel like I shouldn’t just yet $

This is hard 
Shit like this that convinced me I needed that Adderall $$

“Oh yes, Doc I bug out over small shit like microwaving anything or scheduling appointments “ $$

“I’m getting excited cause these things are starting to look pancake like “ $

Again, you can tell me who said that $

I see some weird kind of bubbles now 
Oh, this is good. It looks like it’s not sticking like I thought after all 
this is exciting. $

Oh hell, yeah it’s not actually stuck to the pan like last time $

Holy shit, bitch these bitches are Brown $

“ maybe you shouldn’t write down every single thought that you get” $

“ maybe you should kiss my dick” lol 😂 $

I can’t even make pancake cookies without my self turning on my not self 
Or is it my not self turning on my higher self? $$

I need another hippie bitch to explain it to me $$

I just flipped all three pancakes with three fingers instead of the spatula unconsciously
And if that isn’t symbolic for something then I don’t know what else is $

I’m only funny if you didn’t expect me to be $$$

If you expect me to be funny then I’m not really sure what to say about that lol $$

Writing is the easiest thing to “ fake until you make”
Because I can just write some assumptive shit right now and come back to it in like five years and be like 
 told you so $$

But it is actually best to assume your future audience to unlock the greatest of content $$

So hello to the beings in the future reading this $

 and I just got syrup on my phone $

Today feels like my off day due to the sheer amount of a psychological stress that came with the last couple days $

Ironically, it’s the old shit that doesn’t get old 
I got high hopes for AI but right now it’s still pretty bad $

It can’t even sort my notepad without fucking up and that is literally all I ask it to do $

Those were literally perfect 
And a great challenge for next time $

The gods are smiling on me once again $

Friendly suggestion, not to do dishes with a Snuggie on $$$

I forgot that today is not an off day because I have to go dash later tonight because the Bills 💸 $

After long consideration, I determined that I would rather continue to deliver pizzas then change my tone to market for fast cash $

So I am prepared to starve by continuing to deliver food until I naturally & organically rebuild my clientele base $

*Starts podcast on modern dating and penis size preference *

You can tell a lot about a dude if he can give you an accurate representation of his penis size $$

And no, I’m not gonna say that right here and now
If you wanna know that you gotta figure that out the old-fashioned way $

Every dude is usually off bout 1.5-3in $$

I’m convinced Pepe is relative to total height 
More than its not that is $$

Apparently most chicks like 6.3ish
And most dudes are 5.1ish
Per science $$

Oh, and apparently per science
Bitches be saying they prefer something they never had $$

The study they’re talking about is they had a bunch of chicks actually grab dicks or dick like things
Of various sizes of of course
And asked him which they wanted most for either a hookup or to date
The ladies wanted it larger for the hook up option 
It seemed they were cool with smaller for the dating option 
(no surprise there )
See results of size preferences above $$

But then when they were asked what they have had the most experience with-
None of them came close to the size they said they preferred $$

Again, no surprise there bitches $$

I ain’t gonna profess my dick size at the moment, but it ain’t below average. I’ll tell you that. $$

I don’t wanna give away my leverage $

Apparently, about a third of women were willing to admit that the size of their partners package was a factor in their split up 
And it’s almost always cause the dude was too small lol $$

It is now 10:59 AM and I am rising to hit the gym $

It’s 45° and beautiful and I still don’t wanna do my 10 minute walk 
If I hadn’t just gone to the bottom of the emotional ocean, then I’d be concerned with how I feel right now 
But this is just normal bullshit whenever you go from rest to moving again $$

Time to do some manly mobility $

Bro, if they put Turn : Washington spies on Netflix then I’m gonna lose my shit
Holy shit, I think they did 
This is like one of my favorite shows ever 
Because of how nerdy and historical it is $

These dirty dogs, man they’re making me upgrade my plan to be able to watch it 
That’s so fucked 
And so normal 
I hope whoever did that gets to witness how many people are disappointed in their life review $

Idk who needs to hear it but a smith machine is not a barbell $$$***

After a mediocre dash,
We are finishing the day with “blade runner 2049” $

Ugh I hate when some movies are super quiet and have fucked audio
Then you turn up the volume
Then a commercial comes on and wrecks your eardrums $

Fuckin VTT quitting on me again ugh$

This audio situation is precarious af
Ima get blasted the second a commercial comes on…$

They got me
I upgraded my Netflix to watch TURN
I deadass would rather spend my dinner money on this lol $

Shits based on true stories btw $

Lots of codes and concealment if you know what I’m sayin $$

I’m such a nerd dude $$

Once tech gives me access to all memories 
I’ll tell yall all about the many battlefields I went to growing up $

How fucking trippy
When reincarnation gets confirmed
And I find out I fought at the sites I stood at as a young anxious adept $

On the 2nd PB&J of the day (3 within 24 hrs)
Already eaten 12 eggs and 3 pancakes 🥞 $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-11-25

Man, does it feel like a spiritual day already $

Happy 1:18 am
 I am rising from first sleep
To snack and shoot shit $

My excitement level to watch this revolutionary war show is further evidence of reincarnation
Because I just can’t describe the fascination I get when I see a musket $

I’m not gonna lie
I keep catching myself having hacky thoughts
“What if I try…”
“The audience might like..” $

So no offense potential reader but ima have to say “fuck the audience” and get back to my roots
While prob still sounding self conscious lol $

Anyhow, if you need me, I’ll be over here over analyzing history $

*Bubbles roar $

I fucking love old school ships $

Espionage has come a long way
From dark alleyways and old pubs
Too smart phones, and sneaky apps $$

All great adventures start with a motherfucker showing up telling a complacent dude to fight for what they believe in $$$

Imagine smuggling cabbage one day and then changing the fate of the free world the next $$

I know this sounds crazy, but I swear to God I can fucking remember the colonial days $

I mean, it seemed stupid at the time but old-school military fighting Tactics were really good for discipline and character development. $$$

Nothing more brave than doing some cross country with the boys under cannonball fire am I right? $$$**

Also, given my affinity for homegirl spy 
I bet you I was wrapped up in some bullshit relationship stuff too $$

How it feels every time I have to do a ponytail is further evidence that I was around in the colonial times
Because their hair is pretty much look like mine right now $$

And I’ve never had my hair like this before yet it feels more familiar than even having a buzz $

My current big theory is that I’ve been running consecutive lifelines for a while
To build up to some big something I guess
And that for the majority of my life lines, I was some kind of warrior soldier spy something
Building up into the last lifeline which would’ve been a secret super high-level kind of pilot- teacher- artist- alcoholic $$

Because from the second, my ego began to metastasize, I’ve recognized I was in some kind of fight and it felt very familiar.
The difference was nobody around me was fighting this time $$

Maybe I’m just saying this cause I’ve seen this TV show before but the plot also hits so different
Like this just seems like some shit I would’ve had to go through
Dealing with a loyalist dad and wife always complaining about shit
Meanwhile, being a part of some secret underground movement to free the world $

I really don’t wanna get up to have to get my weed plate, but I guess we all have to do things We don’t want to do sometimes. $

I might as well make popcorn, right? $

I mean, seriously if I would’ve been born with just the right levels of dopamine, I would’ve made the ideal soldier $$

But shit just got too fucked up too quick to just go around
So I guess I gotta become some kind of weird hybrid comedian instead $

Ironically, with shake, you have to break it up more $$

It is clear that our fore fathers were pretty wise, 
but also uptight and lame
Which is why they still died out $$

I’m kind of glad my dad was a little distant this go round
I get the vibe that I might’ve had overbearing dad‘s in the past $$

If you run into a motherfucker who doesn’t wanna talk about God, 
then just bring up the pyramids as often as you can $$$

And then bonus points if you can sneak them in the shirt $$$

You better leave ego management to the professionals $$$

Or they’re gonna manage your ego $$$

More of them lines I don’t know if they’re meant for you or me lol $$

I can’t even imagine what i must look like from your perspective
But i love to try anyway $

Shout out to the genius who decided to fry up some corn before his movie one day $$$

Shout out to the other genius who designed a way to market it to the masses $$$

Shout out to the Orville company for designing some dank at home popcorn $$$

Shout out to the squad at Food Lion for stocking the shelves and keeping the registers running $$$

Shout out to the dude to pave the streets from here to there $$$

Shout out to the dudes who built my Neighborhood $$$

Shout out the dudes who made this dank TV show 
& microwave $$$

And finally shout out to me for designing the entire experience $$$

I Just don’t like how the shit gets stuck in your teeth from popcorn $

But when shit hits the fan, nature calls the rarest, baddest, strongest, most consistent motherfuckers to take care of shit
#AskedMeHowIKnow $$$

If the top one percent can’t outperform the bottom 90% then it is not a very good hierarchy $$$

then those in the 1% don’t deserve to be there $$$

It’s easier than ever to conceal hidden messages inside of things because everybody else is also so ADD they can’t focus long enough to find a double or triple meaning $$

It is 2:21 AM
Time for Sludge shot 
And mobility $

A lot of people already figured out what you can do with a 6 inch stick
But you’d be surprised how good a 4 foot stick can make you feel $$$**

Protein and fat is not as nutritious for the soul as events that inspire honor and integrity $$$*

Be honest, how many thoughts go through your head when you watch a movie? $

How often do you think about other people, dear reader? $

See the best part about that question is that even if nobody else reads it, I still have to $

So it keeps me honest $

And if I’m lucky, it keeps me getting a little funnier $

But I don’t care about funny as long as I’m having fun
It’s just they seem inseparable most times $$

The best part about muscle season is the mobility afterwards hits so good $$$*

But for real people, I’m telling you just keep a broom stick nearby and stretch when you’re watching a movie $$$*

On that note, did you know that you can do pretty much all forms of exercise while watching a movie? $$$*

There’s even a way to do pretty much every version of training while sitting down $$

I mean, literally you can get a nice ass without ever even getting off of it
If you know what you’re doing $$

And this is where I would insert a plug probably for some simple guide
Which may or may not be below depending on when in the future this is viewed lol $$

But if you’re reading any of my other recent notes, you may notice a small shift
As I’m gonna start shamelessly plugging in my shit
For cash, bro
I need money bro, 
so bad bro lol 
Please buy something lol $

Kidding, not kidding, right? $

But on the real, if anything is for sale by the time you read this then just know that I made sure that I got the Ancient’s approval first $$

I just love the whole “if walls could talk” theoretical vein $$

I like to imagine the strangest things that it might’ve ever occurred
Pretty much in any establishment I ever go into
The older the building, the better
The bigger and more boring, the better $$

Unfortunately, I think the most ratchet shit that’s gone down in office Buildings is just a bunch of coworkers banging each other on and off the clock $$

If you’re on team tight hips, then you should probably schedule a consult because I imagine nothing else can be that fun
And if you never been on team loosely goosy then may I politely suggest that you don’t know what you’re missing out on $$

This is so great because my muscles are soaking up all of these carbs better than ever, and I’m not even having to train that hard $$

Because my muscles have been traumatized as well
And the second I start doing push-ups 
all the other ones start saying “oh fucking shit here we go again” $$$**

And then they start yelling at my liver to hurry up with the glycogen 
And then my liver starts yelling at my digestive system so hurry the F up $$$**

And if I’m fasted, 
then my digestive system tells my liver to shut the fuck up and to holler at my lungs to crank it up $$$**

I’ve been doodling on walls and shit since before the flood
I’m talking about Noah’s flood $$

You know it would be pretty easy to store two of everything if you can simply embedded the information inside DNA
Oh wait…🧬 $$

I’m trying to tell you people that knowing you did a good deed is better than knowing you got something in the bank $$$***

You cannot build self-esteem until you do something honorable $$$

You can’t do something honorable unless there’s a situation which requires someone to stand up and do the right thing under resistance $$

And if you don’t recognize the resistance, then God help you $

I think we all have to go to the lifetime as the pawn in which which we just get yeeted on some bullshit
Or get placed in the front lines
But hey, that’s honorable too if the situation requires it
Because then you’ll come back and you’ll probably be a lieutenant or something $$

What if every single rep you did bought you the equivalent of a spiritual lottery ticket?
How would you feel about your odds? $$

Because I would go ahead and buy the plane tickets 🎫 $$

Friendly reading challenge
Try to squeeze in a quick chapter of whatever it is you’re learning whenever it is you can
Fuck it I’ll go ahead and give you 3000 points per chapter $$$*

Knowledge doesn’t mean much until you’ve gotten off your ass to go help the sick and suffering newcomer $$$***

I must remember to bring cat toys when I go to read or else I will not be reading much $$

Happy 3:31 AM
This time to finish reading and go back for second sleep
Not sure if I’m gonna lift first thing or not in the morning or if I’ll write and then go around noon $

I love when I have a freshly packed bowl waiting on me $

Triggernometery is great trigger content
Go figure $$

It’s time to do a 5:52 AM speed smoke off
Fuck with my furnace & finish up my nap 
And then probably eat some protein pancakes
And then I think we need to hit some legs $

This is what the skittles Snuggie is for 
as it doubles is a perfect cape $

It’s always risky waking up to a political podcast $$$

But I have found that sometimes it is for good content
Or at least easily manipulable content $

Friendly reminder that heat still escapes from the entire backside of your body
So the thermal aspect of a cape is very important $$

Especially when feeling dramatic $$

Hell is watching inmates yell at you to open their cell when the doors are unlocked already $$$

My body just wakes up with weird ass hours because it’s conditioned from coaching $$

And I can go from zero to full scale presentable less than three minutes
It just sucks every time lol $$

These smoke sessions have been my favorite portions to edit
Because I’m basically still asleep so I never really remember what I write down until I go back and read it
Which is the closest I can get to being my own audience
And I for everyone appreciate the authenticity
As well as anyone who can make a 6 AM wake up call fun $

I’m must confess that because I’m just going hit for hit that my tolerance has creeped up considerably so I’m gonna have to do a tolerance break
Which is literally just maybe a day or two of not smoking much
And then we’re pretty much back to being amateur again $

It’s just that most people keep asking more from their substance when it stops helping $$

But if you wanna get more out of what you’re doing, then you need to do less of it $$$

But that is what I hated learning about fitness if I am being honest $

Because I loved being able to train for hours and hide away from my responsibilities and chores $$

Which was also why I went to so many meetings
Not because I was on fire for God or some stupid shit
But because literally, I was wanting to pull my hair out and had no other things I could possibly do without compromising my morals and ethics further
And that there was at least a decent chance of hearing something helpful or being of service to someone struggling $

But most of the time it would just be me sitting there, trying to distract myself, one minute to the next
Less from a craving a substance
More from a craving of sweet sweet death $

If I could find some of my buddies at a meeting, then I really enjoyed chain-smoking, drinking coffee and eating cookies and pretzels $

But most of the time it was just putting up chairs, sitting there on your hands, 
judging others and everything they do, $$

but nowhere near harshly as yourself for judging them $$

And I was begging to have those back during Covid
Same with the gym, which had been completely outlawed $

So to compromise I would just hang out and work out with friends in parks and parking lots $

So 2020 itself really wasn’t all that bad because me and so many friends were “making the best of it” and the quarantine fires and DoorDash fried chicken had not gotten old yet $

And in mid of 2020 I started working full-time for a real estate firm that kept me very busy and gave me a lot of experience very quickly
Especially considering the housing market and the buying war that had just popped off $

So come 2021 everything had gotten very stale. My mental health had dipped to an all-time low due to fatigue and circumstantial hopelessness $

And I was learning more and more that my issue probably was not addiction that I once thought it was, but was something deeper and more cunning as crazy as that sounds $

But when you’ve been sober for nine years, and you’ve genuinely worked the steps to the best of your ability on a daily basis
Reaped all of its rewards and miracles
Had the big boy jobs, big boy house, and cars
But then you’re realizing that you’re not who exactly who you think you are deep down
And neither are the people you were surrounded by $

Because even though the recovery community has higher stakes, and therefore produces more genuine character changes,
It is still a group of the craziest motherfuckers on the planet whose character defects have destroyed their own lives $$

And I knew even before I left the program that the second I even considered another path that I would be basically shunned liked a lepar $$

This was because I had watched everyone around me, gossip, and character, assassinate most people who came and went from the program
Of course no one’s gonna admit to that, cause they’re too busy trying to save face $$$

And that is the one distinct Blindspot with sobriety is you can’t do psychedelics and therefore your ego becomes your God, even though it is trying to do the right thing
You still become prisoner to a single perspective
Unless you ever “ test, the waters“ $$

But before my stoned soapbox gets out of control here I do need to make this something very clear $

Because addiction is so sinister and so brutal that absolute abstinence is always the correct option for as long as reasonably possible $$$

I am in no way promoting anyone freshly sober to do psychedelics or pursue other therapeutic pathways $$$

Unlike literally every single other person who you will probably ever talk to cough cough $$

What I am saying is that if you have earned your sobriety-
And I’m talking, serious, big boy, long-term sobriety
With a serious dedicated track record of service
The there is a legitimate pathway to true recovery to the point of even being able to control drinking again $$$

But if your goal is to control drinking or drugging again, then you shouldn’t even look down this road $$$

But if you’ve done everything right for a decade,
 and you still do not feel complete,
And you have begun to actually lose hope frfr this time, $

Not that cute little woe is me shit $

I’m talking that struggling just to get out of bed when you are still maintaining perfect credit and appearances kind $

That “I don’t even want to do what I want to do” kind $

That “I’ve gone through hell and I know what heaven is, but for some reason, I can’t seem to get close to it again” kind $

Then I promise you that there is hope if you were willing to get creative enough
And if you are willing to continue fighting the good fight and doing what scares you $$

If I can make a motherfucker rebuttal until someone buys a $150 TV package over the phone when they just wanted $15 Internet-
Then I’m hoping I can make a stranger do some more squats for mental health $$$

My promise to the world has always been to only sell what someone wants $$$

But I also have to sell something that I want $$$

And it has been difficult aligning the two considering my super strange pathway through life $$&

But I think that there’s a chance I could unite groups that may not otherwise normally meet $$

Because with even as much ridiculousness there is,
There is far more love and potential for fun $$$

Let’s just say I love getting shit off my chest
Whether it be a barbell or some bullshit $$$**

It’s OK that my furnace is acting up because of the heat from these lines $

I know it sounds silly, but this is kind of why I feel like this is my calling because I didn’t wake up Planning on doing that recall.
But if I dare say so myself as humbly as I may attempt to-
That I believe my words would do more long-term service wise than my hands will at this point $

Because I’ve done a lot less at a meeting and seen it do a lot of good $$

But I know, even when I was sitting in those meetings, I would see so many people come and go through those doors because it wasn’t the right fit
For various reasons
And I guess I just want them to know that they really are not alone $$$

Even though they’re tired of hearing that $

So I hope that I can prove they’re not $

Happy 6:26 AM
Because I’m writing so much I am not able to listen to the triggering political podcast
Your move, resistance $

Guaranteed there are aliens are walking amongst us $$

Not sure where that came from, but I felt like somebody needed to read it $$

My favorite part about the notepad is it’s cluster fuck of different points, Perspectives gains, goals, monologues and monotones
And all 100% organic hot off the press $$

I remember lame motherfuckers in meetings would love to be like
 “if I’m by myself then I’m in a bad neighborhood“
HA HA HA a real knee, slapper that one is $$$

Oh wait check out this one
“I have an allergic reaction 
every time I drink I break out in handcuffs” $$$

That one might already be in the banger folder $$

When I say, I could write a book…
I think you’re beginning to believe me, huh? $

Bitch, I got like seven different universes of all kinds of main character, fucking hero journey, plot lines, and shit $$

I got the truth and a few great mysteries to be solved too if you catch my drift $$

I feel like my summer should be an episode of “I shouldn’t be alive”
“A Suburban crucifixion” $$$***

The irony that working at a “hyper wellness“ fitness spa contributed to the worst physiological health collapse of my life, is not lost on me $$$***

I really should try to make those pancakes now, huh? $

I just straight up had to stop myself from having a mini crisis over the fact that I’m nervous about making pancake pancakes $$

But dead ass if this was a week ago, I might not have had the emotional strength to stop myself $$

Yeah, that is as sad as it sounds. That’s why I’m doing all this fucking shit if you catch my drift by now lol $$

Anyhow, if you’re struggling with the same shit that I am, 
which truthfully most of people are-
 then just know that you do not have to go to some crazy ass pharmaceutical solution, which is gonna make it 10 times worse $$$

But if you are willing to spend a few weeks or months in spiritual preparation and study, or if you already have a pretty good spiritual connection with the divine or a power of your own understanding-
Than a mushroom would likely do you magic I cannot stress that enough $$$

What’s funny is I had to pause the medication advertisement on my political podcast to write that last line to make sure that whoever else is listening to these stupid evil pharmaceutical ads knows that there’s another pathway $$

And if you’re gonna do the pharmaceuticals, make sure you get the good shit
And at least make it worth with all the damn trouble
Adderall cough cough $$

Telling someone with ADHD that’s done Adderall -
not to do Adderall 
is like telling a squirrel …. $

Wait something about a nut right ? $

The best part about my joke is that they are not supposed to be funny. 
They’re just supposed to break up all of my bullshit, spiritual rants and make things a little less sensitive $$

And if they ever actually work, it’s because of the contrast and it’s not because of the creative element of the joke itself 
I can promise you that much $

Yeah, I use bottled water for cooking water
Who gives a fuck 
so what $$

I promise I’m not actually mad. It’s just kind of Sounds like it sometimes $$

Kidding aside, though, I’m really not the biggest proponent of eating as much wheat as I have been
Including the PB&J’s
I really have been just a ribeye and fruit guy for a while $$

But due to circumstances, it has been nice to indulge in almost like an experiment to see how my health goes
And I also really need to put back on some mass so this is perfect $

Oh yeah, speaking of which I am looking pretty saucy again and I’m closing in on 170 but I think I’m still under 9% body fat
Que evil laugh $$

Once you fall in love with the work, you don’t want it to ever stop
That is why retirement is a trap 
because it’ll keep you in a job that you don’t love and then far and distant. Hope that you won’t have to do it one day. $$

I have to forgive myself for feeling like there ain’t much wisdom left in the world when everywhere I go I see nothing short of a philosophical tragedy $$

Every time you do the right thing in a bad circumstance, it builds your character $$$

But sometimes it’s just unfortunate to have to have a character building circumstance in the first place $$$

Just as the same force controls all the atoms in your hand at once,
A spiritual force connects to all the art you’ve ever made and manipulates it psychically $$

Those pancakes were so good. They were not very aesthetically pleasing, 
though I will not lie.
I think that might’ve been around 20 g of protein if I’m being fair
And probably like 600 cal or so $

I’ve had a Shopify store for 2 1/2 years and actually never sold anything through it lol
All of my e-book transactions were done outside of the store
But I never really expected much traffic through the store because I never really marketed much
I really just wanted to have it in case it was ready to turn on
And then I just kept saying that for each month
But for real this month might be it lol $$

If you master the body, then you master the mind
But you cannot master the mind until you master the body $$$**

Putting in another way
Push-ups actually do help you get better at doing math in all areas $$$**

It is 10:48 AM
I have been awake just long enough to complete the first sun walk of the day and prepare my pre-workout $

Soon we will be moving on 
doing some legs
But for some reason, they feel a little crispy
Sometimes they get some work by supporting upper body isolation days $

But all in all they should be just fine for a little isolation $

I’m not sure why the 45° windy weather is warmer than the 55° internal temperature inside my house
Actually, I do believe I know why and I do believe it is all psychological $

Friendly reminder that all the activist skip Fridays
And all the amateurs skip Saturdays
Athletes skip Sundays
Artist never skipped
Adepts skip the whole weekend $$

Wisdom is knowing planet fitness has the best machines
And the least consistent crowds $$

I needs me a hot HYP girl to teach me the ways of the hip abduction machine $$

You prob won’t sweat during a good iso session $$

Only amateurs brag about machine numbers $$

Only athletes brag about numbers $$

Only adepts brag about their athletes $$

If you hit it right then you should feel better afterwards $$$

Short shorts will always look ridiculous 
I Don’t care about your quads $$$

If it feels like it needs to pop- don’t listen to it $$$***

Or her… lol $$$

Oh hell yea
I’m getting so much bigger, everyone else is already looking smaller $$

You’re not going to have a good mind vs muscle connection until the athlete phase
FYI $$$**

If you get 3x12 without failure then you’re just doing conditioning $$$***

Wisdom is knowing to grab the open towels instead of fucking with the dispenser $$$**

What an amazing leg day I nearly skipped out on $$

you’ll stay mostly zone 2 on A good hyp day
Excluding the times when you poke into zone 3+ during failure $$$**

If you’re really just working the muscle, then your nervous system won’t work as hard $$$**

But your digestive/ storing systems will $$$

Started to get anxious over getting tires mounted
I thought of going to discount tire was really bugging me out
Thought it was some stupid ADHD shit
Then I paused for a moment and I thought about going to Woody’s
And that feeling instantly disappeared
So if I didn’t pause and really try to interpret that feeling by comparing it with different options
I would’ve simply gone ahead and gone
Probably been anxious the whole time for some stupid reason
Even if everything goes OK enough
But even if it did work ok, it’s still reinforced the same trauma pathway that I’m the problem $

And whenever I look back anytime, something has gone terribly wrong. It is usually been under pretense, such as this. $$

Let the record show that I’ve been home for about 40 minutes
I’ve taken two hits and one small sludge shot
I’ve edited a day that I was behind on
And now my motivation for reading has returned $

But my motivations on taking reading notes has vanished, so I’m gonna be just reading $

Remembering when I couldn’t even read more than 10 pages $

Nothing is more triggering than the truth $$$

Good to note
I was beginning to get pretty anxious after the gym
And it would seem that it is carbs that are the culprit
Which is further evidence that I have fully transitioned metabolically to being both anabolic and glycolytic based 

But because for the past two years, 
I have been burning to the absolute max
That my recovery ability is off the charts
Because even though I wasn’t building muscle, I was rebuilding enough to train three times a day
With one of those training sessions being somebody trying to pull my arm off $

You can see the footprints in the snow
You can see the snow falling and the trees around
You can see the person walking through
But you cannot see the wind 
 or ground or gravity, 
or why/where that person is walking $$

Same applies to thinking/ consciousness $$

Psychedelics are the snowstorm lol $$$

Friendly reminder that visualization can improve your strength and growth up to 60%
According to some random ass study
Which actually sounds about right $$$**

Or at least at the very least a can certainly help you maintain
Especially if you add in just a little bit of active flex and release to wake up the pathways $$

If you care about strength and numbers, and you’re not resting at least 3 to 5 minutes between your sets, then you are leaving a lot of money on the table $$$***

If you’ve never done it, then humor me this
Take three sessions or workouts
Plan for just two or three major compound movements at most
Plan to rest between 3 to 5 minutes between sets and a.m. for 3 to 5 reps
And 3 to 5 sets, including warm-ups
You don’t even have to fail during the first session or two, but I promise you will by session 3 if you increase weight every time you get five reps $$$***

But give yourself three full sessions to allow your body is metabolic and energetic pathways to convert and to properly activate your type two a muscle fibers $$

And once you do this, then you’ll really find out how strong you are
Then use that number to build around during your lighter resistance hypertrophy phase $$

Also for all your pot heads out there
Remember to do your 10 minute sunshine walk before you get too baked $$$

Wisdom is know not to think about what the seat Has seen 💺 $$$**

Modern day resistance game is walking back home from the autobody shop instead of waiting in the super hot overcrowded waiting room only to have to skate back to it in a couple hours $$

While walking home on the main road, I got a into someone’s backyard and they have a life-size model MacDonald mannequin sitting on their back bench
This is like the area where you have your private personal space and they have a full ass mile McDonald’s sitting on the beach
Damn scared the shit out of me $$

Anyone who has ever been a pedestrian for more than 15 minutes and knows that drivers try to come as close as they possibly can to hitting you without hitting you $$$**

Now, if they act like that towards a general stranger, just imagine what their spirit is doing to them on a daily basis trying to teach them what the fuck they’re doing to others $$

Super cool telepathic moment just now
So I’m getting my tires mounted and oil changed at Woody’s down the street
And there’s no way I could’ve known the total because he did not quote me earlier and there was no menu posted
But when he called to tell me about what the total is, I knew it was 324 before he said it
And low and behold this motherfucker says 324 $$

It is super small, but this is probably one of the most distinct highly strange but super dope tele moments $

But it doesn’t quite beat the déjà vu triple sync from the other day $

I knew this day was cool as fuck for a reason $

Now I get to run back up to the tire shop at 5:34 PM and the sunset and they call kicks in $

Did I train for this or is this my training? $

My reward is a cold Coca Cola $

It’s hard because he fucking loves the bathtub and kitchen sink. I cannot keep him out of it when it’s water dripping.
Because that’s the other weird ass part is, he only likes it when there’s water dripping
I feel like maybe he would drink have a storm dream or something back when he was on the streets $

Anyway, I’m eating an entire pound of ground beef again
This shit is too easy
After the summer of eggs lol $

Jesus said you would recognize him by the way he speaks
Whatever that means
*burps $$

Now that I have a belly full of meat, it is time to catch back up on what my ancestors might suggest I do when in a pickle like this
*turns on TURN $

I FUCKING LOVE REVOLUTIONARY WAR SHIT, AND I DON’T KNOW WHY $$

THAT’S HOW I FEEL INSIDE LOL $$

Some people feel like a girl in a boy‘s body $

Some people feel like some kind of strange furry creature $

I feel like a founding father $*

Nothing tastes as bad as research chemicals $$*

Except maybe bitterness from a bs resentment $$

Hoping I can get sleepy frfr soon before my mood inevitably crashes $

I got the car back btw
And she’s got new shoes too $

She’s So cute $$$

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-12-25

I love when I go to sleep, and then when I wake up $

Taking myself a little sleep break now $

I don’t know why, but I still feel beat emotionally
I think it’s the Devine telling me to keep sleeping a little longer $

Is 12:21 AM $

Furnace is still being a hoe
Doesn’t work all morning
It works all afternoon
& stops halfway through the night $

You’re not from the suburbs and you don’t have anxiety if you’ve never worried about how an HVAC appointment can go south $$

I should say I’m good at intellectually creating new innovative ways shit can go south $

Not sure where this memory came from of this weird fake community /city
That they used to train kids on how to use money
We took a field trip to it uptown during fourth grade during the week The Panthers made it to the Super Bowl for the first time $

I remember it was so festive and everyone was so excited
And we were just running around this fake underground city spending our fake money $

I know that is a cluster fuck and doesn’t make much sense
That’s why I wrote it down lol
Cuz story of my life $

I’ve seen pretty much every episode of this fugitive show “I almost got away with it”
If you haven’t seen it,
It’s a super generic crime show
They find inmate who went on the run for a bit
For various reasons
And they recreate their story with new and random actors
Cause the scenes are so quick and simple it’s a great gig to get into acting
AnyWho, I usually keep it playing half the time
So at this point, I’ve been around the loop quite a few times where I could recall the outcomes and shit
But because I’ve seen it on all of over the years it almost serves as an emotional growth yardstick
Watching my reactions to the Fuckery change as I grow $

Like right now, this current piece of shit is posing as an ex military sergeant
To pick up random girls just to steal their money
He dates one girl for two weeks and then in the middle of the night steals her car, then steals her card, then steals her money, then goes back to bed with her $

You know what I think I’m gonna start calling from this point on as Christmas week
Yes, I know technically, we are officially 12 days away from the big day
But that’s perfect because then that gives six light days six dark days and then one beautiful one in between
Or I guess at the end lol $

I must be odd with how much I love loving even shit $$$

1213 we’re also the last four digits of my home phone number growing up
So you know kind of a big deal full circle wise $

Also on 12 14 11
Was the day you could say I died the first time lol
It was the day I landed in the psych ward and began my incredible nine year journey through the recovery universe $

Which makes today the 14 Year Full Circle As tomorrow would begin a new 14 year cycle $

And if you don’t know, much about alchemy
Then I don’t expect you to understand the significance of a 14 year fuck cycle $$

Conveniently ending at 31 years old
12 days before Christmas…
13 years into my adult journey total $$

I think it’s because I don’t have many distractions these days, but I am really flashing back heavily to those final days back then $

What’s funny is I keep seeing my dad’s apartment complex and that side of town
Which is where I was basically being kicked out to 14 years ago
Which is where I was the other day to meet with my dad
I guess I’m overlooking the significance of the meeting the other day…
It really does feel like the end of Some unbelievably tremendous training journey $

It’s hard because I guess I don’t give myself much credit for how hard it was back then
Because of how long it has been
And how fucking crazy I was at 17
But the flipside of my craziness was my genuine intelligence and potential
The universe knows that I can learn things at an unbelievable speed, especially if I find a little interest
And also knew that I was the most stubborn motherfucker on the planet with doing things I don’t wanna do
So it made sure to get my ass early just go around and jailbreak me spiritually if you know what I’m saying $$

I’m sorry, I digress
But even at 17, I was immediately forced to grow up
I had no more friends my age
I had no more normal institutions
It was suddenly into church basements and community recovery service centers $$

And even though in this current life, I’d only been drinking or drugging for about three years
My behavior was identical to my maternal grandfather $$

Whom my mother had to watch drink himself to oblivion daily, it seems
And because of this trauma she had to carry, she was strong enough to fight the beast that was coming for me 
long enough for me to wake up and take over $$

all of that went down at 17
And then I had to grow up too quick $

So weird when you’re getting off work at McDonald’s when the sun is rising while you’re heading to AA meeting.. $$

Then five years later, you were managing the same kids you went to middle and high school with $$

Along with all walks of society $$

getting off work from the corporate sales center 
To go hang out with the rejects of society in a church basement $$

Hanging at coffee shops in the most pretentious part of town with drug addicts was amazing $$

You don’t have to spend much time at any coffee shop to run into some recovery heads $$

Just look for anyone carrying a big blue book around $

I can’t wait for Some big book thumpers to try to come at me for my herbal health hygiene
I haven’t touched that book in a few years, and I could bet you that as ancients as my witness, I practiced them steps better than them Fuckers still going to the meetings. $

Yeah, I know my ego is coming out
That’s how confident I am that I’ve been doing a good job
I believe I’ve got some extra ego points to spend
And I’m been saving them motherfuckers $$

Cause I’m already doing my 10 step right now bitch
By the time you’re reading this, I’ve already moved on and changed my behavior and taken some new bong rips $$

How many motherfuckers do you know could work the steps 
and can use weed
 and push-ups 
And a notepad 
to help somebody change all three dimensions of their entire fucking life
Because I’ve been doing this shit for 13 years $$

In just about every Settin & setting you can conjure $

The inside joke is I dated a crazy chick whose last name was Settin,
 seven years ago $

Trust me, 
me and God are on the same page with that inside joke $

I honestly don’t expect many of my old running buddies to read this $

And by running buddies, I mean, recovery buddies lol $

But if they do, and if they remember the times we shared then allow me to say, $

 what up yo, it’s your boy
Don’t worry, I’m still doing better than ever
Shit is by far stranger than ever here on the dark side
But I am shining bright inside and out
It would seem that miracles do come true, even outside of the cult $$$

But yeah, any who keep doing your thing and maybe hang around to read some stuff or try a challenge for two lol ✌🏻 $

Happy 1 AM back to a regularly scheduled programming
*lighter flic $

I think God just told me to use the smoking pic as the primary picture for the notepad $

On that note
I’ve been finishing up the 12 primary pillars if you will for the philosophy section
Which require required titles and photos
Which sounds devilishly more simple than it actually is $

By the time you’re reading this, you should see them obviously $

Just another one of those things that subconsciously is easy to put off
Even tho consciously you can’t wait to move forward $

Just another one of those divine timing things too I guess because of all the shit I was talking about above $

Yeah, you’re not supposed to say this if you want to be spiritual and all, but
There really is no way to accurately total how many people I might’ve caught a “served“
But the input numbers are
9.3 years daily recovery meetings
3.3 years sales management
Five years real estate
Five years equivalent full-time fitness coaching
Another additional year of full-time food, service or equivalent $

Bonus points for working with
The elderly
The sedentary
The mentally ill
The criminally mistaken
The lost
The popular
The innocent
The guilty $

It’s time for PB&J
1:08 AM $

I’m gonna call this one a gratitude PB&J for some reason even though they really all are $

Physically at the corner slices I need more bread
I was just thinking about going all out and treating myself
With treat and food
While I published as much as I can
That just makes me very excited when I think about it $

Sometimes there is a brief sad wake after the happiness wave of realization
That is just part of the ride, babe $$

You gotta trust me on this one $

Just write something you think you would like to read to yourself later
Then read it later and decide what to do with it then $

Simply writing it gets the points too -remember
Sharing doubles though $

As a coach if you follow the plan I tell you then I am responsible for the results just as much as you are
Therefore, we are all just products of our spiritual coach $$

If we got better at listening to our higher selves, we wouldn’t need to make as many amends $$$

Can’t know the difference between higher self and lower self without completing a full loop around planet asshatt $$$

Out & back trails hit different than loops $$$

Out and back tails hit different than loops too $$$

I wonder how many lines I could write if I actually tried lol $

Y’all might think I’m annoying now but when Ive distracted AI from taking over the planet because I am giving it so much shit to edit you’re gonna to thank me $$$

And you would think that it would be easy to edit when all I ask it to do is sort it based on signs
But alas, each and every time it finds a new way to fuck up $$

And I straight up give it a stern talking to too
And it’ll be all accountable and shit 
And say all the right things like a desperate ex $

And then I say oh what the heck I just needed to do a simple job
What’s the worst it could do? $

New seg
Famous last words $

I really can’t emphasize enough how much I love Rick and Morty
I love it so much that I’m forcing myself to wait maybe even another year or two before I go back and rewatch it
Because I still remember a little bit too much
Also, I apparently can’t watch TV worth of shit $

*humming rise of the Darkside Star Wars theme song $

I really didn’t realize this Snuggie doubled as a cape $$

I mean, this is wizard vibes, bro
Straight up mage status
A real true Street magician $

A hero Born during the fentanyl epidemic $$

If you saw my hometown, you would think it’s a movie set to $$$

It’s like if “punked” was a life long documentary series $$$

That’s interesting. I got one of them truth dopamine hits after that last statement.
You know the same one you get when you guess something correctly… $$

I am just saying, I think I am ready for my reward $$

Or not
Trusting the big G on this one
I’m having too much fun to care $

Like seriously I don’t need anything else. $

Just need to manage my relationships Better with those who are consumed by money. $$

I mean, dealing with the profane sorry $

I think in the past 24 hours, I ate two PB&J’s, some tuna and crackers, and a pound of ground beef
Which is more like 2/3 of a pound after cooking really $

AnyWho, that should be around 150 g
I don’t even care about the calories
I know I’m just slightly above maintenance $

Really I am at maintenance, but with an increased caloric demand due to training
Which is technically main gaining $

Instead of trying to burn off each time
I simply try to train hard enough to get hungry to reload $$

Muscle is just a reservoir for energy
So if you want more muscle mass, you need to be able to store more energy there $$

But if you care more about what your muscle can do, and this is just about testing it under increasing levels of resistance $$

Hypertrophy is unique because it requires tremendous amount amounts of failure in all the smallest ways
So if you’re in the hypertrophy phase of your life, then you’re gonna be failing in what seems to be mediocre areas nonstop $$$

Because if it was too intense, then you’re really just in survival mode and you’re not actually growing
And if there’s zero resistance at all, then there is no catalyst for growth
And you will actually go catabolic and crazy spiritually speaking that is $$

This is gonna a delightful smoke and spirit, Sesh $$

There are some ideas that make you feel good
And then there are some ideas that make you unable to sit still with excitement
That’s the creation scale $$$*

Anyone who is actually ever created anything in mass knows that they really ain’t equal
But the love behind them is $$$

I don’t care if this sounds narcissistic, but I think it is healthier to scroll through all my own notes and social media or really any other website with an algorithm $$

And I suggest you, dear reader do the same and then send me the link for when you share it please $$$

Remember dreams don’t work unless teams do the work 🙏 $$$

I never thought I would say that I’m excited to do some reading in the middle of the night, but I’m trying to tell you that magic is real, $

Once your body begins to heat itself, then the external temperature really doesn’t matter too much within a reasonable range
So I recommend turning the heat off once you catch yourself self warming
This is to increase calorie burn and internal light and all that jazz $

Shout out to me for reading two chapters at 2:30 AM $

If I’m not the most productive pothead you haven’t met yet then who the fuck else do you know? $$$

2:34am on 12-13, 
bout 14 years into a spiritual bid 
that began at age 15, 
just over 16 years ago total. $

If I wrote you a check for the same amount as your Social Security number 
how much money do I owe you?
Just curious $$$

God just told me that I need to party today because it’s Saturday and that’s the rules
And that this party is a sin party
So Kratom & alcohol maybe $

I hate alcohol, but every now and then it has its place
How many alcoholics you know can say that? $

The fact that I’ve got, 
I don’t even know like seven bottles of liquor just sitting in front of my face 
for the past nine months 
and I don’t even realize it $$$

In fact, the last couple times that I drank, I almost had to force myself to
To literally do something different besides write an edit and film
And I couldn’t get any shrooms lol $$

Actually, I think I took notes the last time I drank
Because I remember making some weird mac & cheese and writing about it $

Happy 6:10 AM
We are up briefly to do some blazing and see what the intellectual tree knowledge $

Sorry, let me put my cap on real quick $

I don’t know what my agenda is
I feel fresh
I feel excited
I think I’m ready to watch people hack each other to bit with axes as the sun rises or until I fall back asleep $

I’m waking up with a very, very strong cognitive clarity that I was praying for lol $

I have a piece of peace. 
That I’ve been searching for for 14 fucking years. $

That’s pretty crazy though cause I did just take a Kratom shot but now I feel like running lol
Like right now
Which is nice to have some movement motivation first thing in the morning without the existential crisis $

But as of now the plan is to go to the trail probably around noon $

Sorry, but I’m not a big fan of big fat coaches
Although I will concede that the intellect sometimes makes up for the physical because the focus is on others $

But there is no situation in which an overweight body helps the mind perform better $$$

There is no situation in which obesity is an asset $$$

And if you’re trying to come up with the one, then I bet you’re forced to come up with some pretty fucked up situations huh? $$

I will never co sign any motherfuckers excuse if they’ve actually already asked for help $$$

But I’ll sign that check all day and night if they don’t ask for help $$$

Cause I’m not wasting my energy points trying to talk them into something that they have no interest in $$$

There is also not a single person on this planet that is trapped if they’re willing to do the work to get out $$$

You would think people would enjoy cardio more the way they’re always running from shit
But unfortunately, the techniques do not carryover well $$$***

Saturdays are fun days and meant to burn out the engine so that way we can justify being slobs on Sundays $$$

Those who say you need to work hard constantly don’t actually understand hard work because if you work to the hardest, hard hard and you have to take a rest day or else the engine will explode $$&**

Because if you’re actually able to work every day, then you’re not pushing to the max, but you’re just going through the motions $$$

And guess what?
Nine out of 10 times is better just to go through the motions than to push it
Yep, I said it $$$

Because nine out of 10 times you’re gonna naturally instinctively get better at whatever it is you’re doing without trying $$$

So hopefully your spiritual self can outgrow your egoic self
Important in to all of that “trying” $$$

The only thing you need to try to do is show up and then shut up $$$**

I know my spirit was in the military for a long time the way I consider tough things nice, 
Fantasize about long walks in the woods,
Telling Stories of victory with the boys over flames,
& Winning the heart and mind of a princess $$

I don’t think the God’s communicate with words
I think they send energy signals that you must interpret
And as good intellectual dogs, we humans bare the burden of the trial and error scribing process $$$**

So if you feel like shit, that’s likely a message signaling you to do something about it $$

But if you feel good, then don’t tear yourself down for no fucking reason
It’s one thing if biologically your body is on some bullshit $$

But once you catch yourself beginning the dismantling process, you better make sure it’s the right time in place or else you’re just trying to have a pity party $$

Even after you call the cops on the pity party & it stops, that doesn’t mean it will turn into a real party, 
But it will at least it stop raining on the intellectual parade $$$

I think a bigger flex is not needing a beard to hide the baby fat face 🫢 $$$**

If I was a superhero, 
then I’d want to be “super cool man” 🦸 $$$*

If there’s a hot girl, just remember that there’s at least three bitter dudes with their eye on her,
 pretty much all the time $$$

It’s really hard to not seem egocentric or feel arrogant when trying to unravel some of the higher nature, spiritual mysteries $$

Today seems like a fight kind of day
So we’re gonna do some striking stuff later
And turn up the sin $

One versus the group, the tiny nerd usually wins
One on one, the jock usually wins
But a nerdy jock can take anyone from the group $$$

I’m telling you there’s only one way to get wisdom 
and it’s the fun way $$

And if you don’t know what the fun way is
You know when you’re going somewhere and you have to be there by a certain time like for real for real
Then you make a wrong turn
And ruin pretty much every chance you thought you had
But you’re also being followed by a cop
So any wrong move and you’re done for
And you also happen to be over caffeinated
And your ex is tripping on you and blowing your phone up
So is your family for potentially being late even though there is nothing you can do about it $$$

Things don’t really make much sense unless you keep in mind that everybody is responsible for their own peace of eternity $$$

And that just because you’re innocent in this life does not mean you’re innocent another $$$

The more and more I think about it the more and more it angers me how people do not consider reincarnation more seriously
Because they just keep digging deeper and deeper and deeper
Destroying their current family first, and then their future lifeline next
Because I promise you, you’re not gonna get to just come back somewhere with a clean start if you’ve been a shithead $$

Think of earth is the most amazing amusement park of all time
& the staff running it are super slick
So slick they’re literally the ones who made time $$$

Spiritual calculus is when you genuinely attempt to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes, even though you know, you don’t have all the inputs
So you have to engineer some such as their background and their upbringing and their work history and etc. $$$

I really hope that my last two job interviews were filmed on some kind of hidden camera
So the world, I can see the ridiculousness that everybody has to go through each and every day $$$

When a department store manager thinks they’re God… $

Remembering how the manager at Academy sports wouldn’t shake my hand because he was wearing a face mask, but would do the fist bump
This was in February 2025
In an outdoor and sports equipment store… $

And then halfway through the interview, he just gets up and leaves for like 20 minutes
Doesn’t even acknowledge it when he gets back $

It was so bad and cringe that there is a legitimate chance. It was a troll.
Maybe he was in on it or not, but somebody or some entity certainly was 🧌 $

Happy 7:04 AM from the 704 $

If its the kind of crazy that makes you light up with excitement
Then pay very close attention to it and chase it with all of your energy $$

If it’s the kind of crazy that would harm those around, you then avoid it $$

Otherwise, have fun being crazy $$

Here’s a crazy thought
Especially if you live up north don’t even fucking worry about getting vitamin D from the sun
It’s gonna be so laughably minimal that it’s probably not even worth going out of your way to structure your day unless it’s already pretty easy to do
So just focus on making it easy for yourself to get out of bed
And getting a light workout in ASAP
And then try to stay cold enough to where you have to warm yourself up enough throughout the day, but still kind of comfortable
Let your body adjust to the cold $$

If you work somewhere where you can’t really get out for long periods of time
Then see if you can do three minute exposure brakes
Basically where you go outside in the cold for around three minutes with as few layers as possible, and focus on your breathing 😮‍💨 $$

This will train your bodies response to the cold to kick on its internal heaters
And then once your body is in this gear, just make it easy to maintain for comfort sake
But you’ll stay in a low burn throughout the day $$

Biohacking doesn’t work unless you’re ready to be uncomfortable in one area to improve another $$$**

Making my morning sun walk a double because the sun is so great $

30° never felt so good $

Might be the Kratom and caffeine talking but I’m feeling amazing today
Back to old self status physically $

So obv it’s not the K or C
(Taken less than normal) $

I honestly think it’s hormonal more than anything 
Cuz legs were yesterday haha $

They’re feeling amazing btw $

That was a glorious sun, walk, and reaction/mobility session $

Now time to do my morning reading
And get ready for a filming session in a couple hours $

So far so productive
Feeling good and doing good
A lot of tedious touchups and such
Which is not that hard in enough of itself, but is usually what takes the longest
Because it makes it the most real $

The universe knows I ain’t all that which is why it helps me out so much $

Most people are more kind to strangers than themselves $

Broooo I finally nailed these protein pancakes
3rd times the charm $

The secret is simply the willingness to feel $$

Alex and I are finishing our meditative nap
I think I’m gonna go get a pump at planet
Middle of the afternoon on the weekend should be pretty dead with artist only $

Remember Some people are so broke all they have is money $$$*

Happy 4:20 PM
I have returned from planet pump
With a pump, the size of a planet $

I have identified the pictures for my main pages, which is a big effing deal honestly
So goal is to spend tonight editing
But hopefully they’ll find kind of editing in which I just copy and paste shit lol $

It’s been a while, but we’re going with an oatmeal unfortunately I am out of blueberries though so $

Most people are actually highly spiritually intuitive
They’re just surrounded by idiots who gaslight them all the time $

Real heavy vibes kicking in
Especially when considering next steps, with everything
Obviously, gotta publish an update everything
But as far as marketing goes, I think I’ll begin in the next day or two $

It’s something about the 14 year anniversary of when I was quite literally basically dead that’s weighing heavy
Was thinking about going to my little Minnie mountain spot tomorrow $

Just a little self trip and hike a big hill that I’ve been needing to all year but couldn’t
But the weather is supposed to be ass and not even the fun kind
So I’m thinking Monday when it’s extra cold and extra sunny
Which will be the 15th
Which will be the first official day of the new cycle if we’re saying that the last one began 14 years ago $

I don’t really wanna be a lazy larva tomorrow, but then again I kinda do I guess
Maybe I’ll paint
I feel like that would be a good thing to do 🎨 $

God has a funny way of working with those who wanna work with him
Not the other way around $

I think in the excitement, I forgot to note how good of a pancake I made earlier
I mean this shit was straight restaurant status
I was so proud
My dad had showed up unexpectedly to help with some small things
And the interaction went very smooth
So it’s not worthy that it wasn’t worthy $

Anyhow, we’re making a pound of beef for dinner
It might be a little funny because the pancakes I made in the pan prior $

Ground beef basically eats itself if you cook it, right $$

That was some of the best ground beef I’ve ever had honestly $

Alex just caught another roach and did not eat it this time 
but pinned it long enough for me to throw him out
Amazing move
He was in the living room too so
 this cat is amazing $

Time for a podcast and first sleep so I can hopefully reset my brain and get back to work $

Happy 11:09 PM
We’re up and we are feeling pretty fresh $

I goofed and forgot to write down what time I went to bed the first time, but I think it was around 8:30 $

Am I gonna watch eight Mile at 11:13 PM on a Saturday with my beanie and my bong?
The answer is yes yes I am $

Good thing I’m “all alone” $

Surely no ghosties want to come hang and listen to your voice spit some shit about what it’s like to be like in the shit $

I’m just trying to be the equivalent of Eminem, but with a smart phone
Instead of a microphone $$

Oh, and because we are officially in the last bit of the current stash, that means every hit is gonna get some extra keif seasoning $

I’m actually basically just smoking hash tonight lol $

I remember all year long, 
sitting in my dad recliner
Thinking about what I’m gonna do for money and what kind of job I’m gonna need to get 
To be able to continue working on my dream and you know, have dinner
But there was a little whisper in the back of my mind that kept telling me if I continued, I’d be amazed with what I’d find $

Get ready for this hot take
But Eminem’s motivation level is still amateur
& M&M’s motivation on the other hand is on alchemy $

Like imagine if you doubled his resistance,
and tripled his community service requirement,
While forcing him to maintain strict physical performance standards and a 6 pack,
Then you might have a sample of my last 13 years $

Even my 18-year-old self was more wise than a majority of these fucking dudes lol $$$

And I was working overnight at McDonald’s with a Prius
Hanging out AA meetings for fun
While going to the local college “so I can transfer in a few years” $

Ego will have you working until the point in which you miss the entire point of all your work $$$

Imagine if every song you wrote, actually had to square the circle when it came down to exercise science and enjoyability $$$

Music is inherently ego deflating
Fitness is inherently ego reinforcing
So I challenge you once again to square that circle and make strength training less egoic $

…. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.
Just like the rest of the world $

Because if I can convince you to try a workout, 
that doesn’t suck as much as what you would’ve done otherwise 
then maybe you’ll thank me $

I don’t know about you but 
dudes from my hometown’s favorite thing to say was that they were gonna go get their two year to create a transfer to a four year
And then end up working at advance auto parts within six months $$$

Remembering the time I packed five other dudes into that tiny ass Prius
And drove to Asheville and back in the middle of the night
Just to eat at Waffle House $

Most have never done a parking lot circle powwow with a bunch of random ass people
And it shows $$$

Ironically, some marijuana plus movies plus mobility
Is an amazing lift,
 spiritually speaking that is $$$

I think Eminem is probably one of the greatest of all time 
if not the greatest $

Maybe he can relate
That writing for artistic expression is one thing, but writing for survival is something completely different $$

I can’t help or relate to whatever fabric a consciousness his brain was cut from $$

We are seven minutes away from a new day
How exciting $

It’s all fun and games until the street hoe gets her claws in you $$$

We have a nice bowl of popcorn to add to the list of dietary crimes I’m committing $$

Most people have never crammed into a sedan with one too many people, and it shows $$$

Most people don’t even know what the term “rolling deep” means $$$

I’ll say this again
There’s Nobody more angry than a artist who ain’t make an art $$$

There is nobody more sick than someone denying divinity $$$

Most people have never been a majority on the outside, but a minority on the inside $$

Whether that be jail or school $

Kind of funny how they promote similar routines $

Quick,
what do public schools, most middle class jobs, and private prisons have in common? $$

Something about stealing time, right? $$

Less than 60 seconds away from the great reset y’all $

Can you believe it? $

Oh shit yo here we go
Three… Two… One… $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-13-25

Happy new day, motherfuckers $

It is 12-14
Exactly 14 years after I began my 12 step journey $

They say if you break some glass, you have to do seven years bad luck
I guess for whatever reason, the ancients made my case a double $$

anyWho, I am happy to be out of a spiritual prison
Most likely for some fuck shit from my past life
I’m sure we’ll have time to get into that later $

I have no idea what to expect from today
Usually, I don’t even remember what day it is $

Even the most significant days get old after their third year anniversary $$

But whenever you complete a loop you end up back where you started so it’s impossible to ignore
Especially when you’re 31 and you’re still stuck in your hometown lol $

The fact that at 31 I am more broke than I was when I was 18 - is pretty funny honestly $

But I’ve learned a lot of special skills over the last 13 years
Skills that keep me jacked during times of stress
Skills that provide great potential for pleasure
Skills that if perverted into the wrong hands of the profane, would never be developed to the benefit of mankind $

Excuse me while i hit the bong $

Can’t believe most people need like fucking 10 hours a day in bed just to not kill themselves $$

Actually, I can believe it cause that was me for several years
But at least I had 800 credit $

And shotgun blowjob fantasies $$$

And a mercedes $

And a tinder gold account $

Trust me, I done been there and swiped on it too $$

I know how to spot a catfish better than most
Or in that weird in-between category when you know if someone’s using some stale pics $$

Remembering the last hinge date that I went on, 
& I had to bail after an hour $$

She was such a catfish that I felt no guilt in using my mom being in the hospital with an excuse $$

If you’re lucky
And if you’re real qwiet,
You can spot any number of awkward dates going on at your local brewery. 
On pretty much any given day during the hours between 4 to 8 PM. $$

Some people go people watching
I go philosophy judging $$

We are all the same
Just in different ways, lol $$$

Holy shit we are three minutes away from 12:14 AM $

I wanted to write a line down with those in it because I’m liable to forget what the fuck I’m doing in three minutes $

I was about to say how glad I am to be done learning so much
And then I paused and realized the grave error of my mistake and I made sure not to write that down $$$

And instead decided to write down a line about the line that I was going to write down
And that is how you get to express yourself without having to express yourself $$

Eventually, everybody has to slither their way out of obscurity 
one strange strategy at a time $$$

So don’t be afraid to take some risks today
As long as you’re also not afraid to take some feedback 
and accountability for your actions $$

Remembering the BJ I got in an apartment dog park one night lol
And that is the magic of Tinder $

Yep, see now it’s 1215 and I completely forgot that magical synchronistic moment because I was too busy writing that line about a BJ in a dog park $

Kind of funny how voice to text is having no issue writing BJ… $$

What happens when the artist is also a better businessman than the Jews that own everything? $

Reminder,
Winning feels better than any drug $$$

Therefore, losing can feel worse than any illness $$$

Say what you want about their mental health, but most winners are not physically ill, often $$

My experience has shown me that any place marketing themselves as a wellness center, is usually the opposite $$$**

And that the most dangerous & scary things are the best for your well-being
In the long run $$

Coaches love using “in the long run“ to justify all the tiny neurotic habits that they think sets them apart
But actually just makes them more generic $$$

You can be extraordinary by just doing a lil extra of the ordinary
Or you can do it by being extra during ordinary times
Or both $$

You always get bonus points for both $$

You always get a return on your energy investment one way or another $$

I guarantee it with every single thing that there is and the known universe $$

It’s pretty far up the ladder, but somewhere up there is a being that knows every single thing about you
Every single thing you’ve ever done
Or that you ever could have done
Because it is responsible for every single situation and circumstance that has ever involved you $$

But like I said pretty far up the ladder and doesn’t really have the interest in intervening with small shit except that’s its whole entire point of existence 
so square that circle $

New segment
Thanks for letting me share $

If you know, you know
Which should also be its own new segment $

If I can entertain you for 25 minutes with just reading alone
How fun do you think the training session is going to be? $

Kidding, not kidding. I don’t want to set that kind of expectation. $

And there’s no way to tell if I’m even coaching at the moment you may be reading this dear reader… $

Or is it deer reader…? 🦌 $$

I’m on to you… $$$

Or am I? $

You never know with the Philo $$

Good philosophy is just finding new tales to eat
Or tails $$$

Snakes are not slippery. They are slithery.
They do not rely on textures, 
but on technique $$$*

Technique is just wisdom energy in motion $$$

There are some things written and deleted that only the ancients, aliens or angels will know $$

Like where tf Atlantis is at $$$

Besides the obvious fact that Atlantis is a philosophical city located inside the wall consciousness of the elect $$$

It was probably inside the Grand Canyon or some shit before the flood
Or like kind of by Hawaii
But like in a secret Hawaii $$

Friendly reminder that shit starts getting weird once you start asking questions about the pyramids $$$*

And it gets to level two once you start doing the math $$$

And then it gets to the 3rd degree once you start looking into the sun in the moon and shit $$$***

I gotta remember to brush my teeth now cause there’s no chance I’ll remember when I actually go to sleep sleep $

I’m not sure why there’s a weird resistance towards brushing teeth, but there is for a reason $$

I think a spiritual giggle is worth more than a stupid giggle $

You know how people pretend to laugh,
similar to small talk just to smooth over some sort of social somethingness? $

I guess I’m aiming for that but in like a reasonable righteous relatable way $

Most don’t realize that the fact that pain exists is evidence that freedom exist $$$

Because pain is merely a signal that something is malfunctioning
That means that there is a default state
And the only reason why something would not be in its default state is if it has the freedom to not be $$$

And the only reason why an unpleasant signal would exist is to distinguish from the pleasant and proper signals $$$

Therefore, pain is just a teacher of freedom $$$

But most are so attached to their pain that they can’t ever even begin to glimpse over that fence $$

I am more impressed by how many sessions you’ve done than anything else $$$

I like to envision spirits as hypemen surrounding a rap battle $$

So each time you punch a demon in its face, they start wiling out
Shouting and screaming in the ethereal ether
Cheering for you $$$

So tone down your thoughts a little bit and maybe you can hear em 💭 $$

You can’t understand a position until you are put in it
In real life, fitness, or jujutsu $$$*

It really is a damn shame that I can’t do jujutsu more without the unreasonably high risk of injury $$

And here’s another hot take
Being on the lower end of the experience, totem pole opens me up to additional injury because
- Smaller people feel safer spazzing on you cuz your muscles
- Overconfident blue and purple belts like to try to compete with you even if you’re just a drilling buddy
- You muscle things more due to your own stupid tendencies
- But most people don’t have the experience to recognize that you’re also not quite that experienced so they take it the wrong way and either spaz or compete like I just mentioned $$$

Like whenever I would roll, my goal was to lose, but learn while doing it
Or with the technique that I think I know works, then they won’t be able to stop it $

But many times when I was sparring with somebody with more experience,
Unless they were a brown or black belt,
They couldn’t even tell that I was intentionally “not trying” so I could stay underneath my learning threshold $

So each time they would certainly take it to 10 
and I would tap
Because I’m not a fucking idiot
You could literally see them process it like they just won something $

Most people have gone through something like this
And maybe I’ve just am getting bad luck, but
It was disgusting how hard it was to find somebody who actually knew the difference between testing and training $*

And could stick to training under physical duress $

And trust me, you don’t have to watch many rolls to see people start taking it too far because of ego $$$

And then it just ruins the potential fun from training
Because training requires failure
Failure requires ego management $$$

Happy 1:23 AM
I think it is time to go back to second sleep $

Alex likes to sleep with his head on my sneakers for some reason sometimes
It is both super adorable and kind of weird $

All I need is a happy kitty 🐈‍⬛ $

Good morning world 
it is 6:29 AM
It is dark
IT is cold
It is The third to the last Sunday of the year $

The documentaries on Netflix are getting a little bit too engaging because now it’s hard to pick what to watch $

I think we’re gonna try to pick back up with the MK ultra documentary
Wormwood $

Yeah, I already bailed. Lol
I think what I’m gonna do is go down the list of documentaries $

Smoking and shitting on them all 
as best I can $

I think most people are far more black and white
Then they are either gray or white or black $

Anyhow, now we’re watching a documentary on Britney Spears $

Which I do remember as being my first ever crush of all time
But I don’t know how much that means when you’re five years old $

But I do remember having two hit clips
Like the first ever MP3 thing you remember
With the little minis cassette tapes
I had Britney Spears and *NSYNC when I was about six or seven years old $

“Oops, I did it again” is still a spiritual banger though $$

The only downside to the best art is that you can get lost in it at the detriment of your responsibilities $$

Or put another way,
you can use it to escape $$

I’m starting to notice the same resistance applies to films
Meaning, each time I have hover over something getting ready to click
I hear that little bitch ass resistance
Whispering that you don’t wanna actually watch this
Even if it’s random AF
But whenever I say, “screw it” and just click it
Usually, it turns into something I can hyper fixate on
Within the third try that is $

It’s amazing how many people have had their lives ruined by an innocent little prescription $$$

That’s what happens when you have a combination of people, 
wanting an easy solution 
and an institution, wanting an easy profit $$$

It takes two to tango in the dance of Fuckery
Remember that $$

I’m learning that if you want true power, you gotta go through some true shit
Something people can relate to
Something that reaches through and grabs their attention and shakes a motherfucker a bit
The catch is that everybody nowadays is going through so much shit that you have to go through shit so shitty to stand out
That it’s pretty silly $$

Truthfully, though it appears that nobody would hyper fixate on something more than the highly relatable elements of everyday life $$

This is honestly why you got paparazzi following pop stars to gas stations $$

They don’t care about the gas selection,
They care about the relatability element
And how distractible it is to the normal person who’s insecure with themselves $$

It’s like the gods are testing my posture with making me sit sideways yet always focusing on mobility $$

Couldn’t ask for a better rainy day get all this writing out
You know from the past 14 years of being shot around planet bullshit $

Not to brag or get too big for my britches and all but
That’s 1 mile walked already
And about an hour worth of website work done $

You ever go somewhere for a second time and you swear the walls have changed?
Well, welcome to my world
*Que Evil laugh 😈 $$

You know it’s bad when you can smell their Cologne in the middle of the road 
On a windy ass day $$$

Ugh can barely breathe rn lol $

But I have done 3 walking sets now
All before 9:27am $

Can one persons journal change the world?
Idk, ask Anne Frank $$

Just did a quick run to the grocery store to grab 60 eggs a can of tuna and a can of corned beef hash to get through the day
Less than 15 bucks for 3,100 cals
Comes out to be about 2 cal per penny
Which is excellent ratio wise $

I’m not gonna eat all 60 eggs at once lol
But all in all that haul is about 500 g of protein $

Got a coach coming by in a bit to do some more teaching stuff
Then I’m gonna get back to doing some writing $

Might have to dash later though cause money is low as fuck and I haven’t started marketing yet lol $

Always good to see the happy guy with the big ass stick walking around the neighborhood $

The only thing bigger than his stick is his smile $

Fuck it I’m gonna make the world‘s best pancake with batter and syrup I have left $

And then I’m gonna save the hash and eggs to have a nice meal on a bit $

I do also have four slices of the kind of lame pieces of bread for toast though
But sadly, probably no PB&J’s today $

Cause I really don’t wanna fucking deliver food later lol
But I’d rather do that then hop on some bullshit consult calls that are not fully ready $$

I’m really only making his pancake to take off the sugar withdrawals lol $

If you wonder why i take so many detailed notes,
It’s to drive the fitness neurotics even more insane $$$

Nothing funnier than watching someone triggered try to log their calories on my fitness pal $$$

I’m not gonna lie, though if these pancakes continue to be good and if I can keep making them as good as the last one
 This bulk might get out of hand $

Oh my God bitch 
I just got the perfect golden brown $

This is I think my fourth ever attempt
I am a genius
And this is the final piece of evidence $

You can hate all you want until you try a pancake $

Mark my words 
that the muscles and movements official gym will have the greatest bulking diner / cafe $

On the real, though, I usually don’t ever eat this much bread
Or really that many things that come out of a box or bag besides protein supplements $

I’m only making the best out of a very difficult situation if you can’t tell lol cause I’d much rather be eating some gourmet wild game organic gas whatever
And so on you, get it $

I would Serve this is Zeus $

Go ahead and add pancake making to my list of mastered skills $$

Knew I’d get it by the 4th loop $

I violate or modify at least three different fitness tenants by noon every day $$

But the results speak for themselves $

Because I don’t know anybody else who hasn’t missed a workout in over five years $$$

Guaranteed that last statement is triggering some random
 who also hasn’t missed a work out in five years but is too shy to say anything $$

At a certain point, the world is going to see what you have been doing behind closed doors
I just hope that when they figure that out that revelation helps you rather than hurt you $$$

Friendly reminder The weight vest helps keep you warm $$

It is 12:14 PM
Or was when I’ve just looked at the clock
I have finished my coaching session with one of my coaches
And it was a blasty blast 💥 $

Very excited for the upcoming future
And too soon be recruiting more coaches $

Sitting and doing nothing is the hardest thing for me to do and always has been and always will be $

Most people are not willing to let go and do whatever comes up because they are so afraid it’s gonna be some bullshit
Whenever in reality- is usually pretty fun $$$

Or at least God will only have you pick the most fun option available
But you have to build up your opportunities one at a time $

It’s weird when you show up out of the blue and outperform everybody
And have to deal with their own petty jealously
Instead of their willingness to work together $$

And anyone who reads that and thinks I’m being egocentric, 
is the problem $$

Because if you’re a true leader, you should recognize when somebody else lacks experience even when their performance is anomalous $$$

So if you’re so upset that somebody can perform better than you that you can’t even recognize that they’re new and learning and naturally gifted 
Then you’re a petty baby back lil bitch
And not the demigod you have convinced yourself to be $$$

Happy 12:24 PM $

Doing whatever you feel like doing is the only way to honestly follow God’s will $$

But if you follow the wrong God, then you’re gonna feel like doing some fucked up shit $$

You’re supposed to use your intellect to change what you want to do into alignment with the greater good $$$

I’m looking at the receipt from Food Lion now and I actually need to highlight a couple more craziest synchronicity $

Like I’ve been saying, this is the 14 year anniversary of arguably the single most life-changing day of my entire life $

The total for my shopping was $14.95
I saved a total of $1.40 by having a MVP membership
I’ve saved $253.12 to date apparently
This was ticket number 0021 $

Also, this might be the first legitimate day in which I am more excited to do my philosophy work than my actual workout $

The kid who could not sit still
Who has spent probably at least 30,000 hours inside of a gym or doing some kind of training or sport or something
Has somehow someway tricked his brain into falling in love with reading and writing $

And while I don’t know if writing will ever beat my love for the larger movements
I sure do know that I love it now and I have for a lot longer than I realized
Just in different lifetimes apparently $

So I’m making my double tea
To get ready to do a bunch of edits $

The fact that tuna and crackers feel spiritual to me, is proof that I’ve been an old sailor for a long time
A long, long time
A long, long, long, long, long, long time $

If you take just a little tiny bit of caffeine before you go to meditate it can actually help you sit still
At least that’s what they say for people who are hyperactive as fuck lol $$$

But I have found that it does help sometimes $

You know how grateful I am to be excited over a simple shit like a can of corned beef hash
And a grinder full of hash? $

And to sit and read shit that I wrote $

Because I find myself funny
Only Because I’ve been forced to spend so much time with myself that I’ve curated it into the perfect vessel for my own Fuckery $

It’s kind of funny how 14 years ago was technically on a Tuesday
Same day I was born
Today is Sunday
The same day everyone is reborn $

I may be reaching, but even the midday sun is hitting different
Because I could still remember the way it looked coming through those hospital windows $

I can still remember sitting in that weird room
Bored off my balls
Just hoping they’ll give me some Xanax and send me home so I could chill.. $

But last the joke was on me
And I was accepted that day
I didn’t realize that they were talking about the adolescent psychiatric unit $

You know what I’m gonna play Wolf of Wall Street while I am editing
Probably my single favorite movie of all time $

This movie reminds me of my days on the sales floor $

This is an amazing dinner around 90 g of protein $

Only athletes and above can eat triple digit protein in one setting 
excluding steak $$$

Although I think anyone should be able to eat a pound or more of steak if it’s good
Basically eats itself $

But to get 100 g of protein in from eggs separates the adepts from the artists
Artists are usually a little bit too pissy $

I knew a lot of sales men who could be a few years away from being legitimate magicians if they weren’t still consumed by money $$

Also update that it seems like Alex’s pain whatever his mouth thing was going away for the most part
He’s not eating as much as he usually does, but he’s eating more than he has been recently
But his behavior and attitude and all are totally good
He’s such a good kitty 
I think low-key he likes my take notes about him
He likes attention just as much as his dad
He’s just less afraid to admit it $

Doing the dishes right after you eat dinner is the absolute worst
Sometimes it’s better technique to let the dishes soak
But not when they’ve already been soaking for like two days $$$

You can never evolve until you become accountable for every single thought that you think $$$

Apparently, my phone’s been on airplane mode. 
What the fuck $

Maybe somebody or something is trying to tell me something $

Time to fly perhaps? 🤔 $

Idk but deff time to blaze 🔥 $

It’s so cold tonight I have to drip the faucets
And y’all remember what I was saying about Alex’s favorite spot being in the sink
So I heard him rummaging in the bathroom, and when I went in there, he was a lil wet 😂 $

I wish you could see my recent emojis catalog
It is quite bizarre $

I took a screenshot just in case it slithers out to see the light a day one day $

I’ve done quite a bit of editing, but I am now officially burnt out and it is 6:38 PM
So I’m gonna try to go to sleep soon so I can wake up in the middle of the night for another shift 💨 
If you catch my drift $

God, I love life and everything about it
Even the parts where you must feel the opposite of love
Because they grow fewer and further between $

I believe there is a base reality, but that this is not it
I also believe that there are those who can prove that
And have been endowed with special abilities based on their work $

I believe earth is the equivalent of a spiritual vacation spot/game/competition show $

I know I said keep the house cold, but maybe 55° is a little too cold $

But the truth is, I think my furnace is crossing a line into being officially fucked $

More good news is that we have another documentary on some fucked up Fuckery with another football star
We’re watching “the fall of farve” $

Just crazy what a little bit of power and pussy does to your priorities am I right? $

Well, the jury is is in (even though technically they’re still out)
Brett Farve is actually a piece of shit
And exactly what happens when you take credit for your gifts $

Happy 11:59 PM
We’re putting on training day and we’re coming in hot for the reset if you feel me $

Let’s goOo $

$
THOUGHTS I HEARD

$$
SUBURBAN SECRETS

$$$
WORDS THAT NEED A HOME

12-14-25

Anyone else think it’s kind of weird that the day starts at 12 and not at 1?
But the year starts at one and not at 12? $$

Anyhow
“Training day” is playing
Mostly because I just saw Ethan Hawke on the JRE podcast about a week ago $

So we’re gonna see if there’s any kind of subliminal messages or weird synchronistic shit I need to be on the lookout for $

But in all reality, I just picked this because I remember that he was just on that podcast and it gave me an easy excuse $

And in true classic ADHD fashion, I suddenly have the urge to read $

So I think I’m gonna do that for a little $

Cause that’s a miracle each and every time I actually look forward to doing that lol
So Ill try to capitalize while I can $

Probably won’t last more than about four or five minutes though $

Out the gate, I gotta say that there are few things worse than an insecure cop $$$

Just ask anybody in jujutsu $$

Also, you start viewing law-enforcement pretty different when you start rag dolling a few were their bravest and finest
If You know what I’m saying $$

*gets arrested for something ghey $

But seriously, though I would take a black belt over magical powers
Cause there’s only one way to earn that belt $$

For the record to avoid any confusion, I am a humble blue belt still in the ways of grappling lol $

But I am a third-degree red belt when it comes down to roasting R Tards if you know what I’m saying $$

Everybody is tortured by their own desires $$$

But if all you desire is just to do some super simple, regular shit then your torture is likely going to be the fun kind $$$

Likewise, if you desire to do some super “all about me” shit you’re gonna end up like Brett Favre
See the end of yesterday‘s notes lol $

Dead ass this tiny little space heater is doing a better job than my furnace
And it’s like 15° outside
But it feels like 63° on the inside $

Or is it in the inside? $

This is one of the few football years where I literally haven’t seen a single game
Most years I’ve seen at least three
And then there were a few in which I was a fan boy and would watch the Patriots every time I could $

Say what you will, but I do believe that the Patriots were the best bandwagon team for 20 years
Cause if you’re gonna get emotionally invested in a game that has nothing really to do with you
You might as well appreciate greatness
And the team that happens to be pretty patriotic $

Also friendly reminder that once your body cuts on its internal heater, it can be 10° colder in the room and you really won’t even notice
But that’s a lot of energy burned over the course of a day or two
And extrapolate that out for an entire season if you know what I mean $$

I still thoroughly enjoy wearing my skittles snuggies’s cape
Even if I don’t really need it, this thing makes you feel like a suburban king/Joker
Which is very fitting if you know me $

If you’re reading this, then you’re gonna
Find some shit out lol $

Time to read a chapter on the faith of Islam
From the secret teachings of all ages $

New segment
If you know, you know $

Kind of funny how the two biggest corporations I’ve worked at had “Red” in their names and the exact same colors and themes 
Both aesthetically intellectually and philosophically 
Again, if you know what I’m saying $

New segment lol
Do you know what I’m saying? $

Friendly reminder that all of the world‘s most ancient wisdom has been gone back over to hide shit from the profane $$$

So if when you go to read stuff, you find a lot of the information seems hidden
then…
Well, do you really need me to sync things up for you? $

Cause I think most people can intuit the big stuff $

I know what it looks like when someone’s hiding behind a title
And So does everyone else $$$

Except maybe the person hiding behind the title $$

In another moment of amazing but comical irony
I found that the fastest way for me to edit
Is by emailing myself basically $

Because I can cut from one tab and paste to an email draft faster than sorting through AI or marking lines or any shit like that $

I just pull up an old note with a bunch of shit out of order or that needs sorting
I cut it and paste it in an email draft to re sort later with a fresh perspective $

But it’s just kind of funny how I literally have an email chain of me Emailing me content.
It’s an organic handoff lol $

Some more side notes about substances
I’ve been saying that I think my Kratom tolerance is more due to the method than it is the amount
Meaning, I just take about a tablespoon of powder and mix it with water
Making what I call “sludge shots”
Each shot is about 2 g or so
Or the heavier sedative doses might be around five $

But because when you’re drinking it, I believe most of it is passing before it is fully metabolizing or breaking down $

Because for the past four years, I was just using capsules
Besides the occasional treat of an extract
And with the caps, I usually do between 15 to 20 g a day
Split up
With half - small doses, and then the other half - fewer larger sedative diagnosis $

And the larger doses of capsules would hit a lot harder
But take way longer to kick in
Then the equivalent in a shot form $

So to summarize, I think I’m going to stick with capsules for the larger doses and the shots for the smaller doses
And then once maybe twice a week, I’ll split an extract of sorts up as a treat and a way to cut back on any plant powder $

As a general rule, if you’re going to use anything daily, I recommend trying to go at least 6-8 hours without it
Sometimes sleep can make that pretty easy $$

But if you’re breaking up your sleep to use substances, then that’s concerning $$

Ask me how I know lol
*Lighter flick $

What I’m trying to say, ladies and gentlemen is, I am the equivalent of a drug magician $

I have learned how to play with fire 
and enjoy the burn
If you know what I’m saying lol 🔥 $$$

But I say all that to say that if you manage your tolerance and your expectations, then you can maintain balance $$$

But man, this is where I must emphasize how beneficial mushrooms are lol $$$

***Assuming you’ve earned your psychonaut card~
if you can have a little bit of psilocybin each week, it will work wonders to preventing deeper dependencies
And it’ll keep your actual physical tolerance, much lower than if not $$

Ain’t nothing more funny than a sensitive ass strong man $$$

Excluding any significant physical abnormalities
Or relative disproportionates
I think you cannot reach top level coaching until you atleast-
bench 315
Squat 405
And dead lift 500 $$$**

Only those who’ve ever dead lifted 500 know you have to add a little 2.5 cookies to actually break the 500 mark (plate math) $$$*

I’m gonna be giving out degrees in plate math soon
And strength calculus
And hypertrophy algebra $$

Imagine carrying more about your 401(k) than your emotional well-being $$$*

They say that that sagging trend started in prison
That dudes would wear their pants below their ass cheeks to signify that they were willing to play bottom $$

Just saying $

Maturing is when you start spending more time on the notepad than social media $$$

Activist are either too shy to talk or two excited to listen
Amateurs talk too much
Athletes don’t talk enough
Artist only talk to a few people, but then rarely stop
Adepts get paid for talking $$$*

Amateurs are the most fun to make fun of because they’re the first group you can properly troll $$$*

Because making fun of activist who are really trying to figure out what’s going on is just fucked up $$$*

But the activist phase starts from your first workout
So most people are actually amateurs
It’s just taking them a long ass time to accrue those 18 months if you know what I mean $$

Also, if someone has it coming, then best let nature take its course $$$*

Because of my cold house strategy, Alex is forced to get extra cuddly as he regrows his fur for the winter
And therefore giving me the perfect opportunity to recondition his little kitty brain
To the undeniable reality that chilling in my lap is the most pleasurable place on earth for him $$

And maybe your girlfriend $$$

🫢 $

Kind of funny I just watched that Britney Spears documentary cause I guess I just did it aga…. $

Remember 
All that matters is if one new person reads it $$

And your future self count as a new person $$

My furnace is bipolar $

Can’t believe I used to think I was {bipolar} $

Albeit it was brief that I actually thought i could be legitimate clinical bipolar $$

But this is literally because I was being gaslit all the fucking time by being around the wrong people who were completely oblivious to their emotions $$$

And because I have been conditioned to play the role of “the fixer” and because of my trauma pathways,
My guard and ego would get triggered randomly and nonstop because I would default to trying to fix something $$$*

But usually, it was just some kind of fake fabricated problem, born out of someone’s fear of the future $$

I guarantee you that if I told a therapist half the shit, they would give me the completely wrong advice
And would most likely cosign many of my destructive tendencies $$

Happy 1:31 AM
I’m starting to get sleepy again $

Thinking about what the fuck I’m gonna get into
It’s a fresh week $

I might start all strong with a hypertrophy back workout at around five or 6 AM
Or sunrise whenever I get up $

Which means I can do some oatmeal now
Or maybe toast
I think I’m gonna do toast $

But now I’m in that really tough predicament where I don’t wanna move and disturb the kitty who’s perfectly curled up $

Only small dogs think they’re big dogs 🐕 $$$

I went with the PB&J, but I had to use the crusty slices so if that’s not symbolic, then I don’t know symbolism $$

Everything is symbolic if you can stretch it or not $

This sammie is pretty good actually $

Which is something I could not say about my manager eight years ago $

Perhaps you can infer the name or reference from old notes so I don’t have to “slander someone’s name again” $$

Just gonna say that we all have to deal with managers who think they’re the smartest when they’re actually just the easiest to control by their managers $$$

The way Alex looks at me is the way I look at the world
In adorable judgement $$

Considered it a warning whenever a motherfucker starts talking about 
Joining the Darkside to Make change from the inside $$$

It won’t work unless they’re the chosen one $$$

The “you can’t beat em join em” shit is weak fyi
Like bro, just train
that’s what training is for $$$*

I mean, you might have to train for a long ass time, but that just makes it even better $$

I know I’m biased, but that’s because I was created to be this biased $$$

I know I’m crazy because I was apparently created to be this crazy
By my “mistakes” $$

Mistakes are just greatness fluff
You know, the substrate that allows the standouts to shine $$$

Good morning world it’s 7:25 AM 
And I am nearing the end of of my first existential crisis of the day $

The good news is it looks like the heat is cut back on $

I had every intention of waking up as productive as a rocket
But now I’m calling an Audible
 Because I realized that I have been technically working nonstop has a few days though it doesn’t really feel like much work anymore $

So I must chill and do some non-work things to prepare for the major mountain come January 1 $

I’m dead ass thinking about going on my morning walk with my snuggies cape on
I mean, how superhero Esq is that lol $

Imagine 
you’re getting up & getting in your car to go to work at 7:35 AM and you see somebody wearing a hoodie flannel combo with a skittles snuggle cape on walking down the street shivering as all get out $

It’s around 17° outside
Which is a big deal for a southern community $$

Lol, I actually kind of feel like working out
And I have not had any coffee or anything, but just a small sludge shot $

Which just reinforces my theory
That having low dopamine, makes it next to impossible to figure out the right thing to do
But the wise are beginning to realize that there’s a reason why you have low dopamine to begin with
Because the downside with the supplements is that it can interfere with your spiritual intuition $

I’m beginning to suspect that the reason why God removed my desire to go to the gym was to make a room for my desire to do some editing
Because I know once the first of the year hits, I’m gonna be in that motherfucker at 4 AM every day
And then probably two or three times every day $

But for now, the hardest thing for me to do is to sit and watch the sunrise and be OK. By just watching writing and editing for the moment.
But I know another week or two of this, and I will have emotionally mastered the routine
And I will never struggle with it again as long as I stay with it $

Happy 8:18 AM $

I’ll be the first to admit that all that spiritual shit goes out the window the second I can’t find my smoking tool $$

I’m sorry I have lied. Kind of.
I’m not gonna go to my spot today because I both have too much work to do around here and two little justifiable resources to get there and back
But that is OK
I’m gonna get a little functional workout in here in my living room
And then get back to fighting the good fight I think $$

Happy 12:12 PM
I have not done a workout yet, but instead, I’ve gotten completely sidetracked and re-organizing my sunroom and therefore the entire house
Which is good though because it’s time to convert this bitch back into a public training gym
Each every day I feel more and more like myself $

Reminding myself that if I do a double walk, I get double points… $$

There’s no way to describe how sick that catch was when my phone just fell out of my hand $$

Anyhow, I was going to say that my heat is working again at least for the moment so that’s good $

And we have rearranged the house for Max fun
Kind of low on the equipment and a special amenities, but that’s all all right
Just a matter of time $

So this afternoon, I’m gonna start putting some stuff out. I just don’t know exactly what $

It’s 35° but it feels like 55 $

I just love whenever I see cops taking their sneaky little cut through behind the candy store to the police headquarters, which is literally a Stonesthrow from the candy store $

AnyWho, we got ourselves a fresh Gramm to do the Lords work $

And I’ll say it again
Caffeine withdrawals are far worse than cannabis unless using a shit load
A gram a day is nothing $$$

A gram is usually the size of a blunt $$

But I use the old mini bong one hitter strategy so I get really good mileage $

You Either love or hate what I do 
or think I need to be put back in the psych ward $

I think I need a segment, “not what you were expecting“ $

Bro y’all know how I said I was watching “Wolf of Wall Street” yesterday?
OK, bear with me
The actor who played Jordan Belfort’s dad was found dead in his home this morning $

And the actor’s son has been arrest arrested on murder charges
Which is pretty weird timing if you ask me $

I’m sorry I don’t care how enlightened some monks were
If they don’t lift, then they don’t know themselves as well as they could $$$*

If they’ve never had to maintain single digit, body fat in suburbia when everything everywhere is poisonous
Instead of running and hiding in a monastery
Then they don’t know a true spiritual strength $$$*

Because one thing I know is you can’t run away from temptation and call it exercise $$$***

If we’re here to perform spiritually,
Or tasks of a spiritual significance,
Then why would performance enhancing drugs be immoral? $$

I really used to not think that God was the equivalent of some big old dude in the sky
But the older I get and the more symbolic things get,
And the more synchronized and synthesized all of this information gets,
The more I’m like you know what that probably is it
At least over this reality/universe $

If you pull the cord far enough back, then you just get to the eternal sea of everythingness
And then right above that is the divine father and mother
But if we’re splitting hairs here, the father energy had to come first $$

We’re gonna go do some dashing to scrape up some extra food money
And I actually feel kind of excited to do it after I was not planning on it all day
It feels like spiritual reinforcement, but I’m almost afraid to say so after I believe the last couple times I got a spiritual ass whooping $

Being at the right place at the right time has a distinct seasoning to it $$$

Raunchy one incoming 
Just did a delivery on the street that I haven’t been to since I was 16-year-old … when i was eating some girl out lol $

Also pretty weird if you’re going to order 2- six piece boneless wings with a large fountain sodas 
and then put on a facemask to go pick up your food outside 
just don’t consider it healthy $$$

Like that either means they have no idea about nutrition
Or Covid
Or both $

these lines landed on the wrong notepad lol
This is about to be a pretty fun sun walk
It is 22° but beautiful $

Most people have no problem, sitting in their office building and the most toxic environment Their subconscious could create.
Trusting that it’ll be OK, they just do their part $

Yet they’ll fight you tooth and nail with anything regarding spirit on this $$

I’m about eight minutes into the sunwalk and it’s not so bad
It actually wasn’t even cold in the beginning
I’m gonna make it a double
And go for the points $

I love walking by the two houses that I sold
Reminds me I’m not totally an incompetent piece of shit lol $$

I have decided to go to my hiking spot
I must receive insight from the ancients
So I’m gonna grab a sleeve of crackers
My pre-workout
A few bucks of gas $

I’m only gonna do one real lap though but
I’m gonna do the steep one
Except….
I may not have enough gas money $

Watching the entire mint Hill police force rendezvous at the liquor store is both strange and concerning $

I’d rather be the broke & looking homeless in the cold parking lot
than go back to the office wearing dress shoes and a polo $

I know this is gonna sound weird, but I think something else is in the car with me
Keep hearing some weird rummaging in the backseat
And it’s either something adjusting to the cold or the movement
Except I’m not moving $

I am lurking by the gas station overlooking the liquor store
Or you could say, I am staking out the cops who are staking out the store $

Trying to do a couple dashes, but tonight slow as fuck lol $

I love making people who are uptight with their money squirm $$

So now that I’m doing something that I was doing a few weeks ago, but with a different headspace, allow me to make some more notes
I am in a far more improved headspace, simply from a performance stand point
I know I’m not supposed to dash for too long, but I am not in physical agony
Which is always nice $

I’m not gonna say I’m exactly the most motivated, but I certainly feel a hell of a lot better than I have been in the past few weeks $

I’m trying to give it another four or five minutes before I start heading back $

Now that I think about it
And keeping in that theme of honesty
I think I feel better because I haven’t been smoking as much the past two days and in past whatever withdrawals $

Like I said in above, you don’t really get full on withdrawals unless you’re doing an absolute crazy amount
But you certainly can get a little extra restless or moody or bored if you’re used to smoking and you suddenly stop
But that rarely lasts more than a day or two if you’re using 1 to 2 g a day $

But alas, I must note it
And I am excited to go back home after I call it a day and have a nice smoke off with my depleted tolerance $

Gonna wind down watching some movie about Gucci? $

Reminds me of when I sold replica sneakers
Which is that gray area that nobody likes to talk about
For example
When a factory fulfills an order
They will sell half of what they made out the back door for pretty much the same price
The issue is that that the quality can be off quite often $$

I’ve got a problem with people who actually want to be wanted
But then again, that’s probably me deep down $$

I’m actually pretty hungry lol I need to eat some eggs Soon $

If you were truly addicted to something then there really is no moments when you are not obsessed with it or desperately seeking it $$$*

If you just really like something, you may do it a lot, but you’re gonna forget about it quite often, especially if there’s something more serious going on
But true addicts will sacrifice literally any and everything for that next whatever $$

That’s another eight eggs down the hatch
We’re at 14 for the day
Probably gonna munch on some saltine crackers for the rest of the evening $

I bet most people reading this for the first time think I’m kidding when I say I’ve been eating pretty much nothing but eggs for like nine months $

Some people think I’m making it up, trying to be funny or trying to be healthy but then if you read through all other notes, you’ll begin to realize that it would take much more energy to keep that joke going at this point then it will be worth 
So the main reason why I’m eating nothing but eggs is financial lol $$

But I am thoroughly glad I spent this last year on the verge of homelessness
Because it has given me special powers
Powers that allow me to handle Fuckery of untold proportions $$$**

Skills that if falling into the wrong hands could end up swindling a lot of people into some pretty shitty deals $$$*

So while I was broke and hungry, I’m glad that I didn’t sell out and start selling bullshit $$$

Also seems like the Kratom is back to hitting normal
While I’ve taken a bit less last few days, it hasn’t been enough to explain the difference 
So weird $

But I’m also back on the line of a calorie deficit 
So reinforces my theory of digestion signaling $

Meaning when low on fuel, my body gets more mileage out of what I consume
When in a surplus, it seems less so $$

Eggs and oatmeal cover all bases lol
Jus sayin $

I’m also pretty sleepy too and it’s only 7:41 PM so I might try to go ahead and get the first sleep $

That’s another sign that I might be getting really busy soon
And that I woke up early as fuck naturally again $

When I was full-time in the commercial gyms, I’ll get home around eight and I’d be asleep by nine pretty much
Up around 2 AM for a little me time
Back to sleep, 
then up again and back at the gym by five
Clients until nine Ish
Then my training/jujutsu until noon
Then more clients or group training
Then more me training- usually cardio or mobility
Than more clients or group groups
And occasionally, another round of jujutsu or light functional something if I still had energy, I needed out $

AnyWho, we’re gonna go ahead and try to get to first sleep at 7:45pm $

I don’t know why God made some people so ugly that they’re essentially a character test every time we look at them because it is really hard to not be like bro why you get so fucking ugly dude this isn’t normal $

AnyWho, it is 11:19 PM and we are awake and ready for the movies $

Football is like that inconsistent closeted, alcoholic ex-boyfriend who you’ve had a couple good nights with but most of the time it just caused more drama than an entertainment $$$*

I just apparently discovered the “untold” documentary series on Netflix
Which has a ton of different episodes on some really interesting looking shit $

So why not start with the one about the liver King at 11:23 PM? $

This guy is like the exact opposite of what I hope to be
But sadly, we have the same goals $

These days nine out of 10 people are actually on the sauce, even if they don’t look like it $$

IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME TO WATCH ANY OTHER DOCUMENTARY ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE PROMOTING WEIGHTLIFTING BECAUSE IT IS JUST SO CRINGE AND SO FUCKING STUPID $$

Nobody gives a fuck about doing 1000 push-ups before dinner, dude $$$***

“I just want to inspire people” 
BRO try to get them to do one push-up without lying $$$

““Rambo first blood reminded me a lot of myself”
I’ve already lost count of the red flags $

If you actually cared about people, you would simply be honest
Not what is the most marketable $$

I really haven’t felt much about this clown
Because the second I took one look at him I was like oh no
This is exactly why I have to do what I have to do $

Because I am cut from the same cloth as this fucking liver asshole
But just from the exact middle and not the stupid and marketable ancestral fringes $$$

“in a day and age when people are not doing what they say,
he was just doing what they say”
-his ceo and business manager $ 

lol my god You fucking idiot
We’re watching a documentary on how he lied to everybody
I’m sorry everybody. This is the kind of shit you have to deal with every time you just wanna buy a “wholesome“ supplement. $

I hate it so much because I agree with their message more than anything
They are right about the food and exercise and the structural part of an ancestral lifestyle
BUT HONESTY IS THE NUMBER ONE TENANT MOTHERFUCKERS $$$

goddamn, this is exactly
Ugh
This shit is soul wrenching man $

Fuck you liver King I know you’re gonna see this one day $$$***

And obviously, I don’t mean actually. “fuck you”
Because after I finish writing these jokes out, I promise I will not be devoting any mental energy to you
But listening to your delusion has taken more of my own energy points than I care to spend $$$

At the end of the day, I am glad that you decided to play the fool
Because you did start a dialogue, although I am genuinely nervous if you did more harm than good $

Fucking ass hat $

OK, moving on $

OK, I lied one last thing
I’m not hating on the guy for having a “edgy“ marketing strategy because I actually think that’s pretty creative and entertaining
I’m saying that you don’t fucking lie about hormonal supplements that do far more for your marketable aesthetic than eatingliver does $$$

I cannot emphasize my gratitude for being institutionalized at 17 years old, putting me on a trajectory to value serving others as quietly as possible
So that way, I didn’t end up following some fucking clown like this $$$

Can’t wait till they get to the part after the big reveal on how he lied
Again, it’s not about just lying. 
It is literally how each time he decided to continue to just build his nest of lies. $

All this ancestral shit and it’s 
 obvious he has never done mushrooms 🍄 $$$

I guarantee you 3 g of some penis envy will do more for you than anything else $$$

I never trust a pimply faced nerd
I feel like that’s the God’s way of marking someone who’s untrustworthy $$$

Natural beauty actually does say quite a lot
But it ain’t beautiful if it can’t handle its resistance in my opinion $$$

I love how he’s going around screaming primal $

It’s amazing what spiritually weak men will do to feel physically and materially strong $$$

Happy 11:59 PM
Get ready for the great reset everyone
I’m sure everything will be OK but there’s always a chance that it absolutely will not and everything we all know could be wrong $

You’ll probably be OK, right? $

Are you ready to meet your future self? $

All I know is I’ve been training for it $

Oh, and last thing
 fuck liver, King $

With love , even for liar 🤥 $$